My husband and I just brought home a baby from the NICU a week ago. He is 2 months old. My husband has a son from a previous marriage he gets every other weekend and he just brought him home for his overnight stay. His mother (husband’s ex wife) said he had just got over bronchitis and pneumonia and he was fine now with no fever. He legit started coughing as soon as he walked in the door and continued to for the next few hours. I told my husband he needs to figure something out because he can’t get our baby sick. He was in the NICU for resp. Issues, and fluid in lungs, plus his breathing is still too fast to drink bottles and uses a feeding tube at home. Am I being out of line here? He acted like it wasn’t a big deal and he would keep them separate but I honestly our baby could die if he got too sick and couldn’t breathe. He talked to the boys mom and she said no he’s not sick… but I can’t take the chance. Husband ended up taking him back and I feel bad he couldn’t stay but I have to think of the baby too. All reactions:
I would do the same thing if I had somewhere safe where the other child could go until they’re feeling better. Maybe he can spend the next weekend with you
That is home and you cannot kick him out because he is sick. You just can’t. Keep the baby distanced, wash hands, so on so forth. what are you going to do if you have another child some day? People get sick. Learn to adjust. Take reasonable precautions.
If his son had pneumonia sorry to say it he will always have a cough as my mum has had pneumonia and she still has the cough it doesn’t seem to budge. Can’t catch pneumonia it’s not contagious bronchitis is also not contagious so you have panicked for nothing. All you have to do is make sure he covers his nose and mouth when coughing and wash his hands afterwards so have plenty of hand soap in
You can’t pick and choose when you want to be a mom to his other child. It’s either all or nothing. Kids get sick. But if he doesn’t have a fever and has been fever free for more the 24 hours it should be fine. Keep them apart in the same house disinfect on a regular basis and learn to live as a family.
You and husband need to explain to his son why he had to go home. Make that time up to him. Acknowledge his feelings. Let him know you appreciate him helping
I’d use masks, precautions etc…but if he lived there ft, what would you do?
I feel bad for the little boy that had to,go,home……I’m sure he was looking forward to,spending time with Dad.
I feel like your right and hubby should understand this too although it is his son he can’t take the risk
I can see your point. But this is probably gonna be against what most would say. If y’all had other children together an one of them was sick like he was would u make them stay at families house till the coughing was over with? Unpopular opinion I know but it’s also something that unfortunately a lot of us parents have gone thru or currently going thru.
Jody Cashman it says that the older kid had Bronchitis
I understand totally I would be scared as well and if the child’s mother she should understand as well if it was her with a new baby she would probley feel the same way.
Just pickup the new born pack a few things and go to family for a few days the father can spend time with his older child as it’s not the kids fault his sick and shouldn’t miss out time with his dad and you don’t have to have that worry on you that the receiving baby might catch it and then go back home and see the older child next visit bronchitis is bad and my grandmother passed away with it when she was 50 so I can scared of any respiratory infections.
I understand completely mama. I had my son in the NICU for two months and if anyone was sick they are too stay away from me!! I even have several autoimmune symptoms badly. And everyone knows if they are sick to stay away from me lol. If my kid is sick he doesn’t come to me. but every time someone is sick I automatically catch it. But I try my best to stay back and not catch anything lol. My son has breathing problems from being born over 2 months early. He always gets the croup cough. So I get it!! Anyone sick goes somewhere else lol. My family sick they don’t come over knowing I can’t catch it,they look out for me!!
as a mother myself I understand were your comeing from .
