Been with my husband 3 years newly married for 2 weeks. The other days he makes comments about a female coworker that looks good for 5 kids and is a hard worker. He also made comments about college girls with very little clothing on to say the least. He knows I suffer from PTSD due to an ex-husband and yet when I tell him it bothers me it’s I’m not chasing after them…its like my feelings are invalid and I really feel like he is trying to turn the situation on me
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Well tbh if he’s being disrespectful enough to keep doing it after you said you didn’t like it- he’s completely trash and you deserve better!
Tell him that bullshit is unacceptable and get it together unless he doesn’t value you or your relationship. It’s pretty cut and dried not a whole bunch of rocket science
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No your feeling are valid girl but honestly men are going to be men and look at other girls I mean when a guy walks by i turn my head some times I think its natural idk I may be wrong but thats my opinion. It dont mean your man is going to run off and jump in bed with those girls
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He’s human… hes going to notice other women, as I’m sure you notice other men! Be thankful he feels comfortable enough to tell you instead of sneaking
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I might be the unpopular comment here But he is still a human being he is still a man I understand you’re married but I still think they have the right to say another woman looks good her to look at other women as long as he’s coming home to you and not disrespecting you I don’t consider. I am saying that any form of disrespect
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He’s being extremely disrespectful towards you. Put your foot down and let him know he needs to show you respect.
Him making a comment about the co-worker, he’s paying her a compliment, get over it. And in what way is he making comments about college girls? That could be seen/taken multiple ways depending on what it was. But seriously though, you need to grow up a little bit, put on your big girl panties and ask him about it if he does it again but it really sounds like you’re overreacting
Sounds like it to me
Tell him to find less
Ignore or accept the fact and make your life easy…they are what they are 
That’s a narcissist, love. It only gets worse from there. 
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Talk to him about other guys you notice. See how he feels 
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That’s one thing to look but to make comments is disrespectful
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Hey hun, this world is full of beautiful people, it can be hard & cause insecurities when your husband is admiring other women & making comments on how nice they look. Try not to let it get to you. He’s comfortable with you, he sees you as a friend to share this with. My husband is a booty man & appreciates a big booty. He appreciates womanly curves, & is constantly telling me to look at her or check her out, Just like he would one of his guy friends. Maybe next time he mentions seeing something nice about another lady, maybe add something about her that you noticed was attractive (not in a sexual way, but from a women’s point of view) & see what comes of it. I’m sure he loves you & loves everything about you. Don’t be hard on yourself, don’t let imagination run away with you.
So my question is did this just start 2 wks ago. If not then u kinda knew what he was about before u married him. I mean I understand that it hurts u and u told him so but if this was going on before then he might not see a problem with it and might think ur over reacting.
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Why can’t he just shut up and keep his thoughts to himself? I also think he wouldn’t think it would be great if she brought up a guy that looks good huh?
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I believe you probably married the wrong guy.if he is that insensitive to the things he knows bother you he is not loving you the way a husband should. As for him noticing other women thats one thing but being too immature and behaving like a boy shows his inability to be a considerate partner.Biys will be boys but men don’t act like boys
That’s because he is. That’s very narcissistic behavior amd seems like he’s scapegoating to prevent himself from being in the wrong
I get the men will be men thing but he should save that talk for his friends or someone else because it’s inappropriate to say to your wife
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It’s called gas lighting. And it’s complete disrespect.
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He can keep his thoughts to himself 
that’s just disrespectful. Next time it happens Id ask him if the shoe was on the other foot would he be unbothered?
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You just reinforced my decision to not get in another relationship. He should not be doing that especially in front of you . Disrespectful and I’m sorry you have to deal with that .
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Sounds like a narcissist to me.
Noticing and blatantly saying in your presence is rude and he needs to think before he speaks. My husband and I both respect and love each other enough to never act like that. It’s not ok just because he’s a guy!!! That’s a very tacky and pig headed way to act. I would tell him he better figure out who he needs to be talking about and looking at or things will change drastically and not in a good way. There are plenty of amazing partners in the world and nobody deserves to deal with this kind of behavior. I hope you find your voice and self esteem.
