I’m sorry but you sound very selfish. I’m guessing his weekends are the only time she gets to see her grandchildren. I’m a grandmother and I love spending time with my grandchildren and miss em like crazy when I don’t see them. There’s nothing wrong with her wanting to see her grandchildren nor is there anything wrong with him making time, on his weekends, to take them too see her.
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Oh goodness. She sounds like a problem. Your husband needs to set his mom straight. It needs to come from him unfortunately and not you. I would be pissed about the ornaments too.
Your mil should talk to her ex daughter in law and set up time to see her grandchildren. Maybe she could take them to lunch and a movie or to the park.
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Just share the kids with grams. Grandkids are important to Grams. Shes prob waited/anticipated grands for yrs. Someday you make really need her help. Humans get sick/hurt unexpected all the time. I think kids need grands if she didnt care about your kids then you should be upset. As far as ornaments, geez shes a senior it prob took her forever to make ornaments most senior have probs with their hands. I say try to look at things from Grams perspective. Also seniors suffer with senility/dementia sometimes. Even if its not neccesarly DIAGNOSED. Maybe her thoughts/memories are diff sometimes. I suffer from early dementia and im 43. It can affect your nerves/emotions too. My kids had a gram that didnt care and 1 that cared. Be greatful
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Toxic manipulative old bag!! …
stick to ur guns!!
Don’t let that thing bully u manipulate u and control ur lives like that… tell her what she is doing is toxic and unhealthy and u won’t tolerate it…
So what if she doesn’t do Christmas with u all… if that was me… that would be a win on our part… she would be the one missing out!!
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Why doesn’t the son take the grandchildren to see their nan every time he has the children? Are you the one being awkward. Why did you have to cancel your plans if the children’s grandmother had them? Maybe you don’t like her but it’s not fair on your children with the way you are acting
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Me and my ex do week on/week off, I allow my ex MIL to facetime my kids 3 days a week on my time, she sees them on my exs time as she picks them up from school on his weeks
“I’ve even had to cancel my plans before because my husband let her have them. “
say what??? That is petty and bitter !!
Honesty ,you sound ate up , and like you are gatekeeping these kids from the grandma for no reason .
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Dont be toxic/selfish with other family members about the children. Kids can have lasting mental issues from toxicity with fam members. You need to make MOTHERHOOD about the kids not urself. Its all about them when you have kids
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You could do Saturday night dinners or Sunday dinners. If you have plans, then you have plans. Don’t intentionally make plans on the weekends you have them though… and make your own family Xmas ornament 
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You’re the crazy one
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It seems you’re the one in between the family dynamic. Almost against the girl having family around. Is ur hubby a deadbeat, is that why u try to make him spend time with his daughter? Or u just don’t have family around and it makes u jealous that he does?
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Either way, you’re wrong. All the way. Stay put of it. That’s between them, not u.
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Why can’t grandma get the girls during the week, go visit the girls at their bio mom’s home, or get them on weekends their dad doesn’t have them? What happens on holidays and other school breaks?
Is it just you who’s upset you’re not getting the girls at your place more or is dad upset too? Can you negotiate with mom or the court to have a weekday dinner with your family with or without grandma? Can grandma volunteer with the girls’ activities like Girl Scouts, soccer, drama club or music practice so she gets to see them more on her own?
I’m assuming she gets lots of time with your kids too and treats them like family. It is tough to get the kids to bond when you see his daughters so little.
Talk with a therapist to figure out better strategies to get what you want or learn to accept the current situation and deal with MIL better. Maybe all of you can sit down together (preferably with a facilitator/family therapist/mediator) to state what fears each of you have about spending so little time with the girls. Ask the girls if these fears are real or unfounded.
Then state what each of you want from time with the girls and then think of equitable solutions so each person can get much of their needs met. BTW, what do the GIRLS want to do? Do they want to spend all their time with grandma, dad, your kids individually, in groups, or everyone together.