So this is coming from a mother of three. My SO has a teenager who we have full time, and I have a toddler who I share custody with his dad. We just had a new baby in October. My son has had strep throat twice and a cold/cough and my baby and I contracted some undiagnosed cough/congestion and mucus sickness that’s resonated for a couple of weeks. It was never an option to keep my son away. Our custodial agreement is set in stone, and while his dad offered to keep him at some points, it would’ve never been enough time to avoid his sickness windows. We did our due diligence of keeping them separated and masked and always washing hands between interactions, but somehow me and the baby still got sick. It is an unfortunate part of having multiples and if you try to alienate the other child every time he has a bug, it may result in some very justified friction for custodial arrangements. The reality is that parents of multiples who are not separated make it work somehow, and so we also have to make it work. If the other parent is flexible enough to make it happen, that’s a luxury. But not always possible unfortunately with multiples. Put yourself in his shoes. If you felt like your kid was being pushed aside for a new baby, that would have some baggage of its own. It’s unavoidable, but also understandable.
I wouldn’t have sent my kid home if I was your husband. They could’ve camped out in another room. I couldn’t imagine how his son felt. What would she do if this child ever had to live with them full time? Hopefully this boy gets to come see his dad for Christmas. If not hopefully the dad figures out how to spend time with him outside of the home. This child’s cough could last another month.
1st coughs from pneumonia/bronchitis can last up to 2-3 weeks and are not contagious. 2nd what if both kids where yours and your husband, where would you expect the kid to get shipped off to then. That’s his home as well
Based on the circumstances you probably made the right choice. Something like that could put babys life at risk
What would you do if they were both your child? Ship the older one off?
It was wrong. I’m sorry. He only gets to see his dad every other weekend and you made him go back to his mom. What if yall had full custody? What would you do? 
Control freaks shouldn’t be step parents.
He wasn’t contagious. I get being worried about baby catching something BUT if you or your husband or anyone else goes out in public you are bringing all sorts of germs home to baby. Just bc you don’t get sick doesn’t mean you don’t have the germs that will get to baby.
It honestly sounds like you just didn’t want the other child there. You could have disinfected, separated where they were, etc.
Hope you had your whole house disinfected before bringing baby home cause tbh the germs that made both kids sick are all over your home…so kinda pointless to send him off. U also could have went somewhere like parents or a friends and let him have his weekend cause the germs are in the house already.
I have a son who has special needs (he has a tracheostomy, feeding tube, and his lungs arent 100% from constant pneumonia), I have a daughter who’s younger than him, I don’t sent her away when she’s sick. Would you send your infant away if he gets sick and it’s the older child’s weekend? It’s Christmas weekend, the child will remember the Christmas weekend when his dad sent him away. It’s also unfair for mom to have to change her plans, both parents should be responsible for taking care of the child when he shouldn’t only be a dad when the child I healthy.
my own son has stayed at his dad’s house a few days to get over a cold just so there wasn’t any chance of our newborn catching it, you’re not in the wrong at all
If I was the ex I would have extended that invitation of help keeping the sick child longer so there was less chance of baby catching anything
I feel like they are both of his children and if they were both of yours you wouldn’t send one off bc he was sick…
At this point. The health of the newborn should be the top priority. A preemie just out of the NICU. I would do what she did.
3 of my 5 grandchildren were nicu babies. 5th is an angel. Don’t feel bad. Do what takes care of the little one. There are more weekends he can come and yall can make it up to him.
So what if this was your child too? Would you find somewhere else for him to live while being sick since you brought baby home? He shouldn’t just not get his child for any reason IMO. He’s just as much the father as his mother is the mother, you don’t get to just not get your kids cause they’re sick it’s what parents do.
How many other times is 1 or the other going to be sick when the other is not? I have 3 kids and they don’t always get sick at the same time and not all of them catch whatever is going around even though they’re around each other. You can’t keep your baby in a bubble, you could do things like give him a mask and have him wash his hands. It’s a bit extreme sending him back to his mothers home. Germs are everywhere. Babies sometimes get sick, take the proper precautions. I’m sure the kid didn’t wanna be sick either. 
NTA. This could turn very serious, very quickly for the newborn from NICU.
I don’t think you’re unreasonable. If one of my kids is sick, the sick one has to stay away from the well ones. If I had a baby home from the nicu and a child home sick, I’d do everything I could to keep them apart, including sending to a relative if need be.
