If you’re not happy, then you’re not happy. Money isn’t the key to everything, which is obviously something he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t realize that you do need more… you need him. You need a best friend, a partner… not someone who treats you badly just because they give you money. Honestly I would leave, you’re not being ungrateful if you do. You deserve to be happy.
You are married to an alcoholic. There is nothing you can do to change him- he needs to acknowledge it AND seek help. Find an Alanon meeting near you. They have in-person and Zoom meetings available. It saved my sanity! You need to know that you are NOT alone. You need to know that you didn’t cause it and you can’t cure it.
I want to tell you to run with your kids but I know how complicated it can be to make that decision but from what you’ve written it seems like your head knows that but you are questioning if you have really “tried hard enough”. On this side of the situation (I left my alcoholic husband 26 years ago) I can tell you that you have. I can tell you that you can’t change him no matter how much harder you try but I also know that would not have made a difference to me 27 years ago. Find an Alanon meeting. Give it a try. Then give it another try. There’s support for you, people who live it or have lived it. You got this Momma. It’s not easy but you are stronger than you feel!
You’re not awful.
Life’s short, honey.
Happiness is internal—start focusing on yours. 
Mommy you need a break find yourself and do what makes you happy 10 years is not 10days if you tried everything and still nothing then you need to start making changes on your own for you and your kids a happy mommy equals happy kids
Sounds like you have done everything you can to save your marriage and it’s been one sided. There is only so much a person can do and take. Sounds like you need to do what’s best for you and the kids and that’s leaving. Good luck to you.
When a plane is going down you will have to put your safety mask on first to be able to stay alive and help anyone else to stay alive… please read this over and over again till the point is profoundly understood. (Not my lines) stay safe 
I lived this same life for 20 years … I got out 7 yrs ago, enjoyed single life for almost 4 yrs then met the most amazing guy. Leave, don’t let him pretend to change for awhile so you will stay. You and your children deserve better.
It sounds like you do everything on your own anyways. You said you can buy anything you want, try putting some of the money somewhere you can find and save up to move out. He sounds so set in his ways that you constantly being there won’t make him see what he’s doing to you as wrong in his eyes. You have to put your foot down and make it an ultimatum choice. It’s his family that he helped create or his drinking and actions problem. I wouldn’t say divorce right away. See if being separated for about two months will open his eyes to what you actually do for him. If he actually loves you and cares about the marriage, he’ll try to actually keep it from breaking once he realizes your not going to accept his actions any longer. I am praying for you and your babies girl, and it’s absolutely not wrong of you for how your feeling. I’d feel the same way if I was in your shoes. Stay strong and hang in there.
U both sound young and at different stages in life u grew up faster then he did kids do that u need to stop basing ur happiness on him stop waiting for him to make YOU happy I can understand feeling unsupported emotionally and like ur a single parent and being exhausted from doing all the things but someones happiness is on them alone it’s no ones responsiblity to make another person happy sometimes that means leaving and sometimes that means working on ourselves together everything’s a choice
Get a Separate bank account, start saving in it and leave him. You and your children deserve a better, happy and healthy life.
Walk. He’s an abuse asshole.
You deserve someone who would treat you better and your kids better.
Narcissist’s don’t ever improve, so it’s either get out now or spend the rest of your years with him being miserable.
I’d save money and get out ! Asap
I read half. Started with we’ve built a nice life together. I suggest you read your post back to yourself.
U have 1 life, if u don’t want that type of life, leave, ur kids won’t even notice and I bet ur life will improve tremendously
I had to walk away after 13 years and 3 kids. Let me tell you it does not get better it gets worse, a lot worse. And if he has already put his hands on you than it is time for you to go. Mine didnt get PHYSICALLY abusive until the last 3 years, and it was so bad. Many calls to the police until he finally threatened to kill me with a weapon he had and I had it on recording. But after years of mental and emotion and verbal abuse, it just does not stop. You and your kids are your priority. Never feel bad for doing what is best for you. Because what is best for you is best for your kids. I am now with my bestfriend of 16 years and it is a challenge to be with someone healthy but it is so amazing! Wish you all the best
This was my exact situation, well pretty close. I’m now divorced and don’t regret it at all. I’m a happier person over all and I feel like I’m a better mom now. I tried many times and years, we also did couples therapy. Don’t beat yourself up over it. We are only human and it doesn’t always work out. We are still there for our kids and we actually work better apart
Been there, done that. Be smart. Get out. You and the kids will be so much happier. Get your affairs in order and be prepared for court, get all police reports and financial documents in order. Then find a safe place for you and the kids
Go live a life were you are happy you and your kids don’t deserve to go though what you are going through
Leave… you can do it without him. He’s had plenty of time to change, he doesnt care as much as you do… you have fought long enough with nothing in return from him… time to move on, be alone for a while and then find the happiness u deserve… if he cared enough, he would do more… marriage is meant to be 2 people united, and working together as 1, you can’t hold it down on your own trying to make it work… hes already shown you his cards, its time to leave… I say this with a good heart, I hope you find your happily ever after 
You are definitely a good woman, mother and wife because honestly if I had been in your shoes I would have already bolted out of that relationship. Marriage has to be given 100 from each person - one can’t bare the others 100 all the time and that’s exactly what you have done until you yourself have nothing left and yes it’s time to walk away with your kids and be happy and let them be happy as well and let them know that married life is not what they have seen and been taught thus far that it takes both giving it all to be happy. You have done the best you can do and you fought a good fight now walk away and find your happiness sweet lady…good luck and God Bless you and your children in whatever decision you make.
