Please post anonymously - My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year. He was with someone for over ten years and married the last 4 of those years, and they broke up due to her being unfaithful on numerous occasions. When we met on a dating site, they had been apart for nearly a year, but they still shared two dogs between both homes; however, once we got serious, he had decided it was time to cut ties. He has brought her all of her belongings from home, and they have gotten a divorce since. Fast forward to now, I am still finding the love letters around the house (on top of other things like “save the date” magnets of them together on the fridge from years ago and so on. When I point them out, he throws them out and claims he does not care for her whatsoever anymore. That he loves me, wants to be remarried to me, and have kids. I don’t know why they bother me so much, and I feel as though I am getting upset when I see them. Is this my insecurities, or is this something that should have all been gone and done when I walked into the picture? Do you give it time since he has slowly proven he does not want this stuff in his home, or is he holding on to his past for a reason? I feel like he has known he has this stuff lying around. I don’t want to be pushy about it. Thank you!!
I wouldn’t expect him to throw all things of her and him away because she’s a huge part of his past. However, I would expect them to be put away in a box or something so you don’t have to see them.
Sounds a bit insecure since he has gone out of his way to get most of her stuff out and back to her.
I’d just put them all together and leave them where he for sure will find. And watch what he does with them when he does find them
If he throws it out when u notice…you’re probably good. Men are weird and different…where he sees a refrigerator magnet that just holds stuff…you see what’s on it. Difference between men and women.
It sounds like he just didn’t find everything. Theres nothing to worry about. We all have things around our house we forget about
If he throws it out when you point it out then you’re just having insecurities. You can’t expect him to be able to completely erase 10 years of his life off the face of the earth without some type of trace being left behind but it sounds like he’s not meaning to hang on to the ex.
Well he’s a man so he probably doesn’t even notice these things like you do. You’re overthinking things. It seems like he loves you. Don’t ruin it!
Just put the stuff in a box. Anytime you come across something, put it in the box. Let him know about the box. Put it in the garage or something.
Your insecure…he is going out of his way to show u that he loves u and only u! I would calm down if I was you!
Men don’t notice that. If u notice it and he throws it away you are all good. It is ok to be a little insecure
Yes these are your insecurities but also totally normal. Keep open communication… he knows this stuff bothers you so he will either get rid of the stuff or stash it away depending on what he is comfortable with. Just focus on your relationship with him, create happy memories… have fun together. Don’t dwell on the past. <3 He is with YOU. 
When I moved in with my now husband I found all kinds of his exes stuff still there. I asked him a couple times what he wanted me to do with it and he said toss it. After a couple things he told me just to toss anything that clearly looked like it was hers. There was piles of stuff. He didn’t care about it he just didn’t care enough to clear it out. Your man probably doesn’t even notice it.
You’re insecure. Nothing wrong with holding onto stuff they were together very long. They got divorced for a reason. He moved you in and wants to build a family with you. My mom n dad got divorced when I was 15 n my mom still has pics of them together (us kids weren’t in the pics) n her boyfriend never cared once whatsoever.
Ten years is a long time and I wouldn’t expect my partner to pretend like it never happened or that it doesn’t still hurt sometimes. I also wouldn’t expect them to throw every piece of that past away. Just have some compassion and find that confidence in your relationship.
Guys really dont care about that kind of stuff. Do a purge and clean the house of all her stuff. It sounds like he is done with her and loves you.
I would be more alarmed if he didn’t tell you to throw it out or tried hiding it from you
To be perfectly honest, I still seem to find little things here and there of my ex. Sometimes you just throw things in boxes and forget they are there. If he is going out of his way to throw those things out when you find them then you really shouldn’t worry about it. He is definitely committed to you.
You both have pasts. And those love letters are from the past. Let it go or else it will interfere in your relationship. You have to feel you are num 1. Dont ruin what you to have. Soon the two of you will have all those notes written to each other. Unless he does something out of line it sounds to me lime youve got a good man.
My husband had glamour shots of his ex in a box under our bed for 10 yrs after we were married. This is a man that forgets to shut the frig so I knew he had forgot about them. I didn’t think anything about it because I had a box of memories with high school boyfriends and pics of stuff like that in it. He eventually thru them out while we were going threw things one day. All in his own.