Kayla Ross i feel like looking at women is different that making a point to acknowledge a woman’s “hotness” ESPECIALLY if his partner has brought up her feelings about the topic. At that point it isn’t even ignorance, he is insensitive and not compassionate for his partner or how they feel at all.
Did this start before you married him or 2 weeks ago? If you knew and accepted this before marriage, it’s only going to get worse. Hard to believe that he just started mentioning other women during the honeymoon phase lol
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Lisa Dawn it is unpopular Lisa. Do you know why? OP didn’t say she had an issue with her man looking at people he is attracted to. She said she had an issue specifically with him vocalizing and commenting on others bodies? Totally an unnecessary move when just looking supposedly.
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Everyone saying he is human he’s a man and still going to be a man. No. Someone who truly cares and values you wouldn’t do this.
While sight and looking is a natural thing/ reaction … We are human, if you mentioned it bothers you and he still does it that’s exactly what he’s trying to do. Most men seem to have a minimal level of compassion and common sense… Tell him how other men look at you that way, see what he thinks . 
Let him look, you look too 
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Just do the same about other men.
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Start talking about men that look good… he may not understand until it happens to him… hes married to you though… so try to not take it as a negative…just because he comments that someone looks good does not mean he thinks you look bad…thats the voice in your head… get some help to shut it up…not allow it to cause problems in your marriage…
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You’re his wife and best friend, him being that comfortable around you says a lot.
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He is getting something from your reaction, you have told him how you feel yet he continues? Sounds to me like he is insecure, and the ego boost he gets from your hurt is more important to him than your feelings. He suffers from selfish prick syndrome. I’ll bet he even sits to pee!! Annulment
First of all he is being very disrespectful to you and your marriage. How would he like it if you pointed things to him that made him insecure of,I bet he has something that he may want to better, try and talk to him again and if he still minimizes your feelings don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you affected. Try a different approach try subtly pointing it his insecurities and see how he likes it.
Turn the tables and in the middle of the night stuff a pillow over his head.
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I might think differently but me and my fiance are both Pansexual we both talk about how good a man or woman looks together, we know neither one of us would chase them but we can still look. its human nature, now if either one of us decided to say that’s it enough it’s starting to hurt we respect each enough to stop.
Girl start complimenting these MEN out here & when your husband starts to complain brush his concerns & emotions off too… it can go BOTH ways Boo 
Just do it back to him lol
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Find what makes him insecure and when he brings it up then tell him he is overreacting. Sometimes a taste of their own medicine opens their eyes. Men don’t like to talk about feelings. So show him in another way. Best of luck.
Girl message me we can catch him in the act there a girl on here that catches cheaters she calls anyones man sends them a picture it works and you know if you man is a dogg
Honestly my bf and I check out girls together but I know he wouldn’t do that. He may be that way but even so and your uncomfortable he should still respect that.
Men who do this don’t just all of a sudden starting doing it. You married this type of man and now all of a sudden it’s a problem because you’re his wife. If it bothered you so much then why would you even marry someone like that just to come on here and complain about it? And the simple fact that y’all just literally got married and you’re already trying to change him is a problem all on it’s own. People both men and women need to stop marrying Triggers and red flags
I would bust him one good time up side his head. Tell I’m I already told him it makes me uncomfortable etc. an beings he didn’t listen maybe he’d listen after that. That’s just me though.
Did he do this before you got married
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I wouldn’t trust him.
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Grow up. Jesus a man commenting on a woman because she looks good isn’t disrespect… disrespect is him putting you down while building them up… sounds like you should work out your trust issues before being with someone
He’s a jerk I would start looking at other guys n tell him I think I made a big mistake your and Ass 
I wouldn’t stay w him another 3 years Sounds like he could care less about your PTSD and possibly may have caught some feelings for this co worker… Who thinks about a coworker when your home!
It’s an extremely immature reaction. Is your PTSD to do with someone you love noticing someone else is attractive?
When you’re married to someone communication is very important, he’s communicating with you… he’s not being sneaky. He is not your ex husband. I think you need to work on you and your issues.