Then make plans accordingly so everyone gets some group & one-on-one time with these daughters. In four days out of the month, have one half-day at grandma’s, a half day with just dad or just the two of you, a half day with mostly the kids having fun together, and time with everyone.
Their relationship with their father is important, but so is their relationship with their grandmother. You are trying to prevent that bond so of course she’s salty against you. There’s no harm in letting her have her grandkids for a couple of nights. Why does he only have them every other week and not every week?
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Yall it’s called a healthy balance and neither of them have it but sure as hell grams needs to take a step back.
Yall seen the movie Monster in Law? Sounds like this
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Coming from a mom who’s kid’s grandparents only see my kids when we ask if they can watch them, I’d appreciate it if any of them asked to see their grandchildren.
On the other hand. I get it. It makes it hard to bond with his kids, your kids and your husband when grandma is always there too.
Maybe set one day of the month that you have them and allow her to keep them for a few hours. It’s sad that only in the days that dad has them is the only time grandma gets to see them too. I’ve offered many times for my daughter to see her dads parents, anytime they want her, when I have her.
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I think that you need to stay out of it. Know your place as a stepmom and don’t worry what he does with his daughter.
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Wow. You all act like it is wrong for this woman to want a family night. The man gets his kids 4 days a month, they shouldn’t be at grandmas the whole time. When she said she has to cancel plans. She probably plans things to do with the family and has to cancel because of grandma. The ornament situation says it all.
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She should contact their mother to set up visitation with her grand children and if mother won’t allow it she could petition the court for grandparents rights and they’d give her visitation times of her own.
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This women sounds like a control freak! Your husband needs to speak up, it’s his mother.
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Honestly you should be grateful you have a MIL that wants to see her grandchildren…my in laws won’t lift a finger for mine or show any type of interest what so ever. The Christmas ornament thing sounds like she is just being petty and is trying to get a rise out of you. Some MIL’s can be monster in laws for sure.
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Can’t you do both? I mean spend time with grandma and then family time too. I’m confused why it has to be one or the other. Sounds like something you and your husband need to work out first then work on your relationship with your mil. Kids are learning how to have relationships from you all.
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It is up to your partner to talk to his mother, your feelings matter too. Sit him down explain that while you understand that his mother needs to see her grandchildren you also need and want to be able to make plans with the children too. Create a visation schedule so both you and grandma can both be able to make plans with the children without cramping each other style.
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I wouldn’t sweat the ornaments. In the grand scheme of things it isn’t that important.
Regarding having the grandchildren…maybe the first night they get there have a family dinner at your home so gramma gets to see them. And then set boundaries or no one around the two days after that.
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are your daughters, your husband’s daughters or are they from a previous relationship? 
It sounds as though Grams doesn’t view your daughters as part of the family. (separate ornaments)
I have kids that are not my husband’s. I have 1 daughter with my husband. He is technically step dad, but we do not use that word in our house. He is Dad, period. My children are all brothers and sisters. Not half brothers etc…
We do not separate. My in laws didn’t separate. We made that clear.
If ANY in law tried to use the term step dad or half brother we immediately removed them from our lives. They have never been allowed back in and my son now is 30 years old, been married for 23 years.
You and your husband need to set boundaries. All children are 1 family.
The other thing, if your MIL gets along with his first wife, she may have a hard time accepting you. So many different family dynamics here, it’s hard to answer without any back story.
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Sounds like she wants to be the wife 
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She sounds like a monster in law. Im sorry you’re going through this with her. I would sit your hubby down and if hes on the same page as you then have him talk to his mom. She’ll never change if it comes from you. Hope it all works out
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As a grandmother I understand why she wants to see them
But maybe you could set up a weekend once a month just for her
Then she’ll know when their coming and then everyone can make plans around that weekend.
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As for the ornaments, I’m pretty ASF and I would give her an ornament with me, my husband, and all the kids for Christmas.
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Did your husband and the kids live with his mom prior to the two of you getting married and blending families? Either way…she has control issues. Your husband needs to handle the situation and set boundaries…if she decides to disrespect your wishes that’s on her. You are only responsible for how you act and react….not her actions or behavior.
