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QUESTION:
"I need some serious advice on if I’m being unreasonable or “controlling” with my husband. So I’m 28 weeks pregnant so I can’t really go to the bars with my husband and drink with him right now and my husband kind of over the years drifted away from a lot of his other friends due to them starting new jobs, moving away and starting a family of their own. One of my close friends who recently moved back to our state from another state due to her leaving her sons father has been saying she wanted to go drinking since she hadn’t went drinking since she’s had her son. Well my husband and her started making plans to go to the bar together without me… well a couple years ago she drunkenly became quite flirty with my husband, nothing to agressive but it was very obvious that she was flirting with him. She apologized to me so many times after the fact and blamed the alcohol and since shortly after she moved away and got pregnant and had her son I kind of just brushed it off. We stopped talking for a little period of time because the vibe was a little weird but when she was going through some hard times she came to me and I felt the need to help her and be the person she felt safe talking to about her problems. Well since she’s been back she’s been trying so hard to get my husband to go out drinking with her and he encourages it and I did express my discomfort for it a couple times to my husband but he’s saying I just need to trust him and I’m overreacting. I asked why we couldn’t just go to a restaurant bar so I could go with them and just drink water and eat while they had drinks and it was basically a “no” because I had to stay home to watch my friends son and “the bar environment is just better then a restaurant”. I got so upset with my husband and told him so many times that I just didn’t like the idea of them going drinking together alone and he’s being very dismissive of my feelings and said I’m being controlling and he never thought I was like this because Ive never told him he couldn’t go drinking with friends before this and we’ve been together for 8 years. Am I overreacting? I love my friend but I just know how flirty she gets when she’s drinking so I’m really torn."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"You are not being controlling you were just Noticing some big red flags, why can’t they go to a restaurant bar that sounds like a perfect place for all of you to be able to get together I would be a bit suspicious if they did not want to include me"
"if she blames alcohol on the way she acted towards your husband… then why would an innocent friend wanna go drinking alone with him again"
"Wait. You can’t go because you have to stay home to watch your “friend’s” son? Your husband is definitely being inconsiderate of your feelings and if it is just automatically assumed because you can’t drink you’re the babysitter that’s taking the disrespect to another level."
"Tell your friend that you will be going and just order what at the bar. Tell your “husband” you made up your mind and that you will be going regardless of what he says. And that you will not be left out. He’s your husband, and she’s supposed to be your friend. Your friend can not just force her child on you because you’re pregnant."
"Hell no. First of all, she can find someone else to watch her kids. You don’t go watching him so she can go drink with your husband. Second… He’s your husband and she’s your friend? There’s no reason you couldn’t go with them and drink water or pop. If they’re telling you they don’t want you to come… There’s a reason and I would go with your gut. There’s something up. You need to sit down and have a discussion with her and tell her how you feel about it and then it’s not going to happen anymore"
"Its obvious double standard, if another man had got drunk and hit on you then years later wanted to go drinkin with you and leave him at home he’d throw a shitfit"
"No honey your not being controlling they’re been disrespectful. And if you don’t put a stop to this now she will be screwing your husband soon, I’m sorry to be blunt but this has disaster written all over it"
"It’s not unreasonable to feel that way, and it’s not controlling. A married person and a single person, of any gender that might be attracted to each other, do not need to be hanging out in that context…I think that almost anyone in your position as the spouse would feel the same way. I’d definitely be upset if I was asked to stay home and babysit another woman’s kid while my husband and said other woman went out “drinking” together. That’s just a recipe for potential trouble."
"I’d be blunt and point blank to both of them. I’m going with, find someone else to watch your son because you as a human being like being including in activities with other adults as well. You are not her child’s keeper, and they did not ask. Do not make demands"
"you’re not controlling, they’re being suspicious as hell."
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