He is a deadbeat. Dump him!!!
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Mine was the same the, till I turned it round on him. Can’t afford your game stuff. If we can’t afford a day out with the kids we sure as hell can’t afford your game crap that only benefits you.
You are teaching your kids how to be treated. They will think it’s OK not to work or ok to support a person who doesn’t want to work. As for his parenting, if he didn’t make an effort when you were gone before that shows you who he is. That’s not changing. BELIEVE SOMEONE THE FIRST TIME WHEN THEY SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE. Girl, get those kids and get out or kick him out. Your kids are watching.
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When push comes to shove remember there was once love.
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His using you…how old this must feel to you… unbelievable.not judging you here…but your living with a man with a mind of a 14 teen year old.i would find it hard to have any respect for him at all…Your a family of 4 living in a one bedroom home…at least find a two bedroom home for yourselves…it came a point in my life that I know longer listened to the man… because he had no voice or idea of the real world…I stood up and took the wheel of life for a better tomorrow for my kids and me…your man is not the Alfalfa here…so you lead the pack…go get a bigger home…if he says something…turn a deaf ear to this child man… because your the bread winner and put Your head on straight and move forward…with blinders…to his voice or demands…
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He’s not your responsibility. Your kids are. Do you want want them to grow up seeing how he treats you, and thinking that’s ok? He’s controlling. You can do this on your own. And if he can’t be a daddy enough to see his kids, that’s on him. Not you. And honestly, it doesn’t sound kind much of a loss. I would always call my ex, and remind him to call our kids. Did that for years until finally, I just stopped. It’s his loss. You deserve better. Your kids deserve better. Your husband… Does not.
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Grow some balls and get stuff sorted then cut him off
Girl, you want me to come help you pack?
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I say if you want to do something with the kids then go do it…If you want to buy a newer vehicle then do it…you are the one working and with kids you have to have reliable transportation and you have to be able to get to work safely without the worries of breaking down .
If he doesn’t want to work or be involved in doing family outings then why be with him…I could not be with a man like that myself
Unless this man is disabled a man that brings absolutely no money into the household and lives off a woman is a loser!! Ditch him, go buy yourself a house for you and your children, get a new car find a new man and live happily ever after! You do not want your children growing up and seeing this and thinking it’s okay!!!
In the end it’s up to you hun and by the sounds of it your not leaving till you’ve lost all hope in him changing.
That’s just my opinion based on my experiences and as a bystander with only a limited story.
Run from this leech 
Anyone working 65hs deserves her dream life 
He’s literally hurting your nervous system on a daily basis. And if he doesn’t care to see them & support them when you leave him, how much attention and care do you think he’s investing in them daily? 
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Sounds like you’re the one with the problems! You say you hate his parenting but had more than one child with him. If you think you’re being a good mother because you work, you’re wrong. You work all day then come in at the end of the day with bad energy because you hate your man’s parenting style. You’re the one creating hostility
There’s a whole lot of “we” going on here for someone not in a relationship…
Kick him out if YOU can afford childcare and he isn’t contributing or motivated at all boot him and put the kids in childcare
PERIOD
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He needs a job. You will never get anything YOU want…home a better car. He gets a JOB or he goes and lives at his father’s home .Your supporting him, with the money your giving him YOU could afford a better car and then start looking for a house or bigger apt Say good bye to him and your nerves etc will improve GOOD LUCK.
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You have an army of women standing behind you girl. You can do this 
Your raising three kids. You are an enabler of everything causing you pain. Why are you complaining then? Either ruin what life you have left and hate yourself for it in the end not to mention ruining your kids lives when they end up acting just like their daddy and abusing their partner or stop complaining and change you and your kids lives. No other options. Its up to you and you can’t blame anyone else after that.
You make the money. You don’t have to ask how to spend it.
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These babies need space! One bed apartment? I’d find yourself a bigger place, then give him the option to move with you or get his grown ass a job and keep the apartment. If you can afford it do it! They are only young once let them run and have a garden. Stop buying his computer stuff too, or sell the whole thing, if he’s the stay at home parent, he should be parenting.
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Smh you know what to do. Enough is ENOUGH. I couldn’t be with someone as lazy & uncaring as that.
Reread everything you just posted and think if it was your daughter saying all this…. What would you tell her to do… I think you already know your answer 
saying a prayer for you and your babies— you got this! 
