My MIL left my 6yo and her friend alone. I left to pick up my groceries this afternoon, I told my mil that since the girls (both 6) were having so much fun I would just go for the groceries and asked her if she could watch the girls while I was there, she said yes so I left. When I was waiting at the groceries I get a notification from the front door and I see my MIL bringing her dog out, she usually takes it for walks, she left for nearly 20 min. I was at the groceries panicking since I knew the girls were alone. They are just 6 and I know for sure I wouldn’t live them alone EVER!!! Why would she??? I told my husband she’s not taking care of any of our children again (she doesn’t help often but complains she doesn’t get to spend time with her grandchildren). I feel that something terrible can happen in seconds… imagine 20 min.
Every child is different. My 4 year old is capable of being alone for 20 minutes while I’m outside and they can come find me. I don’t ever completely leave though.
I would to run my other child to school but the school was across the street, not 20 minutes!
I definitely agree with you. I take care of my two grandsons , the oldest is ten and I don’t leave him alone for a minute . The other one is three months and even when he is sleeping I watch him.
Yes. Is Yes. 20mins.of your precious time. Cmon mother n law. Some mom’s do have their own reasons, to worry a lot. But sometimes it’s unnecessary. It’s just how they are. To each their own. It’s really your choice to make concerning your MIL. But just reading some of theses comments. There are some good things to think about, and try
Did you confront the grandmother ? Was she completely away from the house or was she just out about the house with the dog ? I mean , I’ve been outside my house and left my kids alone for a few mins and go inside while my kids were outside for a few mins. But if she was completely away from the house than yes I’d be upset also …
You know, some of the comments here automatically replying that the grandmother was so wrong, that even if she was just going right outside in the yard for the dog to pee she should have taken the children bc so much could happen in 20 minutes in that house, etc etc., is almost disgusting to me! Personally, I think there are some variables to be considered before that can really be answered such as where was grandma…in the yard or 3 streets over? Are either of the children mentally or physically impaired? If the answer is no and grandma is in the yard, I see absolutely nothing wrong with what she did! My goodness, these kids are 6 years old, not toddlers, and if they can’t be trusted to continue to sit and play together, read a book, or watch a TV show long enough for grandma to take the dog out, then it sounds like there are parenting issues and those parents need to invest more time in to teaching their 6 year old to behave and be responsible & smart & trustworthy enough to be left alone for 20 minutes! To put it bluntly, if a 6 year old child (that isn’t handicapped in some capacity!) cannot be trusted enough to be left alone in a room in their own secured home long enough for a parent to go take a shower, brush their teeth and get dressed - easily another 20 minute job - without having to have another adult hover over their child while they do so, then there’s a problem that boils down to parenting that needs to be addressed, not a grandma!
Guess it depends every child and parent is different, my 6 year old is fine while I go for walks but I also just circle my road so he can just holler out the window but he’s beyond his years too, did she stay on the same road or go all over?
If they were older I wouldn’t see a problem but 6 is too young she should have said let’s take a walk with the doggy .
You are absolutely right, I wonder how the friend’s mother will react when she gets to know.
I would be upset too. Yes at that age they are more independent then they were before, but they still can’t take care of themselves. Anything could happen. Like you said it only takes a matter of seconds or mins for something to happen.
My eldest was mature enough at 6, but I wouldn’t do that with a friend there
Your feelings are your feelings, so if you don’t like it, that’s okay. That’s your child. In regards to the grandmother it’s just different back then and when I was a child I could do things different than what I would let my kids do. I’m 38 but my kids are 7 through 12 years old and I don’t let them do things that my mom would have let me because it’s just the world. So she probably didn’t mean any harm by it
I’d never leave my children alone with her again, that was a serious violation of trust, why couldn’t she bring them on the walk too? Or wait to walk her dog when you got back? That’s insane!
Sounds like you solved it.
at 6, I’d think they would be fine for 20 min to take the dog out for potty… the average shower is 15 to 20 min, do you have your 6 yo in the bathroom with you if you’re in there?
