First of all… there would’ve been no haircut before those dishes were done.
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Do not parent them. Do not assign chores. Assuming both mom and dad are in the picture, she has a mom and she has a dad. Let them handle the parenting and structural of the child. I promise you once you back out of their lives, your peace will come much easily.
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Sounds like you need to put your foot down more with her🤷🏻♀️ whether she’s your step kid or biological kid you’re still raising her and providing for her so you disciplining her is part of that deal. Her father needs to back you up as well. And you need to stop taking her to do extra fun things if she can’t respect you
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She’s probably just testing you. From what I read you are being very nice and nothing wrong at all, maybe be more firm with her so she understands that you are the adult. I would calmly sit her down and explain to her that you are not being mean you are tying to teach her to be responsible. My parents would tell me that everything must be earned, our job as parents is to feed and clothe you, make sure you are healthy and Thats it everything else is a privilege.
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Why isn’t he backing you up?
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Quit nagging and follow through with consequences. The reason she doesn’t do it is because you’ll repeatedly remind her, and nothing happens if she doesn’t. You’re reinforcing the behavior by not following through. Her hair shouldn’t have gotten cut if her chores weren’t done. Dad should also get on her case and give consequences for her not listening to you in the first place. Neither one of you is following through or disciplining her for not listening. When listening is an option, just like not listening, which do you think she’s gonna choose? Not doing it shouldn’t be an option.
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Wow, I had an excellent relationship with my stepdad he was basically my dad for several years even when I got pregnant at 15 he was the one who supported me when my own mother stopped talking to me. He made her touch my belly at 8 months just as baby kicked!! That was what broke her and she finally supported me and was amazing. They both were. Now my dad’s wife a different story, she had a son the same age as my brother they were like 7or8 yrs old. She turned ourdad against me and my sister who were teenagers and she was so jealous and basically quit working for 20years moved my dad to Florida away from us for the last 15 years and when he got seriously sick and had to go on social security benefits and such, she left him for her “Church group” and had a job but contributed nothing my poor dad lived in a camper and still paid the rent out of his benefits for the apartment for 6 more months till the lease went up. They irony of it is my sister and I helped set her up with!!! He was more interested in another woman but we definitely steered him away from her lol anyway we really got him to open up to her and it was Awesome the first 3 years. Once that ring was on her finger though we basically had no contact with our father for 15 years. Anyway that has all changed he recently beat cancer!!! And we moved him from the nasty camper he was living in (he refused to leave Florida in his ex wife came back!! But after she really only visited him a couple times and basically just pity visiting he let us get him and he now lives with my sister. This is so long but the point is to show how realationships are different with each step parent. Stepdad loved us kids like his own and we felt it. We tried with stepmom I guess it just comes down to how feelings are just being there for the kid and allow the relationship to grow. Good luck!
Stop asking. If it’s a requirement for you, they need to do it. I wouldn’t give any rewards at all for the behavior. Just remember we were all teens once, those hormones have a major effect on their attitude and can be hard to control when you’re growing up and becoming a young adult.
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Pick your battles. Yes she should listen but kids/teens are going through a lot of changes. I’ve learned to pick battles. Some stuff isn’t worth the headache
Ask once then if not don’t tell her to do them . Then take her phone away until they are done .
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Normal teenager…I hated my stepmom at first but then I learned to love her along the way…She’s the best woman I’ve ever known…Hang in there it will get better…
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Why did u take her for the haircut if she didn’t so the dishes . That’s why she waited to have the attitude
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Tell her once, after that leave chores undone and tell her dad it’s his turn since she won’t listen. Do not remind her after that. Leave it be. Eventually Dad will get fed up with it not being done and he’ll start giving her consequences, then maybe she will listen.
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I’ve learned through bitter experience that step-parents are the most reviled creatures on the planet. As long as you are doing for the step-kids, you’re great. Expect something back, you’re terrible. Dad should be the one to step up automatically and mete out discipline. No questions asked. Daughter doesn’t do chores, she doesn’t have privileges. No chores, no favors. No phone. You shouldn’t have to be the bad guy. Your job is hard enough.
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Before “putting your foot down” I’d sit and talk with her. It sounds like somethings going on. I’d have your husband talk to her or maybe her mom to see what’s going on if she’s not comfortable answering you.
