I’m sorry but if the one you’re with doesn’t make an effort to make you feel wanted, you need to drop him. Then if you find someone else there’s no issues. Right now you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place
Awful situation you should of been honest from day 1…this isn’t fair to your fiance weather he’s always on his phone or not. This is cheating , so u should let him know what you have been doing , so he can make his discission on if he stays with you . Just saying. Children shouldn’t be bounced around meeting ppl like this
You’re in the relationship with the wrong guy. Maybe you should try to date after you break up with your fiancé but if I was you I’d break up cuz you’re clearly not happy in a relationship where you feel alone.
You need to communicate with your fiance, how can he make things right if he has no idea things aren’t good. Relationships take work no matter what
You should leave if you guys can’t communicate and show love to each other than it’s really just a dead end road.
As for the age difference thing age is just a number👍
End your engagement you are walking a very fine line right now and emotionally cheating! You need to end your other relationship before you even talk to this other man again!! As far as the age gap right now doesn’t seem like a big deal but it’s going to be in 10-20 years when you start feeling the effects of him being twice your age! As well as potentially having to care for him in his old age! You need to do some serious soul searching and figure out what you really want! In the meantime end it with your fiancé because it’s totally unfair to him!
Why the eff would you be hanging out with another man and have him meet your kids when you are engaged?! Your fiance deserves better.
Older men tend to be controlling. But that aside you shouldn’t be with someone that doesn’t make you happy.
You already are emotionally cheating. You need to be honest with your fiance & end things before you make it worse. Your fiance is the one who deserves better, when you cannot be completely faithful to him.
I would definitely talk with your fiancé and tell him how you feel and try to work that out first, you guys obviously fell in love for a reason🙂 second all that attention your getting form the other men will fade life gets the best of everyone and we all get busy with things all though in every relationship it’s good to keep that spark of attention on each other. Relationship are hard and you have to constantly put in effort. Talking and being open is one of the most important things❤️ I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make!
No one can tell you what’s right, but I can tell you what is wrong. Being in a relationship with one foot out the door, if you have doubt let your guy go find someone who doesn’t. Don’t string him along while you sort it out.
End both relationships and be alone for a while
You are in a relationship with the wrong person. NEVER settle. Someone will put in the effort for you. Age doesnt matter! Make yourself and those babies happy
Communicate with your fiancée and stop comparing him to other people.
Break up with the ‘wrong guy’ and move on. Then he can be free also to move on. You don’t need a bunch of strangers advising you what you’ve already admitted to yourself (and everyone on social media).
Welp can’t turn a ho into a housewife
I was 21 when I feel in love with a 51 year old n I am now 29 he’s perfect n treats me great! I left him for a few months not long ago n feel pregnant n he still loves me I was really stupid n the guy was same as your man always on the phone couldn’t stand it n I really hate him to be honest!! I’d go with the older guy for sure that’s real love age is but a number
Why are you “playing house” with a guy more than twice your age , involving your kids and he’s NOT your fiancé ???
Leave both guys alone.
You shouldn’t be engaged. End it .
leave. if you’re having doubts spare yourself the divorce
Put the engagement off, then see what happens
You have been engaged since you were 21? Maybe he’s not the guy for you but also maybe this friend isn’t either.
First of all you’re a cheater.
This is a train wreck. Sorry. Talk to fiance about how you are feeling. If he doesnt change…leave him. Thrn…move slow in a relationship with the next guy. Live with him awhile…make sure he doesnt change towards you and your kids before consider marriage…maybe 2 to 4 years later. You seem to jump into things instead of feeling them out. I definitely wouldnt have introduced my kids to another guy while engaged to someone else. Jesus. Set your kids up to dislike fiance.You never introduce kids to a guy until engaged at least. Date new guy awhile if leave fiance and move in together after a year or so and see how it goes from there. People sometimes change when move in
You need to be by yourself… either isn’t gonna go down well lol
You’re cheating. Even if it’s not physical. I can’t get past that so no advise. If you want someone to treat you right you first have to be worthy of that.
Firstly, you’re having an affair and need to cut it off until you make a decision. Your partner doesn’t deserve to be cheated on.
Secondly, have you tried counseling? Communicating bluntly and plainly? If not, that is recourse #1.
And thirdly, leave your fiancé and go with your friend. Life is short but don’t spend it being someone unworthy of loyalty and effort like you currently are. Cheating is gross. Get yourself back in order as a mature woman then decide which man you want your LOYALTY to reside in.
DO NOT MARRY THAT MAN! End it with him, like yesterday!
You already answered your own questions, if your allowing yourself to develop feelings for someone else your attention is not on your fiancé either and you are not in love, go with your heart it’s not to late, your not married
Age doesn’t matter and if someone says anything forget them. I’ve always dated older men 16 years older than me.
2. Do what makes you happy. If your not happy now why follow through
Follow your heart by the sounds of it you know exactly what you want
Word are just words; if your fiancé is only saying it & not showing or making you feel it, I would get out now. Trust me, you do NOT want to be asking these same questions & completely miserable in 10 years & then have to pay for a divorce!