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He’s an adult, stop taking care of him like a child. I’d be making him get a job and work when I get home. In all honesty, my kids father or not, I wouldn’t entertain the idea of him telling me what I can and can’t spend my hard earned money on, especially if he’s using my money to buy gaming stuff. How do you have 2 kids and only live in a one bedroom, I get they are young, but still. I probably would have kicked him to the curb already but free child care is hard to come by.
Girrrrrl go find yourself a man. A PARTNER. Someone who’s willing to learn how to be a better parent. I had to admit a year and a half ago that I didn’t know how to parent. I only realized this once my girl started getting big emotions around her 1st birthday. I’ve accepted that and now do my best to learn how to parent better, daily. I couldn’t be with someone who doesn’t aspire for more. Even if it’s just to be better than your self, the previous day.
Anyways, you got this!
He ain’t your kid. Don’t be scared to take the plunge! Don’t be tied just because he loves his kids. Shop for apartment on your day off with ur kids. Take it from there and start living
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Start looking for a house. Start looking for a newer car. But, don’t take out a big car loan before the house.
The house/car searching will help you make the decision you need to make. If he doesn’t want to get a house, he can stay in that apartment while you and the kids move on to bigger and better in life. You already said you don’t want your kids to be like him, but that’s what they’re going to do seeing it as a daily example.
Honey, if he doesn’t care to see or call about his kids when you leave… until child support aka money comes up…. He doesn’t love those kids like you think. They’re more like godchildren or nephews/nieces… sure you love them but you don’t want to raise them they got parents. You are the parent. And he’s just trying to be one of your kids.
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Putting them in daycare would be beneficial for your kids at least they’d have a routine… and I would look for a place and leave. Slowly start packing things up too.
Nothing will change unless you change it.Sounds like he has most of the say but you are the one making the money…so why shouldnt you get a bigger home or a newer car…my advice is to do what you need to do for your happiness and leave him be a bum alone.
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You have your answer hunni, just leave, he will eventually do more harm than good to the kids
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You owe it to your kids to put in daycare and lose him. He contributes nothing worthwhile
If you don’t plan on making changes, then stop complaining.
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Kick him out he’s a slob , unfortunately we all have to work and do things in life we don’t want to do its part of being an adult / parent … he needs to learn nothing in life is free . About time he stood on his own two feet . You’re an absolute queen juggling all them hours of work and home life !! You’re practically doing ti single handedly anyway … you’ve got this and you and your kids deserve much better xx
You have an extra spoiled Child.
You guys need so much couples therapy. He needs help, you need help, your whole relationship needs help. It sounds like you both have some issues to work through. Maybe get some parenting magazines and lay them around so he’ll pick them up and look at them?
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You’re letting this happen by not making a change. You want a better life?? Do something about it. He’s already proven he wants to be a bum. He already proved that he doesn’t really care about the kids because he doesn’t properly raise them or be a father when you leave. You’re letting him control everything because you’re too afraid to make a change. Leave. You want a bigger home, get one. You want a new car, get one. You want a life, go get one. You want your children to thrive and be better than their father?? Then leave and teach them to be better.
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Firstly, stop letting him tell you what to do with the money you make if you know you have good plans for the family. Just DO IT.
Second of all, if he is unwilling to detach from his learned patterns & break the generational cycle on his end doesn’t mean you trap yourself into thinking, “I don’t want to be like my Mom.” You’re not your Mom. You are your own woman & your children need to see their parents living the life they want to live, pursuing their individual & family goals, and not stuck in cycles learned from their parents failures. Stop it.
Thirdly, since you are the one working, set aside money for him to spend any way he wants & don’t question him on what he does with it. If he needs big gadgets to play video games he can save up & buy it. Don’t spend a moment more thinking about his video gaming & don’t enable his big splurges. He must learn how to budget for the things he wants.
Fourthly, set aside money for the bigger house & a new car. Just DO it. The kids need it, you need it, so do it.
Set your goals. Achieve them. My man has been exactly like yours for our whole relationship & I’ve kicked him out, saved up, bought a house without him, then worked things out & he came back. He knows I am DONE trying to motivate him in addition to motivating myself. Motivate your own ass so we can, together, motivate the kids & show them what a healthy, loving partnership looks like & what it can achieve.