Guys don’t notice it like we do, lol… just ask him and get rid of it… I find stuff from my hubby’s ex wife, but they have kids together, so it’s there for the kids… can’t erase their mom… but he doesn’t have anything that bothers me…
Exactly my ex was also married previously they were together for about 14 years and they have a daughter thereby have been divorced however for about nine years now so he has nothing but I know she does I just try and stay supportive because that’s his daughters mother and they grew up together…I can’t erase his past but I can be his future
Get out of your head…your insecurities are making problems that are not there…
Put the stuff away…do Not throw it away it’s not yours
After 10 years together you end up w a lot of stuff you guys had together and honestly guys are spacey and don’t even think sometimes to throw that stuff out or go through all their stuff and throw exs old stuff out so I would say you may be a little insecure. Especially bc when you bring it up he doesn’t get offensive or mad or anything he just throws the stuff out it’s a good sign.
I can almost guarantee he didn’t buy any of that stuff. He probably has no idea it was even there.
If theyre just lying around I believe him, other wise they’d be hidden for safe keeping away from you
I’d give him a break. Even if there’s a reason he kept something, he seems to be pretty invested in you.
I’m getting ready to move to a new city and so I’m going through my stuff to minimize. I’m still finding ish from past relationships and I’ve been with my guy 6 years and were in love and have a baby.
Most of it was shit I just never threw out and other stuff was things I felt guilty about throwing out - like they cost a ton of money (but that’s just related to consumerism 
)
I say that just to say that sometimes you think you’ve thrown the shit out but then discover it’s still stuck to your shoe and you gotta scrape it off to make sure it’s gone. 
I havent been married since 2004 and am still finding stuff in boxes from various moves over the years. My exes mother passed away a year ago and I guess we had boxes at their home. His father found them, graduation pictures of me…I was honestly so happy to get them from him. Neither my current husband or his SO are in anyway insecure about this. We were together for 7 years. Is it really the memorabilia that is the problem?
You are being insecure. People keep things for memories all the time. My guy has a trinket box of jewelry his ex wife gave him over the years they were together, pictures of people from his past etc. He had a life before you, you cannot erase that.
You’re insecure. You notice them because you’re looking for them. He doesn’t care and wants to move on with his life.
I had been with my husband since I was 15. We divorced and were best friends after that. His girlfriends, I met and was not jealous of them at all. In your case I would get a very nice box and when you run across a letter, a magnet or whatever from the past place in Memory Box. Replace magnet with another. Sounds like you moved in with him? There will be items she left behind so as they surface just put in the Memory Box and maybe put on his dresser. He probably is so used to them being there he doesn’t even pay attention. It does not appear you have anything to worry about.
My guys damn tools ha e her name written all over. Literally. They were married 19 years. She did it during the divorce lol
He doesn’t care about her, you do lol. Accept the fact he had a life before you and accept the fact hes left it all behind and in the past and so should you!
Perfectly normal to find past stuff. Sounds like he loves you!!!
Honestly my thought is men don’t even notice those things!
They did share a huge part of their life together, I wouldn’t call it insecurities, maybe it just stuff he doesn’t notice… Trust has to be a major part of any relationship. Just ask & be honest with your feelings.
I mean, he gave up his dogs for you…
Men don’t clean house the way women do. My fiance found his ex wife’s yearbook the other day. They’ve been split up 15 years…I know he’s absolutely crazy in love with me for 6 years now. He throws crap in a box and moves it. It was upstairs. He gave it to his son. We CLEAN HOUSE, they get rid of what’s in their face. If he didn’t throw it out when found, then be worried, otherwise don’t be
No one has right to tell you how you should feel but if this was me I wouldn’t feel insecure. He is getting rid of them as they are found and obviously was with her for so long so ofcourse there is going to be the odd objects around the house. If I found them I would probably put them all in a box and give them to him to decide what gets done with them.
I feel like that’s part of his story that led him to where he is now. I don’t think he should have to throw them things out. They molded him into who he is. Everything happens for a reason. It’s the past but there is nothing wrong with momentos from that time in his life.
