My best friend recently took in her two neices, ages 7 and 8. They come from an unstable home life, with parents who are borderline neurodivergent . As a result, the girls are developmentally delayed, the 8 year old can’t read. They have a ton of behavior issues. We’ve taken vacations with my friend and she has brought the girls along, so we are not strangers to them. The vacations never go well due to the girls behavior and the effect it has on my own kids. My daughter is 10 and doesn’t get along with her neices most of the time. Is it wrong that I don’t like being around her nieces and now that my best friend has them full time, I feel like I have to spend less time with her in order to avoid the girls. My hubby feels the same way, they aren’t enjoyable kids to be around due to their behavior. I’ve expressed some of our concerns to my friend. I try to look at the situation they are in and the changes they are dealing with and extend grace. But I just don’t feel like I want to vacation with them again or be around them often.
You’re a bad friend and that’s my opinion. Those little girls need love from anywhere by the sounds! Behavior can improve. She needs a chance to give them the structure they need and you should be in her corner
Sounds like extending grace is not your strength. Bless your friend. I’m certain she can find a better best friend than you.
I disagree with everyone else. I have friends that I love dearly that I have distanced myself from because I can’t stand their kids 
and a lot of that problem comes from the parenting of my own friend… and I’m a parent too. Another reason would be I don’t want my kids exposed to their kids and the BS that comes with it. Do what’s best for you and your family
Maybe try doing some one on one with each child separately. I can understand the frustration but think about what your girlfriend is going through on a daily basis. Show her some grace. She needs a friend now.
You are not wrong for your feelings, but I think it shows a serious lack of true compassion. Your friend is dealing with kids that have been neglected and not been taught things they should have. Your friend is likely overwhelmed and needs support. Those kids need therapy and evaluations to see what kinds of help they need most. If you are not able to be the type of friend she needs, then end the friendship she deserves better.
I’m the friend with a neurodivergent child (likely 2) and that child also is borderline odd. Prior to getting the help we needed he was a handful. On off days he can be a handful. I understand it being too much for people. Your feelings are valid but after reading this post I am even more thankful for the friends I have who are by my side even on our bad days 
All through your children’s lives, they will come across people and fellow students or coworkers with differences to their self. I would suggest that you maybe reduce the amount of time around them but share with your children that this is a great opportunity to be a valued friend and inspirational leader to the neices. If they’ve had a rough start, they aren’t as fortunate as your children. Take seperate family vacations but maybe still some weekends together to help inspire a love of reading or how good behavior is valued. I sympathize with your friend. Good luck!
You’re bailing on your friend when she needs you the most. You don’t need to force your child to like hers or to be around them. But YOU avoiding your friend just because you don’t want to be around the kids is pretty awful.
Wooooow! Lets consider your friends struggles! I’m sure she’s clueless as we all are with parenting! It takes a village to raise children safely. Be a better friend or help her find a better village!!!
In a time of need you are not a good friend 
I am your friend except my own child has behavioral issues and he has trouble reading. I have a best friend and she tried to help but we still remained friends. Remember these children didn’t choose this life.
I wouldn’t completely distance myself if I were you, this is hard on your friend too. But you have every right not to go on vacation with her and the kids. Vacation is supposed to be relaxing and a break And there’s nothing relaxing about unruly, uncontrollable kids even if it’s not their fault.
As someone who has a teen with severe autism, I personally wouldn’t want to be your friend if I knew that’s how you felt.
I hope you’re never put in the situation that you have to care for a child who is developmentally delayed and then have your friends bail on you because of it.
She needs support not someone who avoids her because you can’t handle the kid’s behaviour. Their behaviour is because they are developmentally delayed. Do some research and educate yourself.
You are not a true friend.
A vacation is just that. Im not paying money to spend time with anyone who would ruin it. Is it sad for them, sure but not your obligation. Also, I wouldn’t hang out with someone if I was miserable the whole time. I’d Suggest adult only dinner to catch up.
You need to grow up. They come from an unstable home, they weren’t taught properly. Go hang with your friend and the girls and just have fun trying to show them they are loved, accepted. They need stability, someone to show they care
I wouldn’t want to be your friend.
