AITA?So I and my family live in Mexico, by choice, and travel to see my parents and siblings to the USA once a year for about a month or two. I’m currently pregnant with #3 and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting. When we visit, I have an aunt who also visits my mom(her sister) for pretty much the entire time we are there. We all get along for the most part, but I feel like I don’t see my parents very much during my visits because my dad isn’t home very much (because he barely gets along with his SIL) and my mom hangs out with her all day and does everything together with her. My husband tends to find a seasonal job because he doesn’t like being still for too long, so he isn’t home. And I’m left home alone with my kids(which I love being with them) but like, I also traveled from far to come see my parents. I think the word is excluded. I feel excluded, left out. I’ve tried to have my aunt babysit so me and mom can at least go grocery shopping together, but then my mom’s always tired or my aunt is telling our extended family that I’m using her without paying for child care or that I’m purposefully excluding her. The 2 months are the only time of year I can visit because of the work me and my husband do and the kids are not in school back in Mexico(summer vacation school is out)My mom is now 63, I would hate to think, but I have another 10-20 visits with her and to not even really spend it with her makes me sad and a little upset.AITA, for wanting more time away from my aunt, but more spent with my mom?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. AITA for wanting to spend more alone time with my mom?
Have you talked to your mom about how you feel?
Absolutely not and I’d throw a whole fit about it. But that prolly wouldn’t get the results you want honestly. Try to talk to your mom alone, before your visit. And tell her you want some time with just her while you still have the opportunity and maybe SHE can handle her sister. You shouldn’t have to. You’re her daughter.
Absolutely not the asshole. That’s sad.
Have you talked to her about all of this?
Sometimes even the things that are most obvious to us isn’t too others and we can’t expect them to be mindreaders. I’d talk to your mom about your feelings and explain how you really want to bond with her on your trip as much as possible. Do they ever fly down and visit you guys? Is that an option as well?
Plan a trip somewhere else and invite your mom.
No. Tell mama and have her tell tia you’ll be spending time together, just mother daughter.
I may even call auntie and explain this to her. Reassure her that she is loved but your mom is your mom. She SHOULD understand
I don’t know what AITA means. But, sit down alone with your parents and talk to them heart to heart. Tell them how you feel and that you NEED time with them away from others. Mention that maybe your Aunt can visit after you leave or come the day before so she can see you ask them why she’s there because it’s making you feel lost out on a relationship you need with them. You feel lost. God bless.
How about getting your mum and dad down to Mexico 1 year during that time? And at the same time do all the touristy stuff with them/show them around where you live.
But make it clear in no way is your aunt allowed to encroach on this time and she is not invited (but of course say it in a way that won’t make your mum/parents dislike you)
Some aunt u have ugh. Talk to your mother can u pay for her to come to you?
I would talk to your mom About this and see what she thinks. Part of it is her wanting the same time. Your not wrong for wanting time alone to enjoy your time and her company.
I think you should make different arrangements for your children and not expect your aunt to babysit. I also think it’s completely normal to want some quality alone time.
Why don’t you plan your visit for a different time apart from when your aunt plans her visit
Speak to your mom before u go next time and tell her you want to spend time with her and your dad not have your aunt there the whole time while you’re visiting and see what she says
You’re not wrong for wanting to spend alone time with your mom. Talk to your mom about it, and tell her how you feel. If it means you take the kids with you, take them with you … and ask her ahead of time if you & she can plan an outing or two for just you & her (and kids, if need be). I’m a grandmother, but I love it when my kids actually want to spend alone time with me … we don’t get to do it very often because of grandkids, work schedules, etc.
Talk to your mom. Tell her how you feel. Explain that you love your aunt, and you know she loves her sister, but you just would like to have some alone time with her.
My heart feels for u. Ur aunt needs to visit ur mom at a different time. It’s insensitive that she’s doing that knowing that u guys don’t get to see them throughout the year. Maybe you can get your parents to schedule a time to come visit u back at home?
