I know this may sound weird but does anyone else kinda treat a new friend like a new boyfriend when it comes to your kids? What I mean by that is ,for me if I befriend someone, I have to hang out and get to know them for MANY months until I feel it’s ok to introduce them to my kids. My kids love hard and so do I and if I see the person isn’t a person to have around kids I just slowly back away because I don’t want them to meet them and then get attached to a toxic person. But man is it hard making friends that way. I met a girl who was EXACTLY like me. We clicked right off the bat and she’s been a good friend to me so far in every way. But when I tell you she claims to love kids but acts like my kids dont exist, it’s weird! Since we started hanging out in November I invited her over 3 times for a dinner, cookout, and birthday party. And each time there was an excuse. Me as a mother knows stuff pops up and makes you miss out on stuff but it was just the excuses she used. I talk about my kids all the time, she even says all the time she can’t wait to meet them and this and that, but when it comes to the time she just doesn’t come. I’ve told her how I felt each time and she defends herself and blah blah and I’m like if you really wanted to, you would have by now , ya know? Am I being ridiculous for not wanting to be friends with her anymore because she doesn’t want to be around me with my kids? My kids are a part of me so I find it impossible to continue this friendship
NTA, but your friend may be feeling pressured.
Because you have waited this long to introduce your children, it’s obvious that the first meeting between them is a big thing and it might be slightly overwhelming for her
If you value the friendship then just ask her if she is or is not ready to meet your kids. I assume you have at least 2, but for all I know you could have 10 kids. Maybe your friend is nervous about meeting more than one at a time. Offer to let her meet one kid over coffee somewhere, when she is ready.
Sad I want friends like that so my gkids can play with kids and I love my friends hard also
NTA - your kids are more important than anyone. You gotta vet who gets to be around them for safety, etc. You’re good -
Confront the friend, if she just doesn’t want to be around them then maybe she’s the “going out on an adult night” friend. Not really a bad thing 
You’re a great mom for this! Your feelings are definitely valid and I think if she wants to hangout with you she should want to be friendly with the kids. It’s hurtful to be ignored and put off by anyone. Especially someone you consider a friend.
For real I wait a long while. My kids are my everything and I would never want to be responsible for putting them in danger. I wait a long time. I’ve known this new friend for a couple weeks. Nice guy. He asked if he could meet the fam and I outright lied and said they are always sleeping when I get home from work (I work thirds and he gives me a ride home until my vehicle is fixed and it’s about 50/50 they are asleep when I get home lol). Protect your babies!
I don’t think you’re wrong! I have a friend that I love dearly but she would say she’d come and bail or not show up. I still love her but I stopped telling the kids she’d come because I didn’t want to get their hopes up as they really liked her too. It happened quite a few times. Not sure why she would do that. She is still an amazing person but I don’t invite anymore…
Not at all.
If you don’t know the person then it’s perfectly reasonable not to trust them around your children. People are capable of a number of things and it’s your job to keep the wee ones safe.
Good job in doing so!
Dump her…move on…kids first!
Maybe it’s just not what you think it is. I’d feel kinda awkward if someone didn’t want me to meet their kids then was like ok never mind come over. It’s cool that’s what you want to do. No shame on that but people may not respond how you expect
Bravo, I totally agree with not bringing everyone around. Not only do you not know the character of the new guy you don’t want your family talking and giving your kiddos the impression that you are more eager for a new man than protecting them.
You are the only protection your kids have stay that way your strong
I’m the same. Watch the energy you put in your home and around your kids. I’ve known people for years and they haven’t been to my home. I’d be your friend and not bat an eye assuming I can be around your home or kids. I’d never ask. They are your kids no one else. 🩷
Erm yea kinda, not months though as its not aa close a relationship like it would be a romantic one. Also depends how I meet the friends.
I don’t let many folks around my kids
I think you’re being really smart.
As for this particular friend maybe she doesn’t like crowds. Inviting her to a party or a BBQ with other friends may be a lot of pressure. Try being less formal. Like invite her out to lunch & bring the kids. Or just to your place to hang out. It may not be your kids that’s keeping her away is all I’m saying.
You sound like a good parent. So I think you’re doing the right thing
I haven’t done this and my kids have felt the pain of friends I have lost. Me having no reason to give on why we can’t go see them because they won’t understand so you are definitely ok to be this way. Some people just don’t like kids tho. Doesn’t mean they wouldn’t treat them decent but I wouldn’t force it or end the friendship over it. You could potentially open her eyes and change the way she views children if you take it slow and stay open with her about it.
I mean I love the fact you are super careful with your children but at the same time said friend not meeting the kiddos sooner than MONTHS can say an array of things… all of which I am not saying you are/do, just if you think about it you can see what I am saying
Part of me thinks this is good and the other part thinks people are going to come and go in life so maybe we are better off to let them learn how to transitionb
You made the friendship without your kids involved. Maybe she wants to keep it that way 
Maybe you like her more than she likes you?
Maybe she just wants to be casual friends with you, I wouldn’t want to push my children on someone who wasn’t interested 
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Maybe she isn’t ready to meet them just yet, it might not be the right timing for her, like it wasn’t the right time for you… if u push her sway because if this then maybe she deserves better friends
Get some therapy, it will benefit both you and your children.
She is your friend, not your kids friend. If she does not have kids herself, you are at different places in your lives, and it may be best to either let her keep distance or only do things without kids. If she has kids, maybe they got sick, or threw tantrums on the days you were supposed to meet. Either way, measure the value of her friendship. I’m a mom with childfree friends I love. Decide if you can be.
I’m wondering if you spend months getting to know your kids teachers and day care providers before deciding that it’s okay for them to go to school.
You’ve already talked to her about it to no avail so I would read the writing on the wall and move on with my life. If you have doubts about her befriending your kids that answers the question for me
Adult People make friends that are not their kids friend’s parents? 
Depends on the kids. My kids know the difference between friends and potential dating prospects but I also explain to them before they meet anyone if they r just friends or if mommy’s tryna see where it goes. My kids are used to a split home since 1 1/2 for both of them. They know not every relationship will work out and don’t seem to attach themselves because I communicate with them
I love my kids but I don’t enjoy entertaining other peoples small children. I feel like you can be a good friend without being fully involved with their family. I do girl lunch’s/dinners all the time with friends.
People are fkd up sometimes and you don’t realize it until it’s too late. Getting to really know someone before they are around your children is perfectly okay
I think it is smart to be guarded about who you introduce your children to and who you have them spend time with. That’s good. As for why this particular friend hasn’t come around your kids, there is 1000 plausible reasons and I wouldn’t take it personal or as a slight against you or your children. And maybe the two of you are not on the same page with the friendship and that’s ok. Not everything works out and not everything is meant to be. No one’s fault, it just is what it is.
Leave her alone she’s not for you your kids come first