Am I in the wrong for thinking my fiance should make time for me?

My fiance works for a business he had started, he works everyday, most, but not everyday, for like 12 hour shifts. I’m wondering if I’m crazy for thinking he should be able to somewhere fit time for his family, especially if he won’t help me with the house. I mentioned last night when we were arguing if maybe one day he can work a little less or try to have off and he says he has to work. I forgot in our argument to say what about days that don’t end up being long days. Those days he doesn’t do a whole lot but the things he wants to do, I mean he will say hi and tickle or play with the kids for a few minutes but then he’s doing his own thing… I know we should be able to realx and have our things we like but its one sided… I don’t smoke or sit and watch stuff, besides maybe some Facebook, till the kids are in bed (again some days im so tired or stressed that I sit more but still have my almost 3 yr old with me) which I do every night, he’ll get to go to his room after work, no matter what time he came home cuz I understand if its late when he gets home but still, Idk he’s called me crazy for it and says it doesn’t happen anywhere that what I want is a fantasy. There is so much more that I question and are confused but for the purpose of not having a confusing post full of different things I started here.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I in the wrong for thinking my fiance should make time for me?

I don’t know. I work 12-hour shifts and I know how difficult it is and I how exhausting it is and personally I think unless you’ve worked them, that’s a whole other level of mental exhaustion and I clean my house, work on homework and spend time with family. but it’s hard when you work 12 hours. Those aren’t easy shifts. And as long as he’s making good money and taking care of you guys financially and you aren’t suffering, I think you should leave it alone because right now inflation is tough and there are a lot more difficult jobs paying a lot less. Now he can find an equal job where he works 8-hour shifts for the same amount of pay. If not more than I say go for it

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So he works 12 hours shifts how many days a week? Sorry but who would do all the cooking and cleaning if you weren’t there ? Put your foot down your his partner not his mom.

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Men will make time for who/what they want to make time for. I worked 3 jobs and still did the things I wanted to do… I made the time! You just make the time and want to be apart of your partners life or you just don’t.

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I was working 12 to 15 hour days, 5-6 days a week for almost 30 years. I can relate. The guy is exhausted. When he’s lying around, he’s trying to catch up on sleep and rest. You need to cut him some slack. He’s trying to get his business off the ground. Eventually he may be able to hire help but for now, he is the face of his business. If you need to, hire cleaning help, get food delivered, come up with some other ideas to make things in the home work.

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My husband was deployed for almost 5 years! He did what he had to for his family. To make a life for us, to make sure we never wanted or needed anything. Did he like being deployed in war zone, no!! Did I like him being gone all the time, NO! But we supported eachother through the good times and the bad!

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My fiance works twelve hour days in Florida heat still comes home helps take care of kids that aren’t his will cook or clean or take the dogs or all of the above. You make time for what you want to make time for.

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My husband works 6:30-5:30 daily Monday- Friday. When he comes home we eat dinner together or go out for dinner together. He puts one of our kids to sleep if not both and then goes to the gym. He skips the gym usually once a week for us to hangout and have movie night or clean together.

saturdays and sundays usually we hangout together grocery shopping as a family, brunch, park or a project around the house. Sunday he plays soccer so we take the kids and go watch him play!

Im a stay at home mom. I do 80% of the cleaning but he does trash, yard work and if I ask him to help me fold laundry he does.

He has his own room do you guys not live together

My husband works 16 to 18 hour days and still makes plenty of time for the kids , myself and our house.

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Idk, I guess I’m spoiled. My husband can work 36 hrs straight (he’s done it) and still make time for me. I don’t expect him to help with the house (he does when he sees I need it) But I do expect him to put his family before everything else. He does. Yes he’s tired, so am I, but we make it work and make time for eachother above everything else. You do what you want for who you want, period. :upside_down_face::upside_down_face::upside_down_face:

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Get a job and contribute to the finances , maybe that way he can have some free time to spend with you and the kids.

  He is starting his own business, that is very difficult and exhausted (specially the first years ) try to be more supportive and less a complainer
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Is room?? You mean he has is own room ??