Not at all! Your parents are getting older and now with baby #3 coming I can definitely understand wanting to have just you and her time. I think you need to talk to your mom and let her know how you feel. Be up front and honest and don’t leave anything out. Be clear you love all your family but it would be nice to have some mother daughter time
I think you should have a talk with your mom about how you’re feeling. See if you can set aside time for just you & her without your aunt. Sounds like being your aunt resents you for having her watch your kids, you’ll need to find another babysitter. Do you have any other family members who could watch your kids? Or, does your mom know someone who could watch them if you paid them?
Nope not the AH. Why not offer to pay for your parents to come visit you and your family down in Mexico? It shouldn’t only be you traveling to them ya know. You need to talk to your mom and express your feelings.
No absolutely not wrong. Definitely talk with your mom about it though.
Offer to pay your aunt to babysit, in front of your mom, stating you would like mother daughter time once or twice a week while you are there.
You should discuss this with your parents and see if the aunt can come
Another time
TELL your aunt NOW to stay home during your visits so your can see you Mom and Dad
The one thing everyone seems to be missing is that mom may not want to spend alone time with her daughter and that’s why the aunt stepped into the visits.
As someone who recently lost her mother in an accident and didn’t get to see her often due to distance, no, you’re not. It’s fair to want to spend every moment with your loved ones that you don’t get to see often when you’re with them. Talk to her and let her know how you feel. Maybe she doesn’t realize it.
Plan your visit at a different time. Also see about a sitter while your visiting so yall can have a adult time. Also maybe have parents come to visit yall.
I’d have your parents come to you for a month just them. That way they can visit one on one with you an your family and you won’t have your dad running away for sanity sake. An that way you also don’t have to worry about your aunt butting her way in. Then when you normally would visit your parents you can either still do that or not that way your aunt can have her time. Although she sounds very much so like a narcissist and I feel she’s been playing this game her entire life controlling those around her without being obvious to them that she is doing that.
You gotta talk to your mom dude. She needs to know you need more time. Maybe also next time make your trip secret and just come down without auntie.
Is the aunt close by and visits frequently/daily or just when you come back? If she is around all the time… then the aunt needs to step back and allow you both some personal family time. If she is not close by and only comes when you come, then the aunt also needs to reschedule so she can have the one on one interaction that she is wanting, not interrupt yours when you have a very limited window (i.e. when kids are on summer break). Talk your mom and aunt or fly your mother down to you instead.
What does AITA mean? Sorry but can’t determine
Maybe you could pay for your parents to come visit you in Mexico, if their health is good enough to travel. It would be just them and you could have all the time with them.
Say something! Why is it so hard???
Maybe ask your mom if her sister could only overlap one or two weeks of your visit. So say she overlaps the last week but stays 3 weeks after you leave. That way your mom can have quality time with both of you and her sister. But your aunt gets to see your family too.
I would hire a sitter. Maybe even tell the Aunt that you will pay her money to watch the kids for 1-2 hours or something or speak to other family members.
Also, have you tried to communicate this with your own Mum. You Mum might have gotten so used to her sister coming over that she may not know about your feelings.
1-2 months for a visit is way too much time , try to visit for 1-2 week maybe having less time will encourage your mom to spend more time with you .
Ask your mom if they can visit you one summer instead .
Tell your mom. Or have them come to you
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Be blunt and talk to your Mom. Tell her what you told us
Talk to your mom and explain how you are feeling. That you just want some more one on one time and I’m sure she will make it happen.
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Have your mother tell her sister to visit at a different time . She can say that way we have our own quality time together. Her sister will think it makes her special. Than you get a separate visit
Why does your Aunt have to go when you go? She’s being selfish with your mom. Your mom should be able to share your time. I would confront them both about it
Why don’t u tell ur ANUT that an tell ur mom the same thing
Talk to mom dad and aunt. Let the first two know you want time and put aunt in check for claiming you are using her and let her know you and the kids could choose just to stay home and not come spend time with your parents because AUNT doesn’t want to give you time with them. (I’d say it in front of them too just so they know)
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