No. She just doesn’t feel like you are the one she listens to. Don’t back down. She will come around.
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How old is she? Cuz if she’s r that might be parental abuse but if she’s 14…that parental abuse
I meant if she’s 4 that could be viewed as parental abuse
Her world as she knows it (TV…phone…snacks…etc) it ALL comes to a stop until she has done her part
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You gave her a job she didn’t complete but yet still gave her a reward. Why would she listen to you when you tell her to do something if she’s just going to get what she wants even if she doesn’t do it?
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Why does it have to be done on your timeline? Why not tell her that you need the dishes done by 8PM for example. That gives her time to do it without you nagging constantly. Nagging won’t work on you, it won’t work on her. Nagging adults are why teens roll their eyes and dig in their heels.
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I wouldn’t have taken her to get her hair cut if she didn’t do the dishes, idc if it’s step or biological child, do your chores and then you get a hair cut.
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Yes. She does chores FIRST. No hair cuts, no shopping, no TV, no phone… use the 1, 2, 3 rule. You ask once. 2. You ask if she heard you. 3. You remind her that this is her last reminder. 4. Extra chores are added. Dishes, washed & dried & put away… plus, Floor mopped. WinWin. Your house will be cleaner OR she will do things the first time !!
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Ur hubby is the one doing something wrong he needs to straighten her attitude our and make her mind u
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If she has no rules at her mom’s house or chores, she will not respect your house or your rules…I know from experience…
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Nothing gets ate or drank until she does them.
She isn’t allowed in the kitchen unless she does the dishes.
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She got that new hair new me attitude. It’s not you girl. Next time chores before clips.
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Don’t beat yourself up! Kids will be kids but you have to remember who’s in control. If your her step mom you can assume responsibility and make it a point to give her the home training she’s missing
Time limit on when you want it done example say you say it at 9 a.m. you want them done by 11 a.m. I do this with my four kids. They are not teens yet. Start them out young to do chores and know how to do them by teens they won’t have to be told to do it. They get to play once whatever I ask them to do is done. Example: pick up toys from kitchen/living room/dinning room and put into their rooms. My oldest has vaccuming to do, my second is bed making, my youngest two gets to just pick up toys and put them where they belong.
Alot depends on her age. If she old enough to out on her own than she needs to be out on her own where she can fallow her own rules. If she is a minor than both you and her need to set and talk and lay down rules. Don’t lay rules down with threat that are not going to be fallowed thru with from both adults. If rules are not fallowed there should be consequences that should be fallowed thru with she will not hold a job with this type of attitude she is displaying
I’d say somethings going on and id have a chat with her about what’s going on with her, and expectations in the house. Make it calm and lay it out. Lay out the consequences in advance and have her father involved.
I wouldn’t have taken her to get her hair cut. Chores before anything else. Dad should have really stepped in when she caught her attitude again.
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You married her dad -
- signed a step mom
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Just change the wifi. Chores will get done when she’s bored enough. I dont even ask my kids to do things and they are from divorced parents and the rules are different at each home. Left a mess. Password changed. Disrespect me . Password changed till I get an apology and I’m not asking for it to get it. That didn’t go on for long before everyone in the house knew how to behave to have a house with no stress which was fun and had a good energy .
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Treat her like your own. Would you have put up with your biol, daughter not doing the dishes?
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I wouldn’t ask her I would tell her. Also, next time you are doing something for her ex, haircut, the dishes would be done or there would be not haircut. She needs consequences for her disrespect.
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There has to be consequences or she will keep ignoring you.
Sit down and talk to her… If that doesn’t work… then Take stuff away from her, then when the task is done give whatever back… I was told once by my therapist, sometimes you have to give them a treat like a dog. Sounds wierd but make sense… also don’t let her go “hang with friends”.
And yes all extras are exactly that… extras. They don’t need to be done. Chores are done weekly before any weekend activities
Dad HAS to be behind you. A united front that she can’t manipulate her way out of things. If she knows she gets away with that disrespect she wont stop. He needs to show her he is behind you on everything and let her know that.
