AITA for skipping dinner with my in laws when they do not come see me?

My husband’s family does a giant family dinner every Saturday. The past couple weeks we haven’t gone. It’s too much to get ourselves and the baby ready to be gone for multiple hours. They have made us feel so bad, that I don’t really want to go back there. Like, you can come see the baby whenever you’d like, that’s fine. But no. Nobody has ever come over to our house, we always have to go to them. How is that fair at all? Don’t get mad at me for not putting in all this extra effort to go out to dinner when you have never once come by to see the baby at our place


Have you invited them around?

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Ask hubs why they don’t come over. If he doesn’t know or have an answer have him ask. If there’s a reason, they’re probably not comfortable telling you directly. Maybe they feel it’s their due as the oldest in the family and don’t realize what a production it is to take a little one anywhere these days.


You aren’t required to go to this dinner all the time. If it’s something you don’t want to do don’t let them make you feel bad about it.


Maybe I am to anti social for my own good. I’d go so they didn’t have to come visit :joy:. Sorry I like my space to be my space.


Stay home if you want…unless there is a medical reason they can’t come to your house…as long as your husband is with you on this, that’s all that matters!


Is there a reason they don’t want to come to your house?


If it’s too much maybe cut it down to every second week or once a month but don’t stop going as it’s family and we all need family . Don’t let your child miss out on family .


This sounds like old school traditions. My family did this. The elder never came to the children’s house . You go to the elder. Even if the elder didn’t prepare the meal, it was cooked at thier house. All children and grandchildren came. It showed respect. Once my grandmother passed, my family never got back together. Not on Sunday, Mother’s day, Thanksgiving or Christmas. We all went our separate ways.
Your not the AH but I would hold on to these moments. Enjoy having extended family love on you and your baby. It may be difficult but when it ends, you will miss it. You will want it back. Also talk with your partner about his family dynamic. If this is truly family tradition as I am assuming, you could cause issues between him, his mom and siblings.


100% stop going as long as there’s no good reason they don’t come
Dealt with this with my first husbands family
They NEVER came around and there was no reason
But it’s rude of them to expect you to bring your child to them if they don’t make an effort to come see him or her

Be glad you are welcome. You are busy with the baby and all, but most young people never invite their families over at any time. I agree, you don’t have to go every week, but explain to them why it is hard bringing baby over all the time. I believe they would understand. Young people don’t understand, but parents like to be asked to visit sometimes too.

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It sounds like it’s a family tradition which is amazing :yellow_heart: we used to have big family Sunday dinners but the more we all grew our families the harder it was for everyone to always make it to them. Just talk to your in-laws with the hubs and explain we love the tradition but it’s getting a little hectic for us to make it every week. Give grace and love mama what you have is a blessing and it’s always ok for you to want to start new traditions with your own little family too and invite them.


As you get older you will miss family traditions like that. Taking a baby really doesn’t take alot more effort. Trying to make the dinner atleast once a month would make mil happy. I always went to my parents house. And what I would give to do that today. Once the traditions are gone the families really drift apart

I would go. Extra love for you baby. And not that hard to pack stuff for the day. Family is important

Getting a baby ready to go and keeping them entertained for hours, finding nap areas if need be, feedings, changings etc is so much harder than an adult getting ready and going somewhere.
If they can’t make the effort to come see you and the baby at the babies house, I wouldn’t make an effort either.


I don’t think it makes you the AH. However, call and talk to them, explain. Let them know you might not come every week…but you’ll still come a couple times a month (or whatever you’re comfortable with). If you say nothing, things will get very awkward. Also, host something at your place once in awhile and be sure to specifically invite them. Don’t just wait for them to drop by. Then it puts the ball in their court sometimes. If they say anything inappropriate…speak up right in the moment and keep it polite but matter of fact. Let them know you don’t always feel like going but you don’t appreciate being made to feel so bad about it. Try not to let hard feelings build.


Go once a month or every other week. It shows effort. You aren’t required to go weekly.


No. A baby is a lot. They need to understand. But, you have to communicate for that to happen

Are you planning to cook for everyone when then all come to your house? Getting one child in the car seat and going to visit should not be that difficult. I’m sure if they do the family dinner every week that it’s not like they expect you to show up in formal wear. You sound very petty! Jmho.

Usually, with family traditions, it’s normal to only go to that persons house as they are the hosts. Maybe it’s bc I’m a family person, but saying it’s too much work to get you and the baby ready is crazy to me. It’s not that much work getting a baby ready even for a few hours, especially to see family, but that’s just my opinion. I do think they should come see y’all sometimes too, doesn’t necessarily have to be when they hosts diner.


I would probably agree with you, if it was you and your spouse loading up the baby and going to their house every week, just so they could see the baby and them never coming to you.

However, the fact that they host a huge family dinner every week, I assume that means all of their children, their children’s spouses and all their grandchildren come for that dinner. Not just you and your family.

So, yeah, you’re kind of an AH. This sounds like a family tradition. Unless you’re prepared to start hosting everyone , every week, then quit complaining. One day, your husbands parents, and this tradition, will be gone.

It’s once a week, for a few hours. Not every day.


Rhonda Jean I’m assuming her hubby hasn’t been going either…his choice…but to make them feel so bad over it?? I want to go somewhere that I want to go…I don’t want to be forced to go anywhere…his parents should have been understanding. There’s a lifetime of weekends…it doesn’t have to be every weekend. They sound soooo controlling. Sometimes after a long work week people would just like to stay home.
A few times a month maybe would be a more acceptable ‘demand’ because it doesn’t sound like an invite.

I saw a video somewhere, you don’t have to go to everything. The moment you started a family, you have your own tradition to do. Yeah I won’t go all the time too


It should be a 2 way street. If you’re always the 1 giving in any relationship it’s not a relationship worth keeping.

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I get it and they aren’t your family but maybe just for the sake of your husband and child you go there to see them once in awhile. I personally hate when people come to my house so if they are willing to feed you and chat for a bit that’s what the point is and one day you won’t have any of that anymore and everything will be different. I’d think of other people and not the hassle.


Don’t go! They sound like AH.