No need to find yourself a new man. Just look at those goals listed in your post & set out to achieve them.
He is following in his fathers foot steps, you don’t want your kids to follow in his. Children learn what they live. For your sake and the kids, get out now. You know you can. So do it. You will be happier and quite honestly so will the children. Get them on a regular schedule. Kids need discipline and regularly in their lives. Don’t let them grow up thinking that is the normal way of life. And you deserve so much better for yourself. Your a hardworking mother that deserves to be treated like a lady and appreciated for what you do. Good luck.
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So he sits around playing video games all day not much different than the logs he cuts into firewood? that doesnt sound healthy for your kids, if you want someone disengaged with your kids you could hire a babysitter who stares at her phone instead of your watching them, children first, you second, relationship third
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For your children’s sake, leave! You are fortunate enough to have the financial means to do it! So many women want out of these situations, but aren’t able to financially! Sometimes an absent parent is better than a since in a while parent. He clearly doesn’t want to grow up!
What a child does not receive early in life seldom give later in life, which is why your kids’ father is the way he is just like his father. Move out and don’t go back, unless you want your kids to take after him. When you file a parenting plan make sure he is responsible for at least half of the daycare cost and keep his time with the kids minimal until he gets some parenting classes.
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Y’all need counseling. You make the money. Sit him down and explain your getting a bigger have me to accommodate everyone. He is welcome anytime. But you need to put your childrens welfare first. Second. If you have enough money just go buy a second hand vehicle outright. Spend at least 5k for something decent or 10k. For a good one. But you’ve worked hard and have earned it. No one likes change. But we have to Learn to accept it or we will Never grow to be better than what we are. You need to put your children first because he’s acting immature and cannot make adult decisions. You just need courage to do it. I hope you find it. God bless.
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And your guna put up with it for another 20yrs Lol 
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Put them in daycare.You don’t really need his permission.It will help there social skills,they’ll get more play and attention and it will nurture there minds.He will either get bored and get a job or play games or day, which then you’ll most likely know enough is enough.You get to a point and you’ll take it so long but then know 100% without doubts he has to go
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Everything happens for a reason and the longer you stay in this the worse your making it for yourself and your kids, they are seeing this and they are watching there dad do nothing and as they grow they will copy and will think it’s ok to do nothing, they will learn to expect you to do everything because that’s what there dad does.
Your miserable and by staying you could be missing out on the right one who is actually waiting for you.
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This is me. Except the money thing. I support us on much less. 
my husband is starting to hold a job but i constantly worry hes going to be fired
You are enabling him to do this. You are not doing your children any favours either.
Leaving might be the best way for him to “grow up”. The longer you stay the more resentment you will have.
Your kids will grow up thinking that’s the way an adult and parent should behave, so therefore when they are in relationships, it’s going to do more harm than good.
Leave now while you have the financial ability to do so, you will be much happier
Leave. Why are u still with him???
If that relationship I live in and even though he love my kids. First of all, we aren’t married he don’t rule me of what money I spend on. And will put my kids in daycare for them to be able social and learn a lot of things. Second of all if I’m working and making all the money I definitely will buy me newer car, a house, and take the kids places that they definitely can enjoy and make memories because he isn’t holding our life down. Third, if the boyfriend don’t want to work and don’t help with kids to keep things in stable he got no say what I do with the money I spend on. I definitely will not let him spend my money on his stupid games. Fourth, he don’t want new place to have more space and get better car for family then I will move out and take the kids with me for the best life they deserve. Last he will need to take the parent class and have supervise visitation til he learn to give them meal properly and put them on bedtime schedules.
Last, I wouldn’t look back or come back to him even though he fall of the fence. He is grown man not a baby. Time to be man and be a father to children.
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Girl you need to put on your big girl panties…make the choice…if he chooses not to see his kids its on him…but your gonna loose your mind if you stay.
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You are already doing everything. When you finally get tired of it, you will leave. You know what you need to do.
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Why are you allowing this?
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Sounds like it’s time to tell him to get a job or get out. Stop letting him use your money to spend on video games. Stop enabling him. You’re right, it’s not easy to leave someone. But you have to decide that you want better and put your happiness above his.
