Been with my husband 3 years newly married for 2 weeks. The other days he makes comments about a female coworker that looks good for 5 kids and is a hard worker. He also made comments about college girls with very little clothing on to say the least. He knows I suffer from PTSD due to an ex-husband and yet when I tell him it bothers me it’s I’m not chasing after them…its like my feelings are invalid and I really feel like he is trying to turn the situation on me
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Seems like a red flag to me
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Give it right back to him and see how he feels 
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He doesn’t respect you nor does he hear you. It’s time to have a heart to heart
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You married a narcissist and his true colors came after the wedding. He put on a facade to win you over but once you got married him his true colors finally showed. Try n get the marriage annulled before you get deeper into this marriage.
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Start talking about good looking dudes and see how fast his attitude changes
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He’s not stupid. He knows what he’s doing and he wants to bother you. Break that off
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You are going to wish you wouldn’t married him.
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Narcissistic traits . . 
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You’ve been with him for 3 years, was he like this before you married him? If he was why did you marry him. If he wasn’t now that your married he feels like he can do or say what he wants. Talk to him, if he knows it bothers you and he continues to say these things, it’s a form of abuse and it will only get worse.
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so you married a narcissist part three. Stay tuned for part four when he really tries to push you off the edge.
You knew who he was when you decided to marry him🤷‍♀️
Am I the only one that doesn’t care if my husband says someone else is attractive? Just because he married me doesn’t make me the most attractive person in the world to him… Its totally unfair to expect a partner to go through life blindly and not allowed to even notice anyone else…
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Sounds like how most men are (I said most, not all) . Tell him to keep his comments to himself.
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Unfuck him! Run. Never look back.
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I would be getting the marriage annulled ASAP.
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Hes a douche! U should t start mentioning good looking men to him …he’d flip his wig…if he cant support you n make y feel good hes not the one
This is ur ex all over again…be single take care of u …
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He is being honest. Its human nature for people to look at people. I feel like if he was going to chase after them then he probably wouldn’t be telling you.
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Why would you have gotten married or in another relationship if you havnt spent time healing yourself from past experiences…
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He is invalidating them
He needs to respect you, but you also need to work on your own insecurities regardless
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Run like hell and do not look back! You can do this.
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Honestly his open communication isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It doesn’t sound overly sexualized. More just basic observations. Sometimes we need to heal so that we don’t bleed on those that didn’t cut us. I’d be open with him about how and why it bothers you, and possibly seek counseling together or separate to see how you can each communicate more effectively.
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It is unhealthy to pretend that yourself or your spouse will never be attracted to another human being.
I’d suggest therapy for yourself so you can overcome whatever PTSD and esteem problems you have. Those are your own issues, not your husbands.
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I’m pretty damn sure he was like this before the marriage.
Did you expect it to stop once yall got married?
I’d make comments about other men. “Dang u see good lookin bob over here, dad of 3 girls shoooo!! Dad bod in full effect baby”. I’d even tell em every time someone chicken necks at you too! See how he likes the tables turned 
my husband use to say things here an there till I started saying things too, he started noticing men looking at me as well. Now he’s more in tune to watch his wife than other women. Sometimes u gotta switch the roles, some things people don’t understand until they deal with it themselves. Not the healthiest way to deal but ya know… it is what it is 
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I’d be more concerned about the comments towards college girls … 
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You knew who he was before you married him. These things shouldn’t be news to you
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If you married him id assume you trust him. If you trust him it doesnt matter if he looks. Hes coming home to you. My husband KNOWS I would not step out of our marriage and because of that he doesnt worry.
As far as him… I point chicks out… Did u see the booty on THAT??? Lol guess im cut different.
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I’m guessing some red flags appeared b4 your marriage ???
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Do it about guys and just ignore it. You react he scores. Just say stuff about a guy you know or hire a guy to do something and go on and on how hard he worked. Lol. He’ll stop or he’s just a guy that doesn’t care.
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It just sounds like instead of dealing with your past traumas you’re expecting him to tip toe around them. It’s human nature to look at someone and know they look attractive it’s not like he’s saying he would do something with them. I personally don’t see what the issue is
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He’s gaslighting you. He’s most likely cheating & always had been. Leave him. It’s going to get worse.
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Sounds like you are trying to take ownership of him. These behaviors probably aren’t new. You’re just noticing it, or just caring about it more bc he is your husband. You should see a therapist, you already have a negative association with marriage from your previous husband.
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In the 3 yrs you’ve been together, he must have shown this behavior. I’m sure his comments didn’t just happen. It must have not bothered you before because you still went ahead with the marriage.