I personally know if my friends can’t love my children or in this case love the children that would be in my care then they don’t need a place in my life. You are a full grown adult and those are children that didn’t ask to have the life they were given and your best friend is trying to make best of it. Hard time falls on your friend and you don’t want to be around her, that’s a bad friend. How would you feel if people didn’t want to be around you because they felt some kind of way about your child… you’d be mad.
It is not your responsibility to care for them and if they make you and your family feel uncomfortable that’s a hard choice you are going to have to make. I understand everyone’s concern for your best friend and your loyalty to her however, your family comes first. This is going to cause you to lose her tho and abandon her in her greatest time of need. So consider everything before pulling away. These kids need love, grace and patience as your friend will too, if you are unable to be that, remove yourself and let her find people who will support her the way she needs so you and your family could have the peace you desire.
Your friend is doing a wonderful and selfless thing by taking in her nieces and trying to help them. Not only was the kids world turned upside but so was your friends. The issues these children have are not the children’s fault. They can overcome these issues with love, support, therapy and time. But they need help. I understand this isn’t what your used too and your frustrated but I think you need to extend more grace to all involved. It’s not the kids fault. If you don’t want to go on vacation with everyone, then fine, no more vacations together. Other then that, I think you sound kind selfish. If anything, your friend needs you more now then ever and your bailing on her. What does say that say about you ?
Wow thats pretty sad of you
It’s not the kids fault they have problems
I would take my hat off to your friend for stepping up and taking care of those kids
Perhaps you should end your friendship
With her as honestly you aren’t a good friend to her
SHE might be your best friend, but YOU’RE not hers. Otherwise you would think of ways to help her out and not shun her. Do you think this is easy for her??? She didn’t plan on this, but she stepped up to the task, no matter how hard it is, and believe me, it’s a 100% harder on her.
In my opinion if they came from an unstable home life then they are gonna need all the love and support they can get. Maybe your best friend feels the same way but they are her nieces so she has stepped up and now she will need your support and love more than ever! I couldn’t imagine not being there for my best friend and her kids!
It does not sound like you have a lot of understanding or patience for neurodivergence and trauma. It would be blessing to your friend and those kids to spend less time with people that do not understand them. You don’t have to be around them if you don’t want to.
As a ND Mom with a ND child, I would avoid you knowing you are annoyed by my family. If you are not able to be kind and understanding, then please distance yourself.
Wow. I’ve never felt so disgusted by someone and not even know them. Pretty sure your friend can find another friend that actually accepts kids. If those kids came from a broken home then they obviously require a lot of attention and help. Both of which require long term commitment. Behaviors didn’t happen overnight. Instead of avoiding your friend why not help her and support her. It can be very lonely. I was 14 raising my 2 nieces. Their home life was broken and they both had serious behavioral issues. People helped me instead of turning their backs and judging. Sounds like you’re not extending grace… you’re passing judgement and turning a back. Shame on you
I wouldn’t cut them off, but I think vacation time should be relaxing instead of stressful and I would just plan the next vacation for my family, and if she says anything about it just say that you and your husband wanted some family time alone.
Your friend is going through some extremely tough challenges. I can only imagine how difficult this is for her. I’m sure she’ll get them into the appropriate behavioral health programs when she starts getting the much needed guidance, tools, and resources it takes to do it. Help her She needs your support, Especially now.
Young one, there’s an old saying it takes a village to help raise a child. Apparently, you chose not to be part of this village along with your child. You don’t/can’t have Patience, compassion, understanding that they are children and are only modeling the behavior they’ve seen. I understand the children don’t get along- but you don’t seem to see the whole picture- your child and you are demonstrating proper behavior- your child is learning and teaching communication skills and cooperation. It’s understandable you may not want to spend time with your “best friend “ in this environment - it ain’t your problem. But personally when my “best friends “ needs me - I’m there - but they know if there kids misbehaves, or is disrespectful and they don’t call their kids on it - I will and they back me. 
You have to do what is best for your kids. Don’t think emotionally, think critically. You question your decision based on the friendship you built with your friend. Separate from that thought.