If the son wears a mask, it will help keep from spreading any germs. If mom isn’t okay with that, then she should keep him home.
My husband and I had covid at the same time, and we have 3 kids. We stayed away from them and were able to keep them from getting it so it’s possible.
Why are people saying would you do this if it were your child blah blah blah, well why wouldn’t she?? She’s thinking about a baby who has been seriously ill so I’m sure if it was her other child she would do the same I did the other week my youngest caught a sickness bug so I made my eldest stay at his dad’s because he’s been off school ill a lot recently it’s just things we have to do sometimes 
What would you do if he lived with you full time, you deal with it the same way a mom with 2 or more kids, no fever, no big deal.
If he isn’t contagious anymore the cough can last week’s after and at that point he had already been around yall and in the home. You wouldn’t be able to send a sick child away if he was living with yall. So yes I think your wrong.
The fact you said his son and laid zero claim to him in any motherly way…
NTA. I’m in the same boat. My kids are sick and I notified my ex who has a newborn. I wont let my kids around other kids for the next 48 hours and left it to my ex to decide. My kids are not contagious though just have sore stomachs from something they ate while out a couple of days ago.
However, it’s apart of having kids. It won’t let’s be this way forever but, for now while they are little it’s better to keep the kids seperate while sick. If possible though, I would have told Father to take his child to a hotel that has a pool or something and they can have a mini vocation with the two of them especially with a new baby around it’s hard for older kids to feel left out.
So as a mom who’s child has had pneumonia and bronchitis more times than how old he is right now (15 years old) the cough will linger up to 2-3 weeks after it goes away and no longer contagious.
So impersonal about your “husbands son” … you got your way this time… but don’t be surprised when your husband becomes impersonal.
If you had another child at home that was sick, would you ship them off to another family member? That boy should have been able to visit his father, there are going to be times when he is sick or the baby is sick and they will come into contact with eachother. Not to mention, a cough from bronchitis or pneumonia can last a while and the kid not be contagious anymore.
Your 190% right. but u sound like u do t like his son. Guess what heis your step son!
Coming from someone who’s got a son to a dad who won’t have him when anyone from either house becomes sick I think it’s pathetic. We both have another baby this year. He missed my son loads this year and previous years yet I don’t ship my son to him because I can’t risk baby getting sick. As the mother you have no choice and as the dad you need to take equal responsibility to your kids whether sick or not you have a commitment.
Yes you are the a hole. Pack up and go to a family members if you’re that worried about it
What was the point of sending him home when he was already In the house? The germs were already there. So if the baby was gonna get it they would get it anyway. I’m confused. Unless you seriously disinfected what was the point? Just don’t let him hold the baby.
He is part of your family. What if you had him full time or you had a child already who was sick? I totally get you being scared and wanted to try and take precautions but kids are gonna get sick and when you have children they will bring home illnesses. Your step child should feel like this is his home also not just when it’s convenient. Even when he is better he could be getting something and be contagious and you don’t even know it yet. Really anyone could, even you are your husband or anyone you are near. He is a father no matter is if son is sick or not.
Your total aita. Mom of a stepson and a nicu premature baby from IVF. I’d never not let my older son come over. He’s just the same as your own bio child.
If he only coughs at your house it could , very well be allergies , from Dust to air being dry, at your house , why just assume he’s sick. Did he have a fever , diahreah or other systoms , it could literally be allergies . And in my opinion , is baby is still breathing to fast , hosp had no business sending baby home , my daughter always stayed in hospital , until all was under control. The breathing to fast , can cause cardiac arrest just saying , so I would demand hosp. To re admitt baby
I’m with you babys to small if boys just getting over illness to stay over. Your hubby can take him out for day instead till he’s better
If he has been on antibiotic and has no fever , he is not contagious , call your pediatrician that cough can linger for a while
Honestly, if I were your husband I would have left with my son.
What an actual piece of shit you are.
