Am I overreacting? My sil sent me and my daughters father not one but three videos of our three year old saying a bad word. She was saying it repeatedly and was laughing. Her text read “Who is teaching this little girl the F word? No bueno.” I texted back “Nobody is teaching her that.” To which she responded “She heard it from someone!” At this point I’m irritated at her approach to the situation. In one of the videos you can hear my SIL’s son telling our daughter to stop and my stepdaughter laughing in the background. That’s when I realized it wasn’t my SIL who took the videos. I texted “Well if people stand around and laugh and record her while she’s doing it she’s going to take it like a joke & a way to get attention.” I then picked up the phone and called my SIL and asked her who took the videos. That’s when she told me that her son did and tried to defend the older kids saying that they weren’t laughing. I told her in the last video I overheard my stepdaughter laughing and told her not to worry about my daughter and that I’d be there to get her soon. I hung up. After thinking about it some more and I’m getting more irritated I texted her and told her that if she’s not the one who took the videos then the videos needed to be deleted and for future reference if our daughter is doing something inappropriate the older kids need to tell an adult and not stand there and record my daughter. She texted me back, “Just stop texting.” I’m really irritated at her approach. Why not just pick up the phone & call me or my daughters father and say “Hey the baby is saying bad words. I’m not sure where she heard it from.” Something along those lines, instead of sending me three recorded videos taken by her son asking me and my daughters father who’s teaching her those bad words. I also feel a bit violated for my daughter as she’s only three and is being stood around by three kids whom are all older than her telling her not to say these bad words and laughing in the same breath while recording her. I’m very fond of my SIL and this is our first disagreement in six years and I’m unsure how to handle this. I’m aware swearing around children isn’t ideal and not that it’s anyone’s business but I’m working on that personality. I’m also a believer in teaching kids that they aren’t to repeat or do everything they see adults do.
My 2 year old says the f word and she learned it from me. We do tell her “don’t say that.” But that’s all. It’s a pick-your-battles type thing IMO. It doesn’t have to be turned into a huge deal, it’s just a word. It won’t be the last thing she hears she shouldn’t repeat.
I agree SIL didn’t “handle it”. I’d have just left it at “good to know, I’ll address it. Please refrain from letting the kids record her, laugh at her and give her attention for doing it.”
If you want to start a fight over nothing, this is the way to do it. That’s your family, be grateful they asked how to handle the situation.
My granddaughter says the B word, we just ignore it, sometimes it’s hard not to laugh but we try not to let her see and we don’t encourage it of course. I agree with you on the recording and laughing and carrying on, you have to remember they are kids too though, it’s the adults in this that are at fault for the carrying on, they allowed it
What’s AITA mean? And I’m assuming SIL is sister in law?
Although I feel they shouldn’t have recorded her saying that then sending you the videos ( she should’ve just texted or called you about the situation), I also feel like you are getting defensive because you know she learned that word from you. If you don’t want her saying it, don’t say it around her. Kids are going to repeat things. It’s your job to redirect them. If you feel it’s a problem with what happened, don’t let her go over there again. Simple.
You’re feelings are valid. Everyone runs their household differently. I personally didn’t make any words “bad”. Cuss words are allowed at home and in context. At 3 she said a few bad words here and there, and each time it wasn’t at home I’d ask her where are we? Where can we say those words? Isn’t not appropriate here. Now at 4 she doesn’t ever really say them. Take the taboo away and it takes the fun away. The attention getting behavior stops when they don’t get attention. In my opinion it’s a bit of an overreaction. A giggle and a shared “omg” would have been enough.
Her cousin was the immature one to record her, so while they were the older one in the situation, you can’t fully expect who I assume is also a minor person to know the right way to handle that type of situation. Kids these days are always on their phones, recording things and making things that ought to be private public. That being said, the SIL may have also thought that she should present you with evidence of said happening so she wasn’t disbelieved or accused of lying about the situation, since it was a situation to be taken so seriously, because it’s always better to cover your own behind in serious matters, where children are concerned. Children can deny & accuse all day long & get adults into arguments, as you can clearly tell by this post. Nobody’s perfect. Forgive and forget. SIL should be given the benefit of the doubt, as she should have provided you.