I’m just saying but I couldn’t even tell you what magnets I have on my fridge. I do find things from years upon years ago that I wonder how I still have it. To be perfectly honest if your the one dwelling on this stuff it can cause the end of the relationship. I mean a magnet cmon it’s a magnet …
Honestly…as long as he gets rid of things when you point them out…I wouldn’t worry. If hes lived there for 10 years that stuff becomes landscape, you dont even notice it anymore. I would talk to him. Maybe you both could do a deep clean of the house to be sure all her/their stuff is gone. Idk. I wouldn’t worry much though.
I definitely know how you feel but if he’s really showing you he loves you… then just try to focus on that!
you sound immature
don’t make problems. Communicate lady!
I have felt this way as well n learned, they were my insecurities.
It is possible that he over looked the small things, many men do. Just tell him how you feel; Sometimes men need a little reminder to pay attention to the little things 
Men just don’t think about those things like we do! Sounds like he loves you and is being honest with you.
When I left my husband, I left everything of ours in a box for him to do with what he wishes
At a point I asked my bf (now husband) if I could just throw away the things that made me feel awk … he said yes and meant it … so I did with some things aaaaand it made me feel better 
Slowly proven… think about your own words sweetie.
I’m almost 50. I wish I knew then all that I know now. Always know men tell different stories and have different conversations with the new woman as opposed to the one he had time with. (Think two side to every story)
Not all men. I’ll state that. But just think about it. It’s time for you to share your fears. If he rolls his eyes… he doesn’t care about your insecurities. And I promise it’ll only get worse.
On the flip side… you’ve probably been cheated on. Treated less than kind. Don’t make him pay for past men’s mistakes.
I have saved stuff put away that vfc were special from previous exs and pictures. They were good memories. My ex never cleared out my closet or threw out my clothes or pictures and we split up for two years and have a kid together. We ended up back together after a two year split. It really depends on the person. Some people save things for memories some because they are bit over them but I would stop asking him bow that you already brought it up because if hes over her and told you hes over her you dont want to push him away. .
I was with my ex husband 8 years. We’ve been split for going on 6 years and I still randomly find things that were his or ours together.
He shared a life with someone for 10 years. That’s a long time. You’re bound to find something from that long of a life together. You’re just being insecure. It’ll pass because he clearly cares for you and not the ex.
I think that you’re feeling a little bit insecure I still wear hoodies from my ex I don’t want to be with him they’re just comfortable if my man asked me to throw them away I guess I would but it’s not some thing I think of after a relationship to be honest. I get rid of stuff as I see fit but I don’t scour the house for every memory to hide
I can guarantee you that he’s not thinking about all that materialistic crap. Your thinking to seep into it
Grief is a slow process and doesn’t have a time limit. He may be over her and moved on with you but that doesn’t mean he’s no longer grieving those memories and special times, they were a huge part of him and the hurt of what she did can very much continue on.
Maybe consider moving somewhere new that feels like it’s both of yours. You are being insecure but I can understand where you’re coming from.
Guys don’t think about that stuff. He probably forgot he had that lying around, just throw it away when you see it. If he makes a fuss then you’ll know if he cares or not.
Guys really dont think that much about this stuff. Have you told him how you feel about seeing it?
You should throw that stuff away and when he doesn’t complain got over it. If he does complain then you know he knows what he’s doing.
He’s throwing it out your all good in my Opinion
10 years is a long time, it’s literally impossible to just remember ever single little thing that you had in your home with your ex wife. Give him the benefit of the doubt, he probably doesn’t care if all that crap is laying around.
Guys just don’t think about stuff like that
Dammm … it was a long time…that must be hard for you. I got with the father of my kids and he had Lots of stuff from his ex wife. But honestly I let him decide if he wanted to keep them and he has a few things and they don’t bother me. I see it as something before me so it shouldn’t affect me. Sometimes holding on to that stuff helps people find a closure so I don’t take it personally or put it between our relationship. My ex before him was literally my all and that fucker broke me and I held on to so many things he gave me. Then I sold them lol. Bur back to my point lol I don’t think it means anything like him not letting her go or w.e.