My son practically did not leave the house the first three years he was building his business.

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Why don’t you try working with him so he can get things done faster. Bond at work and relax together at home.

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Hmmm. My dad was a single parent of four kids, including myself, and he did it all. He had his own business. I mean I was the oldest and had to miss out on sports and stuff to watch my three younger brothers otherwise he would have been screwed because we didn’t get help from anyone. Other than that, not only was he working super long hours he was also going shopping, cooking, cleaning, dealing with our school. He still made time for us. Tbh Before my mom walked out on us he didn’t do much with us. He was under a shit ton of stress don’t get me wrong. But it is possible. He did it. So whenever I see guys making work as an excuse to not make a little time for their family. I just shake my head.

Starting a business is tough. I’m sure he has to put in a lot of hours and has practically no time for himself. Trouble is, making time for his family is not a fantasy if that’s what he really wants to do. Even if it’s just one afternoon a week. I don’t know what the answer is with this man. You didn’t say how long ago he started his business. I’m sure the first year or two can be labor intensive and really stressful. At the same time, I can understand you feeling like he’s forgotten you, especially when he only spends a few minutes with the kids and barely notices you. Try to hang in there as long as you can. I can understand you feel pushed aside, especially if he has his own room. Give it some time. But value yourself.

That is not a fantasy. I have a husband who worked that shift when our babies were little and he always made time for me or the kids, even helping with a few chores and cooking a bit. He would wake up with the kids if he could too even when he was working the next morning, just so I could have a much needed break too. Marriage and kids should be shared with both parents, not just one. I feel sorry for you and your babies! He needs a reality check!

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But he should at least make some time

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He’s working a real job 12 hours, 7 days a week… And you’re complaining? Does he not provide for his family? Get you a broke man you can babysit, they have all the free time you need. :roll_eyes::woozy_face:

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This happens in homes all across the country. Women are losing their rights while men think they own the women and they should do everything because they are home. Expect much more of this and worse.

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There are so so so many significant others who split the house work, spend a lot of time with their family, AND spend one on one time with their spouse. It is NOT a fantasy. There are people out there doing what you want and making sure their SO feels loved, and isn’t overwhelmed, feels attractive, and wanted, and is NEVER told they are crazy for expressing how they feel. You don’t have to accept less than you deserve just because someone says it’s normal. Sure he’s working hard but he has a family, that’s a priority too. He’s just not making you guys a priority and that is a choice.

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If you want a good stable man you have to put up with with busy man. You can find u a lazy and to stay home with you all day if that’s what u prefer.

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Would you rather get with a scrub and collect welfare ?

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He is not making your family a priority. He is not a family man.

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My husband works 12hrs 5 days and 6hr Saturdays (hard outside labor job) still comes home and spends time with our 6 kids and myself! :woman_facepalming: Saturdays and Sundays everyone spends outside. He sets up water slide for kids, and works on stuff in our yard while they play. Does dishes, does laundry, helps clean……. Tell yours he’s lazy af and to step up his game! There are men out here being sole financial supporters and still helping run the households! :muscle::muscle:

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Girl, I see your replies on some of these comments and I hear you! Some of these people commenting sound ridiculous to me. My husband is a welder. He works long days… in this hellish heat and he still comes home and helps with the house, even cooks supper most days and spends time with me and our son. I am a business owner and also pregnant so I just don’t have the energy to do it all by myself these days. As a business owner (I own a cleaning service) my work is never ending, answering calls/texts, scheduling, meeting with new clients, etc… but I’m home alot more and don’t “work” as many hours as my husband does and I don’t have to beg or even ask my husband to help me with the house. Occasionally, I might ask for help if I’m needing help with something specific, but that’s normal. What you’re dealing with is not normal. You deserve a man that will make you and your family a priority!!

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Thank you so much. I really feel like I’m not chasing a fantasy as he says. Lots of mothers and fathers work a lot and still make time for their families. I feel out of control.

