Am I in the wrong to ask my friend not to bring her kids over when she comes over?

My kids are like my entourage…they come everywhere and they are teenagers lol

I guess I’m just confused? If you have your 7 (year?) old around, I would be more concerned about a child that age hearing “adult talk” than I would a teenager? So why would the issue be that? I guess I’m just wondering if there is more to it than that? Otherwise this doesn’t make a lot of sense. I understand and agree that certain things should not be said around kids, but it doesn’t seem like that’s the actual issue? One day it could be you struggling to make plans with friends, because of having children, so I would just be a good friend and still make time to see her, while reserving any conversations that are inappropriate for a more private way of discussing. (I.e via call/texts/messages)

My kids are older and they want to go everywhere I go. If somebody was to tell me this, I wouldnt be going back over. My kids are my best friends. How about just go into another room or something? If the teens can’t hear it then I guess your 7 year old can’t either.

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The simple answer is “yes” for a multitude of reasons. Sometimes kids don’t want to go out and “explore” the world because the world is shit. They don’t want to sit at home by themselves. Some do, some don’t. I relish in the fact that my older kids like hanging out with me. However, I understand where you are coming from in wanting to have adult conversations without teenage ears. They are her kids and they are just as important to her as your 7 and 9 month old is to you. In all honesty, there should be a little bit of compromising between the two of you to find that common ground. Instead of meeting at a house where it’s a little more casual, meet for lunch without yours or her kids, etc. Bottom line though, if your kids are there, then there is no reason hers can’t be.

Just ask for some girl time, just u & her

Well that’s rude! If I was your friend and my kids weren’t welcome then I wouldn’t go either

At that age they should be able to stay home while she went over for a coffee

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It’s a bit odd she makes her older teen kids come with her,I can guarantee they probably don’t want to be there.

I’d message her n ask why she does n then tell her the truth about how you feel.

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They are old enough to stay home by their self for a while

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When the OP says her kids are 7 and 9 months, where is the 7 year old going when she wants to do girl talk? If whatever you have to say to your friend is not cool in front of teenagers then how is it ok in front of a 7 year old?
Personally. When I get together with my friends I have always left my kids at home with their dad. This allowed me to enjoy time with my friends.

Why would an 18 year old and 15 year old want to do that. Thats odd

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A mother of a teenage boy, I am also a black mom. So having my son near me as much as possible because of the high rate of death in black boys. Period. My daughter I keep her also close. How about treating her to a spa where none of the kids can go.

I would go to hers if u can
Her kids may be in there rooms or busy for mums friends chat

Say we Ned girl time with out little ears

Um yea doesn’t matter what age they are she can bring her kids any were she wants as you have yours there too young kids also listen in on adult convos…if you want adult time schedule it in and get a baby sitter oh wait your friend has two teenagers that can baby sit

First I would ask her why she brings them. Teens don’t usually want to go with mom to her friends. Are they accessing some tech at your house they can’t get at home?

I had the same issue with a friend that would bring her boyfriend every even to thunder from down under when I brought the issue to her attention I ended up loosing that relationship

Maybe you get a babysitter and invite her out for coffee.

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This was posted in another page and you got really bad comments for this. My opinion still wouldn’t change. I wouldn’t be your friend anymore. My kids and I are a package deal. Imagine if your friend told you that you couldn’t bring your children. This post is ick.

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Get ready to loose the friend or a big distance between U … Ain’t nice I talking from experience … But mine is a toddler and I heavley pregnant now

Anyone else wondering why a 18 year old " boy" wants to hang out with a 7 year old girl? I’m sorry but I wouldn’t be leaving any teenager around my 7 year old or 9 month old baby so instead of talking to my friend , I’d be watching them the whole time. That’s kinda defeating the purpose of coffee and chat with adult conversation.

My best friends’ kids are MY kids. They will always be welcome. What if the shoe was on the other foot, and your friend was like “Hey, my kids are grown, and your little kids are killing my vibe, leave them at home”? That would suck. I had two kids later in life after my older kids, and all my besties kids were already older. They all look after the younger ones, and treat them like cousins. This mentality just makes no sense to me. Can’t relate.