Well it’s a bunch of kids so… They probably taught her the word lol
If someone laughs at something a toddler is doing, the toddler thinks it’s OK and will continue to do it. If everyone kept quiet and didn’t make it a big deal, she wouldn’t of kept repeating it. I would be aggravated too. Now she thinks the F word makes people laugh.
I’d laugh too if it’s the first time they are seeing it. It’s a knee jerk reaction when Littles say bad words and you’re hearing it for the first time. Especially when it’s not your own kid. My son at 2.5 said “oh f#ck” a few months ago and I still laughed initially. Obviously it wasn’t prolonged so I could correct him. But everyone else that heard it was histerically laughing for a solid 10 minutes. It’s always funnier when it’s not your kid because you don’t have to parent the situation.
I’d have told you to stop texting me too. Your SIL didn’t deserve to be berated like that. There’s so many different ways you could have handled that.
My four great old days cuss words in Spanish (we don’t speak Spanish) this stuff happens. It’s not that big of a deal.
Maybe a video wasn’t the best idea. But something about the way you seem to blame your step daughter doesn’t sit right with me. They’re kids. It was probably best for her to suggest you stop texting because you really seemed to take this to another level. Again, the video was something that could have been addressed. You get along with the SIL and you don’t want issues with her so I’d tell her that maybe there was some miscommunication, and you’d just really like to hear if your child does something wrong and multiple videos aren’t needed.
You both are overreacting and could have handled it differently.
This post made me think the F word 
Would you have even believed her without the videos?
You’re also upset at kids being kids. It doesn’t matter if they were laughing, they were still telling her to stop.
Omg! Who cares. This is so long and drawn out just laugh and call it a day. Could be so much worse
I say “bad words” around mine, they know which words are bad and do not say them. They won’t know which words are bad if people keep the words a secret from them.
Tell her she cldve handled it and told you when you picked her up instead of recording it and making it bigger than it was.
Seriously making drama out of nothing next time watch her yourself
Chill out. It’s kinda funny when a baby says crazy shit. I think your overdoing it.
Ok I’m sorry I skim thru your paragraph but with my 3 year old granddaughter she repeats and copy every thing I do. So if she heard it she’s repeating it .so it’s natural but explain it’s not appropriate. It’s the age
She probably learned it from you SILs kids. You would be surprised what come out of their mouths now days.
Good luck telling a 3 year old not to repeat what you say. A 9 year old, sure. All you can do is redirect her. So if you swear around her, it’s possible she heard you say it. Doesn’t make you a bad parent
Here’s a weird way to divert a childs attention if you say a bad word in front of them (cause we all know children repeat everything!) If you say a bad word, immediately say a silly word after it. Example…when my daughter was little I tried my best not to say bad words, but if/when I did, I said the word “pickle” afterwards (cause you can’t take back what was said). A child tends to remember the last word you said. Sounds crazy, but it worked. My daughter never said a bad word at a young age. She did however say “pickle” quite often. Lol
You ANTA but you are completely overreacting. Your narrative of the situation is completely negative and over the top. It was humerus to her and that is why she sent it to you. I always ask myself if someone is doing something maliciously with ill intent or not. If the answer is no, my next question to myself is am I overreacting? I wholeheartedly believe that you believe you are defending your baby and I would agree if this was posted or shared on social media but the fact that she shared it with you is because it was funny. My little one put up her middle finger when I was 3. I gasped and she LOVED it and started flipping everybody off. At the moment I was not happy about it but looking back I do laugh at her innocence. My daughter took a picture of her and I still have it to this day, my innocent child flipping the bird proudly. Take it down several notches and mend things with your SIL. This is not worth a falling out.
