Then on Christmas ornaments she gives me one of me and my boys but gives him one with his daughter and her and him. Like why couldn’t she just do one with all of us on it?
Then now I’ve been made to where I can’t message her because I said I wanted a family night without her and she said she won’t even do Christmas with us.
Am I crazy how do I handle this?
That’s ridiculous. They’re there to spend time with their dad, so why would she insist they go over there?? If your husband is on the same page as you are, it’ll probably be easier. I would talk to him & tell him they can only go over there for dinner one night, or a certain time for a day. There’s no need for them to be over there all the time or her be included in everything, you guys have lives & things you plan too. Honestly I would let her be upset… she needs to learn how she acts is childish.
You seem bitter and stuck in high school 
Well you can’t really do a huge image on an ornament… And ask her why she doesn’t do one… 
I mean you have them all together on the tree, doesn’t really make you any less of a family that they are like that.
Those are her granddaughters… if he has them 4 days out of the week I think spending a day with grandma should be OK. Don’t see the issue.
Of course she is the grandmother she wants to see her grandchildren it would be worse to me if she didn’t ! Why do you think that is so bad? They are his daughters and you don’t have the right or the say so to dictate how they spend time with their biological family! You are going to push his family and him away if you don’t get it together and be inclusive…
Let grandma have a vist…gah. you don’t want a huge ornament it won’t hang well on the tree branch. Be thankful she got you one even. Ease up.
You’re right. If mother in law wants to see her she can ask mom too. Your husband only has a set amount of days with her and he should want to spend them with his daughter. You’re also not wrong for wanting a family night without her involved.
You are married so they are your kids also. My opinion the girls mom need to let the grandma have a schedule to just like u all do. I’m in the same situation with my step son with his grandmother. I always tell her if she wants him she can go get him but while hes with me she’s not getting him…
Is there a reason grandma can’t spend time with her grandkids? What am I missing??
Thank her for your ornaments. That was thoughtful. You can have one made with all of you if you want one like that. No biggie.
However, you shouldn’t have to cancel your plans because grandma is throwing a fit to see the kids. There should be boundaries. You and your husband need to have a talk about that at least.
Your not wrong she isn’t acting very nice
Maybe give her one of the nights of just one of the weekends. Why can’t grandma ask the mother for one night of her weekends as well
I think the idea is 4 days a month,. Not a week.
Personally I’d say come over for a dinner every fortnight that way it a planned family night, As for the decorations I wouldn’t make a huge fuss… And having a family day without her in my eyes is fine… I think there needs to be a bit of give in take,
Maybe you make an ornament with everyone ans show her no matter what she tries to pull family is all of you. And 4 days give one day or a day and a half that involves her.
You husband needs to stop letting her get her way. She needs to act like an adult not a child. It’s fine if she sees them but you and him need to have time with the girls. Her throwing a fit over everything needs to stop.
If she says she won’t do Christmas with you then oh well for her the show goes on. She thinks the world revolves around her and that’s not okay.
Its okay for her to want to see the girls. But if she is constantly doing this everytime he has them then when does he spend quality time with them? Also mother in law shouldnt be mad because you want a family night that doesnt involve her.
Let her have Xmas on her own. She’s a grown woman and she’s trying to make a very clear divide in your family by making you and your son on the outside. Make sure your husband has your back or she’ll dominate your lives completely.
you for real! She wants to see her grandkids.
It’s her grandchild which she clearly doesn’t see often hence why she asked to see them!!
Grandparents DONT live forever and every moment they have to spend with their grandchildren is the best part of them get old!!
I’m shocked at these responses. The mother in law should not be making decisions for their family, throwing tantrums, giving them separate ornaments, or leaving anyone out at Christmas. She is definitely forgetting the reason for the season. Please be kind to one another!
So and ornament with her and him on it ? What are they married ? That’s just weird stuff.
I hope you don’t get to see your grandchildren be cause of a giving kind understanding daughter in law one day I’m sure you’ll be so understanding especially at xmas when it’s a family season and there’s actually 30 days to pick from for a get together if everyone compermises
The problem is not your mother in law it is your husband’s inability to stand up to her. He obviously did not hear the part in the marriage vows about forsaking all others for his wife.
I think the ornament thing you just need to let go, that’s honestly really nice she gave you one of you and your boys.
But the other stuff is really over the top. It’s one thing for her to ask to see her grandkids, all kids need grandparents. But if she wants to see them EVERY TIME your husband has them and legitimately throws a tantrum, that’s obnoxious. Especially since he only sees them 4 days a month.