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I think you should persuade him to see a therapist, perhaps he is depressed. It sounds like he has an underlying issue that he has yet to face. And for yourself, you should probably get away from the situation as soon as you can. Daily panic attacks (I know because I suffer from them, too) are going to debilitate you mentally and emotionally if they already arent, and the situation you’re in is exacerbating your mental health condition. I’m sure you love him and see the good side of him and his potential, which is why you cant bring yourself to leave him, but you are enabling him. It sounds like he needs to look in the mirror, face his issues and either step up or unfortunately, stay stagnant. I’m sure he isnt happy, either. In the meantime, you should plan your departure so you and the kids can be happy and stress free. Best of luck.
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So… you’ve left, and he had absolutely nothing to do with his own kids… until he has to pay child support… RIGHT THERE SHOWS HE DOESNT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HIS KIDS… a good, loving dad can’t just not have any contact with his own kids…
It’s frustrating seeing so many women just put up with these… boys. So many women are depressed, stressed, unhappy because they don’t think they can leave… JUST DO IT! Be happy… your kids need a happy mom… your kids do not need to grow up seeing that as their male role model and then think that’s how it’s suppose to be…
So your raising 3 kids?! I can’t believe you put up with this! You make all the money and can’t buy what you want but he can?! 🤦🏼♀ reverse the rolls… Stay at home mom is expected to cook, clean, wash clothes, take care of the kids, bath the kids, homework (when it applies), take the kids to the park (or do things with them) like everything! So why the hell is it any different with a stay at home dad!!! Girl you are crazy to except any less! More power to you cuz if I was “doing it by myself” because he refuses to, then his ass is gone cuz I don’t need him! Find someone who wants to be your equal! Not someone who wants you to take care of him! That’s 3 kids not 2… Good luck in what ever you choose to do.
Daycare for the children. No need to give permission for him to drop off or collect, he won’t anyway. Somewhere close to your work. When you move house, the children won’t need to change daycare places.
Look for the place to live that will suit you and your children. (Rentals are difficult to secure at the moment)
Perhaps you are able to buy a starter house.
No need to tell him details, just go about creating your new life. Once your set, tell him he can either take over the lease or move. Give him the same notice as you give the real estate agent.
Having no children during the day, he will have time to go to Centrelink, sort his own finances etc.
The only negative reaction he will have is because he is losing his free living.
Too bad. He can go and live with his Mum and Dad.
He will need to go through the correct channels to arrange to see children.
If he doesn’t want to see them, no worries.
I’m not suggesting you make an enemy of him. Just protect the privacy of your address, the daycare place etc.
Attend to your bank accounts now. Leave him $500 and move all your remaining funds into secure accounts in your name only. You have been the only financial contributor so don’t feel guilty. You need to focus your $ on the future of you and your children.
After settling into your new life, you may be able to reduce your working hours or work extra hours from home after the children are asleep.
This bloke isn’t even a good babysitter. Your children we be so much more settled and happier for their growth and development.
Forget about waiting for him to ‘be a man’; ‘a father’… hasn’t happened yet and it’s not going to.
His future is his to do what he wants.
Just as yours is!
Do it today!
Congratulations on the beginning of your new life with you and your babies! 
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What you allow will continue! Leave
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You are crazy to stay with someone like this because of your parents and what they did. He’s a waste of space if he’s not even helping with the children. They deserve better than what he’s giving them and you are allowing it to happen. It’s hard being a single parent I no that for sure but my son was way more important than any man. Do what’s best for your children now while they are young. If he doesn’t want to be involved that’s his loss but don’t punish your kids because of the hang ups you have. Make a better life for you and your children. He will never change if you say his dad is the same so you’ll just plod me n in life going nowhere for the sake of a man who won’t grow up. Less heartache now than later on.
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I just would not put up with him " I raised my 3 all by myself " working & looking after them was a bit hard at times but as they got older they helped me " just do it "
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You are enabling him and he is laying on the guilt…nothing is going to change as long as you make excuses for accepting and allowing his behavior.
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He sounds more like a good uncle rather than a father. The work issue won’t change, either. If you and he split up, you will be the bad authority figure, if you’re not already, but if the kids continue to stay with dad they will probably become just like him and do only what they have to do in life to get by.