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Ew… why would he feel the need to tell you about women he finds attractive. That’s uncomfortable… 
Its disrespectful and not the norm. People saying other wise accept this bs behavior. And its immature to play games. I’m sure he does more things then this. Sounds like he has no feelings at all and doesn’t care about you. Google his actions and stuff he says I’m sure it wil give you an idea what type of pos man he is. Good luck
The best advice i
Can give you. Is first and foremost is take care of your mental health. Talking to a councilor or something like that is a good start to working with your PTSD. Secondly you have to decide if right now is a good time to be in a relationship. I don’t know any person who doesn’t notice attractive people. For example my husband told me he thought his boss was hot but had no interest in her. Now I have been through hell and back in my past. Used abused , cheated on . You named it. I will not allow my past to control my preset and future. If you absolutely can not deal with hearing someone else is attractive from him then you need to tell him please keep it your self. But also you have to decide what is a deal breaker in your relationship.
Maybe hinting she works n keeps in shape do u work? If not get a lil side job .
And get active work out …
Men are always going to look at woman as we look at men as well only thing they make it obvious.
Something I had to realize being someone with ptsd, severe anxiety, and bipolar
Only I can control how I feel about something
And most of the time it’s my view of the situation and my own understanding and thoughts on it. You absolutely have to be self aware and work on yourself.
It is not anyone else’s place to manage anyone else’s feelings
I can say that this would have bothered me before
However, as long as I knew my husband and knew where his heart is and his intentions lie
It wouldn’t bother me a bit
It is okay to say someone looks good
It is okay to uplift other people same sex or not
However there is also a fine line you just don’t cross.
Set boundaries and keep them
When my ex would make comments to me like that, I finally told him “ You can think what you want, but keep it to yourself! I notice attractive men but I have enough good sense, self control, and respect for you to keep my mouth shut.”
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I think its unrealistic to expect him not to find other women attractive but it would be better of he didnt actually voice it to you when he does.
That said… if he didn’t, would you think he was doing it behind your back anyway?
So yes it would be best if he’d stop but equally, it’s really normal that he does so this may be something you need to work on. Him finding someone else attractive does not lessen what he feels for you. He’s just married you!xx
Sometimes you just gotta pull a Madea and cook him some grits.
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Wow. Some of these comments! These things he said, in the scheme if things, are really minor. So minor he may have not realised he was hurting your feelings. I cant believe some peple saying this is narcissistic behaviour? And gaslighting really? You obviously have no idea or personal experience of this. He obviously feels comfortable enough around you to express this as a best friend as well as a spouse. There is so much jealousy and fear of offending these days most husbands/wives are too scared to speak openly. Your feelings are always valid, but is the situation valid? I do think you need to seek some counselling, as your behaviour might push him further away. It screams insecurity which is not a healthy way to start a relationship let alone marriage.
He’s being honest. Cherish that.
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Irene Diaz made an AWESOME comment^ “You’re his wife and best friend, him being that comfortable around you says a lot.”
THIS IS SO TRUE! Because, please remember, not all men are cheaters or even THINK about acting that way, but doesn’t mean they don’t make visual observations of coworkers or other people!
But also, you should make sure that this IS the case.
If his response is “at least I’m not chasing them” it either means two things:
“Relax, I could be acting on my intrusive thoughts instead of just admitting to them”
This is more like a scare tactic, gas lighting, manipulative. If his thoughts are intrusive and more than what he’s giving off, that’s the red flag I’m sure your saw in your old hubby.
BUT IT COULD ALSO MEAN
“I’m just stating an observation I made that I thought you would find interesting and possibly agree with as a human being. I trust you enough to understand that in no way do I see this person as someone I am now more sexually attracted to, or would fantasize about.”
Now if it’s #2, If you were to mention that it seems they’re thinking unfaithfully, this actually may cause them to picture them that way for the first time! and it’s only cuz you made him think of it that way!
ANYWAYYY❤️
If you trust that you are with a MAN and not a boy, you will know that his observation will not intrigue intrusive thoughts or actions! There are real men out there and you may have just landed one!
If due to your PTSD, you need reassurance, that is OKAY!
Have a discussion with your hubby and let him know that when he speaks about people like that, it does tend to trigger you as they were red flags in your past relationship.