You can’t erase the past but you can ask him to put all of the memories in a Box so they arent laying out all over the place. I was forced to throw my wedding pictures away when I was dating someone and I regret it. Even though it didn’t work out it was still a part of my life that I wanted to look back on from time to time
You’re being insecure
Think your being insecure but doesnt hurt to ask to put it away in a box. Those are his memories
10 years is along time to be with someone I don’t think I would be able to throw away everything from those 10 years. Some may have been bad memories and then there are the good memories I can understand that he may want to remember some of the good you can’t just expect someone to forget about a decade of their life. Maybe ask him to put the things from his past in a box and put it away so you don’t have to see it but he can still keep it. Obviously he has moved on with you but you gotta communicate with him hun let him know how you feel communication is everything in a relationship.
Randomly finding things from their life together is normal. You can’t expect him to remember everything that was theirs. Like the fridge magnet. How often do you think he is looking at the magnets on the fridge? Normally we put them there and forget and don’t pay attention to them anymore.
I had stuff from my ex in my house. We shared the house for 4 years. I purged most of it but I missed some things. My gf points it out and I throw it away. I’m 100% in my relationship with my gf. I don’t want to leave at all. I just missed it. Stuff I’ve seen every day and pay no attention or stuff that was in the garage or attic.
Look he’s already told you!! Now if you don’t want to take his word then that’s YOUR problem. Or plain and simple, you get another house and have him leave everything else behind and start fresh… if you can’t well that’s your answer…take his word!!
Men are oblivious…I feel like he just didn’t think about these things…just toss it and I bet he doesn’t even notice.
You are totally INSECURE.
I was with my now x husband for 12 years. I despise him for many reasons but I also acknowledge that this was a huge part of my life and most importantly my growth. I packed everything up and put it away in case my kids wanted to see it. I can’t erase 12 years from my life but I can tell you it’s done and dusted. Men also do not think about these small things, women are more likely to hold meanings for things. His marriage is over and his future happiness is with you. It’s natural to have insecurities but don’t let them control you x
You’re overthinking. Little things like magnets, men don’t think of it as something with them. They see it as something that holds stuff on the fridge lol. I wouldn’t be worried because he’s throwing the things away as you tell him it bothers you. I don’t know what much else I’d want from the guy.
They clearly meant something to one another. If you’ve been in a serious relationship, and you still have respect and love for that person, then you understand. You can’t erase somebody’s past. It seems that he has proven to you over and over his love, respect and desire for you. Try your best to let go of those insecurities.
You’re being insecure. If he wanted to be with her, he would be. It’s understandable to see his past relationship and get a little upset, but you shouldn’t make a big deal of it. He’s done with her, you should be too.
Oh wait I’m confused he put the magnets on the new fridge of him and his ex?
It’s considered normal everyday clutter. Simply overlooked… you’re fine if he doesn’t care then dump out the stuff. Do a spring cleaning and start over lol
We all come with baggage. I personally do not believe in tossing personal items from our past. Each era of our past makes us into who we are today. This year we celebrate 30 years. Always remember whether good or bad each thing we learn in life comes with a lesson.
My boyfriend was married for 15 years they have 5 kids together, his ex lives maybe five blocks from us
I see her all the time her stuff in my house all the time, their marriage certificate is filed away with “important” paperwork
Their wedding tape is around her somewhere
Nevers bothered me
I trust him and that’s all that matters
My fiancé is the same way 
. But I think most guys just don’t really “clean up” things from a past relationship like women do. I think it’s normal to feel insecure about that but don’t let it get the beat of you. They lived in the house together so it’s normal to find random things of his past. Don’t let your insecurity take away the good relationship you have with him.
Yes you are being insecure.
I don’t believe that that means he’s cheating on you, I had old letters from an ex packed in one of my boxes in the closet and honestly I had forgot it was even in there when my boyfriend at the time found them he flipped out thinking I was keeping them because I still cared for my ex but that was the opposite of the truth I had just forgot they were there
10 years is a long time—just throw her shit out and be done 
Ten years is a long time to be with someone. If it’s bothering you that he still has stuff maybe talk to him about it and both of you can do a deep clean and get rid of those kinds of things.