As someone who had to take in their two youngest brothers bc they were being neglected in every way possible, this post put such a bad taste in my mouth. If my friends posted this about my kids I would NEVER speak to them again. Yeah they are a little more difficult than other kids sometimes but they are good kids who are having to re learn life. Your friend is an amazing person who just took something extremely hard on and probably has so many emotions about it. If you really feel like that, stop going around, because kids can tell when someone doesn’t like them and that can 100% hinder their growth. In my opinion you’re a bad friend. Bc my best friend has helped me so much both mentally and emotionally. I can’t imagine going through this without her, or her posting this about my family.
Go on vacation but maybe talk beforehand and say you’re going to do stuff with just your kid/hubby a day or two. This will limit the time your kid is around the others. Talk to your child ahead of time about modeling good behaviors. Those kids are going through a transition, they could prob use a good influence. And it sounds like your friend might need some guidance or help or even a friend to vent to as well. I wouldn’t cut them off completely but maybe set up ground rules & get your own rooms so your family has their own space if they need to step away. I’ve seen kids in bad situations change after they moved it just takes awhile. Kids don’t deserve to be brushed off or given up on because of how they were previously raised.
You call her your best friend, and then alienate her family? I’d use this as a learning period for your own kids to teach them that even while they don’t get along with someone, they can still be kind. Imagine what your “best friend” is dealing with full time. Allowing the girls around a “stable family” and letting them see how life could be with parents/siblings could change their behaviors. I’d say leave your friend alone. Let her raise her nieces and move on because they need support, not someone ready to avoid them because they stepped up to care for the kids.
Such a shame…found a lot of "so called " friends distanced themselves from me as my neurodivergent son got older & his mental health has got worse. Shame on you.
Maybe your friend is better off without you, just saying you could have supported your friend in fact your acting like a child yourself
Sure you don’t have to spend time with her nieces that she’s raising. But be prepared to say good bye to the friendship. It’s clear you’re not an actual friend. Hope your kids don’t ever act(exist) in a way that your other friends don’t drop you bc they exist.
Way to think crappy about neurodivergent children who have lived through trauma. Def dont go around them they need better people in their lives.
Those children need time , space, compassion, understanding , guidance , discipline and love . You cant expect them to be perfect right away given their upbringing . I’m surprised their behaviour is affecting your 10yo tbh…given her upbringing id assume she would be above being led astray
Youre entitled to your feelings but tbh I’m not sure that makes you a very good friend
Imagine if it was the other way round… how would you feel if you’re best friend didn’t want to be around your niece’s?
Those kids have come from a unstable up bringing, these kind of children turn out to be the best kind of friend any one could ever wish for. Give them a chance, they are still learning.
The lack of compassion for these 2 girls is unreal. You think they asked to have the instability in their lives. The best friend didn’t have to take on this hard road; but she chose too. What’s interesting in this post is what if the roles were reversed and it was your children. Anything can happen in life especially the unexpected. I’m so glad I have the friends I do that I’ve supported no matter what and they have done the same. Compassion and humility is needed everywhere. 
Be honest with your friend. Limit outings with the kids. You want your kids to be able to have a good time as well. Your friend should already see for herself that the girls have behavior issues. Hopefully she is getting them help. And by her acknowledging this, she should understand where you’re coming from. These children didnt ask for this situation, but your children are just as innocent and shouldn’t have to be around people who they dislike if its not necessary.
Put yourself in their shoes, what if these were your children or your neices, would you turn your back on them too? Your a horrible friend with no compassion or love in your heart. She deserves better than you. The kids need love and support and compassion and your friend well… she needs the same
Your child shouldn’t be forced to hang around with children she doesn’t like and neither should you. That is wonderful that your friend took on her nieces but that is neither your responsibility nor your problem. I would let my friend know that you prefer to spend adult time with her when you can both get a break from the children.
It is understandable tthe nature of your relationship with your friend is intensified by there new role as surrogate parents.
It seems as if you are blessed with some very caring and dedicated
friends…your kids may feel they have nothing in common
You are so wrong you need to put yourself in her shoes yes she choose to have them kids but maybe you need to think about this yes they have behavior problems that can be fixed with her help the child that can’t read can get the help she needs to become a better reader if your friend didn’t step up to help these girls then they be in worse spot then where they are at or even in a foster home in which they are begging for foster parents cause there isn’t enough she doesn’t need you as a friend if you are being like this so before you think about loosing a friend for issues the kids can’t help put yourself in her shoes
I don’t think it’s wrong to not want to be around poorly behaved children HOWEVER, it is neither the children’s fault or your friends so why penalize them? Imagine if the roles were reversed and you took on these kids thinking you were helping them but then all your friends start coming around less and less and you start talking to them less and less…? You’d feel pretty isolated. You think this flips your world upside down? Her whole world is like this now, 24/7. Support her through this. Don’t be the “only when it’s convenient for me” friend.
