Am I overreacting?

Please tell me if I’m overreacting. My father-in-law and his wife have me really angry because I feel they completely brushed off our second child’s birthday whereas they went all out for our first child’s birthday. For our oldest. my father-in-law took the day off work and literally made his wife quit her job and find a new one because her boss was being a jerk and wouldn’t let her have the day off. He also gave us a budget of $150 for a gift to send him that he could buy for her. For our second, they immediately responded with sorry I work when we invited them to the party. They then 2.5 months after the party/birthday mailed us an lcd drawing pad that’s rated for ages 3+ and was only $10. Never once did they ask what she would like/need. I’m just really upset that it seems like they could careless about our youngest. My husband also isn’t happy with his dad for brushing off our child.


Happens all the time with second and third etc kids. Especially if it was their first grandchild they’ll make a bigger deal. But just talk to them and tell them how you both feel and see what they say. By that you can tell if it’s sinister.


Well, we have baby showers for the first baby and not the second or third don’t we?

maybe they thought you guys would all have a closer relationship but since having the first baby, you guys really aren’t that close and they do not have a bond with their grandchildren so things have changed.


Sounds like you are making it a bigger deal than it is. Your child probably doesn’t even know unless you complain in front of her. You need to teach both kids to appreciate and be happy with whatever they get and that it’s the thought that counts. Teaching them that material things are important is not a good thing. Pick your battles.


Maybe they were financially better off during the first baby birthday. I am telling you from my own experiences. I went thru the loss of my hubby and struggle sorry your dealing with this. I hope it gets better. Tell them how you feel. Otherwise it may continue.start with the hubby . Or get altogether and tell them.


Trust me when I say your second child will notice as times goes on especially if it continues. I would not make a big deal out of it cause your second and first are watching your reactions.

No you are not entitled so I am shocked over others saying that. You are sensitive to favoritism. You are sensitive to your child’s feelings being hurt. It is sad when people don’t see or seem to care about the consequences of their actions.


I think you are overthinking the $$$
To be fair I was the same way with my own kids. My first, I went all out on everything my second kid I realized it’s not necessary and he got lots of handy-downs.
We don’t love or value him any less, we just realize what’s most important and it’s not the gift size especially at such a young age.They don’t know, it’s the parents that choose to keep track.
Let it go, don’t let it become more of a thing.


Sometimes with the first grandchild, they splash and go all out, but having had to quit a job and realize it’s not so easy to get another the priorities might’ve changed it doesn’t matter what a birthday party is as long as the child is acknowledged and does get some thing it’s not so easy to take time off nowadays, especially with the increase and prices of everything I wouldn’t really think too much of it. There’s always going to be times when they try real hard to do something and maybe can’t afford it another time.


You’re not overreacting at all! I would say if you can’t do the same for both kids then don’t do for either. And everyone saying it shouldn’t matter about the price, it doesn’t. But clearly they are showing favoritism with their actions and as a parent I would put a stop to it. The second child will grow up and see the grandparents treat them differently and that’s hurtful, and I wouldn’t want to see my child hurting like that.


Could it be an age thing?
Like I could get going all out for a 10 yr old and not a 3yr old. The 10 yr old will probably remember that their whole life whereas the 3 yr old won’t remember who that toy is from in one week.

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That is so thoughtless…you are right in being upset…how could grandparents do this!!! Your husband needs to speak to his parents…my mother-in-law gave my daughter money for graduation and didn’t give her brother anything for graduation…my daughter was so upset…she told me she was splitting her money with her brother…somehow she must have realized what she had done and gave my son the same amount…he split that with his sister! Address this now…before it happens again!!! Good Luck :four_leaf_clover::four_leaf_clover:

Focus on the grandparents presence in their life and not the presents in their life. You are raising them to be petty and focused on material items. You only spoke of the cost. Did the child enjoy the gift?


So it looks like a lot of people are calling you entitled. I actually dealt with this very thing with my father and my boys. He would spend 100s on my oldest at birthdays and holidays. He would “forget” my youngest. He did it on purpose, we lived with him (I moved in to help him). It wasn’t just gifts either, it was also his time. It’s a choice. Chances are the grandparents have their reasons to be like that.


You are not overreacting. It was very unfair. My ex in-laws did the same thing with my kids. My oldest isn’t even their blood. But treated her like she was and did more for her then their grandson. My kids are adults now and won’t have anything to do with the grandma because of that.

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Financial circumstances can change.


