Have your husband talk to her if it is his sister.
There’s nothing wrong with Goth people just saying. And I feel like your being a little harsh, is this child actually in danger? Or being neglected? Maybe ask to baby sit, I wouldn’t just sign my rights away for nothing either, how do you know she’s not trying? And she could just be dealing with PPD maybe she just needs support and not someone judging her.
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Make sure your husband is on the same page, and I would try and sit down talk to her first and offer resources to help before doing something drastic. Children need their mother yes but children are not possession and if the mother is not doing what she needs to do to take care of the kid then I understand your concern. The important thing, is the kid being fed? Kept clean? Loved? Being provided for in basic necessities? Is she being abused, signs of bruising or bad diaper rashes fron neglect? Assess for that, but also offer your in law some help. If she refuses to help and there are multiple signs of neglect document everything you encounter with time/date/description and build a case.
Ever think maybe something is wrong with mom?
Depression or some sort of medical condition?
See if you can help not just run behind her back and try and steal her child
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BTW…no1 being a stay at home mom doesn’t mean your kids get everything they need… no2 ‘stay at home mom’ doesn’t make you the more capable mother! Gosh, when will women learn to support and uplift one another. Rather than kick a dog that already down, i’d say help a sister out!
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Get professional advice
This is not the avenue for advise on such a fine issue
It’s beautiful that you care enough to pour your heart out, but this needs to be dealt with by professionals unfortunately. Keep in mind she is a mother too and maybe you are all missing something. She has the right to be tired and that alone doesn’t make someone a bad mum nor does her choice of man. Don’t forget that just because someone looks different it doesn’t make them a bad person. Try to help her first by being there. Good luck
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Offer to help her instead of judging her if she’s a single mom she’s burt out and needs help you honestly can’t get custody of child unless she allows it
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Contact social services or the police and have them do a welfare check
yes I agree .You will have to prove her an unfit mother .Iwould worry too with strange men coming home with her .
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First of all… goth creeps ? Not all goths are creeps…
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To start with, none of the things you listed indicate a level of abuse or neglect that would warrant the need to remove a child.
Children do suffer when taken from families of origin, so it’s only done when the benefits outweigh the risks. If you think you can just take a young child from her mother and not have consequences for that child, you don’t understand trauma. Even very abused children who have had to be removed for their safety, cry at night for their biological parents. It’s a last resort, always.
You say your SIL ‘shuffles’ her child between grandmothers, but that says to me that she’s ensuring her child is cared for. She’s not leaving the child alone. In many cultures, caring for children is a joint effort and grandparents and aunts, uncles etc all stepping in to look after the child is the norm, rather than the exception. There are quite a lot of benefits to this parenting model, so it’s presumptuous to assume that the child is being harmed by this. The child may enjoy having so much time with relatives and it may be a more enriching experience than you realise.
Secondly, she dresses a child in a winter coat, that’s not neglect. It’s not best practice to put a child to sleep in their coat, but it doesn’t warrant removing the child. It would be more concerning if the child didn’t have a coat at all (and some children do not have adequate clothing).
Parents do get tired and make mistakes. I’m a pretty good mother, but I remember one time I was so tired that I fell asleep breastfeeding my infant son and he rolled off my lap and face planted on the floor. How many parents here can honestly say they’ve never accidentally hit their child’s head on the roof of the car or cut too close to the skin when clipping their fingernails because they were so tired? It happens. Parents are not superhuman. They need support and love and a village. Unless it’s wilful harm or happens repeatedly, you need to get over it, honestly. If the baby was very injured by it, the doctors will report it to CPS who will investigate.
Instead of your first reaction being to take, take, take. How about try giving instead. Give your support, give your time to help. Offer to take the child so the “too tired” mother can sleep. Offer to take mum to the doctors so she can get help for her feelings around being “trapped”. Create a village around the mum and the child, if you truly care.
I doubt very much, on what you’ve said that the state will agree to remove the child, if so they likely won’t place her with you as it seems that the grandparents have had more input into her care and will likely be given first choice over being foster carers. But if you’re genuinely concerned, report to the authorities and let them investigate. Don’t bully and pressure the mother to sign over rights TO HER CHILD because you don’t agree with some of her parenting choices. That’s not your place. I would be livid if anyone in my family was pressuring me to do that.
You can’t just take other people’s children because you don’t agree with how they are parenting the child. In cases of real neglect or abuse, there are correct ways of doing your part. You seem to want acknowledgment for being a superior parent and are hoping to use your niece like a trophy.
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To start with, none of the things you listed indicate a level of abuse or neglect that would warrant the need to remove a child.
Children do suffer when taken from families of origin, so it’s only done when the benefits outweigh the risks. If you think you can just take a young child from her mother and not have consequences for that child, you don’t understand trauma. Even very abused children who have had to be removed for their safety, cry at night for their biological parents. It’s a last resort, always.
You say your SIL ‘shuffles’ her child between grandmothers, but that says to me that she’s ensuring her child is cared for. She’s not leaving the child alone. In many cultures, caring for children is a joint effort and grandparents and aunts, uncles etc all stepping in to look after the child is the norm, rather than the exception. There are quite a lot of benefits to this parenting model, so it’s presumptuous to assume that the child is being harmed by this. The child may enjoy having so much time with relatives and it may be a more enriching experience than you realise.
Secondly, she dresses a child in a winter coat, that’s not neglect. It’s not best practice to put a child to sleep in their coat, but it doesn’t warrant removing the child. It would be more concerning if the child didn’t have a coat at all (and some children do not have adequate clothing).