It really doesn’t matter how anyone else views it. It’s your child and you know if/when they can be left unattended. You are the one who knows your child the best. If you weren’t comfortable with it she should have respected that and waited until you returned.
Definitely not over reacting I leave my 6 year old in the house while I’m in the garden but never further anything could happen. I didn’t leave my daughter till she was 10 on her own and that was a quick dash to the shops and then got more as she got older
Did she take the dog for a walk a mile away or was she close by and just outside of the camera view? If she was down the road I’d be upset, but just outside for a brief dog potty time is ok.
i would be upset to and especially if she has a friend over that parent wouldnt be to happy either .and if the adult she watch should been watching. after asked.
I think she should have had them go with her but I also think you are looking for a reason to not have her in your lives and a total Karen.
This is a ‘depends’ situation.
Was she just outside in the yard? Or was she like a block+ away?
Do you know? Did you ask? Or did you assume?
If she was just outside in the yard,I don’t think I’d get too bent out of shape.
Not that you’re wrong for being upset but being just out in the yard is a lot different than being gone.
If you’re still uncomfortable with her being outside in the yard then have a conversation, and make sure she knows it’s a boundary for you.
If she left the yard
Then I would still have a conversation put a boundary in place and give her the opportunities to earn your trust back in a controlled way.
It’s possible grew up in a different time. A parent or caregiver going for a walk around the block for 20 minutes would have been no big deal when we were kids (even as young as 6).
It was a totally different time and if this is her first grandchild sometimes they don’t always realize just how dramatically times have changed or how society has progressed.
We need more information before we judge your mil.
Did she take the dog just outside to use the bathroom or actually leave with the dog on a walk
Ok so did you actually see her go out and start walking down the road, or just go outside with the dog for 20 mins out of camera view? Before jumping to conclusions, you need to talk to her, see where she went and explain your boundaries.
Take them. Then you won’t worry. Simple…
Not over reacting at all.
There are specific laws in different states…. In Texas there’s no set age but if something happens CPS can get involved whether they’re 17 or 7
You are correct they should not be left alone at all
If she was out the front with the dog I don’t see an issue as she is still at the house.
If she left and went for a walk with the dog that’s a big NO from me
When you received the notification did you try calling her, and asking her if she could wait until you get back, or let her know you didn’t feel comfortable with them being left alone, did you speak w her about it, maybe she was just out front? I’d be upset, but let her know what you are okay with and what you aren’t when she has your little one, I know my MIL raised 4 boys and they use to walk home from the bus stop at 5,6,7… things have changed… parents parent different. I have 3 kids, I wouldn’t even let my 10 year old go around the block w her bike until recently alone, and I still creep down the corners to see her lol. just speak to her about it, she wouldn’t have done it if she knew how you would have felt, I would think.
In this day and age no frickin way man
She’s insane. I would call her out immediately for those actions.
We live on a super quiet street on a cul-de-sac. My son is very well versed in how to ride a bike in the neighborhood. (He’s 7.5) (See a car pull to the side. Watch for cars backing out of the driveway. Etc) He rode is bike to the cul-de-sac (we’re the third house out of the cul-de-sac - again super quiet street) and back while I was cooking dinner last week and watched him thru the window. It was probably 20-30 mins. I’d make sure I saw him about every 3 mins. I don’t see much of a difference. If she’s around the block I could see the outrage (I’m thinking how quickly she can get there in an emergency) but if it was just walking the dog out front…. They’re 6. They should be able to handle 20mins without someone standing over them. Your post isn’t clear on if she was out front/few houses away or if she was like a block or two away.
She also was doing you a favor and was probably torn. Dog had to go out, but girls playing nicely, she probably didn’t want to disturb them. I’m sure she wasn’t just like “oh too bad gotta walk my dogs bye!” I’m sure there was some thought and logic on her end as well. Don’t jump to making such harsh decisions. Talk with her. I feel like there’s more brewing here than just this and this is the “straw” (could be a big straw - but could be nothing) that broke the camels back.
Was she gone or in the yard out of camera view? Did you even ask or just assume the worse?
You are entitled to your feelings. Every parent is different.