HOWEVER, that’s not your mother and technically your husband and his ex should be making those decisions about their children. If your husband is okay with it, you honestly don’t really have a say. 
Why does it bother you sooo much that their grandma wants to see her grandkids, you should be grateful, it does take a village to raise well adjusted children. Stop being jealous of her having time with them. One of my granddaughters only has one grandparent left and that’s all she’s ever going to know. I am grateful that my other 2 grandchildren have all their grandparents 
Stop being childish and get on to being a better mother by forgiving whatever you think someone else has done. Let those children spend time with their grandparents before they don’t have them anymore.
She doesn’t need to see them every single week. Point blank. Yes it’s lovely she wants to be involved but not to the point where you guys have to cancel your plans to accommodate her. Then when she doesn’t get her way she throws a fit? Nope. BUT if your husband won’t say anything to his mom there’s nothing you can do.
And YES you just might be CRAZY 
Huh id be more concerned if she didn’t want see them and her being a bad mil would have been her only making ornaments for them not you guys.
The ornament of him, his daughter and his mother would be enough for me. Out the door with him. I’ve been with the man wjth the emotionally incestuous mother before and, sorry to say, it does not ever get better.
This is easy, you text her using your hubby’s phone while he’s in the shower saying “You have over stepped all boundaries, we will be taking a break from you until further notice.” Then go block her on his phone and all social media so she can’t call him about it. Place phone back where you got it and calmly go back to whatever you were doing like nothing ever happened… problem solved 
She’s fucked up and controlling and think she’s perfect and she is miserable. Help her see by staying away for a LONG TIME
4 days in a month. NOT a week. He gets them every other weekend. 2 days at a time. So 4 days total each month. Grandma wants to keep the grandaughter, and from the post, she gets upset if they want to just have a family night to themselves. Also, grandma makes a very distinct difference from the grandaughters and her daughter inlaws son…
Her son is married to the daughter in law so all the kids are now grandkids and she should act as such. Id be irritated too if I was OP.
The MIL is not the boss.
Shes treating her daughter in laws kid different than her sons daughter, and that isnt fair to the kids. Id get the 2 separate family photos being irritating… Theyre a family and it seems like grandma is malicious.
Your hubby needs to stand up for yall. Grandma can see the kids both. Spend some time with the grandaughter, but if she wants to keep the grandaughter over night, she should ask bio mom since bio mom has the child 26-27 days out of the month. Each month. Dad shouldnt have to give up 1 of his four days.
And they deserve a day as a family without MIL being there.
Thats selfish. Id put my mil in her place or have my hubby do it or she can just butt out. It isnt her rules. Shes acting like a karen.
Surely you noticed this shit BEFORE you married him…
Have a Sunday dinner twice a month at your home that also includes grandma. Maybe talk to the mother to see if grandma can take the granddaughters once in a while to have time with them. You have to remember that they were all in the picture long before you married this man and you cannot just come in and decide who gets to see who and when that can happen. Invite grandma over for a movie night or a family game night that includes everyone and should be able to satisfy everyone. You wouldn’t like me at all because there’s no way I would sit back and let a step parent to my grandchildren tell me that I cannot see them.
That’s his mom why tf won’t you let her spend time with them?! If he only gets four days she gets less. I don’t get why you don’t want her apart of anything. Your the one being crazy.
She is over stepping big time. She doesn’t need to have them every single day of the time he has them. If she has them all 4 days then when does the dad get to spend time with them. Also when does the siblings and step mom get to spend time with them. She can see them once in awhile but not all the time
You are being Petty, those kids are her grandkids.
I can understand that she wants to spend time with her grandchildren. I cherish every moment with my grandson 
. My son gets him on the weekends and never want to take time away from that so I make arrangements with the mother to get him during the week and babysit while she is working. That way my son has his time uninterrupted and I have Gigi time with him. It’s all about everyone figuring it out together.
Just try to put yourself in her shoes… As we get older we tend to want to spend more time with family… Neither side is completely right and both need to come to a compromise that you can both be okay with. This is necessary or you are only gonna have issues for a long time not only with her but your husband and possibly later on his kiddos… Will only start fights and this is something you don’t want. Maybe she gets them for a couple of hours on one day. No need for either side to be petty.
Do your family night without her. Let her be mad. She needs to back off amd your husband needs to back you up and learn to say no to his mummy
Tell her to f off. Tell him to grow a set and stand up for you. Cut her ass out completely!!!
Your husband can’t visit his mom with the kids 4 days a month so that the kids can spend time with both the dad and grandparents? I have a hard time understanding how this is hard? Or maybe the grandparents come over 4 days a month. It’s really not a lot to compromise and it helps him spend time with his own parents which is also important
You need to get your husband to step in and create boundaries , it’s his mother. He shouldn’t let you handle it.
