I need some advice. Whenever I ask my best friend to come over for a coffee and chat, she always brings her kids with her. She has an 18 year old girl, and a 15 year old boy. They are nice kids, but it’s hard to have “grown up girl talk” with 2 teenagers hanging around, especially the boy. My kids are only 7 and 9 months, so it’s not like my kids could hang with hers. How do I tell her, that when I invite her over, I’m just inviting her, and not her 2 teenagers?
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Well, the best thing is communication… just talk to her about it and if she’s still wanting to bring them then that’s what she wants to do lol
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I find this quite sad 
if my best mate wanted to see me I would be happy for her children to come no matter what age they are , I would have the kettle on and snacks for the teenagers,
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Idk… my daughter is attached at my hip. She prefers to hang out with me than anyone else, including her best friend. I was not like her when I was a teen.
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Maybe they want to be with their mom. Mine are pre teens but love going anywhere with me.
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Let’s play a little role reversal and see how you’d feel… 
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My kids usually always come with me. Maybe they can take care of the younger kids?
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What you can do is, if they are at the table or whatever just say hey can I have a talk with your mom. Just say hey you can watch TV or whatever. I just need a grown up talk.
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Just tell her. If she’s truly your best friend, she’ll understand.
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What are they not wanting to stay with, why they’re coming with mum every time.
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Just say can we have some grown up convo.
Omg, get over yourself. Wait until yours turn into teens themselves. Your best friend needs a new best friend.
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This is valid and I completely understand. I hope you figure it out. Honestly if she’s a best friend she should consider and understand to an extent.
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Tell her and explain how you feel
Your “young” children will be teens one day! You’ll then understand. You’ll also look back on ur expectations of your friendship one would hope
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Word it in such a way where that’s obvious then? Like, “Wanna come over and have a kid free conversation/vent coffee break?” Always be upfront and if she can she will! If she can’t then maybe next time?
Maybe she figures her kids could help watch yours so you two can talk uninterrupted that’s what my mom and her friend did I was much older then the other kids so I would play with them while they talked in kitchen would get them snacks or even play outside
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If I need girl talk with my girlfriends, I just mention specifically that it would be nice to connect without our kiddos! They’re usually very receptive and there’s never any hurt feelings on either end! Just be open in communication- it’s the best advice for every relationship! 
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Is there anything happening in her life that would make her or her kids feel uncomfortable being alone? That is unusual for the older ones…
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Maybe start the convo with “hey if you wanna escape from the kids for a while, I could use some adult conversation” maybe she will take the hint lol
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I would have loved if my teens wanted to hang out with me… But, by the time they were 15 and 18 I wasn’t even hanging with my friends anymore, since I was too busy on the phone calling my kids saying “Omg Where Are You! You said you’d be home Over an hour ago!” I’m still trying to recover from those years and they are 27 and 37 now😆
That will be hard to tell her if you value your friendship. Maybe the kids like seeing you and your kids.
I definitely understand what you mean and you’re right you should be able to have some alone time with your bestie. But she might feel slighted or hurt that you don’t want her kids there. Maybe there’s another way you could go about it. Like, I know it may not be something you could do all the time but maybe you could get yourself a baby sitter and just tell her, “hey let’s go get coffee or something kid free” that way it’s equal. 
On the other hand, I totally get that her kids are teenagers and one is basically an adult that can take care of themselves but she obviously feels they need to be with her 24/7 for some reason so yeah. Compromise. Communicate. Hopefully if she’s a good friend she will understand. And vice versa.
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I’m surprised she even wants them around. Lol. My 14 & 15 year olds wouldn’t be caught anywhere around me or my friends. Lol
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Maybe the teens have disabilities or mental health problems and can’t be without mum etc or separation anxiety etc maybe ask if she can squeeze 1 day a week on her own for a girlie catch up but other days accept that she brings the teens as othet people have said they come ad a package she a mum I go put without my kids but wouldn’t be happy if a close friend of mine said my kids weren’t invited don’t think I would be impressed x
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If you have been friends for a long time maybe the kids think about you like an aunt and they like to visit you. Or maybe your place is much nicer so they enjoy spending time there. Do you make them meals or snacks?
How is their living situation?
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Maybe she says hey I’m going to xyz house and they say oh! Can I come?
Or she says hey! I’m going to xyz house do you wanna come or stay? And they said come!