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I’m glad I’m not in an insecure relationship. Yet again I’m Polyamorus and don’t involve myself with insecure folks.
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If he doesn’t respect u that should be your answer
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Sounds like a narcissist.
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My husband looks at other women and will make comments at them, but I don’t let it bother me because I know he always comes home to me. I trust him. And not only that, I have PTSD as well. Plus, major anxiety and depression. He always reassures me he will not touch, but he can look. Like my husband and his father both say, “I’m not dead yet.” It sounds like you may need to get some counseling to help you overcome what you have through.
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Men are visual. My ex actually said the best thing. I know sexist but it made sense; i can look at the menu all i want, i know what i order at home
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Sometimes you have to give a man a taste of his own medicine… they are clueless.
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Tina-Marie is right. Get out now before he totally destroys your life.
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I’m wondering if he exhibited these behaviors before you got married.I would try therapy for yourself and couples therapy.There are specialized therapists who work with PTSD sufferers. I am one also but through therapy I have been able to let go of so much.EMDR therapy is a big help if you have it available to you.
I think if he isn’t respecting you when you tell him it hurts, it’s a bad sign.
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Seek couples counseling immediately- see if he’s absolutely capable of respecting your feelings and truly trying to understand. Don’t waste your time with someone who uses your weakness to hurt you or keep you insecure.
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Hes a guy. Do it back. If you see a hot guy. Point it out. Build up your self esteem. It won’t bother you so much.
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Then YOU need to seek help for your PTSD…You cant expect him to understand your thought processes and triggers. If you know you have mental baggage then YOU need to work to fix it.
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You both need to work harder. he should recognize that hurts you and stop. Even if it’s not that big of a deal to him. But you need to start healing from your past. You never should of gotten remarried before you healed properly. He can’t be held accountable for your exes crimes. I know its hard to heal.
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Start making comments about other guys like “damn, he looks like he’s packing in them jeans”… if he gets mad just point out it’s no different than his comments…
I compliment men’s body’s and females hell I don’t get upset if my bf says a girl looks good I mean we are human it’s not like he’s fucking all of them.
He needs some disrespect back see how he likes it!
You need some sexy co workers as well.
No, I’m just kidding.
What he is doing is kind of immature and I wouldn’t tolerate that behavior.
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Me does not matter where he shops just where he pays! Lol been married 31 years and I have no problems with it as long as he is telling you and not hiding it I would not be worried. I will actually point out the way others are dressed! Lol
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He’s gaslighting you. This will continue and may get worse.
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He’s gaslighting you. There’s red flags 
all over this. If it were me I would get an annulment. These type only get worse. Imagine 2 weeks in and he’s already gaslighting you. Hell no. Run.
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Men always try to turn the tables and blame you for their stupid behaviors. It’s never their fault.
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I’m 64 I can say look at that woman she is beautiful knowing full well he will agree.
I know his type. If I were young and just married. Oh hell no. He would not be there long. #28 years . married.
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I’d be divorced already 
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The way I look at things is, you could look at the menu just not order 
. I’d say work on your ptsd, before it causes issues. Toxic is toxic regardless of your past.(not meaning to say it’s irrelevant) being insecure causes issues in any type of relationship and you can’t blame the other party 100% if your not activly trying to better yourself. Help yourself be better for you and him. He can look all he wants, same goes for you. Just not further than that. Aside from working on your stuff maybe go to couples therapy
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Honestly??? You want to know if you are overreacting??? If you are asking you already know. They are comments!!! Come on. I don’t get this new generation of canceling everything and everyone. We as woman have become so over the top “karens” it’s unreal! They are words, nothing more. Obviously you love him, you married him. Do you look at men on TV, movies, memes, etc? Making comments like damn he’s fine or find them attractive? Same damn thing!!! He just vocalizes your thoughts. He’s trusting you with saying these things. Opening up. Not hiding who or what he is. Try it sometimes. My husband and I do it all the time lol. 16 years this September. I comment on guys and he does woman. We each have an unattainable get out of jail free card lol. Mine is the Rock, damn he’s fine as hell lol!!! He goes to bars and etc with his friends to, oh my!!! Its all about trust.
So do it back. Comment on fine men & see how he likes it. Disrespect begets disrespect.
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No one wants to spend their lives walking on eggshells… Your PTSD isn’t the most important thing in life how he feels matters just as much as how you feel…
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Divorce Him… marriage is a farce anyhow.