She isnt saying she can’t see then. But she wants time with her husband and kids.
This is his time with his daughters…meaning there is no reason he can’t take them for visits or leave them for an hour or two if he wants…as long…he’s mother is still there family too…:if you have children together then let him take them all with or without you
Standard custody is the worst. It affects the entire family. This is a prime example of how. But I’m on your side. I’m sure the kids want to see their dad also. I like the family dinner on Sunday night before they leave idea. Hopefully the daughters can get more time with dad so that they can see the rest of their family more. All of his family is their family also, including stepmom and siblings with dad.
Well… if your hubby is allowing her behavior… maybe he’s the problem, or at least part of the problem…
I’m hearing her say she wants to be able to spend time with her family and bond. And her MIL is interfering and dividing her, her children, her husband, and his children. She’s feeling frustrated; all she wants is to be able to bring her family closer together, without Grandma messing things up. I don’t think she’s expecting too much.
Sounds like they are his kids from another life, does she not like you? Did you marry a mommas boy? How long have you been together,? In a second or third marriage and his mom is overly protective and you are not in the circle of life. Sorry to say won’t make much difference. You made a mistake marrying him
Ur petty gtfo urself
Shes the grandmother she obviously NEVER gets to spends time them then, ur being dramatic she deserves time with them especially if ur husband doesn’t mind🤦♀️
Every single time he has his kids their entire time being spent at her house is absurd! You guys are a blended family and need to make memories as such in your home… She pouting because you asked for family time without her for once!!! That’s toxic and over stepping at its best. Your husband should be firm with her in regards to his kids and y’all should just do holidays without her if that’s what she wants
You’re not wrong. She’s just a grandma, you guys don’t need to see her that often. The kids getting time with you and your partner is 10000000x more important
Genuinely astounding that there are grown adults out there at their parents beck and call and allowing them to call the shots
Tell her to file grandparents rights and get her own visitation days
Personal experience i ended up stepping out of the picture when it came to my step daughters 9 years with their dad & I refuse to make any decisions etc in regards to them if I make plans I’ll make sure its possible for them to be there to if their parents are ok with it but I gave up trying to compromise or make decisions when it always turned in to a fight or an argument so now I just parent my own children & make the decisions & plans for them
Ur not wrong but grandma isn’t wrong either she has grandparent rights also she is wrong for separating ur children and u from him and his kids but she isn’t wrong for wanting to see her grandkids
There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your grandkids . The problem here is she she throws a tantrum if she doesn’t get her way. She obviously doesn’t know what boundaries are. Wanting to spend time with just your partner and children isnt a crime gosh.
Can’t believe half there comments. She is not entitled to her grandkids.
doesn’t sound like boundaries have been set
You really have no say over other people’s kids seeing their grandparents and honestly WHY would you want to deprive the children of that?? Put yourself in the child’s shoes.
Why in the world can’t they all take 3 hours twice a month to bond TOGETHER over dinner and a rented movie or friendly board game and agree ahead of time that grandma needs to leave by a certain time and then let the rest of the family be?? What is so extremely difficult about that??
Did you have a stepmom?? Because I did and she would never have dreamed in a million years of saying I couldn’t go to my dads moms house
Your wrong its 4 days a month. Let him take his kids and visit his parents without it being a fight. Im guessing his daughters were close with their grandparents before you came into the pitcher n this is what their use to n your trying to change things. Thats not only not fair to the grandparents but its not fair to the kids and they will end up hating you if you try to keep them from going over there and its gonna cause a lot of trouble between you and your husband in the long run. Im sure your hubby and his daughters arent there the entire time. Do your parents and your x’s parents not see your kids on a reg basis? (Assuming your hubby isnt your kids bio dad bc you said your ornament was of you and YOUR kids) grandparents just love their grandkids n wanna spend as much time with them as they can. Why wld anyone wanna take that away? Unless they werent good to the kids or the kids didn’t wanna go. Im a very big part of my grandkids lives n i see all of them multiple times a week. It would crush me if i cldnt. N honestly i wouldnt stand for anyone other than their mother or father telling me i cldnt have them.
He gets them for 4 days and y’all can’t make time to include her too??
Really?
I got it. Been there done that.
Realize that she wants to be close to all her grandchildren.
The fact your pissed about ornaments is partially valid. She’s seperated the kids in her mind and that part isn’t fair. Your husband needs to correct that.