I leave my 6yr old alone inside while I cut grass (if she doesn’t want to be outside with me), but I also know my child. She’s very mature for her age and knows right from wrong when it comes to doing things she knows she’s not suppose to do. It’s very different from leaving her alone for 20 minutes though. I also have a camera in my house that I can look at while cutting grass.
In the end, nobody can tell you how you should feel about this. This is completely on you.
Man I’m a grandma and would never do this even with the almost 9 year old. If ya take the dog take the kids. Never leave them with her again. If she gets pissed oh well cause it’s ALL on her
She probably wasn’t thinking to take both girls outside with the dog but that is what she should have done, regardless of how much work that is she should’ve took the children outside with her
Exactly how did you find the girls when you got home? Still playing? Not bleeding still ok? If so they were fine.
it all depends, was she right outside the house walking around with the dog or was she gone walking around the town with the dog? Most 6 yr old’s are mature enough to be left alone inside a house for just 20 mins if the grandmother was right outside so the dog could go pee and the 6 yr olds know she is right outside.
I don’t think your overreacting in terms of your girls being left alone for 20mins, because I agree a lot can happen in that time. Kids get into all kinds of things! What I would do, is set your expectations with your MIL. She comes from a time back in the day when parents left their kids for little amounts of time and let them roam the neighborhoods all day. Times have changed. Make her aware of what could happen and why you feel it’s unsafe.
Its your child if your not happy with it then thats all that matter. If you did not give permission she should of asked 1st also she knew she was going to do that and should of informed you of her plans before you left
Was she right outside with the dog? If so maybe she said I’m right outside if you guys need anything…need exact details before I can say she was in the wrong
The amount of people saying they leave their children home alone
You’re definitely not overreacting. If you feel that they shouldn’t have been left alone then I agree. Your MIL sounds a bit manipulative but obviously I don’t know what her intentions are/were.
If she was gone, like fully gone then yeah. If she was just around the outside of the home then no I wouldn’t freak out. I would though if she was way off somewhere.
Idc what she learned as a child, unlearn it !
I’d be wild! I don’t know how she thought that would be okay. Either take the girls for a walk with you or do your walk after they have gone home.
Anything could happen in 20 minutes. There way to young to be left home alone.
Your right to be angry muma
I think you’re over reacting unless your 6 yr old is less mature than most.
When I was 6 I would play all day and not see either parent till dinner time. Things were different back then.
I would be upset - I know what can happen in 2 minutes while I’m in the house, much less 20 when I’m gone
6 and 2 girls I would be going mad don’t care if no Age law being left at home or not I would be raging…
Pretty sure it’s also definitely illegal.
I’ve left my kids alone for a while, were they 6 years old, absolutely not. If I’m outside with my 2 year old in my own yard, and left my 9 year old in the house because that’s where she wanted to stay, she’ll be in the house alone but she knows she can come outside to get me. Will I ever leave her alone in the house and actually leave my property, no. If one of my teenage daughters are home with her (17 & 14), that’s different. But to even think of leaving my 9 year old, I wouldn’t. Things aren’t like they were when we were kids when our parents told us lock the door and don’t answer it. I remember being 7 left home alone all the time. Can’t do that these days. I personally feel like if she was outside in the yard, ok. But if she left the property and was out of camera view and the girls were home, no. Lots can go wrong in that time span.
Yeah that is so not okay.
I mean I think it depends on the maturity of the children. I felt totally comfortable taking my dog for a long walk when my son was 6. But we also had extensive conversations on things he shouldn’t touch without me present. He would just read a book or play a game until I got back. No issues🤷🏼♀️
Drama Queen. Watch your own kids.
If she was just in the yard then I leave my kids alone in the house while I am outside in my yard all the time tell them where to find me
Now if she LEFT on a walk around the neighborhood for 20 minutes that was wrong
That would be the last time she ever babysat for me!
By law you can’t leave a 6 year old alone without adult supervision.
Is she exceptionally immature for a 6 yr old? Does she have developmental delays or behavior problems? If not then I think you’re overreacting. She’s 6 not 2.
Mil took the dog for a walk so she didn’t go far. I could see you getting upset if she got in her car and left the neighborhood and/or was gone for hours.