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Well I have done this to my children when they were early teens if I asked you to put your clothes away and they didn’t I bagged them up and they earned them back! Dirty dishes went under the blankets on the bed! Dirty laundry was tied together after they left for school if it wasn’t in the clothes basket to be washed and everyone walking by the house saw there stuff only had to do it once!
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Stop doing things for her until she learns to listen ! Turn off the WiFi ,no hair cuts , no shopping , no treats , no rides anywhere ! I too am a step mom and I didn’t put up with any of the crap ! I didn’t tolerate my own kids crap I surely wasn’t putting up with my step kids crap !
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Don’t put up with it? If she doesn’t do something when asked she needs to receive a consequence
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Testing boundaries to see how much you’ll allow.
Have a word nicely and say if she keeps ignoring you, then you’ll have to ask her father to speak to her instead.
Should make her think and hopefully realise its not acceptable behaviour x
Sounds like a typical teenager to me. I have 2 stepdaughters 1 stepson and 2 biological daughters. We are a big blended family and we all have our moods and our moments. You’re not doing anything wrong she is just a typical teenager. If she doesn’t do her chores though then you start taking things away like phone etc. And grounding starts to happen. It does get better I promise.
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My daughter to a T. She never wanted to help with anything in the house and ran to her dad with Tears that she could head quite easily, I kept thinking she would do great in school plays But her dad always stuck up for her as he was Papa to her and all of her friends and what I said meant nothing…She would look at me with that look like ha you lost. I just gave up and did it myself what was the point…
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Ugh step parenting is harder then parenting i feel your pain. My step son will be perfect until his dads around. Then the attitude starts He will literally walk passed me AFTER i made dinner to ask for hot sauce or something like wtf I’m RIGHT HERE and i JUST served u dinner ? You can’t ask me ?
I’ll never understand 
Your husband needs to back you up.
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How old is she? My daughter is 11 and this is another day in the life lol
Sounds like a teenager! Does this young lady live full-time with her dad and you? How long have you been married to your husband? I think it is time for dad to step up. Family meeting time.
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how old is she? she sounds like a teen and at that point it doesn’t matter If you are mom or step mom you can’t tell them nothin… not saying she’s right just saying it’s not you!
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You need to show her some tough love!!!
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Sounds like a typical teenager to me. They will growl at you in the mornings to when you say hi or try to feed them breakfast. This is nothing to do with you and everything to do with hormones. Deep breaths and when things get bad have dad handle it.
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Nope! You did nothing wrong teenagers are like that. Give her a reason to do the dishes. Like “I am going to take your phone if you don’t get dishes done.” Actions have consequences and don’t t let her ignore you.
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Make sure your husband is behind you on this and have him help you reinforce it maybe that’ll help
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I, you are not doing anything wrong. I would stop allowance, special privileges til she starts doing her chores when she ask why tell her you used to be a special child and doing g things for you and with you was fun but you are not special anymore.
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Typical teenage behaviour … She is sulking … just do the dishes and next time she needs something ignore her … But tell her why … This should change things fast
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How old is the child?
Sit down with her and chat about why she dosnt want to do what you ask and talk to her like a mate . And say you really need her to do these thing as you need help
Honestly, it depends on how old she is.
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You aren’t doing anything wrong. You have a daughter. Step or not, she’s a daughter. They can be really hard, blood or not. She’s your daughter and daughters are hard sometimes. Hang in there
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Is she a teenager? Sounds pretty standard don’t worry she ll be nice when she’s 17 xxx
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Sounds like a typical teenager
her clothes, trash bag, hide…dinner…take all dishes except for 2 of everything, for u and hubby, leave dirtyones
A little more info would help alot. Like age, is she with yall full time, is this all day every day behavior or just when she comes home from her other parents house etc… But No. You are not doing Anything wrong at all. Those are all things every or most parent expects their kid(s) to do and especially to listen when asked to do things… Does dad help back you up when you’re asking her to do these things? That’s his place, to stand behind you. She needs to know that you’re in control, same as dad. You have the authority and she has to do these things. Every child will “push” limits and boundaries to see what they can get away with. Typical… Possibly stop ‘asking’ her to do them and make a chore board with her list of chores. Be more “demanding” I suppose, doesn’t have to be harsh, but she needs to know what you say goes. If not, privileges are lost, games, tv, phone if she has one, etc… Good luck mama.