Maybe she brings them over so they can babysit your younger children??? Sounds like a perfect friend to me. If my best friend had older kids I would ask them to babysit. Maybe even pay them for their time so mommies can have mom time

Your 7 yr old should decide not be hearing “grown up talk”.
I feel like there’s some double standards here

Have you tried asking her why she is so close to her children?
If you were really her friend then you would know already what reason she has for bringing her children everywhere?.
I grew up in a Hispanic household and even at that age my parents were just strict and we went everywhere with them. (Their train of thought was “if my teenage daughters are with me. That means that there’s no teenage boy over at the house with my teenagers while I am away doing heaven’s knows what”)
Maybe ask her over and ask her. He might be surprised at what you find out?

Do you live in a closet? NTA at all.
At those ages, tho, I can’t imagine how you don’t get privacy. They’re beyond old enough to not need supervision and to be sent to another room.

Girl I dont want MY OWN damn kids at my house when I invite someone for coffee let alone their kids :joy::joy:
Probably why I dont invite people over tho :joy::joy:

Don’t say a word. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. There is a reason the kids go with her.

Why would any teen want to hang out with y’all? :rofl:I don’t get it.What do they do while you visit? Just sit there? So weird.

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If you have your kid’s there then no problem with hers being there. If yall want kid free time for chats set that up. Get a sitter and set time for adult time. Pretty simple. If my friend told me I couldn’t bring my kids for a chat when they have kids there this would be a problem for me.

If you want it kid free you should get a sitter then. I think it’s gross that you see your kids as okay to be up yall ass and not your friends kids too. I hope your friend drops you like a rock… if my kids aren’t welcome then I don’t want to be there either. You don’t sound like a friend. If you want that then go out on a girls night not hanging out with you and your kids​:joy::joy::joy:

At 18 there’s no way I would go to my mum’s friends house with her. That shit stopped at 15-16 :rofl:

I honestly can’t believe some of these answers to this question . First off those are her children period DONT matter their age . They come first before anyone else . Second if she wants girl time then go to a movie or grab a bite to eat . Leave all kids at home . Including the young ones . Find a babysitter . I don’t care how old that ladies kids are they could be full on adults if their mother wants them around so be it . Take it from a mother that lost her oldest son to murder . I’d do ANYTHING AND DROP ANYONE WHO DIDNT WANT TO BE AROUND MY KIDS NO MATTER THE AGE .

Eh… Just tell the kids to go to your room and play on a tablet phone or something. If your my friend you get all of me, my kids too. Ide be offended. First of all can my kids stay at home at that age yes they can. But for whatever reason she brings em. Tell em to go play with your kids. Take care of the babies for a few. Your friend probably brings them assuming they could help while you guys chat. Tell her I need to tell u some stuff gurl but not around the kids. Don’t make it about the kids coming over that just feels rude.

I find that a bit unusual. That They would want to come. That age is very busy with their friends, sports, etc. May be more to this story.

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Seriously :roll_eyes: sounds like your best friend needs a new friend!

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Get a baby sitter and take her out to lunch.

I feel adults need , adult time and conversation, just like Teens need to have time with their peers. When my girlfriend came over when my kid’s were little, she came after bedtime. Then we’d sit on tge deck and have snacks and wine . Her kids were older, so they stayed home. We both enjoyed those nights and we were always excited to be able to talk and vent, in private.

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Prepare them an area where they can hang out when they come over. Then you can still have your “grown up” talk in peace

Just say come alone got things to talk about teens shouldn’t hear.

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If my " friend" told me my kids weren’t welcomed, That would be my last visit.