However, you are willing to work on it, (if you truly believe his intentions are good and he’s just trying to be honest with you)
Make sure he understands triggers are not controllable.
Even though you now understand that a red flag in ur old hubby, may be a green flag in this one, it takes time to get comfortable with, and to create the proper boundaries.
Transparency is beautiful
The thing is all these mixed messages of advice won’t really help you much because it’s you who has to deal with it so only you can decide if you’re okay with that or not… if you can accept it or not xx
I dated a man that told me that there was nothing wrong with him checking other women out in front of my face. I told him ok, find someone who thinks the same way you do then because to me that’s disrespectful.
He didn’t care about my opinion and I didn’t care to constantly have to deal with that. I moved on and never looked back. I want to live in peace. I care for my significant other’s feelings and I expect the same energy back.
Talk to him and if you can’t find a solution decide weather you’re willing to live with this behavior.
Grow up, you are supposedly mature enough to be married to the man so act like it! If his comments bother you that is actually your problem (lack of confidence, insecurity, lack of trust in your fella) he’s being open and honest, he married you didn’t he? Is he not allowed to express his thoughts and opinions? Do you? In an open, honest and trusting partnership you should be able to talk to each other about anything! You are the one with the problem not him! Remember, actions speak louder than words! Next time he says something like that, agree or disagree with him!
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Your not overreacting!!! He sounds like a jerk. !!!
Boil the grits , then get that big frying pan cast iron and beat the shit out of him . And then call his moma to come get him off your floor
You need to get over yourself. He is a man and will always look at and find other women attractive.
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That’s not PTSD that’s jealousy
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Question is, does he give you the type of compliments he gives strange woman/girls?
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I haven’t read all the comments but I did read a couple of them. And the couple that I did read I agree… turn the table and start talking about men the ways he’s talking about women. To me … my husband and I have pretty much an open relationship. I’m not the jealous type… If there is something out there that you want go for it…, I only ask him to be honest and tell me before it happens so that no one can run back to me with the gossip, don’t bring F+_+n nothin home to mama & not in our bed. And ya know what??? We both look and we both flirt but neither one of us really does anything else. We both know where the other is going to end up every night… at home, in OUR own bed!!! Our bills are paid, we have food in the cupboards and our stuff is taken care of first and foremost.
We both trust each other fully.
I have learned a long time ago that the more you let it bother you the more it will eat away at you. And that isn’t good for your marriage. To me honesty and trust are two of the main ingredients for a marriage to be successful and if you don’t have either one of them you don’t have much of a marriage.
Sorry I don’t mean to sound cold or disrespectful, that’s just the way I see things.
What an insensitive douche !!!
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If you get that upset over comments about other attractive women, perhaps you aren’t as ready for a relationship as you thought you were.
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Just laugh it off . They are all the same!!!
I’m sorry hun but that sounds like a straightforward case of gaslighting. Please don’t ignore the red flags. And good luck!
Communication is the key. If you can’t tell him how it makes you feel without him getting upset or trying to twist it on you. There’s a good chance that he might not truly care about your feelings. My boyfriend knows I have had similar trauma. He knows all of it when we first went out on the first date even tho we had been friends before he still didn’t know everything about me. I laid all my baggage out on the table for him and said here, here it is. He looked at me and asked if that was all and if I really thought that would scare him away. He and I talk about whatever is bothering us and have a completely open line of communication. If we feel that the other might not like it we have what we call an ability to message what we are worried to say in front of the other. Than after it’s out there in the open we talk about it. That way we have been able to try and see where the other is coming from and from their view. However, My man makes sure when we are out together he treats me like a queen and even when we are just chilling at home. I know he has female friends and I know that and I watch him like other girls pictures and comment on them. But the truth is that if I’m doing my part and he’s doing his in the relationship it’s okay and we don’t have to worry about the other cheating. He is human he can look but he always makes sure I know that I’m the one he wants to be with. I can honestly say for the first time in my life I have one of the good ones. He also has took a huge step because i come with a package bonus and he’s always made sure my child came first, helping me get him food when we are out or if he has to take him to the restroom because the girls lines too long. He treats my child like his own.