You’ll hate the 58 year old in 5 years. He’ll be 63 & spend half the day asleep. Plus you think you don’t have a sex life now… HA. Best advise, stop cheating and be by yourself until you know what you actually want.
love is what love does
Sounds like your better off with your friend if he makes you happy
The guy you’re friends with shouldn’t be trusted in the long run because he knows you’re in a relationship and is already making advances, I think he’s also seeing an easy in and preying on your vulnerability because he knows you’re not happy with your relationship. Plus, he’s in his 50s, honey, he should be like a dad to you, not an intimate partner. You should back off your relationship with both of them and be alone for a while because you’ll never be happy with anyone else if you can’t first be happy with yourself, you need to focus on being happy on your own, you’re still really young and looking for love where it isn’t.
Do what makes you happy
Id be careful he may just want in your pants and if that happens he could be gone. Trust me been there done that. Do not let your fiance go at this time. Try and spark up your relationship before you lose a good thing.
Forget the boyfriend. He’s not into you.
Do what makes you happy!!! Maybe your friend is there to show you how a mature man is supposed to be… just because your engaged doesn’t mean you have to through with it. I would rather know now than to marry that guy and find out he still sucks and made the wrong decision! Do you gir!!!
The fact you are asking this gives you your answer.
IMO: Your friend kinda sounds borderline pedo… but you deserve someone better than your fiancé also…
u are cheating and its not ok if ur that unhappy bring it to your partners attention and try to work on it first if nothing changes then leave maybe ur partner knows what is going on but is waiting for you to say something first
Truthfully the dude your friends with can see what your craving and is taking advantage of it. The dude your engaged to either isn’t aware of what he is doing or flat out doesn’t care. Talk to him, you’re currently entertaining the idea of another man, that’s a bad start to a marriage.
I guess that I’m the only one who had a hard time understanding most of that?
If you have to even ask, then yes you are
Rather a old man’s darling than a young man’s slave…
Ok 1st off
Youre engaged but dont live together?
Friend is old enough to literally be your father, thats a little weird to me
Honestly… Friend aside… Either way I don’t think you should be with your fiancé. Please don’t take that the wrong way, but it sounds like he’s not satisfying your basic needs. Please don’t let this continue for years and years. Be happy!
Why are you hanging out visiting him at his home???
Seems weird, sounds like you are in the wrong relationship to begin with.
I would talk with your fiance and see if he’s willing to work things out if he refuses to try then break up and see where this older guy leads to.DO NOT CHEAT ON YOUR FIANCE AND THINK TBINGS WILL BE OK BECAUSE IT WONT.Be honest about your feeling and don’t lead your fiance on thinking you are going to still be with him when your really not or just keeping him close just in case the older guy don’t work out…
You answered your own question
Do you wanna spend your entire life with someone who never pays you or kids any love or affection???
Grass isn’t always greener
It’s a huge red flag when a man of his age loves to play with the children and be around a woman he knows is engaged he is really after something be sure you check his bio background check police records seriously have had terrible things happen and everyone knew but my roommate and he gave my kids everything and was a parolee and had so many charges.
Is it ok if your fiancee has a 59 year old sugar mama? Buy him stuff car clothes but it doesn’t mean anything???
This is where communication and LOVE LANGUAGE is key! Love language plays a big roll in this.
Grass isn’t always greener on the other side!! Maybe hang out with the work dude outside of work. U deserve to be treated with the upmost respect but like I stated above. It may be to good to be true. Try hanging out with thin after work more than once or twice. You don’t want to break it off with ur 4 year fiancé just for a work dude until u see how he is when y’all aren’t working together.
Does your fiancé know about your “friend”? Does the fiancé know you go over to the other man’s house? I’m betting NOT!! You shouldn’t even be entertaining the the idea of another man while you are engaged to a different one. If you are not happy with the fiancé do him a favor and call it off. If he feels and acts towards you the way you describe him then he will be relieved to have you go… As for the other guy if he can’t respect the fact that you are engaged to someone else that speaks volumes of his character as well as his respect for you. Which if you don’t understand… it means he doesn’t respect you.
The grass is always greener on the other side unless you fix the problem at home. Talk to him. Tell him you are craving his attention. Giving up on a relationship because it’s hard or your not getting enough of something, without talking to them; you’ll never be happy. He can’t read your mind sis. Sit his ass down and talk about what you want and what he wants in the relationship. Stay engaged for 6 more months. If he works hard to give you your needs and wants, he’s a keeper. But you have to work at it, too and drop those so called friends who are telling an engaged woman they have feelings. They just want what they can’t have and they will cheat. They have no respect what so ever. But if he goes back to his old ways the boy will never change and you will regret being married to him.
I don’t think you’re in the wrong relationship your needs are just getting met by your friend.
First step is to communicate with your fiancé how you feel. That is step one.
Second I would see if he makes changes according to what you’ve communicated to him.
Thirdly depending upon if the changes are being made or aren’t. Then you take action according to that outcome.