Your SIL shouldn’t have been offended at all. Maybe mention it when you picked her up but that’s it. She made a mountain out of hill by sending you videos & passively accusing you. I feel swearing is taken too seriously & think it’s funny when people are offended. I don’t encourage my children to swear. But they’re just words & when said in the correct context I respond as I would to any other word. Guess what? They don’t swear repeatedly around other kids like I hear their peers do. (they’re preteens). It’s not taboo, not a big deal. Plus they aren’t offended & don’t give people the reactions they want when ‘bad words’ are used against them. Your SIL & those older kids are setting your daughter up to be offended by mere words & to use them to offend.
Eh, I would have told you to come get your kid. There are a lot worse things than a child saying a “bad word”. Sounds to me like you SIL was trying to joke with you about the baby and you took it to extremes.
I don’t think she handled it “bad” kids do stuff and we laugh. It happens life isn’t so serious especially over a word. I think she was trying to joke with you and wasn’t being mean by it and you badgered her. If you don’t want people teaching your kid wrong or anything you wouldn’t then keep them home. It’s harmless and your being ungrateful. They are going to learn way worse at school.
Overreacting you got to upset over nothing.
Sounds like the SIL sent it to you as a joke and you took it to a whole other level, especially blaming the kids. We cuss, we’re parents it happens. My daughter called my SIL a “silly little bitch” around that age and we laugh about it to this day.
Nope not over reacting. Everything you said is completely valid.
Let me elaborate since people are being ignorant and vicious in the comments.
Saying a cuss word? No big deal 
Another parent addressing it with you ? No big deal.
Much older kids recording and laughing at a child while also telling them not to do something? Yeah that’s extremely confusing to the child. As you said them laughing encouraged her, them recording her encouraged her, but their words didn’t match their actions. Then for the SIL to send you numerous videos back to back of the kids recording and encouraging her behavior “but their words were telling her to stop” while also trying to lie and say nobody was laughing and basically accusing you of teaching your kid to say the F word…
Look I honestly don’t give a damn if a toddler cusses. Ignore it and they’ll move on. Or maybe they curse like a sailor. Not my business honestly but when OLDER kids who your child looked up to are sending mixed signals and mocked then ultimately those videos were used to try and get her in trouble…I’m sorry that others can’t see that as bullying. Bullying starts small and insidiously and it’s not always flat out name calling and shoving kids down… it’s recording and mocking a child smaller and less “powerful” than them then using that “evidence” to have the adults “punish” the toddler. Even if this was done on a subconscious level. Even if they didn’t necessarily WANT your child to get in trouble and your SIL saw the videos on her own…also how do we know THEY didn’t teach her the word in the first place to try and get laughs out of it? What were they planning to do post it on tiktok for views?
I get that people these days don’t understand the psychology of situations and childhood development but I do so yeah, your feelings are valid.
The way this situation was handled was not appropriate.
SIL should have asked the kids why instead of laughing and encouraging and recording the toddler they didn’t come get an adult? They’re older. THEY should know better. Actions speak so much louder than words ESPECIALLY to toddlers… and if I were your SIL that’s exactly how I would have addressed it. And then I would approach the mom (you) and say sooo your child dropped the f bomb a few times today. Idk where she heard it from but the older kids were laughing and encouraging it so now she thinks it’s funny 
I’m so sorry but I talked to the kids and hopefully if you ignore it she will stop saying it!
And then I’d tell a funny story about the time my two year old said asshole so you know I’m not judging you and I handled it but I’m letting you know so you aren’t caught off guard.
Honestly it’s kinda upsetting how many people are ripping you apart and clearly can’t comprehend your issue is NOT with the fact your kid said a cuss word but with HOW she was treated and HOW you were approached.
You’re valid. Let all the people laugh reacting and calling you names roll off your back bc 9 times out of 10 people like that are bullies- or their kids are.