If he respects you, he wouldn’t treat you like that. I understand he may have these thoughts in his mind about other women, but out of respect, he should watch what he says. A lot of women commenting think this behavior is ok. I wouldn’t accept that behavior. A real man will never have you thinking you are anything less than number 1. You could be with someone that makes you feel like you the most beautiful creation. Why settle for this mess? Release him back to the streets honey!!!
You can have a conversation with him and state “Please dont make comments about other women. It hurts me.” Then he can choose to do it or not. You cant control the behavior of others. That being said, that insecurity can destroy a relationship. You have to be in a healthy place to have a healthy relationship. It’s in your best interest and the interest of your relationship to deal with your own issues with insecurity and jealousy. Even if it’s a symptom of your PTSD. As with any chronic illness, you have to learn to traverse the symptoms.
You’re not being overly sensitive. Your feelings are valid and if he respects you he would stop talking about this around you.
Did it ever occur to any of you that her ex was maybe verbally abusive. When a man is verbally abusive, they will throw other women in your face.
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I mean you clearly married this guy for a reason right? At least he’s being honest with you about him noticing other people. I would understand you know you feeling like he’s making your feelings feel like they are invalid but you have to move past your insecurities from a previous relationship especially now that you’re married. You have to work on your own issues and yourself if marriage is ever going to work. I have been with my significant other for five years now and we both have had to work through trauma and issues from previous relationships in order for us to even have gotten to the point that we’re at in our relationship now. And we both have suffered different forms of abuse from relationships . It’ll never work if you don’t
I cant believe how many women in this comment section obviously have no self respect! He should never disrespect his wife by talking about another female like that!! Im sure he wouldn’t appreciate her talking about other males like that.
Do you look at other men? I’m pretty sure it’s nature to look at the opposite sex. And you can’t hold him to your past relationships or you might as well count your marriage as over.
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It’s one thing to look it another to comment. He knows she went thru some shit in her last and im sure he has said I’m not him. But when you flat out disregard what she is feeling, the action is disrespectful.
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Start pointing out some handsome young bucks and see how he reacts…
Tell him how it makes you feel when he tells you about these other women. He may not realize he’s hurting you & making you feel insecure.
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Oh my;gosh people are always gonna notice. When someone;is attractive males;female;LGBTQ group. The difference;is whether or not you’re doing something about that attraction. Communication is;Super important&also dress a little sexy for your hubby. He’s maybe;unaware of hurting you&you’re insecurity.
Some of yall are weird as fuck. Your partner telling you other people are attractive is not communication. There are plenty of things that are fine to think privately and inappropriate to speak about(especially if it makes someone else uncomfortable)
Just file for divorce and be happy he gave the red flags quickly.
Don’t read too much into it. Guys will often comment on things that they observe, with nothing more to it than just making an observation. Is what he’s saying true? If so, then just take it at face value and be grateful there is enough trust between you two for him to feel open with you to share his thoughts. Trying to read between the lines can sometimes create a conflict where it didn’t exist before and ultimately cause emotions walls to be put up.
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You got rid of one and still you married another???
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That is men for you. You’ll never meet a guy that doesn’t look at other women however, if you do, he’s lying to spare your feelings. If anything be glad he’s open about it. Give it another couple years and things can only improve just don’t make a huge deal out of it bc no Matter who you are with this will be a issue. Don’t let it be an issue
Do the same thing he does see how it feels…otherwise dump his sorry ass…
Sorry honey but that’s exactly what he’s doing.He knows that he’s being blatantly disrespectful to you by talking to you about other women like that.But he doesn’t want to admit it because he wants to pretend that he’s not doing nothing wrong-that you’re just insecure.Check out a narcissist personality see if he has any of the symptoms
Start checking out other guys and comment on them.
You knew him for three years and you still married him that’s on you then
I think you are making it a big deal. I wouldn’t worry to much
If he really is invested in you, you become his best friend. Have you ever heard how men talk to their best friends? Be grateful he is saying this around you, he feels safe and he sees you as someone in his life forever, if he didn’t he would never feel comfortable enough to mention it and would hide things. The guy and I love each other very much, we are best friends, and both him and I accept that we might say someone is hot or attractive and mean nothing more than an observation.
I definitely wouldn’t trust him
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