Aa for making a few hours available for her and inviting her for dinner once, maybe twice… Stop being petty. These children have a right to be surrounded by ppl who love them. Not just you. Encouraging relationships should be more important than “me me me”.
If you can’t, maybe you shouldn’t be there.
My opinion may not be the same as other people. But, it’s your husbands job to set boundaries with his mother! You are his wife and he should put you and his children before his mother. She doesn’t have rights to those children and if he is only getting them 4 days a month he should be keeping them. I would tell her she was more than welcome to come to my home and see them one day out of the weekends I have them if she wants to see them.
But to me it also seems like you are married to him and his mom not just him. This is definitely a mamas boy situation as well. You can’t change her actions or her immature and entitled mindset but what you can do is choose how you react to it. She knows it’s bothering you so she continues to do it, but shake it off.
One more thing - You need to sit your husband down and talk to him about healthy grandparent boundaries. If you aren’t careful this could end up causing you and your husband issues.
I’m sorry but that’s between your husband and the grandmother! 
This isn’t about whether or not grandma should or shouldn’t be allowed to see the grandchild, it’s about how grandma goes about it to get her way. I think if grandma didn’t throw a fit and wasn’t so demanding about it, the new wife wouldn’t have an issue.
Join some narcissist groups. It will help you a lot. She is throwing tantrums to manipulate the situation. She wants control and will do whatever to get it. You have a husband problem as he isn’t setting clear boundaries. If boundaries haven’t been set in the past she most likely will use whatever she has to manipulate the situation. Your husband needs to set clear boundaries that he is comfortable with no matter what his mom thinks.
First off the ornament thing is weird. She is just grandma and shouldn’t be on an ornament…
Now some of these women saying on here that you don’t get a say in what happens because you’re just a step or be happy that she is involve obviously have no idea what being a step mother is. You absolutely have a say in what happens in your home that you and your husband share! And that includes having a say in your step children and how you don’t get family time! I would say something to your husband. Because 4 days a month is honestly not a lot and I would soak up all those days with family time!
I can’t imagine living like this where grand kids can’t see grand prents & everyone fighting & being petty. My daughter is my oldest her dad passed away when she was 2. His parents are amazing to her & her younger brother who isn’t even their grandson. They just took the both of them to the park Sunday. My sons dad & his whole family also treats my daughter like their own. Grandparents are special they should be able to see them. My kids see their grandparents at least a few times a week.
It sounds like the grandma is used to getting her way no matter what and if she doesn’t she throws a tantrum. Grandparents have no rights. I do believe that kids should know and have relationships with realities that are healthy. Throwing tantrums is toxic and shouldn’t be used to manipulate parents into seeing children that are not theirs.
Try not to be so sensitive … he’s doing the best she can. LOTS of people are affected by divorce - trust me; I may see my grands once every 4-6 months and my son live right here in our small Montana town.
Your MIL is hurting … I promise 
I don’t understand all the people acting like you’re saying that you don’t want them to see her… she’s making it so you can’t even make plans as a family, your husband needs to stand up and create a boundary with her
Some people just thrive on drama! You have two choices!!!
My question is this. Does current wife go with her husband and the kids to his mothers home, or does she choose not to go and sits at home with the other kids. I think if she sits at home she could go 1 day a weekend that he has the kids. The other day spent together with the kids together with his wife. Grammy needs to share, son needs to grow a pair of balls and be better to his wife.
Not sure I’m understanding this right but you husband gets his daughters 4 days a month and his mother throws a tantrum if he doesn’t send them to her, which is taking away from his time with his daughters? 4 days a month is not alot and I would not be okay with that. Time with our children is precious, yes grandmother deserves to see her grandbabies but that doesn’t not come before immediate family time. If you all have plans to do something with the girls then she should be respecting that. I can understand a visit for a few hours every other weekend or even one whole day out of his 4 days, that still gives her time with her grandbabies and time for you and your husband to spend with your children. It sounds like she is throwing tantrums to manipulate the situation. You and your husband need to step some clear boundaries and work on being assertive with her.
The bigger issue is WHY does he only get 4 days a month?
Yes you are and she’s has a right to request to see them ! Maybe y’all could do dinner one night with her
I’m not understanding why the grandma can’t get one overnight with the kids every other visit?
And the ornaments… I wouldn’t read too much into that. Seems y’all have a blended family so it seems appropriate … BUT I’d have done one bigger ornament with everyone in it.
I’ll be blunt … not all marriages work and if there is a decade of ornaments that have all of you on it, that wouldn’t be appropriate. Some parents do yearly ornaments for each child with the year… 
I’d let all of that slide. I think the holiday stress and the strain of a GRANDMOTHER asking to spend time with her grandkids frazzling your nerves might be the issue, not the root of the issue.