I’d tell her to fuck off and mind her own business tbh
You’re a drama queen . Your lucky anyone wants to watch your kids
Something tells me the “older” kids are teaching the 3 year old to say the naughty word then recording it. I wouldn’t feel she was being violated by getting video taped. I have to say as an adult I would laugh hysterically (yeah I know real mature) when my nephew would call trucks fks instead. He’d say look auntie a fire f* and I’d giggle and say no that’s a truck. Are you sure she’s not saying truck? Seems to me there is more information needed her. If you’re fond of your sister in law then ask her if she heard it herself or just in the video. That’s the problem with text messaging you’re not sure the context in which the text is meant.
Wait am I reading this right?
You’re mad your daughter is copying YOU and the older kids were telling her not to?
Of course the kids were laughing… THEY’RE KIDS and bad words are funny to KIDS
Lmao i taught all my nieces & nephews how to cuss:grimacing:
ooops
What ever. You are the mom and should fix it.
Pick your battles. It’s not that big of a deal. All kids of different ages think it’s funny when little kids cuss. This to shall pass. No one is harmed. Just move on.
For all you know, those kids taught her just to be able to record her.
Oh Gosh I’m raising my 2 year old grandson who isn’t speaking in full sentences yet but he definitely knows what I’m saying, I’m trying to be careful but Man! It just Pops out when the frustration hits:laughing:
Let it go. Life’s too short.
We personally don’t have a problem with swear words as long as they’re only said at home, and not in a mean way toward someone. Words only have the power you give them, so we’re taking that power away. But then, my husband is waiting for our kid’s first one lol. She’s only 18 months. Our approach might have to change when she’s older.
Little over dramatic. Kids will say things and maybe the video was for proof. Yes a little much but a child was recording. Say you sorry and if it happens again please tell you so you can correct behaviors. Value the help you get and don’t feel so hurt that you say things child has picked up on. It happens and they will grow up. Good luck
First and biggest mistake is thinking you should teach your kids to do as you say and not as you do.
Any parent that does this is sending mixed signals and confusing little minds.
Imagine being a little kid learning language and you’re told that you can’t say a word you’ve just learned from an adult you are learning language from.
I personally think you’re over reacting.
With the older children laughing the little one is learning it’s ok because everyone is smiling.
I imagine the older ones know “bad” words too. And, these “bad” words are still just words. They only have the power you give them.
So, just have a mature conversation with the little one and explain that she would get in trouble at school for saying these words so it’s best not to use these words so she doesn’t forget and use them in front of the teacher at school.
Otherwise, let it go and move on.
I’m sure everyone else involved already knows that this made you upset so they will probably reconsider their decisions in the future concerning involving you.
I agree to an extent. If a small child does something bad. And they feel like it’s funny cause people laugh. They will keep doing it as a game. That being said, where did she hear the words ? Did the kids teach her to say them cause they thought it was funny. Older kids to even young teens can be very immature. We all have been there so they may not of meant to cause any harm. Just thought it was funny.
Maybe the aunt was legitimately trying to figure out where she picked the words up . Or heck maybe she was being a little immature and thought it was funny also. bottom line just when you pick up the kids. Have a conversation with her. Three is old enough to understand that she shouldn’t say that word again. Kids will be mocking birds it’s unavoidable.
The older kids were encouraging her to do it, so of course she kept going
Some of these perfect parent reply’s
Your sisters son Should not be recording your daughter or chastising her he’s a child and it’s not his place!
Also your step daughter shouldn’t be laughing that’s making your daughter think it’s a game!
So the both need to be told there behaviour is also wrong!
Also your sister approached it wrong and got a reaction that was defensive you don’t text someone “who’s teaching this child to swear “ it’s not her place to comment like that
And she’s not your mother!!
All she had to do is tell you when you got back that the kids were videoing her swearing so we need to be careful what we’re saying around her as she’s repeating
You need to just apologise and say why you got defensive so she understands how to approach you about sensitive subjects speaking to you like she’s your parent will not work so she needs to reflect also.
Kids swear she is just saying it no context behind it just nip it in the bud.
Yes- you are overreacting.
I personally thing she was teasing when she said did she hear this at home, but you were clearly offended.