You have cameras so you have some ability to keep an eye on things.
I’m 43 and when I was a kid it was a common thing for a 6 yr old to be trusted home alone. Hell, most parents and grandparents put us outside and locked the door and told us not to come back until dark. And, we were on our on during the summer months. We were taught what to do, not to do, shown how to fend for ourselves for basic needs, and boundaries were set for expectations and behaviors.
Did your daughter know her grandmother was going out to walk the dog? How did she react to being given some big girl trust? I’m betting she handled it well and would be glad to show you and grandma just how mature she can be if you would let her.
Communication is important so try communicating with daughter and grandma about your concerns and see what they think.
But, I think you’re probably just overreacting and going to harm your relationship with your mil and stagnate your daughter’s mental growth by being over protective.
My 6 year old can be alone for 20 minutes while we go for a walk. I don’t see an issue with it. Probably good for the kids to see a different way to do things and have just a little trust and independence.
Where was she walking the dog like around the yard? Block? To the park I mean depends could she see the house?
I would be upset. Alot could go wrong in 20 minutes.
She should of waited , I mean you were coming right back. If the dog needed walked she could of just took it around the yard. To do it’s business. She never should of left the property.
Depends on where she walked the dog. Was it on the property? You didn’t specify. I was staying by myself at 6. My kids were around 7 or 8. It Depends on their maturity and the length of time someone is gone. Did you try to call the woman?
Agree…she shouldn’t be watching your children, I am a grandmother and would never leave a 6 year old alone.
I am a gram, I would never leave my grandchildren alone! Ever! To many things can happen in 10 minutes! We live in an age of kidnap and murder!! What 2 children can think of to do, is unbelievable! Why would you take a chance like that! Never!
When me, my brothers and cousins were growing up our grandma put us outside we stayed out til dark. We were in the woods, creek sometimes miles from the house. But that was then
I left my daughter inside for that long at that age while walking the dog or mowing
How far away from the house was she? Did she walk just a house length or 2 away? Did she walk around the block? Did she take the dog into the back yard? If the girls were playing but she was just outside the house most of the time, where she could see the house, I don’t see anything wrong with it. As long as she had sight on the house. Not enough details given here.
It truly depends because you never know.
- is the neighborhood very safe or kinda sketchy?
- is there a lot of crime in your town or near the house?
- does your child know how to use a phone for emergencies
So I asked my social worker a few years back about this and this is what I’m told :
- if child knows how to use a phone for emergencies
- if child knows how to use microwave by themselves
- it depends on the state laws on age limit to be left alone
So I started leaving my son alone when he was about 7/8 years old because he was more mature than most and my state has no age limits neither. It started 30 minutes then I would expand the time limit. I always made sure he had a phone no matter what.
She wouldn’t be watching my kids ever again. Let alone you had another persons child in your care at the same time. If I was their parent I would insist that all play dates were at my house from there on out.
I would be mad you asked her to watch them and then she left (could have easily taken them with). I would be even more mad if I was the other mother, who entrusted you with her child and you left and then grandma left. My child would never be allowed at yours
I would be upset personally. If she was just in the yard or something that’s one thing but completely gone not within ear shot I would be upset. But I also know how my almost 6yo boy is lol. I guess it ultimately depends on how mature your 6yo old is.
Girl, you are not overreacting!!! I would have been livid. Main reason we lived paycheck to paycheck so I could be home with my babies. Will never regret that decision, I raised my boys to great young men, who are now giving me grandsons.
My son is 9 and hates the shops and begs to stay home. And I still wont allow it. Even though we are in a complex and he is a very responsible child and knows fire safety. There are still risks, like choking for example. Grownups still choke. So what happens if your child chokes and you arent there? Building fires. Or even just human trafficking. Maybe I’m just paranoid because South Africa is not safe. But still…
6 is WAY WAY too young! If someone saw that and called CPS? What did the friend’s mom say? I would be pissed at both of you. My child would never be allowed over again.