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Listen hun I get it really I do . My mother was horrible but my MIL was the best . My mother could have gave two craps about my kids . MIL loved them soooo much . Now I’m a grandma I would literally die not seeing my grand baby . He makes me feel so loved . We crave those kids more than parents do in a lot of ways . You all think you have so many years with them . We KNOW we don’t our time is coming up . Let us have time . But I do agree she needs to stop being demanding and petty if she can’t do that then flat say NOPE !!
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4 days a month. That is also time for the kids to see his side of the family. Yea it sucks at times but they should be allowed time with grandparents as well
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Your husband should be handling his mom. Yes, you need to be a family unit so his girls don’t feel left out and his mother is creating the division but if he won’t stand up to his mother there is not much else you can do and he doesn’t need to be put in the middle of the argument either. Let him handle it. Tough situation.
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Let her chuck tantrums. Her problem
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She wants to be the wife 
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Obviously the grandmother doesn’t have a good rapport with the kids mother if she only gets to see them on the dad’s weekend. What a nightmare.
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She sounds controlling, your husband should set up boundaries, but make a schedule you all day have a grandma visit on this weekend/night then you can family night on this weekend and maybe grandma & bio mom need to set up their own visits
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Why can’t she come to your house to spend time w all of you? Have you talked to her about it and told her about the ornament thing? Maybe she doesn’t even realize?
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She needs to be grateful that her grandkids have a step mother that wants to treat them like her own and wants to do family stuff with them. I’ve seen a lot of people who want to treat their step kids like crap. I would tell your husband he needs to put his foot down and stop letting his mother treat his wife like crap just because she doesn’t get her way. I understand if maybe she would want to see them one day for a few hours but not the whole weekend every time he gets them. Then for the ornament I would have one made with all of you on it but without her name on it.
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Sounds like a typical case of a mother that really what’s to be the wife 
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She sounds like a narcissist
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There ain’t nothing stopping her from getting the kids during the mom’s time. Obviously she likes the ex enough to put her in the ornament so she must like her enough to phone her up and ask for a visit.
My husband’s thoughts were these; you deal with your family, I’ll deal with mine. It worked well.
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Your are married to her son and not her… I respect you for sitting up with it so long… Your husband needs to draw the line… Speak to your husband and tell him how you feel…
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I mean she can come over and visit for a few hours… But I totally get where it coming from. He needs to say something to her
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Let her funky ass spend christmas alone… 
His mother, he handles it. I hope he stands up for you better in the future. Maybe she should arrange “grandma time” with the ex-wife.
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Firstly the ornament here is a big problem for me this is one family NOT 2. And gramma needs to slow her role and know that. Also dont know how long you have been married but it’s almost customary in my family for the mother in law to be put in her place. Yes your husband should handel this but the kids all need time with gramma but not all of the time you have. I think your husband is just trying not to start something. But I’m almost afraid that you will need to have a serious discussion with him and the MIL if you and he cant get on the same page this will continue and it will tear yall apart. Best of luck
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Tell your husband plain and simple to get boundaries with mom. Forcing herself into your lives and interrupting time of dad and the kids is uncalled for. Set specific boundaries and let her know the consequences of crossing them. If she doesn’t want to see y’all on Christmas…Just reply fine and go have a great Christmas without her. Next time she’ll rethink saying such because she will WANT to be there.
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Your husband needs to handle this 
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So grandma can’t have her grand babies? Why is it an issue if hubs give her the ok? …keep living!
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I may be the only one but have you taken the time to think of it from your MiL side, these are her granddaughters and she misses them too, maybe you could work it out so she has sometime with the girls, I don’t agree what she did with the ornament part, it seems to me like she doesn’t see you and your boys as part of the family and that’s wrong.