NTA. The other child"s mother is a huge A for risking other children for her own free time. Your husband could have taken his child out for a day date or done something outside of the home with him, swapped weekends, or any other plan that didn’t involve exposing a NICU infant to these types of germs. People who haven’t had a baby in the NICU never understand the risks.
You’re the asshole! NICU momma here and I would never put one child over the other. You basically made the dad choose between his kids. What if they were both your biological children? Would you send one away? It’s easy to keep a newborn separate from everyone else but to send this poor little child away…
You could’ve just had dad & son go to a hotel so they get their time and baby isn’t exposed. Kinda selfish.
Mommy, as a mom who’s second daughter almost died, was more in hospital than at home for 4 months, I HEAR YOU AND UNDERSTAND YOUR HEART.
For now, for atleast another month, you need to be very very careful. Your baby need to fully recover first! Yes there will be germs everywhere but if you can prevent your baby from getting sick again while not fully recovered yet, please do that. You are contagious when in recovery. Please sit with habby and explain to him (I really do not understand how he’s not extra careful) also speak to your other childs mommy and explain to them that you just want your baby healthy first. Explain to them that although you love their son like your own, they have to keep in mind that a baby (also a sick baby still) are vulnerable.
NTA. That boy could get your NICU kid extremely sick. Later, sure… But your kid just came out of the NICU for respiratory issues and he had bronchitis, so that’s not something to play around with. Not worth putting your baby’s life at risk.
No but you are in the minority.
I HAATE that we spread illness for visitations rather then just keeping the kid home. It’s so selfish.
My ex never took his daughter when he or she was sick. They just didn’t like spreading illness between homes.
My son’s dad? Yeah fuck that. He could have something highly contagious or deathly ill and they would expect him to come over.
I hope that they both can see that this is a reasonable ask especially with a immunological compromised kid in the home.
Nope I’d send him back too. You have to protect your baby. His mom shouldn’t have sent him.
I probably would have done the same. Better safe than sorry. You should of had him and his dad go out to do something that day. Maybe you guys can make it up to him let him stay next weekend to make up for this missed one? Or do something special next weekend he’s over.
So I just have to say I understand why but we are also in cold flu etc season so us he just not going to get time with his dad? That’s not fair and you as a step mom should help figure out how they get to spend time together his other child matters just as much as the new one and should to you as well.
It’s likely that his son will have a residual cough for a while afterwards, it doesn’t mean he is still contagious
Just keep him away from the baby, what would you do if he lived with you guys.
I’ve gotta agree with you on this. Baby could get VERYYY ill very quickly and it could be a dangerous situation. If he’s coughing hes still spreading bacteria from his cold. Definitely NTA
That’s crazy! I understand wanting to keep the newborn safe but you married your husband you should be looking at his child like he is one of your own. You can’t throw the child back to his mom bc he is sick. If he was one of your biological children what would you do then? That’s not fair to your husband or the child. I think you could do found a better solution then just sending him back to his mothers house considering both of those illnesses are not catchy & no threat to the baby.
Neither of those things are contagious, and the cough will linger for probably a good month or so after getting over them.
Yeah this is not my vibe and my mama told me if I ain’t got nothing nice to say don’t say nothing
So if you had more than 1 child and they were sick what would you do ? Kick them out of the house
I think you could have set up a separate space for your step son
I had pneumonia, hospitalized for a week. Even after i was cleared , i was still coughing. What would happen if u guys had a older kid together and they were sick? U just keep the baby away right? U wouldn’t make them leave. His son should be treated like he lives there full time. I get wanting to protect ur baby, but I think having him skip his visit is a bit extra
He had bronchitis, he’s likely going to have a cough for a while without being contagious. But honestly, he ONLY gets every other weekend. Being a parent, means being a parent when they’re sick too. Period.
Nope. My daughter got covid literally 2 days after I had my son. We didn’t have any friends or family she could stay with at the time.