I do not agree with this at all. These children can not help that they are like that. You are the problem. Not your friend and not her nieces
You work hard and its too expensive to take an enjoyable vacation to tolerate this.
Youve tried it…and its not with friend and these girls along. It is what is and you know it.
Your husband concurs.
Decline vacationing with them from now on. You are not obligated. Plan something else with just your family…she can plan her own family vacay with out you and yours.
Your young impressionable kids don’t need exposed to that chaos & disruptive bs is the bottom line. Your kids are your priority…regardless of your empathy for her.
She will have to find other playmates for them. Its not your responsibility.
That said, life situations evolve. So do people. This is the friends life she chose now and those kids are part of the messy trying to blend friendship beyond what you can or even want to handle… equation.
Its absolutely fine to distance atp.
Again, its not your to obligation to have to always facilitate around all this.
You can still maintain your friendliness and limited contact with just her…if she’s available with all that on her hands.
You do not have to concede to it being a package deal with kids and joint get togethers given the way you and hubs feel about the situation.
If you cant do a solo no kids lunch date once a month with her, then it will have to be phone calls texts Skype whatever to stay in touch until it can be just one on one get togethers occasionally in transitioning out of the with all the kids get togethers new stage of your lives.
If that doesnt work or suit, move on knowing friendships do run a course sometimes. Send a birthday & Christmas card.
She may ‘need a village’ of resources to deal with what she’s got, but feel no guilt for determining that despite trying you can’t be part of it the way she expects… at the expense of your own children and family.
I think you’re a crap friend for not finding a way to cope with your own thoughts and feelings but expecting kids from troubled homes to be able to.
All kids are not dealt a good hand in life , and it sounds like your friends daughters have never had much positive attention or love , they don’t know how to behave if never taught . You could cut them a break and help your friend re teach them , in stead of saying how bad they are , and you don’t want to be around them , was a child born knowing manners , and respect and knowing the appropriate way to act all the time. Oof course not you taught her through love and understanding. These kids quiet obviously never had that. How about trying to help instead of distancing yourself. Im not saying vacations but play dates , parks ECT , to support your friends behaviors can get better with time. Your not perfect and your child isn’t either .
As a friend I would step up and help when and where needed. She’s doing an amazing thing taking in these children so they don’t end up in foster care or worse. Be a good friend. Teach your children that people are different. How do your kids act with children in their school setting who have these issues? I would hope they aren’t rude to them.
There’s not enough information here. What do you mean by odd? Are they inappropriate? Are they physical? I need more information than their odd with behavior issues… that encompasses so much to just form an opinion based off that description.
Also, I would maybe judge a little bit less. I have an eight-year-old son who’s neurodivergent who can’t…. I don’t think I would want you as a friend.
You are not wrong! I get they are kids and that they were dealt a shitty hand but that’s not your fault or your problem! Anyone saying you’re the bad friend, I challenge them to walk in your shoes. Life is too short. Enjoy your time with your family how YOU want to and don’t feel pressure to do otherwise. I wish your friend and her nieces all the best in the future. Hopefully, down the road, you’ll be able to enjoy each others company in a more relaxing/stress-free setting.
I would say limit the time that you spend with your friend, but don’t avoid her and her nieces completely. I know how it feels my best friend has a son who acts out in one day we were at a very expensive restaurant and waited a very long time for food and when it finally came, it looked amazing, and then he spit his milk and dumped it on my plate.
Talk to your children and explain that their behaviors come from a different upbringing. Child appropriate ! But also be her friend!
I think you should back out of the friendship. She need more supportive and understanding friends
Why are you worried how they will feel?If I were you I will stay away and do what’s best for my family
the comments did not disappoint me. i’m in favor of the majority here.
The way you speak about neurodivergent people is upsetting. You lack understanding and empathy.
Give your friend some time w them. They have learned behaviors that won’t just go away.