I would always ask to go with my mom when she was going to her friends house lol
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Where are your kids during this time? If not gone you are 
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Tell her so she can pick better friends.
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Just say hey bestie I need some alone time with you for some grown up talk can you come by? Shouldn’t need any further explanation
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This entire thread is filled with weird stuff that is exactly the reason I don’t have many friends:melting_face:
I would 100% rather my teenage kids be firmly planted in my starfish than out here wanting to run the streets:100:
She sounds like a fabulous parent imo:raised_hands:
If my “friend” had a problem with my kids coming with me, they would no longer be a friend to me🤷♀️ Now having a conversation about how you all could talk more privately when she does visit could look totally differently. That’s a choice you’ll have to make.
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Well idk why she really would want to, or why the kids even want to? Unless her kids are babysitting your kids so you can have time
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I’m wondering why the teenagers would want to go over and hang out.
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Maybe she thinks that if your kids are gonna be invited hers are too 
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“Hey friend! I need some adult time, wanna go for lunch?”
No way could I drag my kids there! They would hate it. At 18 my daughter listens in and contributes to most adult conversations though, if she did want to come but my son… no way I could do that without a fight 
and why would I want to either.
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That’s a lil old for those boys to be wanting to come for a chatty grown up talk my boy would be like he k no I’m alright right here at home lol
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Just say it. My son is 13 almost 14 and loves coming with me when I go with my adult friends so sometimes I just have to tell him, “not today home fry”
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Friends dont have to come on FB For advice just be straight forward and tell her I needed private time how about you kids go into the other room while grown up talk. Is going on if she dont take what your saying then find another friend to confine in sounds like the kids dont have outside friends but mom. At that age they can stay home alone
So what exactly do the kids do when they’re over there, since they’re obviously not playing with your little ones? It’s kind of pointless to bring them along, unless she doesn’t trust them alone at home for a few hours. They are definitely of age to be able to look after themselves for a little bit. Especially the 18 year old who is technically “an adult”. Does she bring them with her everywhere, like they have a really close bond and they’re always all together? If not, I don’t think it would be too much of a problem to at least suggest getting together for ADULT time once in a while. You obviously don’t want to make her feel bad, just be cool about it.
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I’d say something to the effect of “Hay, I need some adult conversation, would you mind coming over alone?”
There’s nothing wrong with telling someone what you need in a kind way.
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She’s your best friend but are you her best friend because it sure don’t sound like it.
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There may be a reason she doesn’t want them home alone, if she’s your friend try talking to her about it.
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Maybe the teenagers can watch your kiddos so both of you can have less interruptions? I mean your kids shouldn’t be around adult conversations either to be technical lol
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So ask the teenagers if they would like to entertain the little ones in another room and maybe pay them to watch them why you both chat
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Remember that someone tells you your kids csnt come but you can. How you’ll feel.
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At first I was like oh my gosh, how ridiculous but then when you said their ages….Kind of strange that she always brings them anyways. 
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if shes really your friend u should be able to be honest and its gonna be all good! if shes your real friend she will def understand!
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I’d just provide some entertainment for them in another room. I wouldn’t request for them to not come over. I would not feel comfortable saying anything to my friend, but that’s me.
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People are acting like she told her not to bring the newborn and toddler…these kids are 15 and 18…I might get the 15 yr old but an 18 yr old boy? They should not be hanging out for friend time anyway and should be doing their own thing.
Yeah kids can be your friends but they are also supposed to explore the world on their own at certain points and not be into every adult conversation that goes on.
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They are teenagers they can be left at home lol Maybe anti-social? Attachment issues? Get a babysitter ask her to meet you at a bar or something that is strictly for adults.
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Invite her over when the kids are in school.
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Be glad you have a friend to do that. I wish I had at least 1 friend bit I have 0 and it sucks
To me best friends are honest with each meaning you should be able to communicate. I want honesty. I have 2 kids, ages 28 & 16. I’m not sure why at that age kids would be going everywhere, my kids like to be on their own. Kinda weird. Maybe don’t say do not bring your kids over but do they sit right with you? Maybe tell her you have things to talk about just you & I, no kids around. Meet other places and say adults/girls only. Don’t make it sound like the kids are no welcome obviously they are just privacy weird that the kids want to sit and listen to it all
Maybe she enjoys her kids company and has reasons that she just hasn’t disclosed to you that she doesn’t leave them at home?