It was the worst experience. It was heartbreaking to constantly have to tell her she couldn’t be around the baby. Also, they never fully cover their mouths. Even right now he’s super sick bc she got something from school and he’s 10mo and im still gutted. He’s struggling to breathe.
There’s a time for them to build immune systems and it’s not when they are fresh out the womb. And it’s not now, when covid and rsv go round.
Plus, it’s not like he can never come back. If the baby got super ill or died, I’m sure it would be much worse than him coming back another time when baby isn’t as fresh.
What would you have done if your step son lived with you? Made him sleep outside? 
Kids are almost always carrying some sort of illness even if not showing symptoms, they’re walking Petri dishes lol
I have a newborn and a 9 year old and the 9 year old has been fighting a cold basically the entire time our baby has been home, but there’s not much I can do other than ensuring my older son is washing up more and just doing some extra cleaning.
L
It was pretty unfair for you to shorten your husbands time with his son especially if he was planning on trying to keep them separate.
This has evil step mom vibes 
Honestly as a momma who just spent 11 days in the icu with my baby for acute respiratory failure with hypoxia and hypercapnia caused by RSV and the subsequent pneumonia…watching her be resuscitated and tubed I would say you 100 percent made the right call.
You can keep the kids separate. He can wear a mask if needed. He only gets them 2x a month and you basically chose your own baby over his. You don’t see them equal, and that’s sad. That boy doesn’t deserve that. Your husband should’ve kept him
I feel like you sending the kid back to his mom’s. You sent a very loud message to the child. And the message is "you are not important to me, and this is your dad’s new family, so bye).
My thoughts are this. If you had other children at home and one were sick, would you make them leave the house? It is Christmas time and I am sure his son was looking forward to spending time with his Dad. I would not make him go back home. Your home is his too now.
You did the right thing. Fact is you have a newborn - if you can avoid the risk. Why on earth wouldn’t you? We did it when my stepdaughter had a cold sore and we had a 2 week old. Her mum totally understood. There’s a difference between a baby catching a cold off a sibling and catching something that could kill them.
So say it was y’all’s son that you had together and you just brought home a new baby. You just gonna find somewhere for you other kid to go just bc he’s sick? I get not wanting the baby sick, but that’s why you keep distance and sanitize like crazy. I would never make my husband take his kid back to the moms. Especially when he only gets him EVERY OTHER weekend. Yes, you’re in the wrong. Also, sometimes coughs are a lingering effect after the sickness is gone.
Keep them separate. If you had another child what would you do? Throw the whole kid out? You signed up for a blended family and another child. Stay in the room with the baby , it’s one dang night.
I think I would have kept baby in my room and then had husband Lysol the house. I’ve had two nicu babies and my oldest had the flu both years we brought home his brothers. Neither of them got it as I kept them away from their brother and washed my hands. My oldest has a different dad and just missed a weekend with his dad nc he was sick. Dad lives with his mom and she was worried about getting sick so he gave up his time. It hurt my son’s feelings so much. I’d make sure your step son knows you love him.
There’s rights and wrongs to this scenario. You’re in the wrong for sending a child away for a lingering cough, but that other mother is wrong for sending a sickly child over knowingly the baby was released from the NICU. 2 wrongs don’t make a right. Just separate them by room space. It will be ok. I have 7 kids. 1 was a preemie. I understand the concerns. But this dad and child have rights too. child born first will always be first priority. That was your choice to make it work. So make it work for both children. They are going to be growing together anyways.
Maybe hubs could do something special with his son. They could go on a father & son weekend away together. Important for their bond as much as its important the baby not getting sick. 
I was sick 3 weeks ago, the cough still lingers. Yes I get you’re worried about getting your newborn sick, but I would recommend a compromise to have the child back longer next time to make up cutting this visit short.
The sick child went home to his mother. Not to the streets. It’s perfectly acceptable. Neither mother nor father should have allowed the child to visit in the first place. The baby is already struggling, the mother is already on high alert. No one needs to be adding negativity to that situation.