That’s absolutely insane. They could’ve got into something they shouldn’t of or god forbid put something in their mouth and it gets stuck and they choke. What the hell
Kids are too young to leave alone
I also want to add that yes you are overreacting. Everything turned out just fine and no one was hurt in anyway thankfully, so it is a bit drastic to never allow her to take care of them again without sitting down and talking with her about what happened and listen to what she has to say about it. Life was different back when she was a mother raising kids so she might not have known this would be a concern to you. Everyone deserves a second chance if they made a mistake. But as I said before, you are really overreacting if she was just right outside the house letting the dog pee.
Her responsibility at that time was the girls not the dog. Pup could have waited OR have the girls help and bring them too. It’s not up to her to decide if 6 is to young or old enough and she should have asked you if you were comfortable with that. That being said, I feel like “she’s never watching them again” is a bit dramatic and this is something that you should communicate with her calmly. She raised her children differently so she won’t know your boundaries unless you voice them.
I would have lost my shit. Nit over reacting at all
It would be different if she was just in the yard but completely left the property. That’s not okay. Especially with them only being 6.
Naw that’s a no go for me don’t leave my little ones alone for a second anything can happen!! My anxiety would’ve been through the roof!!! She should’ve at least said “hey let me walk my dog real quick before you go “
However I wouldn’t say she couldn’t watch the kids just explain how you felt and it’s inexcusable to leave young children alone
IDK…I mean she could have easily spent 20 minutes walking back and forth in front of the house. If she could always see the front door I don’t see any harm.
Its fine…just talk to her… Tell her how you feel and listen to her. She raised your husband. Your girlsmust be pretry mature and well behaved. She also may have them on messenger with their electronic devices. Were they sleeping. Dont jump the gun. Talk to her.
Tell her what the law says. You’ll have to look it up as I’m not sure if I’m remembering it correctly. From my understanding it’s 12 years or older to be at home alone. Under the age 12 it is illegal for them to be left alone.
Not judging. I dont think you overreacted at all. Why wouldn’t you leave the store?
It’s a different day and age. She can’t do that. Yea I’d be mad, she wouldn’t be watching them anymore.
I must be a horrible mother then. I’ve left my 5 yr old and 2 yr old alone inside while helping the neighbor in her garden. Bringing my oldest to the bus stop and waiting, running to the end of our road to get mail, across the street to get a cup of sugar, ect. It’s not like she left in a car and ran to the store. She took the dog for a walk. I’m really confused… I’d freak if they were 2/3 yrs old, but at 6, not so much. Maybe mine are just more mature than most kids?
Uhm. I leave my kids alone in The house all the time.
It’s takes me two or more hours to mow the yard. If they need something they will come find me.
I also leave my kids outside by themselves all the time. If they or I need something, we’ll find each other.
We used to walk back and forth to school, play outside all day without supervision at age 6.
I think it depends on the kids and the situation. I have an 8 year old and I will take our dog on a short walk on our street. She always knows I’m somewhere between the 2 stop signs and she can just come outside if she needs me. She is also mature enough that I don’t expect her to cause trouble while I’m outside.
I could understand if it was just her grandchild, but someone else’s parent may not be as understanding.
She would never be left with my children again point blank period!!!
She’d never be alone with them again… that’s for sure.
I might be mad if I was the friends mom, that YOU left, if you were the one I entrusted to care for her. I got really mad at a friend once, she was supposed to have my son overnight, then she took my son and her daughter to her mom’s so she could go out. I know her mom, but I was PISSED, she didn’t even ask me.
I also think it was irresponsible of your mother in law.
She’s 100% TA for telling you she’d watch them and left them by themselves!
Nope, if she actually left the property and was walking around the neighbourhood, I’d definitely be mad… and wouldn’t leave my kid with her again.
We used to stay alone in the house. From age 8 and my sister ,6. We turned out fine… My father and mother were not in the house after school and we would be alone
I think it depends on the kid. At age 6 I was staying home alone quite often, but I was also capable of doing a variety of things to take care of myself. It depends how much faith and trust you have in your kid’s intelligence and common sense.
Some of y’all so mad. I’m 30, so I’m referencing a time 24 years ago here. Back in my day, kids knew how to take care of themselves at least for a few hours.