Kids hear things all over the place. Recording it wasn’t needed, but everyone laughing will encourage it.
You can’t control how others handle situations when you aren’t there. All you had to say was, “ugh- thanks for letting me know. If it’s said again please correct it. This isn’t something we want said or learned. “. Or don’t allow your child in to go or be with anyone without you.
All of my kids swore when they were that young and I have 4 kids. I know who they learned it from, ME it is funny to hear someone so little say f*** and s***. My youngest is 4, he started saying things when he was 3. It is very hard not to laugh and I have to admit that I did record him a couple times to share it with family because it’s funny. I didn’t make a big deal out of it and he stopped saying it so much on his own. he says f*** occasionally like not even enough for me to care. He doesn’t use bad language around anyone else or in school, I call it a win. I have a very bad vocabulary of “naughty” words so I’m surprised he doesn’t say more. If he says something I really don’t want him saying I simply correct him… repeating what they hear won’t last forever and they are only little once. If you have that big of an issue, be the “adult” and correct it. I’m sorry, your post came off a little childish in my opinion. Is it really worth losing your sister in law over something so silly that can’t be fully controlled? Best of luck.
Wait, I don’t understand why you’re getting mad. Because it sounds like you’re in denial. I think you should focus on yourself to be mature and set a good example for your daughter rather than spend your time and energy getting mad at who recorded your daughter.
Show her this post.She will get it.Patronizing you about your own daughter.She likely picked the word up from the 3 older children standing around laughing and taking videos of her.
My opinion, you’re overreacting.
If a bad word was the worst thing that happened I’d be good lol
My eldest grandson had a stage of saying the f word, his mum tried all kinds of ways to stop him but nothing worked until we had a " quiet,secret" chat about the one word we hoped he would never learn or say because it was so bad, so much worse than anything anyone had every heard before.
And that is how the f word became fiddlesticks!
You’re not. You’re three year old was getting a reaction. Of course she kept doing it. Totally the wrong thing to do in the situation if you want her to stop.
You’re overreacting. They thought it was funny. When she says it around you just correct her and tell her that’s a bad word. I’ve laughed when my kids swore but we corrected right away.
It’s hard for older kids to not laugh when a toddler cusses…
I get it one of the hardest things is to not laugh when your toddler does something he’s not supposed to I had to deal with that with my nephew he’s 2 and got mad about something and little dude just blurts out damn it and oh shit I held it together thou and was like no dude we don’t say that but I get I wanted to laugh thou idk my kids hear bad words but I tell them hey there is things only adult say not kids 
I know I’m gonna get completely tore apart with this comment but… my 3 year old listens to all my music and is allowed to say curse words while she sings them (as she knows almost every word to a lot of the songs) however, she almost never says them outside of the songs. My mom said “what the h3ll” the other day and she repeated her and then covered her mouth and said “oh my goodness, I’m sorry mema” I look at it as… they are words that they will eventually say. Just make sure they aren’t saying them “at” you. And I still don’t curse around my grandmother so that’s something that I make sure to tell her as well. “We don’t say those words around mema” she is a very respectful toddler already and words are just that… words. I agree though, recording your child doing it is just going to fuel them to want to do it more cause it seemed to give them good attention with the laughing and everything.
Sounds like you are a drama lama…people are way to sensitive these days and you fall right into that category. You are burning unnecessary bridges over something so trivial.
By the end of it, it sounds like you’re more mad at yourself because you know your kid heard it from you. If you’re going to be that whiney about your toddler child repeating what you say (as toddlers are going to do) and about the older children having a normal reaction to it (thinking it’s funny and wanting to show others) then maybe stop using those words. 
And the world is still spinning.
It’s the “my daughter was violated” for me. That’s a stretch. It was a cute video. You’re being way over the top dramatic, and I wouldn’t watch your kid anymore. “Please stop texting” yes. Please. Stop
Tell her to get over it . Kids repeat things . Her kids must be perfect .