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Tell your husband to man up and set boundaries with his mom and if his mom can’t handle it she needs to go because she is toxic and if he wants his family he will do it good luck
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She should be able to see her grandkids also I would be mad as a grandmother . Why can’t she see them 1 out of the 4 days or a few times a month . She shouldn’t be allowed to see them at all ?? I’m a grandmother and don’t get to see my granddaughter as much as I would like to . Is she able to get the kids from the mother ? Maybe that’s why she tries to see them when he has them
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This is one reason my marriage ended in divorce. If he doesn’t stand up for you, you both will fall apart. Something needs to be said and said by your husband.
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She is way out of hand!!!
I love my grands but I had my time with my kids. Its their time with theirs BUT I take anytime with them when I can get it 
I actually have 6 and always said I’d never make my kids choose where to spend holidays. All I ask is to make me a part of them at some point.
Video chats and phone calls make my day!!!
She needs to let go and let him have his moments!!!
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She sounds like a psycho. Maybe his mom needs to talk to their mom and set up her own time with them. She sounds like she doesn’t like you and is passive aggressively showing you that with the ornaments. She will have to get over it.
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They are blood, you are not
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The tf, she’s over stepping. Yall are ONE family. Forcing herself is a big NO. I’m glad you’re setting up boundaries and I hope your hubby backs you up or else she’ll continue to be a big problem. I can understand she’s the grandma but she needs to stop interrupting and inviting herself over ALL THE TIME. Your time with his daughters is also very important.
Maybe y ou and husband need to talk to mil about your feelings. MIL needs to talk to ex about times she can have kids for day ,overnight. It should be primary care giver that sets schedule. Bet there are times the mother would love to have a whole day to herself. When you have kids MILCould take you all out for dinner once a month.ALLLLLor no
You are not in the wrong nor are you crazy. She needs to back off and let you be a family. Husband needs to acknowledge she is wrong too and make a stand for you and the kids.
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Grandma needs to learn about boundaries and she needs to understand that you want family time.
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MIL should not be setting the rules and guidelines to follow on moms time or dads time. I think she should have some set time when dad has them but she doesn’t get to be the dictator.
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I don’t wanna, waaaaa
Is the sound of a spoiled brat, no matter what the age. If she doesn’t want to come over for Christmas, count your blessings
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Maybe he could compromise & let her see them at your house for a day. I would want to see my grandbabies too, but not take away from Dads time. The Christmas ornament thing was a crappy thing to do. As far as Christmas, she doesn’t have to be there. Enjoy it without her
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I am so glad I don’t have to deal with my MIL… Lord bless y’all hearts!
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No your not crazy. I’d simply give him the ultimatum of her or you.
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Demand your husband to “Man” up. He sleeps with you every night. The bible says(paraphrased) when a man marries he should leave his mother and clinge to his wife…
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Sorry but I don’t understand why Grandma can’t see the kids as well? If he has them 4 days every other week, why can’t they go see grandma 1 day ?
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Kind of , honestly, they’re her grandchildren I understand wanting to see them maybe dad can bring them to visit her for a few hours on his weekend?
But she shouldn’t single you and your boys out …
I feel like u both need to sit down and have an adult conversation
You’re both sounding petty
Let your husband make his own decisions when it comes to his mother and kids as long as it’s not hurting you it shouldn’t be an issue
It sounds more like a control thing and the mother is being spiteful because of it
Good luck
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Sounds like you both have control issues.
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I feel like you’re being a little petty, especially with the ornaments. Who cares if it’s just him and his kids on an ornament, or you and your kids? Are you putting them on the same tree? Are you guys so unhappy and insecure in your relationship that you need someone to give you an ornament of all of you together to appease you? Doesn’t that seem a little ridiculous? At least she got you something, especially something thoughtful and a memory you can carry with you. Not everything is a personal attack on YOU.
Let me get this straight…your husband’s mother (the children’s grandma) wants to see her grandkids every once in awhile? Why is that an issue? Go spend time with her, involve her in things, etc. Have her come over for breakfast or dinner, something.
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Ask him if hes married to you or his Mother. Then tell her straight to but out
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MIL has boundary issues and she throws a temper tantrum when she doesn’t get her way. I get that she wants to see the grandkids, but you two need to have a conversation with her and she needs to step back. This whole situation isn’t about HER.