Parents do get tired and make mistakes. I’m a pretty good mother, but I remember one time I was so tired that I fell asleep breastfeeding my infant son and he rolled off my lap and face planted on the floor. How many parents here can honestly say they’ve never accidentally hit their child’s head on the roof of the car or cut too close to the skin when clipping their fingernails because they were so tired? It happens. Parents are not superhuman. They need support and love and a village. Unless it’s wilful harm or happens repeatedly, you need to get over it, honestly. If the baby was very injured by it, the doctors will report it to CPS who will investigate.
Instead of your first reaction being to take, take, take. How about try giving instead. Give your support, give your time to help. Offer to take the child so the “too tired” mother can sleep. Offer to take mum to the doctors so she can get help for her feelings around being “trapped”. Create a village around the mum and the child, if you truly care.
I doubt very much, on what you’ve said that the state will agree to remove the child, if so they likely won’t place her with you as it seems that the grandparents have had more input into her care and will likely be given first choice over being foster carers. But if you’re genuinely concerned, report to the authorities and let them investigate. Don’t bully and pressure the mother to sign over rights TO HER CHILD because you don’t agree with some of her parenting choices. That’s not your place. I would be livid if anyone in my family was pressuring me to do that.
You can’t just take other people’s children because you don’t agree with how they are parenting the child. In cases of real neglect or abuse, there are correct ways of doing your part. You seem to want acknowledgment for being a superior parent and are hoping to use your niece like a trophy.
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I would offer her help before moving to a drastic measure of removing her baby from her … and most importantly sit and have a conversation with her to find out if there is something else going on with her that your could provide support to help her address the issues
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Where is the father?
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Have you offered to take her whenever she needs a babysitter? Instead of the said child going to different places ? Call the cops to do a wellness check as often as needed if you very concerned, you can let social services know as well of your concerns and check in and should the little one be taken in that you would take it in a heartbeat. Otherwise until the child is old enough to choose where to go there nothing to be done. Good luck
You don’t have a issue with her parenting, you really have a issue with her. Being a judgy stay at home mom doesn’t make you better than her and I wouldn’t sign my rights over to you either. Maybe encourage the father to be a father or offer to help babysit sometime… Get off your high horse and be proactive lady smh
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As an alternative/ goth mum I’m gonna tell you to step back and mind ya business. If the kid is fed and clothed and loved THAT is what matters. Not the aesthetic of someone who hangs around the kid.
She’s allowed to use family to babysit because she needs a break or needs to work. She’s allowed to be tired. She’s allowed to have friends around her kid.
Where’s the dad? He’s your brother or partners brother right? Why aren’t you chasing him down to do more? Sounds like he does nothing in this scenario.
Judge less and support more.
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What does your husband think?
Offer to watch the kid instead of her grandmas… and if mom abandons her with you then you may proceed to court.
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Contact Dfacs and file a report they will come check living situation…I dealt with samething and Dfacs removed her and gave us guardianship…
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Sadly you have to prove she’s. unfit! 
Sounds like a tough situation. Tread very carefully.
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Sooo…where’s the abuse or neglect? Why is she unfit for simply being tired?
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why not offer to babysit her on the week days? maybe she just is overwhelmed and needs the break instead of just trying to take her kid away from her.
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You have no legal rights to the child and a judge will tell you that. It had to be proved that the mother is unfit and from the sounds of it she is just tired like every other mom in the world. Just because you are a stay at home mom doesn’t make you any better than any other mother in the world. Instead offer to help by babysitting or running errands etc and give the mom a probably much needed break once in a while.
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Just the fact that it’s 40 x more likely a child will suffer some type of abuse by these men coming and going screams unstability. I don’t care what they wear or the dress attire. Red flags all over. Offer her help, but if she’s handing the child off anyways see if you can negotiate a stable home for child. Just the statistics alone are against this child being abused in some way.
Start by getting a lawyer and going to court
I raised my grandsons without a custody decree. Their mom signed guardianship to me. Then have her leave the child with you for babysitting more and more… In time if she leaves her with you almost permanently then you can work on custody. My grandsons are grown now and it didn’t have to get custody. The guardianship worked for everything
Sounds to me like you just want to hurt her…. An mother isn’t defined by the man she chooses or the fact that she lets her child go to other peoples houses let alone letting them fall asleep with a coat on. If your the sister in law then there is obviously some bias there and not bias for the child either but maybe your brother or could it be that your married to her brother I’m unsure but stop trying to destroy another mother by taking the one thing that could very well save her from falling into a darker path. She tired just offer your help in babysitting otherwise get lost
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You can’t just take someone’s child because you don’t like what they’re doing or you think it isn’t right. Call CPS if you think there is abuse, otherwise why not offer to actually HELP her?
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give her a choice …
- sign over her rights willingly
- you will see her in court and get her rights terminated
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You will need proof to show that she is unfit and even then, the father would most likely get custody, if there is proof that she is an unfit mom. Neglect is different then bad parenting. Whoever she has around doesn’t matter. You have to prove that her child is in actual danger
Not enough information. What you have described is in no way, shape, or form enough to take a child away from it’s mother. It just sounds like you’re judging a woman, in which we have no idea of what her situation is. Is she suffering with undiagnosed post natal depression? Is she a single mother who also works? Did her partner just leave? Is she struggling financially? Does she need help? Just because she doesn’t raise her child like you do does not mean she’s doing it wrong. You’ve also judged people who like the gothic asthetic as being what? Criminals? Child abusers? That’s a pretty broad brush you’ve got there…
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You can go to court, and file for custody. I did this 3 years ago with my granddaughter, and I have had her since. But you have to prove she is unfit
Am I the only one who thinks this sounds fucked up on the posters behalf