I have to co parent with my ex husband and we hold off switching when the kids are sick like “hell yeah let’s share this cold/flu/whatever else with more people” tf? How is this even a question babies let alone newborns have no immune system why in gods name would you wanna share that?
My son just had pneumonia and bronchitis and was hospitalised for a week.
Let me tell you a little something. Even after the child is well and no longer contagious… the residual symptoms will remain for over 3 weeks. My poor son isn’t even a year old yet and even after he was “better” he was still coughing and wheezing for weeks afterwards. The hospital usually gives a plan with ventilin.
I’d allow your husband to have his son over. I can understand why the symptoms would scare you but the residual symptoms do stay for weeks after.
I wonder what happened if you had a son and he was sick while his smaller brother came home…I wonder how your tune would’ve changed then if the elder child was REALLY YOURS
Congratulations you are an idiot and I hope one day the tables don’t turn on you.
The fact that his ACTUAL mother is so calm right now is a miracle… you’re gonna pick and choose when to be a parent to his son? And make him pick too? What are you gonna do next time they get sick? I get the anxiety of having a sick baby but you can’t pick and choose when to be a mother. And you agreed to being one to your ‘husbands son’ when you married him. Step tf up.
So when you have a new baby and the current baby is older and sick you gonna kick them out of the house too? Jw 
The son could’ve worn a mask and washed hands and also could stay across the room away from baby and not go near baby. You can’t keep babies from there sick siblings sadly, keeping a baby from bacteria and all will make the baby not grow a immune system, you can’t keep baby in a bubble like someone else said. Yes it’s scary when our babies get sick but we can’t stop them from getting sick. Even tho he had bronchitis and now he’s not having fevers or anything doesn’t automatically mean he’s sick still. I had Covid a month or so ago and I still have a horrible cough from it, doesn’t mean I’m sick, it’s the same with bronchitis and Pneumonia, you have lingering coughs afterwards from your lungs healing. Just a thought as well.
Your baby could die from something your husband or anyone else brings into the house…also you’re more contagious before symptoms even start so YTA
Lot of y’all failed to see the NICU part.
Please for the love of children don’t have any more🤦🏼♀️ I hope if that boy ever gets sick on his dad’s weekend your husband shows you the same compassion you showed him!
If it were your kid would you remove it from the home? You married his dad and it’s a package deal. If you can’t treat him like your own, kick rocks because he’s your husband’s family and was there long before your ass
You are not overreacting your feelings are valid this is RSV season baby should not be around anybody who’s currently sick getting sick or just getting over being sick
Personally parenting isn’t a thing that’s always convenient… kids shouldn’t be an option theyre a duty
NO you are not. That’s my personal opinion, simply cause your baby just got out the NICU and doesn’t have all his shots.
Thing is you don’t realize that most other families have siblings and if they get sick and there is a newborn they can’t send the other kid away, that’s his home and to do that makes it seem like it’s actually not
I get it but , I have a new baby and a 10 year old school aged kid who comes home with every illness under the sun, but I can’t tell her she’s not welcome in her home because she’s sick and I couldn’t imagine doing it. Kids cough long after an illness I know my daughter does but she wasn’t contagious anymore. It’s kind of one those things your going to have to suck up and get use to with more then one child.
….Girl. You should not have gotten with somebody who had a child. You don’t even refer to him as your child or step child, just his child. You’re already showing preferences and he and that little boy deserve better. What happens if you guys have another child and the older one is sick while that one is in a similar state? Would you just find somewhere to send your first child until the baby was further developed? Probably not. You would separate them the same as your husband suggested. How terrible for both of them for him to just be brought back like that. It would maybe be one thing if it was discussed in advance, but that had to have been so upsetting for the little boy and you’re acting like your husband gets no say in the matter. Those are his children, too.
So what happens if the older son was your kid and you didn’t have anywhere for him to go? Seems weird that you’d send him away.