He’s not going to change, for good or bad; he doesn’t need too. He is doing what he wants. How about you? Are you doing what you want? I see kids living with no structure, making decisions that aren’t the best for them and eventually a one bedroom house just isn’t going to work as the kids become older. When the reach the pre teens, he may find them troubling. Guess who will be handling them? You need to make a change while they a young and flexible.
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It’s your money! You earn and pay for everything, so you don’t need his permission to get a new car, a bigger place, house. Go to the bank get a mortgage in your name. He either gets with the program or show him the door. Put him on child support…even if he’s living with you. He doesn’t get to make babies and not contribute.
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Wow just the line about when you leave he falls off the face of the earth….tell me again how he ‘loves’ his kids
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He’s not going to change if he doesn’t have to. If his father is the same way he won’t see there’s a problem with it.
Leave, set up a life for you and your kids, they need their own space too. And if he wants apart of it he’ll change.
There would be thousands of mothers in your situation except for being financially independent. Get out take your kids and ENJOY life. He will wake up or will miss out with no-one to blame but himself
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While ever you allow this behavior from your man child
It will never change
I don’t understand if you have money in the bank
Why are four of you living in a one bedroom apartment
Driving an unreliable car
As your the financial source for your family
Put all three kids (including your man child) into daycare
Stop giving him money for games
Find and move into a bigger place
Buy that new car for your family
If he wants new games and gaming equipment
He has to earn them by himself
Actually give him a weekly chore list
Indicating a certain amount of $$ per chore
That he has to tick off (checked by you that it’s been done)
At the end of the week pay him for the chores that he has done only
Then let him sulk and have a tantrum
While you take your other 2 kids out for a milkshake
Please don’t let this become
Learned behavior for your kids
Perhaps it’s time to make a choice
You and the needs of your kids
Or a toxic environment
That’s bad for you and your kids
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Woman… You make the money. Put that out down. Tell him your family needs more space and your children need A room at least. I get struggling, im not judging. But sounds like you can do more and sounds like you want to so you should. I stay at home and my SO works but I’d definitely work if it was financially better for us. But with daycare cost its not worth it here. If you don’t feel together like a couple and don’t have those feelings than you need to do you and he can see the kids when he wants 
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You are raising and financing a third child. Except for wood cutting he is costing more than he is providing. If you haven’t done it before, he is off your bank account. He is NOT caring for your children. Just an adult in their presence. Look for affordable housing at least two bedrooms.
You can try writing out directions and posting what is to be done that day and what and when the children sleep and nap
No one says you can’t be friends. However, you said he doesn’t call until he gets changed ld support papers. That could cover child care. And maybe you wouldn’t need to work 65 hours to escape him. Your kids aren’t getting love in this environment just tolerance so he can play video game. Good luck. You are worth more.
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I would go get yourself the house you want. And then move if he doesn’t wanna work and help support anything he won’t have a place to live if he doesn’t want to live with you in a house you’re happy with
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That is exactly what you will do. Your kids will grow up just like him!
it’s time for him to grow up. if you aren’t a couple he needs a place of his own. and you need to stop supporting that grown ass man that wants to pretend to still be a child
Where does it say you need anyone’s permission to buy a house & nicer car?? Just do it! And kick him to the curb if he doesn’t want to work!
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Daycare for your kids. You’re raising 3 kids because someone’s parents didn’t do a good job raising theirs. Don’t let the cycle repeat itself. You know the answer or you wouldn’t be writing for advise on the situation. So to validate what you already know yes you and the kiddos should leave. Your kids deserve better.
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Sounds like your doing it on your own, so I don’t understand the question. Get your house, your car and your husband can live with his father and visit the kids.
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um leave obviously it sounds like he doesn’t have much to do with his kids even when he sits home with them all day while you’re at work so whether you’re there or not the kids are probably better off if he doesn’t want to be around them unless you’re with him then he’s not a good dad and you should probably just nip that in the bud now
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you’re enabling him and you deserve better and newer and honestly should probably just take the kids. what he is doing isn’t parenting
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I just want to point out that if your not happy in the situation your kids will pick up on it . And to stay out of guilt is robbing you from a fulfilling life with your kids . Good luck hon x
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He is immature and selfish, plain and simple
Yes it’s time to go, you won’t make him into a monster, he’ll do that himself. Children need boundaries especially at that formative age
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ID LEAVE you would have a better system as he doesnt help at all Move on for the sake of your children SOME MEN NEVER GROW UP ITS LIKE HAVING A EXTRA CHILD GOOD LUCK AN TAKE CARE … YOUR DOING IT ON YOUR OWN NOW …
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What’s the problem if you have access to the money and your lease is up go buy a house in your name Leave a note on the door we now live at such and such But this guy is watching his kids his way unless he’s hurting them leave him alone Stop blaming him for your unhappiness it doesn’t sould like the kids are unhappy your making trouble where there is no trouble and you can’t keep working like that and not be depressed you have no life. Do stuff with the kids yourself Or better yet do something for you go to the mall eat at the mall look in the local paper see what’s going on in the world
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You are the one that makes the money, it is not his to spend and not give you any. Take what you want as long as the bills are paid.
