Am I being selfish for thinking my husband has too much down time?

I want to know if I’m being selfish, controlling, etc. My husband & I have been married for 15 years. We have 3 kids (20,14,10). I’m a SAHM & he works. I’m disabled so when the kids are at school I’m usually resting. So I get “me time.” My husband pretty much spends all of his time at home in the garage watching YouTube, talking on the phone, etc. I understand him wanting some down time but he’s down there so much. I have talked to him about it & he never seems to be concerned. He also goes to his friend’s, brother’s & mom’s houses a lot. He will come home late (like 1 AM). This usually happens at least once a week or even other week. I’m not trying to take him away from his friends or family. I was just wondering if I’m being dramatic or not. This has lasted for a couple of years now.


Tbh I’d let him. You don’t want to hang out with a man who doesn’t want to be around. It’s miserable. Plus, the kids are older and I’m assuming they’re doing their own things a lot of the time. I’d let this one go if it was me, as long as the kids and I weren’t being completely and totally ignored. Some people just crave more independence than others and that’s not worth the fight imo.


If he works full time, then having that time after work should be a given. He sees that you stay home & have down time, so he sees it as fair. I’m not saying he should never spend time with you & the kids, but I think he deserves the down time :woman_shrugging:t2:


I think down time is important, and once a week/every other week doesn’t really feel like a lot as long as he tells you he’s going to be gone. If you feel like he needs more time with you and your kids, that’s valid. But instead of just a vague conversation about it, put a plan in place: set nights where you all do something together as a family.

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Why are you not invited to these places…why can’t he do in the house what he does in the garage…:thinking: sounds like he’s already living the single life…be prepared…


“Am I being selfish?” It depends…are your needs being fulfilled in terms of making an effort in your relationship? Does he do his part as partnering to care for the house and the kids? If the answer is yes to those things and you still aren’t ok with how he spends his other time maybe you need to really ask yourself why? If the answer is no, it sounds like it’s more about what he’s not doing then what he is doing, so you should probably talk to him about that.


You have 6-7 hours of down time a day. Let the man rest after working all day. Yes he should be spending time with you and the kids on weekends but during the week, he’s working and deserves time to himself to


Him going out once a week til 1 am is not that often… I get feeling you need more time with him… I personally call raising kids together alone time 99% of time and I’m a working mom.
Let him have fun do whatever as long as bills are paid and yell have some rxtras. Kids will know who was there for them , who was calm , etc

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Write stuff down for a couple days. Don’t just go into a serious talk without a plan with talking points. You should discuss your concerns with him.
Honestly though, don’t go looking for an argument. If he gets angry, tell him you don’t want to argue. Then tell him your grievances. Then tell him to think about it for a couple days, then sit down and talk.
Men don’t like to be ambushed. Carefully being able to think about things and then talking about it is the best coarse. It is less expensive than a therapist. Be honest with each other.

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You left it go to long. Anyone who will let them take you for granted will become comfortable in what ever they are doing. You need to communicate and tell him you would like if he would spend more family time together. Tell him like it is. Tell him you are feeling negleckted


I don’t think you’re being selfish. I also don’t necessarily think he has too much down time. I think that you’d like to spend more time together, but aren’t totally sure how to go about it. Why not pop into the garage every now and then to hang out with him? If you know what his interests are on YouTube, maybe share videos back and forth. My husband spends the vast majority of his time outside in the shed. I probably spend maybe an hour a day with him. He does his thing and I do mine, BUT, every other aspect of our marriage is great. We’ve been together for almost 23 years, so we’ve reached the point where we don’t really need to be around each other a lot. We flirt with each other, message each other as things pop into our heads (when we’re not with each other), and communicate when something is bothering us. If you want him to put the effort in, than you have to meet him half way. Take the initiative. Plan a date night. Order a pizza, or whatever you prefer, and eat it in the garage with him. He may surprise you and start doing the same for you.

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Have we all forgotten this women has
A disability

When does he spend time with the kids. Never.

He probably has someone else

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Your husband that provides for You & family has to much down time …of course He has to much down time …ask Him to find another full time job …that way You don’t have to see Him in His down time…follow Me for more relationships advice Not …

Everyone needs down time. You’re getting yours and his is the garage. Is the underlining issue that he has places he can also go to and that he is coming in at 1am? I can understand the irritation of the 1am. I don’t believe I’d be a fan of that either. Ya’ll also need to have time together also. Down time separate from one another all the time isn’t good.

Ma’am your kids are grown, there’s no mom sahm stuff happening. Be grateful you have been able to be at home & let that man live in peace!


Yea I think you are being dramatic :roll_eyes: it’s one day a week it’s not all the time. I would underatand your frustration if it was all the time but its only once a week. You are allowed to get hours of down time a day everyday but he is not allowed to? Doesn’t make sense or seem fair to me. I technically have a disability too, but I take the time while the kids are at school to clean the house, do laundry, and run any errands that need to be done. Then if my kids need me when they are home I am available and have the time to make dinner for everyone.

Yes, in my opinion. I can’t imagine having to be the only one working to come home to be nagged about wanting to unwind the way I want or need to.

At least he’s not cheating.