Just be honest and tell her you would like, you and her only time. I had to do that with my son and his old gf. She was there every time I wanted to talk to my son, so I told him we needed me and him time ONLY

Know matter how old your kids are you never stop being a parent period . they are her kids . And friend accepts that . Imagine if she said you couldn’t bring your kids around. You can always have the kids in another room while yall talk . Not all teenagers go out with other friends. Or even have friends even . Some teenagers like being with there moms . Maybe theirs reasons they don’t like being alone even . the way this world is nowadays you have to keep your kids close . People act like once your kids are older your job is done as a parent no it’s not . People act like just cause it’s teens it’s weird no it’s not . I have a teen myself and she’s always with me . She has no friends . that she hangs with . And she has terrible anxiety about being alone . She freaks out if she is left alone. So you really truly don’t understand or know the reason why her teens maybe with her . They are her kids period . And if you’re a true friend you’d understand that . And accept her kids period . Heck you can step outside even to talk if needed . In my day kids be in living room while adults in kitchen talking .

Have them step out the room?

No your not wrong at all.

Bye girl, she deserves a better friend than you :laughing: :rofl:

Go
To her house or out for coffee and chat.

My guess is she dont trust her teens to stay alone, nor should she have to.
When they come over, hand your kids to her kids & go coffee talk :joy: not a biggie

Honestly, if you told me I couldn’t bring my kids, we wouldn’t be friends :woman_shrugging:t2:

Maybe say you need some private girl talk time. But it can’t be all the time: you’ll understand when your kids are almost out of the house and you’re holding onto whatever time you have left.

Sorry if I missed this but I’m assuming OP brings her kids along as well??? What’s good for the goose should be good for the gander…

She can bring them but I absolutely wouldn’t talk adult issues. It would be surface, light hearted talk. I don’t talk to children about adult issues.

Is she really your friend if you can’t accept the presence of her children as well? Maybe she has personal stuff going on and doesn’t feel comfortable leaving her children alone?

Weird bc 1 is an adult and no way would my kids go with me at that age

Some of you act like she’s saying she never wants the kids around again. She wants ONE day to talk to her friend about shit without other understanding ears around, that DOESNT make you a bad friend that makes you human. I agree with some other comments try find a way to phrase it so she understands you need to vent with just her, a good friend would understand the need to be “alone” to express yourself.

Just because someone has kids doesn’t mean the kids need to know what you’re going through and what’s bothering you. Just because someone is a parent doesn’t mean they don’t need individual time

So, maybe it’s just me, but if I invite my girls over for any reason, their kids are always welcome here because my kids are always here too and vice versa. Now if we want Momma time, we make those plans together and if we need to talk more adult, we create things for the kids to do that doesn’t require our assistance to do so. Plus, if one is 18, I’m betting that time is looking shorter for your friend. My oldest is about to be 16, and I’m already wanting him to spend more time with us as much as possible because two years is gonna fly, and my boy will make the transition into adulthood and my heart isn’t close to ready.

If they’re that close with mom I’m sure they have heard lots of “adult” conversations. Some Kids don’t care what’s going or being said they just wanna be with their parent or be included.

So your kids can be there but because her kids are older it’s a problem that they’re around.

You don’t invite a mother if you don’t want to see her kids! What is wrong with you? Smh…

What if the positions were reversed?. This woman is ridiculous in asking that the teens stay home

Whatever you say could hurt her feelings.
Bff or not, we are ALL human. And shit hurts. She may back off of you a bit, she may get mad and not talk or she could be completely understanding. We are humans, bff or not it is gonna hurt.
Now with that being said… why dont you just straight out ask her? Maybe she brings them to help with your kids so you can actually visit? Maybe she has issues herself leaving them alone? Maybe her kids don’t like to be alone? Or maybe her kids just really like the vibe at your house and feel comfortable. Like going to family’s.
Just ask. Break the ice, just be forward and say “so why do your kids always come with you when you come over?? " let her answer and they say, " oh well I thought it was because they loved me so much”
you got an aswer, and made it calm at the end and now can continue the conversation on the matter. Unless after you dont care. Or understand why. Ya your friends be straight up with her.

This that white people shit! They still her kids she don’t need to leave them home if she don’t want to, there is absolutely nothing wrong or weird with your grown children wanting to be with you! Sis just end the friendship!