Yea nope that’s a no for me! He’s noticing them for a reason & dosent care that he’s disrespecting you in return considering you brought it to his attention & he simply just doesn’t care
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Wait only married 2 weeks and you have problem…didnt you see or notice him doing this before hand …it will never work yall need communication…trust.honesty…love…pay attention to each other…if u had problem with him doing this to u didnt u notice him doing this before marriage
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Why is everyone’s first reaction…“get rid of him”? Do people not work on relationships anymore?
Just because he’s made comments doesn’t mean he’s cheating nor does it make it a red flag. He’s a man. Most men do shit like this, no rhyme or reason. I guarantee most of ya’lls men are doing it to, if not to your face…they’re saying it to their buddies.
Do you trust him? Are there any other indications he could be cheating? Because it all boils down to trust.
Just keep communicating going. With stuff like this communication is key
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For me, the only problem I see here is him entirely invalidating your feelings. That’s a much larger problem than him commenting on some women.
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If you have PTSD you don’t need to be in a relationship. Like you just said “you have PTSD from a previous relationship” now the next man gotta deal with it
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2 weeks? Why in the world did you marry this guy if he does this stuff???
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Lusting is cheating. Get an annulment.
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You’ve been married for 2 weeks? Did he just start making those comments? He could think you’re stuck with him now, so he’s gonna treat you how he wants. Or maybe he’s feeling insecure & wants to see if you care when he makes those comments. Either way, he’s being disrespectful & immature, no woman deserves to feel like shit bc of her own husband.
I hate constantly seeing the “get out now” comments. You don’t just throw a relationship away because your husband said his co worker looks good for five kids. He didn’t say anything sexually. And yes he needs to understand that it hurts your feelings. But couple’s counseling may be helpful. Everyone is going to try to push their trust issues on you. If you love him make it work. Sit him down and have a deep conversation about how your feelings. You don’t just throw everything away all the time.
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He obviously doesn’t consider your feelings much? It’s unfortunate most men are perves some are just more subtle about it than others. Some don’t consider the disrespect . Perhaps you should point out attractive young men see if he enjoys the feeling of comparison ? Why not let him spread his wings make a fool of himself if he thinks he’s such a stud 
then he’s stuck by himself ! You can do better!
Have you considered women? 
leave the douchebag”
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I’m sorry you’re going through this. It really sucks to not be heard and not to have your feelings not validated. I would focus on you getting better. And I’m in no way, shape or form saying it’s your fault. Just heal for you. He’s got issues, 
, but you can’t change him.
If they are not saying it most guys are thinking it. It’s probably more about respecting you and your feelings and not saying it to you.
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At least he talking to you about his thoughts and opinions. I do this to my guy all of the time and he does me. We can talk about most anything.
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I’m sorry but what alternate universe are we in that humans cannot look at other humans & say they find them attractive just because you are married???
I’ve been married 19 years. My husband looks, I look. I find males & females attractive, & tell him to look
We don’t touch others. We don’t talk to others. But we’ve both said we’d “do that if single”.
Grow up, figure out how to regain your confidence & self worth, & leave the jealousy OUT of your marriage. Find a way to deal with your PTSD, because that is your issue not his. It is not fair to make him treat you like a victim, when you can rise up to be a survivor.
Every single person on earth looks at the attractiveness of others. It’s literally human nature.
You will have LOTS of issues in a lifelong marriage, I promise. Don’t let “looking” become a Mountain, when it’s really just a molehill.
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This is so wild to me, my boyfriend and I ALWAYS talk about how good people look like whether it’s body wise, feature wise, whatever. But we are both secure in ourselves and our relationship so I guess that makes all the difference. Just point out a girthy cucumber in some guys’ grey sweatpants in front of him next time lmao
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kick him to the curb stat!
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I’m sure he made comments like these before but now that you’re married you want to make an issue out of it??? Maybe marriage wasn’t the best option…
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This is a YOU PROBLEM not his problem. If you have PTSD YOU need therapy. I keep seeing these you problems on here. I get it it sucks guess what it would suck a whole lot less if you would work your issues out instead of making your issues his issues. I realize I sound insensitive to most but, it’s the truth. Get help. Stop making excuses.