I do think you have to acknowledge her kids come with her in some way unless you’ve discussed it other ways. She might find your little ones get in the way at times to but I’m sure she might not say. If there’s things you need to chat about in private perhaps a phone call! I know if my we man wants to still hang out with me at 18 I’d be well chuffed as it’s usually “ too cool” to do that. Personally if someone invited me to their house and told me to leave my children at home whilst I have to sit with theirs I wouldn’t be back. You could always leave yours at home and go to her house? I’m sure they wouldn’t be involved then
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Everybody talking about their age must not pay attention to the world we live in. Her or maybe even the kids could possibly not feel safe. I’m almost 32 and won’t go to tupelo by myself bc of people being snatched or followed around. There’s many reasons she could not be okay with it. Also last I checked 18 don’t make you grown and automatically full of all this worldly knowledge. There’s no such thing as an overprotective mother anymore.
Tbh, would you be okay with it if she said come over but leave your kids at home. I guarantee you would feel some type of way…even when they get to be her kids age. When it comes to yours no matter their age you’d never be okay with them being excluded or not welcomed somewhere you are at. I’d say tell her up straight…that way she can cut her losses and find a better friend.
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I had a “friend” Do this… needless to say I started to pull away from said friend
Her kids are part of her live. Why should she hang out with you and your kids. How would you feel if she told you when you visit her not to bring you 7 year old ans toddler because wants to have a girla night without small kids running around and being noisy. It goes both ways.
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Maybe ask her to meet out for lunch ? Just the 2 of you.
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Put a movie on or do something fun for them
What kind of conversation where teenagers are welcome ? They are her kids. I wouldn’t want a friend that doesn’t like my kids around.
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Why the heck is she bringing teenagers? They probably don’t even want to be there
The next time you invite her, just tell her it’s just her so you can have adult conversation.
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This comment section… Seriously… Yet if this was a question or post, about her dropping her kids all the time to go hangout with someone… Bet everyone would have an entirely different take. My parents once had these friends, a married couple. I think they didn’t really like kids or something. My brother and I weren’t teenagers, but we weren’t extremely young either. They had told my mom that they didn’t want her and my dad to bring us over to their place anymore when they came over to see them… My mom told her “if my children aren’t welcome somewhere… Neither am I”. And there went that friendship. It doesn’t matter why she’s bringing her kids. Or why she isn’t ditching them and leaving them home alone. Or any of that… Those are her kids. The fact they pretty much aren’t welcome at your home… Says a lot. You’re not much of a best friend. Or, you would honestly not mind her kids coming.
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This person isn’t saying she never wants her friend’s kids around ever again. Moms are allowed to have free time without their kids or other ppl’s kids around you know🙄 I would send a text like “kid free night??” And go from there. And If it’s taken out of context just explain bc you wanted to have adult convo not bc they aren’t welcomed.
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I don’t think this woman is completely banning her friends kids from her house but everyone has got to admit it’s nice to have adult only convo weather your kids come as a package is irrelevant…
You could set them up in a different room or meet when kids are at school/ or whatever they do…
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That’s weird she brings her teens
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I’m not understanding how it’s hard to have grown-up woman talk around an adult and a teen who both know about those kinds of topics unless they’re isolated from the world and the internet.
Just think about how you would feel if a friend said “come chat with me but don’t bring your kids”?
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I mean maybe she figures your kids are there, why can’t she bring hers? Are you going to invite her over, sans kids and send yours away? I can’t imagine trying to have girl talk and an infant starts crying.
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If it were babies or young kids I’d say umm no you can’t ask that well you can but it could easily ensure the friendship but teenagers? That’s very strange
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Probably would be better to ask if you can hang out just the two of you some time. Maybe invite her with the kids sometimes, and sometimes just the two of you. And when it’s time for just the two of you, make sure it’s when your kids are also out of the house, or doing something on their own.
She needs to answer if these teens are mentally impaired or what. Most teenagers that age would Not want to be there. Something is not right.
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Gonna probably lose a friend!
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If she’s your friend then you just tell her…If you can talk grown girl talk with her you should have no problem expressing these boundaries. Be straight up about it.
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I respect her for including her teens instead of isolating them like so many do. Do you ever take your littles to her home? Seems like it’s a family affair with that particular friend.