I’m gonna be the black sheep here…considering most of these women are against you…but literally do what makes you happy. It’s your life… and you literally only get one…so make it count. You need to be happy and healthy for your kids. Your fiance is an emotionally neglectful asshole…if you marry him you are doomed to a miserable life.
Been there go with yr heart:two_hearts:instinks… husband loss…
Ok look if her #1 guy gave a rat’s behind she wouldn’t have the time to spend with #2 what you think #1 is doing ? Id say texting other women and she never said #2 was her lover she said he was a friend from work I think sometimes friendships develop into more then friends after all ones husband is supposed to be your best friend whatever I think tell first dude bye #2 no reason not to remain friends but keep eyes open
I’m say this and I’m be quiet … First things first … If your fiancé isn’t even meeting your needs and doesn’t seem like he’s going to then leave … You’re happiness matters too … Second … Things with co worker friend seems a little too good to be true so I would be careful with that …
Just remember, if he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you.
In my book, going over to another mans house ESPECIALLY with your kids while you’re engaged to someone else, is cheating.
If you’re not happy then leave. It’s not that hard.
Tell your fiancé about your work friend … your fiancé deserves better
I read your first sentence and concluded … yes. And only because you asked.
Stop for now, break the engagement . Stay single till you can figure it out and him also. Counseling
First of all, why the hell are you going to another mans house with your kids when you’re engaged?!?! Second of all, have you even tried to discuss this with your fiancé? The man is just as wrong knowing you’re engaged to even allow it! I get people aren’t always happy in a relationship but messing around is NOT the answer!!
Nope. Work it out with your man. The grass is never greener on the other side.
Go with your heart, age doesn’t matter. Your happiness is important too
And 58??? Don’t let strange men around your kids!!! Wtf are you thinking!!! You need to stop and think about what you could be getting your kids into.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
I mean your basically cheating already let him go
Have some time being single, work it out from there.
If you feel your in a wrong relationship then you are.
Doesn’t sound like you are ready to make a commitment … good that you didn’t get married before you realized it …!! I sure wouldn’t get married … sounds like you are still
Did anybody think of Big Daddy after reading this?
U don’t need any advice we only live once and do what makes you happy.
The very fact that you’re asking these questions, and having these thoughts says that you need to look inwards and work out who YOU are and what YOU want from life.
It may not be either of these men.
But don’t dump your fiance and jump into something with this friend. Take a minute for yourself.
You’re with the wrong guy.
If your boyfriend is like this now he is only going to get worse after you are married. The 58 year old has he been married? Does he have kids of his own? Think about those things too. He probably has kids & grandkids older than you. He is retirement age and has a whole different life style coming in his future that you probably won’t want when it happens. Just think before you jump into something that might not be what you need in a few years.
Your fiance deserves better. Be honest with him he deserves that at the least.
If you have to ask, the answer is probably NO!
May wanna ask your friend if he’s on the same page as you with feelings first, just to know 100% that you’d be getting the outcome you’d be hoping for. Your fiancée may have a different love language than you do and may not understand yours, so try looking into that if you’re wanting to work towards your marriage.
Idk girl thats a big age gap. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. What i will say is if you’re questioning your relationship you’re not ready to be engaged to anyone.
I think the lack of communication on this subject between you and your fiance and the fact that you put a 200 word question to the internet of bookfacers proves that you have made up your mind and are looking for vindication.
Life is too short to waste one minute on someone who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Age is irrelevant. Love is love
Your with the wrong guy but you also may only like the other guy because he actually pays attention to you and makes you feel good about yourself. Where as your fiancé does not.
Well definitely don’t marry the fiance. But I wouldn’t jump at the other man either. If you’re in a shit relationship it’ll make you jump at anything to get out. Your subconscious is lying to get you out of the shit relationship. Any ole thing would do the same thing
Hmm. I think that your relationship went stale – longterm takes work it its going to survive.
The other guy is giving you what you want right now, I font recommend jumping into that, esp w kids.
You need to let your fiance know you need to have a deal breaker kind of convo before you jump.
Being with some1 at first IS ALWAYS Honeymoon super love; gives you butterflies, Excitement, wakes up hormones thats been dormant. I believe what your describing with cowrker is lust and if you don’t learn to put wrk into a relationship to wake it up with what you got now and jump into something w new guy in a few years you’ll be right back to that same road.
Give you and your fiance that chance, discuss, maybe couples therapy, before you quit w him.
I think you already made that choice, and answered your own question.
You are emotionally and mentally cheating. Cheating isn’t just sex. If you cheat then you are in the wrong relationship. you deserve to be happy but your fiancé deserves the truth.
Get out of your engagement
Sorry you sound like the problem talking to other men & going to their house while your engaged.
Well would you want someone to marry you with doubts like you have ? No your not ready , true love is blinding and you aren’t blinded yet .
Sounds like you’ve got a sugar daddy!
Run both through sex offender registry.
You’re a cheater and deserve to be alone
Be with the 58 year old.