And you canceled your plans??? Because she had the kids?? Why? and as a parent you will be canceling crap constantly.
I think you need a little alone time to recoup and recharge and look at things from a different angle.
I’m just curious to know how your husband feels about all of this. I’m hearing a lot of I this and I that but you aren’t mentioning much about your husband. Maybe he doesn’t mind his mother seeing her grandchild. Did you ever ask him how he felt about all of this? Most likely he doesn’t mind, he just doesn’t want to upset you. What ever happened to family and it takes a village? Some of my fondest memories of growing up were with my spending time with my grandma. She’s been gone 25 years and I miss her everyday. Maybe his daughter wants to see her grandma especially if she’s like a lot of grandmas and spoils her. I think you should see how her and your husband feel.
Shes a narcissistic mom. He may not.even realize as he has grown up with her. She wants him to put her first. Set hard boundaries.
Honestly this just sounds childish petty. Your husband see’s his children once a fortnight, not very much at all. His mother, the grandmother whom obviously also loves these children requests a couple hours with them fortnightly when you have them. Set the same couple hours for her every fortnight, it’s not really a lot for her to ask for really, I don’t see the problem with a grandmother wanting time with her grandchilden. And the ornament thing is strange but then again your causing a fight and trying to prevent her from having time with someone she loves so maybe you don’t belong on the ornament, also me and my partner have 7 children and its very hardto find an ornament that fits all 9 of us, so maybe thats why she done 2. Be nicer. Honestly, I think you are the problem he’s obviously happy letting his mother and daughter have a relationship, what’s your real problem. Life is so short and one day she’ll be gone and he’ll resent you for causing so many arguments about visiting her.
I’d see if you could get your husband to have his children at your home twice a month and twice at Grandma’s…I remember these days…the ones who it really effects are the kids involved…their shipped around more then a UPS… package…
She needs to see them too. Maybe have an agreement where she’s involved every other visit so you have a full weekend and she’s involved the next ? Yes it’s only once a month but at least she sees them. There needs to be a compromise here. She needs to understand and respect that you need family time without her and you need to understand and respect her need to see them too. My parents see my girls once every 10/12 weeks but my sisters kids every week because of distance. They enjoy their time with the girls all the more when we do get across. She needs to be thankful she can see them at all
You married her son not her she is manipulating your husband,he needs to set boundaries.
Imo the girls should spend at least 2 nights at your house. Having a variety of christmas traditions is nice. Maybe you could pose it to her as that. You could get matching ornaments for your tree and hers that have all of you on it. You could say something like "please help plan the holidays… while I dup want to make new traditions with my step daughters, we just can’t have Christmas without you, ir wouldn’t be complete.
She needs to
Seek grandparent access through the courts
So you said “I want a family night without you”? If my daughter in law said that to me, I wouldn’t like her either. It would put a strain on my relationship with my son
Sounds like you are an entitled br@t.
The immediate family unit is important and you only get so much time to ensure yalls family bonds. Extended family can be important but if it’s at the cost of immediate family then no. Extended family isn’t a necessity just a happy bonus. You guys invite her over when you want. Do the kids even want to spend time with her? The ornament thing is weird and idk if it petty or not. Asking for a family night without her isn’t bad. Her trying to manipulate every by throwing a tantrum and saying fine no xmas is gross. Guess she doesn’t really want to see the kids. I’d tell her you understand she no longer wants holiday time and make other arrangements. No need to chase her.
Annoying mother in law for sure!!
You actually come across as being jealous of their relationship with their grandparents and with your partner
My best advice would be don’t put the kids in a position where they feel like they can’t love them because it upsets you
You can tell who’s controlling & wants to have sex with their sons by these comments.
Maybe she just misses her grandchildren and feels like you are getting in the way of her seeing them, my son has his boy every other weekend and he always pops over for a few hours so we can see him, don’t really think she’s being unreasonable
So he cool with only seeing them a whooping 4 days a month 
and apparently so are you.
Now you all up in feels cause you think she should be good with what, a couple hours? A day? What does ot matter? Doesnt sound like you and your husband are very involved.
Those saying have grandma ask the mom for time, yall lnow it dont work like that right?
Some of yall…remember a karma a b!tch
Did your spineless “husband” marry YOU, or HIS MOTHER!? SERIOUSLY! 
Also we only have one side. Obviously as she refers to her step daughters as “her husbands daughters” that says alot.
Im betting OP is a controlling one.
She’s too much in y’all’s biz. She needs to have a boundaries check 