No, I don’t think you’d be an asshole. My cousins are the exact same way… we always buy them and their kids nice things for birthdays and holidays but when it comes to us they “forget” about my child’s birthday party or they “they have the Christmas gifts in their truck but they aren’t wrapped so they’ll mail them out when they wrap them” then of course we get nothing. stupid stupid excuses. & after texting his wife happy Mother’s Day & getting the response “thank you!” Instead of “thank you… happy Mother’s Day to you too”… I pretty much stopped talking to them. We never said anything to them but completely stopped communication. I know it’s family & everything but f that… so rude.
No. You are NOT the A-hole! Your brother and his family sound like a bunch of mooches! I would stop inviting them to events! Better yet, tell them just cake and ice cream and no food and I bet they won’t even come! LOL Once my kid was school aged, I just invited people she wanted to come and people with kids her age. I had a friend with 7 kids and only invited the two her age! Sorry, I’m not feeding your family of 9 and the rest of your rude ass kids! This is about my child! If you don’t like it, don’t come! I have no problem cutting people tf off though, friends OR family! If our relationship is not mutually respectful/beneficial and you just add unnecessary stress and drama to my little family, BYE!
“Family” are just humans you happen to share dna with! If they suck, BYE! I’ll create my own family with like minded people! We allow too much disrespect and pain from people just because they’re family and I quit that crap over a decade ago! Good luck to you! Sounds like you are doing the same