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QUESTION:
"Hello, mommas I need some opinions!! My son is 17 gonna be 18 next month. I can’t get him to go to school or do anything. I had a job lined up for him at McDonald’s and he went in and told them he has severe anger problems (he doesn’t) just so he wouldn’t get the job. He will not even try to find a job. Constantly want to get money from me. He steals. He lies. He trashes my home. He is very disrespectful!!! He won’t even clean up after himself. Everyone walks on eggshells when he is around. At what point do I just cut him off?? He won’t try to do anything. All he wants to do is lay around and smoke weed. I am at my wit's end!!!!!!!!!!! His father has nothing to do with him so sending him there is not an option. He is draining me. When I try to talk to him about anything he is a complete smart ass and will just sit there and roll his eyes, laugh at me or walk away. What would you mommas do????? Please help"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"I would be stern and tell him he needs to get a job by a certain date, that he will be 18 soon & he needs to be able to support himself. Personally, He needs to work, he needs to be respectful of your house & your things. If he doesn’t want to get a job and follow basic house rules then… there isn’t much luck for him."
"Tell him to get a job or move out."
"Tell him he needs to go to school or get a job and help pay for expenses and change his attitude. Otherwise he’s gone. Tell him he has until he is 18 otherwise he has to go. And stop giving him money. If he fights leaving have him evicted."
"It sounds like he needs therapy."
"To become something like this is obviously a cry for help. Maybe he has past traumas he needs to deal with. Mental health is very important for young ones coming into adulthood. I agree tho do not give him money but he needs something, a reality check. Don’t give up and keep working with him."
"Sounds like he might need some mental health therapy and perhaps some antidepressant medication. Have you talked to his doctor?"
"He needs to move out and see what growing up is all about. As long as he lives in your house he’s never going to do anything for himself. It doesn’t mean you don’t love him when he makes him leave, it shows that you love him enough to help him grow into a man."
"It sounds like he does in fact have anger problems, possibly anxiety and/or depression. He needs therapy, guidance and discipline. Cutting him off or kicking him out will more than likely make things worse and can lead to way bigger problems."
"I believe that if you’re having to ask when you should cut him off you already likely know that you need to cut him off. You’ve done all that you can do and I trust that you tried your hardest to raise an amazing person and he just has to realize his potential. But from here on out he wants to act like an adult then you need to let him act like an adult on his own"
"My daughter moved out at the same age and it made me sad at first but once I saw she was doing well I was ok. She only lives about 10 mins away so we see each other often. I still have her room set up as it was when she lived at home and she’s about to be 23. It will be ok and just let him know you’re proud of him and hope he visits with you often."
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