Life is too short to be unhappy! It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been with someone if you are NOT HAPPY! When you remove the toxic out your way it gives God space to send the right ONE your way. Live your best life…it’s not too late to start over. Most times you’ll see then that it’s only the beginning of the best part of your life💞
Why are you still with him?? Children learn from their parents relationship basically how to communicate, love , respect a person. What would you do if your children were with someone like your husband? He’s absolutely abusive. You need to get out asap find a local woman’s shelter like your safe haven they specialize is these situations. You only get one life and you got children who depend on you making the environment they live in safe.
You know the answer to this already just by what you have written.
When addiction is involved really the best thing to do is to better yourself and begin your own healing journey and hope that maybe he’ll follow suit. Do not do it for him though, do it for yourself and your kids! Once a toxic person can no longer get what they want and manipulate a person the way they are used to sometimes that can be the beginning of them accepting some responsibility for their actions and issues, though I do believe that is a lot harder when wealth is involved because most ppl only change when they face consequences and most of the consequences that an individual feels the most are typically financial, though I think us healthier ppl would disagree and say the emotional stuff is way more important but you’d have to get him to that level of logical thinking before he’d see it that way as well. I would also suggest going to some Alanon type meetings and there are loads more options out here now a days… The best thing to do is learn to understand what you’re dealing with and that you’re not alone. From there you can start to draw boundaries and learn to stick to them both for yourself and the kids because it’s not OK for him to take everyone down this road with him. The more you heal the happiness really does come back though! And I truly believe that no one can be worse off for learning more about themselves and what they want, healing what’s hurt inside of them, becoming a better person and learning to help others along their journey… Its just not going to end up being a negative ykwim. If he doesn’t come along then you’ll make a decision but it won’t be something you didn’t try or anything like that, you’re just making sure you are good in your own life and any person that loves you should want just that anyway. I hope you can find some support because I know it’s a very lonely feeling when you’re in it but the thing is that addiction, in all forms, affects so many today and its a very rough thing to live through but when we find others in our similar circumstances that really can empower us in ways that are almost magical!
I lived in your life (almost exactly) for 10 years. Finally decided he was an ‘extra’ child I was caring for that was a horrible influence on my real children. I left with my 3 children. I have now been married to the man that raised them and is ‘Papaw’ to their little ones for 30 years. Best decision ever!!
Leave and then work on healing Leslie. Realize that you deserve to be happy and have good things happen to you. Accept that as a fact.
After your description of him I can’t imagine why you’d want to stay with him. He sounds horrid to you and the kids. Get the kids in therapy. This is likely affecting them more than you know.
Yes to a separate, secret bank account. Save for a really good lawyer. I’d recommend asking for supervised visits only. That way he has to be sober to see them. Write a list of everything he’s done and when the cops were called. Contact a women’s center in order to get out wisely and safely.
Thewomenscenter.org is a good online resource.
Believe me it can only get worse. Even after my partner stopped drinking his attitude to me never changed…having seen the effects long term drinking does…leave now. Dont get stuck like I did. I became his carer till he died and even ill he made life as difficult and unpleasant as he could. Leave while you still have a chance if a better life
Hell no. Get out of there now! You don’t want your kids growing up seeing this.
My ex was the same way & I still loved him when I left him. It was hard but the best decision I ever made.