You’re going to ruin a good thing by 1. Not believing him when he tells you he only wants you. 2 way over thinking on such a small thing. 10 years is a long time , you can’t expect it to just vanish into thin air , just because you are together now. He gave up his dogs , moved you in and throws “the issue “ away as soon as you bring it up. Safe to say you’re being insecure, which is normal but it’s how we handle those feelings that make or break a relationship
I have found that me and women think very different on a lot of things especially when it comes to relationships, love, divorce etc… Most women have sentimental value to all things they shared with their partner whether it be a gift, card, note, a restaurant etc… Where as men most usually forget or don’t even grasp the connection between two things from the get go. Like you may remember exactly where you were, how you were standing, what time it was when someone you loved gave you that “candle” /“gift”." Well men usually don’t remember any of that… They might remember what something coat or what they had to go through to get said “gift” but they don’t always form a sentimental connection to the object. With that said just because those magnets were on the fridge doesn’t mean that he was the one that bought them or even realizes the magnet on the fridge says something particular and that it was something he had with his ex. Most men don’t usually cleanse themself or their house of everything that was his ex. Yea he probably don’t have pictures hanging up and he probably throughout her shampoo cause it was in his way in the shower. If you are just finding the stuff randomly through the house then that probably means he has never made it appoint to go through the house inch by inch to get rid of all things “her or them.” And that’s because they don’t even think about it usually they probably forgot it was even there to begin with. Now if you find a box in his closet that has said trinkets in it then maybe I would ask why? Not, why you keeping that, but what made you decide to keep those things?
Approach him in a way that lets him know your not judging or accusing him of anything, approach him with the sense that you want to know how hiss mind has been processing since they broke up and where do those things fight in to his process.
Obviously first though you needed to realize that you are a great person and deserve the world and that those objects are just objects and in no way are they associated with you not do they represent anything that you and him have together. They are objects, let them fall away from the main picture you have going on emotionally. And focus on what is in the main view. Which is you and him having a beautiful life together. Objects are useless until we give them power. If we don’t give them power then they will never be able to dictate you or how you feel.
You started a relationship with someone before they were divorced, you need to give it time, things will surface he had a wife and a past
I was married for 9yrs( no kods). Been w my now husband for 7yrs (2 kids) … I still have family photos w my.ex. not hanging on the wall but put away. Still find little.things here and there that have been in boxes. I have no desire to be w my ex at alll. 🤷i think you’re being insecure and over thinking
Men don’t clean out all the shit from previous relationships…they just dont care enough. Its definitely insecurity, cause I was/am the same way…and I would get mad at him whenever I found anything of his exes shit.
Probably just doesn’t clean much
Gather the crap and bring them to the dumpster. Minimize mentioning the woman’s name in your life, unless something tangible arises. In the future you come across something else, throw it away.
I went through this, I was divorced and he was going through being divorced, they were together for 9 years and married about a year and a half when she cheated on him with everyone possible and honestly I found things here and there that he forgot was even there but we have been together 3 Years now and have a son together honestly sometimes when u are with someone u don’t remember every piece of shit they leave behind, I found notes etc and he through them in the fire cuz he didn’t care he had just forgot they were even around
So have a spring cleaning and get rid of it. If he’s throwing it out, you shouldn’t care
Tbh It’s pretty insecure, some guys would save them and keep them hidden but he’s throwing them away, let her keep their dogs (?) and finalized the divorce for you. A lot of memories are made in 10 years, so remembering to throw everything away from that period can be hard.
Just remember that men do not think the way we, women, think.
He’s not doing anything wrong.
Breathe…
He is with you for a reason, don’t ruin it by letting little things get to you.
Listen I just recently moved in with my bf and he was married for 15 years I’m finding things still around from before but I toss them out as he has told me to do… guys dont notice all the little things that may still be around after all this time . So stop worrying and give it time. If they have shared a life previously you will find little things around , it doesnt mean he wants to be with her it just means he hadn’t noticed them is all so just chill on it