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She’s a BITCH. Cut her out of your life and tell your ex that he and she will be taken to court for ABUSE by subversive interactions🤬
Can grandma reach out and ask the mother to see the kids on her own so it doesn’t interfere with the fathers time?
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She’s a bitch. Your ex should be ashamed that he is a pussy by not standing up to her. Does he not know how traumatizing this is for his boys. He’s a pussy if he can’t stand up to his mother. He needs to set her straight and tell her she will not see her grandkids if she continues this pattern. They do NOT need to learn this pattern
I don’t feel you’re over reacting at all. He only has them 4 days every other week and I could understand that you’d want to spend that time with them. Your mother in law seems to be over stepping some boundaries and your husband is acting like he’s married to her and not you. The ornament ordeal would upset me too, seeing as she didn’t include your husband with you and your boys, but could include herself with your husband and his daughters…seems as though she is trying to be in “competition” with you and that’s a tad weird. He definitely needs to see if grandma can reach out when the kids are with their mom instead of interfering with the time you two have with them every other week.
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She’s definitely overstepping. She’s only a grandparent. She is not more important than you or the dad and has 0 rights to the kids time. If your husband won’t put his foot down, there isn’t anything you can do
They are her grand children try and work out a compromise they are bigger things to worry about in this world at present
MIL definitely has boundary issues. He gets so little time with his kids so why should he give any of it up? Also, why can’t she contact their mom to set up a time to see them when they’re with their mom? There’s no rule that says she can only see them when they’re with their dad.
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Tell her she is always welcome to come visit her grands. Then specify what day.
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I would make dinner plans and drop All the children off at grannies. 
Perhaps when she sees she’s not the one making the rules, she’ll take a step back.
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The ornament thing is F-Ed up
If your husband allows this - you need to talk to him. She sounds controlling - - -
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I’m a grandma and it would kill me if I didn’t get to spend time with my grandson. She is being stupid but so are you. Find a compromise with her that suits you all.
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Where does husband stand? A day maybe but the whole weekend? Where is your family time
Counseling, either way talk first to hubby and then to mom
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I am a grandmother and when her father has his daughter, I was asked to call her at another time. So I call her when she is at her mother’s. Who has her more because my son works a lot. Then once a year when they come to Ohio. I usually get a few hours with her. As her other grandmother does.
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Step families are difficult
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Blended families are tough.
How old is the daughter?
Has anyone asked her how she feels about Daddy time ?
No she’s trying to separate y’all and basically try to make him “be in love with her”. Some mothers are crèepy like that.
Bypass the dad and schedule a sleepover with grandma for one night every month. Family is family and she clearly loves her grandkids. Plus that is one night mom van make other plans for herself.
She needs to put on her big girl pants and act like the adult she is. She wants to act like the pathetic woman that she is being like an insulin child and she doesn’t deserve any contact from any of you at all. Let her see what it’s like to not have Christmas with anyone and see how well she feels. She’ll probably throw more of a tantrum than you can imagine but she deserves it.
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Do what you want to Christmas. That seems to be what all of them are doing. By the way, your Mother in Law is a trouble maker.
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Yea that’s not crazy at all. I know grandmas have a special type of connection with their grandchildren but this is a little to much. He only has them for 4 days. 1 night is sufficient every fortnight. It also depends on if she takes all the children. You can’t play favourites. If she’s going to act like a child and throw tantrums treat her like 1 and take her play dates away. There’s probably more to the story but it’s important spend rime together as a blended family. Going to grandmas should be a treat for ALL the children not just 1
I am a Grandma and a great grandma too. Doubtful you spouse will stand up to her,set down and set visit plans and give her the last day.Make plans stick to them,dont answer her calls and just be a family,your family.Sorry sounds like your mil does not like you,and will always cause problems she has made that clear.Set it up and stand together,its your family at risk.To be a family you have to spend time together and build trust and love
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