Bless you for your patience pray things get better
Read your post again…if your daughter was in this type of abusive relationship, what advice would u give her
Honey you are me only 17 years ago. I lived that life for 27 years and it never gets any better. Get out now while you are still young !! I still kick myself everyday for not getting out years before I finally did. I was his rug. He could wipe his fett on me everyday and I would allow it to happen. I felt as though I some how deserved it. But you DON’T ! YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY !! You will be amazed when you finally decide you’ve had enough and leave how you feel. Sure your going to be scared, confused and well helpless but once you get on your feet, your going to feel amazing. If your afraid of him and I mean this ! Go to a womans shelter !!! You said he can get mean when he’s drinking. Thats when a lot of things happen that can’t be undone, so PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT UNDER ESTIMATE WHAT HE IS CAPABLE OF !! He can hurt you, the kids and then himself if he’s drunk enough. So go to the police, sheriff or womans shelter and make a plan to get out or get him out. But you and the kisd deserve to live a happy, healthy life. You don’t want the kids to grow up thinking that, thats the way a man treats a woman or husband treats a wife. Or they are going to think thats they way they will be treated or treat their spouse. Break the cycle and live life happy. You deserve it and those kids deserve it as well. Good luck. You all will be in my prayers. Just PLEASE, PLEASE BE SAFE. 
Why would you keep your kids there?! Those kids don’t deserve that life!
Your not awful. But you need a healthy nest egg built up before you leave. Trust me. He will cut off all the money when young leave
Get out now while you can! It will only get worse! Your children and you deserve so much better! Try Al-A-Non it helped me tremendously! Good luck!
Jennifer Wright read this I think she’s living my life 
The lies that flow out of his mouth like air… the drinking and terrifying behavior… he may have a mental health issue that there is no treatment for…along the lines of narcissist or sociopath… you need to get out… this is what your kids are growing up with… get them out of it…you will regret it if you don’t.
Leave him, not good for your kids to see or you to put up with. Especially if he’s physical it’s only going to get worse. There is help out there from organisations just be strong and do it for your kids x
Make sure you put money up, and have a job, cause hes not going to give you any until child support makes him, or hopefully you have family that will help you out…have plans or you will go back into this for the support…
You do not deserve that abuse. Your kids are absorbing what they see-you need to save them.
As soon as you said he’s smacked you it’s a done deal… the cops are waiting for your call to help escort you and the kids out the house. They can’t do anything until you ask for help. This is more than just lies and alcoholism… this is called narcissistic behaviors, controlling, abusive. There’s a show in Netflix called Maid… I really want you to watch it. Before you leave make sure you have all your ducks in a row. The custody being the main thing. A job and home can come later. As long as you have family or a car to live in you don’t need to be with somebody like that… it always starts with punching a wall, yelling in your face and telling you how disgusting you are… next is a fist to your face, slap on your face then it gets worse from there… he’s not going to stop. He doesn’t want to stop. Hold your head up high but you will be happy again. But you need to fight for it. You have to be willing to leave with nothing. You can do it. Show your kids what happiness is.
After reading every word you wrote, a couple times, why would you feel that you are awful for wanting out? Instead of asking yourself if you are awful for wanting out, ask yourself these questions instead: Is the day to day life that my children are being exposed to, healthy for them? Are we teaching them what true love and and happiness is? Are we giving them the tools that they need in order to build a life that they can be proud of? Marriage isn’t about what you do for your kids and your husband, it’s what you do for each other. Being a provider doesn’t make you a good husband. Alcohol has ruined more than one relationship over the years and no amount of gifts can ever make up for that. Stop feeling guilty, stop feeling selfish. You are not the toxic one for wanting more out of this life and you deserve it. Start documenting everything, get a copy of the police report and if you are serious about getting more out of this life for yourself and for your kids, go talk to a lawyer and get the process started. Don’t play house and give chance after chance. Alcohol will win every time and nothing you do will make him change until he wants to change for himself.
If you have any family of his on your side, schedule an intervention and he gets help immediately and you take that opportunity to get out.
You are not doing you, or your children, ANY favors by staying with him. You are teaching your kids what they can expect from their future relationships. Walk away.
I left after 17 looong years JUST because of feeling alone. My husband drank far too much and lied all the time. One time when he was drunk he slapped me in the chest and I ended up in the pysch ward for 5 days. I told the nurses how he lied and what the lies were about and they said, " oh he’s crazy making" I said, oh what’s that? They said well didn’t you feel like you were going crazy when he lied and I said yes. They said that’s why it’s called crazy making or nowadays they call it gaslighting. I should have left many years before I did. Anyway I finally did leave with 2 kids and never looked back. Believe me I had my set of challenges as I had and still have Fibromyalgia and when I was with him it was intense. I was also the breadwinner, so I worked on top of doing all the things you did. Don’t second guess yourself, leave while you’re ahead. Things will only get worse. TRUST ME.