I think it’s so disrespectful to talk like that and perve on the other sex when you’re with someone.Get onto him about it for sure
Tell him that he will respect you or else. Put your foot down now or it’ll only get worse. I love the way my boyfriend treats me, he praises the ground I walk on. And if he ever stopped doing that and treated me as anything less than the absolute goddess that I am… I would kick him to the curb. Because I treat him just as good. A relationship is 100% effort from both parties
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This post is about her and her husband, not any of you whom it doesn’t bother. Put yourselves in her shoes, say any OTHER topic your husband does “fill in the blank”after you have told him it bothers you & I bet it crosses boundaries and is “disrespectful” real quick. This is about HER having an issue with something and HIM not respecting that boundary. I will agree that everyone notices other attractive people, but in THIS case it hurts her that he MENTIONS it. That’s not ok. Yes, they need to have another talk and if he can’t agree to something so small… then yes they need an annulment. Marriage is about love, trust, respect, honesty, and communication. Also, have to be on the same page. If she ask him not to say things like that then she is HONESTLY COMMUNICATING it bothers her, so he can HONESTLY not speak it out loud. Now if it isn’t PTSD like she stated and jealousy then no room for that in a healthy marriage. She didn’t say she wasn’t being treated for PTSD. Treatment isn’t a CURE, it’s a coping mechanism and a person with PTSD has triggers. So, maybe it’s a little of both. Maybe they need therapy together- to help him understand why it bothers her and to help her understand “if” it’s innocent that it is. Sooo many men (NOT all) will say it and then follow up with …if I’d do it then I wouldn’t tell you” all while the are either trying to do it or are actually doing it. It depends on his TRUE colors and character on that end of the issue. Just saying for the ones that attacked her… she may not “just be jealous and need to deal with her PTSD” people that “deal” with that understands that therapy and/or meds HELP it and does NOT cure it. You’d think if that’s really the case then you would think a husband would try harder to not trigger her.
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Personally I don’t think it’s fair to expect him to walk on eggshells because you have ptsd
To me it’s more disrespectful to try and control what your partner says and thinks or over how they choose to use THEIR own eyeballs
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Get therapy… seeing u guys just got married… try telling him how u feel or reverse the table and see how he reacts… he should be more considerate of ur feelings… if he is a good man otherwise then work on the stuff that will one day create a bigger issue…
Unpopular opinion, but we look. And im tired of the ptsd from a past relationship things. I was in DV and fell into another but differently, and i dont expect eggshells. Heal yourself and then worry about a relationship. Imo many use the abuse umbrella or ptsd as a way to explain their own red flags they throwing up
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It baffles me why people get married…
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Your past is affecting your current relationship. Sort yourself out before going after him
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Sounds like an asshole to me!
Giving someone compliments is not out of the ordinary. You can’t expect people to change because you have insecurities you aren’t dealing with. 
I’m right there with you, it’s hard I know. 
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You know him better than anyone. If he’s a stand up guy he was just pointing out positive things about a
co-worker, don’t stress. I’m jealous about chicks that have 5 kids and look good My husband says shit all the time too that would make other chics feel insecure but I’m secure with our relationship. I feed into it with shit like “invite her for a drink so I can get your life insurance” and make it a joke. I wouldn’t have married him otherwise… Every dude prior was a serial cheater but with him it’s different. Jealousy is an ugly trait so work on your self and relationship to make you feel more secure.
It is your feelings. Do you want him to censor everything around you? He is right, you are being overly sensitive and will end up chasing him away by being needy. So you are not her. Big deal. Be you. He married you not them. So obviously you are what he wants. Do you object if he sees a art piece he likes? Do you complain if he says that’s a good looking truck? Let it go.
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Everyone says get therapy. I do not think u need it because of the disrespectful way he is towards you he knows it bothers you but yet he still does it. Tell him stop or your gone 
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Your insecurities are reflecting on your relationship. He may not be trying to intentionally hurt you, he is just making comments. I’d say for you to get help with your problems. Then maybe do couples counseling. Leaving him is not the answer because you are going to carry your issues to every relationship. Don’t just throw away something, seek some outside help for you.
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You are over reacting to the comments because of your past HOWEVER!!! He shouldn’t just blow you off like that either. You’ve told him it bothers you and so you both should be able to work through it together. It seems strange that he didn’t exhibit these behaviors for 3 years until after you’ve gotten married but some people are able to hide aspects about themselves for a long time until they feel secure in the relationship. That’s why I’m a fan of long engagements or no marriages at all lol
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My husband does dumb shit like this he will say shit like I know this girl was flirting with me or ask me if someone was .
Personally, being married esp… my husband and I don’t check out other people and he knows that if he ever got a roaming eye then he can be single and do that instead. Don’t listen to anybody about “oh they all do it” bullshit. If he respects you then he won’t do what bothers you. Every relationship is different.
Throat punch him and tell him to quit playing lol 
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