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I definitely would leave him !
Life if too short to wait for the other adult in the relationship to grow up
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I would leave. When he doesn’t reach out to his kids until the CS papers show up……don’t go back. Follow through w/ cs. Stop the learned behavior now with your children before it starts.
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Just ask yourself if this is how you want your kids to grow up and think this is how it is supposed to be!
Your not over reacting!!! Just remember people only treat you the way you let them. If he worked you could afford childcare. He has no right to tell you how to spend the money you earn, especially when he then goes and spends it.
I would get some professional help and if he doesn’t shape up, ship him back to his parents and get on with your life 
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If you have thousands, in the bank, then go pay cash, for a good used car, to have a better car, with no payment, leave him the old car. Leave, if you are not getting anywhere. He’s never gonna grow up, he hasn’t yet!! Do for you and your babies. Obviously, you know what you need to do!!
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Leave !
Break the cycle got your children
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Time to move on. Make a better life for you and your kids before they get stuck learning his habits. Trust me. I’ve seen men in this same situation suddenly man up when they are forced to because their wife got sick of tending to Everything. Including them. He will not change staying in the comfy situation he is in now. You could have such a better life for you and your kids. You already have all the tools. I would recommend getting a counsler for You to talk to to help you through this. Truly think about your kids. Is this really the environment you want them to learn from?
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Don’t even worry about the child support too much if your the one making the money and carrying your family already. You ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE for his reactions when you leave if he turns into a monster or wants nothing to with the kids… your kids will know it for what it is eventually. They might hurt for a bit but they might also be happier seeing you happy… dont make excuses for him. You know what you need to do and what you want to do.
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What the hell are you doing staying with this guy? You’re hurting yourself and your kids. Why aren’t you doing better for the kids and stop enabling this adult child 
. And people wonder why our children are the way they are. They have parents that don’t do right by them.
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He’s not going to change. Why stay?
Perhaps it’s time to let go of the relationship. You’re obviously ill-suited for each other and staying will hurt everyone involved, especially your kids.
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Girl. Leave. He may love them but “watching” them isn’t doing anything but simply making sure they don’t die. He isn’t nurturing them. Think about the future. Would you want your children to be in a relationship exactly like the one you’re in? If they see this growing up, they’ll think it’s ok and it’s the normal kind of relationship and are doomed to repeat the cycle. If nothing else, don’t do that to your babies. Leave. Leave soon.
Wow… so much of this is what I went through with my daughters father… always stayed home and never worked never wanted to spend money unless it was on him, stayed home with our daughter but nothing was done and I worked full time and still had to keep the house afloat financially and mentally…
It’s hard to leave someone when you think they’re a great dad, but end of the day what are you’re kids going to remember mummy worked long hours and dad stayed home and we were bored or had no attention.
End of the day what he does with his life if you leave is on him and not you. You need to do what is best for you and your kids future.
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Leave. Your kids will thank you later.
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I’d talk to him and tell him if he doesn’t start working he needs to truly parent and take care of the kids and no more say over money. You need a diffrent house too. The kids need a room of thier own. A friend got in trouble with dhs for the kids not having a room.
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Leave! Sounds like you’re raising 3 children!
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So he doesn’t work and tells you want to do with the money YOU work 65 hours a week for? Boy bye, kick his ass to the curb
The only positive thing you had to say about him was that he loves his kids. You seem to have nothing left for him relationship wise, so why stay? If you are already feeling this way now i can’t imagine you’ll feel too great about it a few years down the road. You’re wasting time you could be using to give you and your children a happier/healthier life and environment.
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