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You said you have more questions and confusion. Can you elaborate more on what’s going on… I personally don’t feel like it’s enough info to know if he’s just tired and not making the time or if there is even more going on cause it sounds like you have more you are worried about

Go work with him or visit him and try to surprise him try going where he is if you want attention girl

It should always be a team. You work just as much if not more then him. When is your break? He’s being lazy he can work and still be a dad. And house chores are for everyone in the home not just mom. Your not crazy, you’re tired.

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Time for a sit down conversation. I also suggest counseling. Talking is very important.

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Start finding a job, work from home to get up some money and then you and the kids leave. If he can’t do family stuff or be home, you go get work, get a place and move on. He’ll then have to clean his own place, work, and care for the kids on his own time.

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My husband owns his own business and it’s just life. If you want a successful man you are going to have a busy one. Maybe try helping instead of bitching. :woman_shrugging:t2:

wow if he can’t make time for you and the children now he will never do it, you can always make money but never get back the time that has been lost, stop waiting for him and do what will make you and you children happy now, time stands still for no one

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He works 7 days a week… give the man a break. He’s probably exhausted and just needs a damn breather.

My husband works 7 days straight for weeks at a time. I’m a sahm and I do all the house work on top of raising our daughter. We see him for a couple hours in the morning and then a couple hours at night. Ive shifted our schedule so we can be on his and see him more. He works in a steel foundry and it’s not easy work at all. Just last year he burnt off his fingers and still went back to work just 2½months after getting them amputated. He sacrifices so much so he can provide the life he does for us. I just cannot understand how women can expect so much from their men and still complain about them not spending every second with them.

We make at least an hour for each other on the evenings. Even when my partner works 14 hour days

I feel like I’ve bn here. Both my husband and I run our own businesses. mine from home. so I see to my son more…I’m grateful i have some help from my mil. I feel like u need to do stuff with ur kids for ur self. call a friend and take d kids to a play area and catch up. even a mac Donalds. unfortunately being a stay home mom means dad comes home exhausted , they do feel like they work harder . mines a diesel mech so his job is physical . try and plan some time n for ur self once kids are in bed. but also sit hm down and explain that you appreciate him working hard for the family but that means nothing if he has no one to share it with. maybe then try to schedule one night a week family nighfnand go from there. itz nt easy and we came close to me leaving but be strong and fight FOR your husband not with hm.

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It’s good that you have a hard working man but he should be making time for you and the family.x my partner works 12 hour shifts and has other responsibilities but still makes time for me and my girls. If there’s absolutely no time spent together then I’d seriously be questioning things x

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my husband worked 16hr daus and still helped me…theres no excuse. id stop doing shit an n
make him help. oh u want laundry? help me out sometimes. not my problem now u wanna act like ur single do ur own shit

This is my husband and I too. We’re in the process of a separation now. My husband was barely working this year and still not spending time with us. I told him I wanted a separation and now all he does is work and still doesn’t spend any time with us. It’s all about priorities. It’s not a fantasy. It’s called finding a balance that satisfies both of you

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Sheesh sooo many scams in the comments :frowning:… keep trying maybe try not to make it an argument that could send someone into wanting to work more and be out of the house longer

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They will find time for the ones they love if it’s important, we both work so we take turns watching our two yr old when we get home so we can get our “chores” at home done (cooking dinner, baths etc.) But we eat dinner together as a family and then go outside and spend time together whether it’s going for a walk, fishing etc. We MAKE time for each other bc we love each other…try seeing if he wants to go for a walk with you and the kids after he winds down from work

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I don’t think it’s a fantasy . But has he always been this way it is it new ? My husband is a workaholic and he still spends time with me . We have 3 kids and I’m lucky to be able to stay home with them and I do 100% of everything at home since he works 100% :woman_shrugging: but that’s what works for us . I’m not sure if your working but can you maybe take some initiative and plan something at home or out to show him you can spend time together.

He’s tired and trying to get a business going. Give him some slack. Once it gets going he will have more time.

What is your question and just lay it all out

Well I work 12 hr shifts. Usually 5 a week and it is exhausting. I am so tired on my off days. My house is neglected because of it. I do spend time with my husband. Watch movie or whatever. But then I get 4 hrs of sleep. It’s not fair to me.