Good friends are hard to come by these days and yes you are in the wrong.
People can sit here and make me feel like shit all they want but that’s a lot to take on when they aren’t yours. I feel for your friend because what she’s doing is amazing but if it’s affecting your own kids, that’s a problem. Kids are easily influenced. Definitely be having talks with your kids though as well and maybe ask your friend what you can do to help her. If this is a best friend, it’s worth it 
Don’t do it if you don’t want to. Just be honest with your friend
U and ur family sound like stuck up arseholes
You and your family need to be able to enjoy your family VACATION go with pit them…
Put yourself in her shoes. What would you want?
You don’t have to go on vacation with them…
Are they seeing a therapist?
Of course you have the right to pick and choose who you want your kids around. I think you’re better off just backing away and leaving your alone . Sounds and like she’s going through it and needs a support system. It sounds like you made your choice already . Move on 
You are not a good friend. Are you going over there to help with reading? Just stay away from her and the girls.
Wow you’re cold asf those poor kids don’t deserve that
So they’re essentially her kids now. You pretty much have to ask yourself if you’re ready to lose your friends because once she realizes you’re putting in distance she won’t be happy. If you can live with that then you have your answer. That’s no right or wrong choice, you gotta do what’s best for you.
I’m just here to say a lot of 8 year olds can’t read and many that can don’t have comprehension skills. I think you’re sorta the ah.
Neurodivergemt is such a blanket term and should not hold negative connotations
Ewwwwwww what a gross friend you are. It’s not all about you!! Please, do her a favor and show her your true colors, she definitely needs to find an actual friend and that is NOT YOU!
As a parent with a nuerodivergent kid, I get it, but just know it’s as hard on her also. She may like to be with your family as it provides her an opportunity to enjoy herself while having extra eyes on the children at the same time. I don’t think you are wrong but I totally understand how your friend will feel when she notices what’s going on.
It might be just me and how I was raised but if I knew someone in that situation then I would bring my kids around more often to teach the kids how to behave in a suitable manner like my own kids. My kids know right from wrong and over time the other kids would learn also and get a better handle on their behaviour. ( as long as my kids weren’t in an danger )
Do your friend a favor and walk away. She nor them girl deserve someone like you in their lives. They all deserve support, love, understanding, and most importantly patience. YOU cannot provide them with that, so do them all a favor and let your “friend” find someone else that can provide that to them all.
I grew up with a sister and brother who were different. It isn’t fun. To parent such children is exhausting and draining. People walk away and leave you to struggle alone or with minimal support. I can understand about the vacation, but your friend is probably having a very hard time. She has these kids all the time. She has had the courage and selflessness to take them on, but it must be a bit like being hit by a truck for both her and the kids. Don’t let her lose your friendship and support over this.
You find it hard to be around them
Cause of there behaviour imagine how your friend feels doing in day in and day out, she must be exhausted and but she didn’t have a choice she’s doing a good thing by taking them in, she probably needs you now more then ever, you say recently so there still adjusting to a different life, prob upset they can’t be with there mum and dad cause there going to play up they have been ripped away from
There life and there parents and prob really frustrated with being delayed witch can course kids to act out, i know it’s hard but your friend needs you right now and give the girls time to adjust and be patient with them
A lot of these people don’t realize that they have Neurodivergent children. They can’t see that their kids are different from other… honestly I can see where you’re coming from.
You don’t have to absolutely love their kids,
Just be blessed you don’t have to take them home w you at night. She does…
Wow just wow !!! How would you feel if she said the same thing about your so called perfect children . Man your friend needs a better friend period !! Family you take care of period !! Friends come and go bye Felicia !!
Sad what special needs parents go through so much judgement
This makes me so sad to read my friends did this still struggling with how it made me feel kids are older now but I could never forgive or forget
You dont HAVE to be around people even kids you dont like. Just like people dont HAVE to be around you.
I felt like this with a niece cause somehow everything I said to her was a problem even if othe people said the same thing seconds after me. It was me who they had a problem ao in return i told them to not say shit to my kids then.
Boom problem solved. I avoided that particular niece as to avoid problems with mil. Then i was the bad peraon for avoia kid who gets me into trouble.
If you think you’re best friend material, I don’t want it.
Just put yourself in her shoes if u can manage that 