It is weird the older kids want to always go with her, I would invite her over with- “you need some one on one gal talk time” and that your littles will be in their room playing” or going to bed early or something like that. Your kids are different than her kids listening because your littles have no idea what you are discussing. It’s just weird she thinks when you ask her over to relax that you want a whole house full. Teenagers are different than littles. She may just not get it. Everyone knows that time to chitchat with girlfriends is totally different topics than when teenager ears are listening. When I finally get time to catch up with a friend, I don’t want to edit what I discuss because others are listening.
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You arent a real friend! I petty the fool who tells me that im invited somewhere but my kids arent,
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Maybe they enjoy your company? Teens need trustworthy adults and role models in their lives… take it as a compliment!
Umm but you have your kids there. So, there’s that…
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Ask her to meet u somewhere than your house. She feels comfortable enough with u— to bring them. Also, at their age, I bet them being with her a lot, won’t last much longer.
You’re not wrong to want some privacy with your friend. I wouldn’t want her to bring her kids either. I wonder if she tags along with her teenagers when they hang out with their buddies? 
Seems so odd to me. Do they go everywhere as a family? Or can she not trust them to be left alone?
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Chey Jaco You act like the friends kids are little like hers. When they are 18 and 15 there is no reason to drag them to your friends house with little kids. I wanna know if these kids want to go or are forced to.
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Just tell her you need girl time without any kids including yours…
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Is she forcing them to come? Are they choosing to come? Is it absolutely unheard of for teens and parents to have a close relationship, of course not. At those ages they can just as easily stay home, or do something with their own friends. Once in a while I would understand, but every single time that’s strange, for their ages anyway. My kids are 13, 17, 19, and 21 and none of them would want to go with me to a friend’s house for coffee and chit chat, they would much rather be with their own friends, or catch up on school work, or just stay home and relax.
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You expect her to leave her kids at home but your kids are there? Teenagers are on their phones lol and not a bother at all. If you can’t say certain things around her teenagers are you saying them around your toddlers? This is just a weird mentality. I could see if you were child free lol. If you don’t want kids present then go out for coffee and tell her it’s a kids free day and leave yours at home too. Otherwise it just seems like not a very friendly thing to leave her kids out and yours are just there. Your house your rules but I think it’s weird to feel uncomfortable talking around her kids but it’s just fine to have grown up talk around toddlers? Maybe its just me but I would definitely make sure I didn’t bother coming to your house.
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I totally understand this. Kids shouldn’t not be with the adult conversations unless it’s a family thing. There a things they should not be listening to. They should stay home and go to a different room when they come. There is a time for conversation with the kids and there is a time they shouldn’t be in the conversation with the adults. It’s called respect. Something they need to be taught
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Set up a gaming system keep them busy
Meet her at a place where there’s an age restriction
My friend did this too - had a 17 year old boy listening to our menopause conversation. He was a really weirf kid and she refused to acknowledge that he had issues. Just went over her house, where he would stay in his room - at my house he would take 6 sodas if you offered one…put the cans in his jacket…she would ignore it? Just odd!
I wouldn’t go anywhere where my kids weren’t welcome.
Then remove your kids too. You can’t have girl talk in front of a 7 year old either. I know you didn’t ask but you’re the AH!!
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Would you like it if someone said it to you?
Maybe the kids like being with her and maybe they like going places with her.
Personally I wouldn’t be offended if you said it to me. But everyone is different x
If your kids are there…why would you expect her not to bring hers. Meet out somewhere and don’t take yours, then say let’s have adult time. I’m afraid if someone told me not to bring mine,it would not end well.
If your kids are present why can’t hers be?
Why not suggest having the big kids watch the Littles so the moms can go have coffee alone occasionally?
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Heaven forbid she be a parent
Me & my best friend always decide together if we are bringing kids or having adult time with no kids ahead of us hanging out
Some single moms are afraid getting old alone. They desperately hold on to their kids, spoiling them by not paying rent or paying any bills.
I have 3 single mom friends that are very much alike.
And THAT is just the start… let’s not talk about the treatment those poor older ladies receive from their offspring.
If her kids can’t be there, why should yours?
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Just talk to her and say hey maybe next time it can be just us ladies?
There’s no nice way of you telling your friend her kids aren’t welcomed to your home. But you could say if they’re going to be over here they need to occupy themselves and not be in adult conversations. The 18 year old is an adult n doesn’t need to really come with her but u can’t expect her to choose u over her kids
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