Your SIL sounds immature and not very kind. You are never overreacting when it comes to your child. She seems to be poking at you and I can definitely see why you’re upset. I can see how it’s upsetting- to me it seems as if she’s trying to make you feel bad or guilty for your daughters behavior. It’s as if she’s shaming you. Not nice at all. I would shrug it off, see it as “she is who she is” set your boundary and don’t play into it. Have talks with your daughter about setting boundaries for herself too so she can say “no video stop” when she’s feeling uncomfortable.
Reading the comments Noone acknowledges the toxic low vibing drama the SIL brings to the table. The outright audacity she had in even questioning the mom this way then throwing judgment out as if she was God, judge and jury. A healthy situation would have been to correct the behavior (takes a village) and communicate with mom what was up. If this were me she’d be cut off. Allowing her kids to video then to deliberately stage Drama after encouraging the child is a big fat no. If it’s not good for your kids and family she should be put firmly in her lane and your child given a more constructive and positive environment to grow in. Set the boundary. Who judges a 3 year old and mom anyways? Seriously?
Ok 1st off kids any age will repeat what they hear
Parents other kids TV or whoever so not that it’s anyone’s fault it’s EVERYWHERE
just say to child no we don’t say that and redirect attention and DO NOT LAUGH
If you laugh it becomes a game
As for SIL I would’ve recorded her for proof she’s saying it and I’d text it to parents so it can be decided on how they want it handled… I’m sure SIL has the best intentions for this lil one
Don’t allow this common problem to cause a issue it’s really no big deal
As for other kids videoing … KIDS WILL BE KIDS if they are big kids the prob. told her to say it lol ughh
She’s 3 they repeat what they hear around them it’s not that big of a deal.
My 2 year old called me a motherfucker the other day. You laugh and move on because what are you gonna do…
Way overblown.
Kids pick up crazy stuff.
My son is 4 and said “holy f-ing moley!”
Legit no clue where he learned it, but I laughed hysterically. Who even talks like that?!
You SIL is right, just stop.
It’s not a kids job to parent, if they think it’s funny they’re going to laugh.
Your sil can shove it up her aaa and have another kid of her own to control 
Kids will be kids… when’s she’s grown that video will be funny… my husband taught my daughter to say that’s bullshit. She wasn’t even 3 yet… it back fired on him… I would send him a voice message ever day at lunch. One day she said… I love you daddy… paused…then said that’s bullshit… like she was telling him she didn’t love him… we didn’t make a big deal in front of her and she stopped saying it. Relax momma… if you this this is the worst thing that’s going to happen… just wait until she starts school…
All of you are overreacting. She’s three and said a bad word she heard. It’s not that serious sis. Oh and that video will be funny one day, ask her to send it to you
the curse word wouldn’t have bothered me it’s the way she handled the situation. Do not let anyone tell you that you are overreacting. Sending the videos with that snide remark, whose teaching this baby to cuss. It’s obviously yoru step daughter and her older kids who recorded. They encouraged the behavior and made sure they were there to record. Then Miss. I CANT WAIT TO SHOW YOU HOW BAD YOUR KID IS, texts with that bs.
Yeah i would’ve told you to stop messaging me too and come get your kid if you’re gonna be that melodramatic over something so minor
No ur not overreacting. It’s ur child. N if they’re teaching her bad things i wouldn’t want my child there either. Mind u I swear all the time but my children not even when they were 3 didn’t say them. They teens now tho n I can’t get them to stop cussing lol. But yeah just talk to them. Even w ur partner. N if thats how they feel then fuck em.
You are exhausting!
She’s three! And your SIL is correct. She learned the word from somewhere… either that, or she is saying something completely different and it just sounds like she is dropping the F bomb.
When my nephew was that age, he LOVED the song Uptown Funk. Except he couldn’t say “funk” so he would sing, loudly, up town fuck you up… we never acknowledged it because he wasn’t actually dropping the F bomb.
Either way, you’re screwed. Telling her not to say it is just gonna make her say it more. Laughing at her saying it is just gonna make her say it more.