It’s unfortunately normal for kids these days. I have a 14 year old. I took her phone and told her when she figures out why (after I asked her to sweep the kitchen three times in an hour) she can have it back. No explanation and she didn’t ask. Hours later she asked and I simply said that if I have to do the chore that I asked her to do that she would loose her phone one day for every minute it took me to do her chore. Eight minutes later she came up to me and said. Ok. I swept the floor. And I handed her phone back. And I laughed and asked her if it would have been easier to just do the 8 minute chore as requested. (It’s her only chore). It’s difficult to out smart the smart ones. Good luck. Dishes need a boot camp instructor. Maybe I could rent one. Wonder if it would work. And it’s just the dishes from that day. Not like it sits and stacks up.
Yes. You are doing something wrong. Your stepdaughter is YOUR child too. You do not need to ask her daddy to handle it. You need to handle it yourself. She has to learn to respect you as her parent. Do not tiptoe around her. Treat her as you would your own child. Because she is.
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Nope sadly my daughter is 16 I have to literally take her phone sometimes. Once chores are done she can have it back. I actually just can lock her phone down but same concept.
If she is a teenager I swear it’s a stage. I have a bonus daughter when we lived together I had to stay on routine.
Phones going places are a privilege they can’t respect you they have two feet. Now if she’s young obviously it changes.
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Is she 12 years old? My daughter gets an attitude to if someone asks her to do something over and over. My daughter is like me and knows it needs to be done but want to do them when we want to do them even if it is at 9pm at night
Where’s the bio mom in all this ? She seems like she resents you for some reason…need to find out the root cause of it
Do them yourself duh
Make it fun and do the dishes with her and some music she likes. Sounds like a plan to me!! lol
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I think you need to be more clear with your expectations. When you ask her to do something, give her a time frame in which she can choose to complete it and then follow it with a consequence if she chooses not to do it. Then it’s not up to you to keep reminding her, it is her choice with a consequence (ie when it is done we will get your hair cut, if you don’t then we can revisit the hair cut idea next weekend).
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Oh and haircuts ain’t rewards
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I think she should have done the dishes BEFORE the haircut…
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How old is she? She sounds like me when I was younger. That’s how I’d act towards my stepmom. I promise you it’s a stage. My stepmom ended up being one of my best friends.
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She knows the attitude will delay or get her out of what’s asked of her. She got what she wanted. A haircut. Don’t reward until what you ask of her is done.
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no ,she is just being a brat .
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Should have waited until after she finished chores to take her to get haircut. Teens or even preteens, whatever the age,will not do anything if get their way first. Unappreciative and self absorbed at that age.
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She sounds like a typical teenager 
and even though they can be assholes at times and I can say that as a mom and kids can be assholes we all know this but we have to remember that they are going through some things and trying to figure out what’s happening with all the emotions hormones ect but that’s not an excuse to be assholes to us sit her down talk to her explain things maybe she needs that and you can get some where
I wouldn’t have taken her for the hair cut until she took care of them 
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Give her a time frame. Then give her restrictions. Or do it with her
Spank her ass . She should not have to be told more than once . Don’t do chores don’t get tv tablet phone etc.
i feel you, i have 3 step children that my husband has 100% custody and they love ignoring me, i also have 2 bio kids and they all get treated the same (except for my youngest who just turned 2 because she’s a toddler) and i’m due with mine and my husbands 1st child together in a couple of weeks and trying to get his 3 to do anything is like pulling teeth. Especially the eldest, i’m trying to teach them responsibility and he’s nearly 11 and in all honestly it’s like have a baby. He flat out refuses to take any responsibility for himself and it’s a struggle, especially with me being so pregnant and trying to look after 5 kids. I try to do what I can for them but they never seem to appreciate anything i do. I don’t know if it’s because of how they were raised before my husband and I got together or if it’s just because it’s me. It’s honesty such a struggle, i’ve got them into a psychologist, paediatrician, 2 of them see a dietitian for health reasons, OT and a few other specialists. I just want to know if it’s me, like am I doing something wrong.
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Did she not want the haircut? Since that’s when attitude started?