Woah he has you so mentally controlled that you think it’s selfish to leave 
it doesn’t matter if he is trying or is a provider he is abusive and he has you so brainwashed that you think you would be guilty wow 
you need to get out of there ASAP with your kids and make sure you get a support system when you’re out … I don’t know you but you are worth more then what he is doing to you , love yourself you deserve better
Get out now and stop wasting your life away
Honey, leave and don’t look back. Same story with my ex minus the drinking. I’m not as well off now but Im remarried and found so much happiness with our new life. Money doesn’t buy happiness
It sounds like you just needed to be heard by someone that would openly listen and we hear you mama, pack up and leave. If you have children they likely already know and see your not happy and would appluade you. They also may not see it but in time they will. Life is short love, Love yourself enough to enjoy whats left.
Please leave , it will never get better , it will only escalate and end worse. I am sorry you’ve had to go through this. You’re strong and you can do this
I only read about half of this, because that’s all I needed to see. He is a narcissist, and they don’t change. Ever. Please research what a narcissist is, and you will see that you are wasting your time.
I feel this on so many levels, My situation almost to a T. I hope you are able to find the courage to do what makes you happy and healthy. I’m still trying to find mine.
You need to form a plan to get away from him asap.
Leave it will never get better. Just make a plan and stick to it. Yes it is hard but you can do this. Life gets better
You and your children deserve better. Please save yourself and your children and leave.
Get away while you feel it I was in an abusive relationship and that HOPE never happens
Leave. You already have listed every reason to. At this point what is stopping you? It’s scary, yes. The unknown of what could happen, giving up everything you’ve built for years. But it’s eventually going to get worse. You’re going to get worse. Your kids are going to put themselves in relationships like this in their futures too because that’s what they’ve been taught and I know you don’t want that. If not for you. Then leave for them. Good luck
I think u just wrote my life. Only I’ve been with him 25 yrs. But alcohol and pills here. He’s great guy everyone loves him but he’s addicted to both. They don’t see that. I think we need a club for us Karie to stand together and get our lives back. God bless you. Inbox me if u like. Praying for us all. We deserve a great life not afraid.
Get a job while they r plenty hiring. Get things in line. Maybe a vehicle if u don’t have one. Be nice till ur plan is fulfilled.
I feel this 
. Isn’t it odd that they’re so emotionally unavailable but a great friend, to everyone else? Don’t stay, don’t wait. You will never get what you’re needing from this man. He sounds like an alcoholic narcissist who has no empathy or concern for you and the life you and your children deserve.
You’re already doing everything alone anyways. The only thing changing is you physically leaving him. There’s no way your kids don’t know that you’re unhappy. You shouldn’t feel guilty for prioritizing your children and your happiness. Your kids deserve a happy mom. Their dad isn’t being a parent to them anyways and I can guarantee they’ve seen or heard him abuse you at some point, even if you think they haven’t. That’s not an example you want to set for them. And they shouldn’t have to live in that kind of environment. Neither should you. While he’s working everyday, slowly start packing your most important things and maybe get a storage unit to hide them in. Open a separate checking account at a new bank and start setting money to the side. Hire a lawyer and get divorce papers ready. Find a place for you guys to live. And once you have everything you need ready, pack up yours and your kids everyday items, leave the divorce papers on the table and leave for good. Doing this in secret keeps him from getting violent while you’re trying to leave. Do all of this as quickly as you are able to. If you stay, What if one day he gets drunk and angry and hurts one of your children? You guys need to get out of there.
Sounds like my dad. RUN!
You are married to an alcoholic to him his addiction is number one and it will never change. I spent 20 years in a marriage just like yours and l lost the respect of my kids for being a push over. There is nothing you can do to change him, salvage what you can of the rest of your life, leave
You know what you need to do,
You need to protect you kids and yourself
This won’t change. Start getting your affairs together job, money etc and a plan. You know what you need to do.
Wow. This was my life! I am so much happier without him. He’s also a co-dependent narcissist, it sucks at first, but it’s better in the long run
You need some therapy. You need to understand you deserve to be happy and loved even if it mean on your own. Your in a pattern of psychological and emotion abuse and it makes the one in it feel like they don’t deserve these two things. Leave and get some therapy fast to save your kids
Get away. I was in this kind of relationship for years and ut never stopped. When I divorced him he asked what he could do so that I wouldn’t divorce him and I told him “stop drinking” he told me ask me anything except that. I went ahead and divorced him. Best decision I ever made.
You are finally realizing this is draining and exhausting to you. You realize you are no longer happy and you know he has a problem with alcohol. Leave while you can! 10 years too long. Don’t wait until the day he decides to put hands on you or even worse. He clearly doesn’t appreciate you or anything you have done or continue to do for him, your family and marriage.
It’s time to let go and quit being miserable or feeling guilty! Make yourself happy for once. Us mothers/wives deserve to be happy too! We are not maids.
I hope you go with how you are feeling and walk out on your own without feeling guilty.
Time to go, get a separate account, storage he doesn’t know about, plan a few safe houses, go to a shelter if you need to