It’s not about the price of what they spend. Maybe they were better off during your eldest 's birthday than they were with your youngest… I feel like you’re making a bigger deal of this than your children are this is how you teach your kids that a gift is not expected but appreciated and it doesn’t matter the price of the item either just be grateful you got anything. Some kids don’t even get a cake!


Is this common practice for them? I try to be fair but there are times when I can afford a $150 present and times when I can’t

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Equal treatments or no more gifts from them. They can be invited for a family dinner and the rest has zero expectations and no more hurt feelings. Equal treatment or nothing.


I have never read so many people who didn’t understand context or illustrations of behavior in a long time. You have given no thought to the big picture of both sides. It’s not about money. She gave it as illustration to show the difference. If the grandparents can’t afford it, okay then don’t buy stuff that’s expensive for ANY of the kids. You treat them the same.’ Clearly if her husband is also upset that means it’s a pattern.

I can understand the frustration of this women and then being called entitled. That seems to be a buzz word these days. I have seen entitled and this lady in her description does not fit the bill.’ She sounds like a mom who doesn’t like nor appreciate obvious favoritism from their non attendance at the second child’s birthday down to clearly taking off for the first child’s birthday, then you add the illustration of the difference in cost.

If I were her and her husband, I would set up boundaries. This is the limit of what you can spend and if you cannot buy similar price range, then all we want is your presence. Then set up birthday parties to weekends,’well enough in advance for them to attend.

Best of

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This is exactly why I stopped being nice. When I can I do and when I am short or money or in different situations I tell them sorry I can’t and they get mad at me. You really don’t know what happening in their life, instead of being angry at them maybe just call them ask how they doing, if they need anything. Spend more time with them. Anything could have been happening between your first one and second one


What are the ages of the kids? Also, not really up to you what they spend . Maybe finances changed or they didnt have the money. Did they get the first kid a gift worth the 150$ limit ?

A gift is a gift, you sound entitled!!! Who cares if he sent a 10$ gift??? Its the thought that counts!


You did say that your MIL quit her job. That was income lost. Everyone is struggling to keep their own households running, let alone gifts, traveling expenses. Maybe they were embarrassed? Did the best that they could?

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If I was super worried about grandparents not being at the party, I would have rearranged the date/time to fit their needs. Her having to quit her job is a huge deal. I wouldn’t expect them to do that again. I definitely don’t think the costs of toys are what they once were. Folks are struggling. I would just say thank you and go on with your day. If they can’t be a part of the joy, then don’t let them steal it from you.

My kids grandma does this. She’s my ex husbands mom and my oldest just turned 16 April 7th so she bought him a PS5, an extra controller, a 65 inch tv plus clothes and shoes, and even gave him $500 dollars and got him 6 games he wanted for his PS5. She only got my daughter some socks and a book. She’s 12. My 10 year old got rubber duckies to go in the tub and some body wash. They always asking me mom why does Aaron get all this stuff and we don’t get anything? I don’t know what to tell them. She’s always favored my oldest ever since he was born and treated my other 2 like crap. My daughter is always asking if she can come to her house and spend time with her but there’s always an excuse. My oldest asked her if he could come and she said yeah I’ll come get u when I get off work and I’ll call in tomorrow or use my vacation days and we will go here and there. I’m like he isn’t going because it isn’t fair take them all or none because it’s not right.

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Favoritism! I would definitely say something to them, but those kids will realize what they are doing.


So many red flags between you and the father-in-law honestly. I think he was overreacting for your first born by making his wife quit her job? Kids are important but there’s definitely a middle ground between the two reactions he had with both kids.

I personally don’t think you over reacted. For some reason in some cultures this is very common and especially if it’s a first grandchild male. I’m Irish and it’s very well practiced in our culture. I’m not saying it’s going to make a difference but you need to nip this before it starts affecting the other child.

Wow these comments, if this is out of the normal for them then I wouldn’t worry, but if they seem to play favorites and is very obvious then ignore all these other comments, you got to nip that in the butt now bc I promise you the youngest will know and it will destroy them. It’s not about the money they spend but the effort, if one kid gets a lot of thought while the other don’t then you need to stop them. Bc it will grow into the younger child holding resentment and wondering why they aren’t good enough. I had grandparents like this and it hurt so much all the time watching certain cousins get all the attention, presents, positivity and I was left wondering why I wasn’t good enough.

100% overreacting. Your father in law realized just how stupid it was to miss a days pay and make his wife quit her job for a birthday party. He also realized that $150 to spend on a grandchild for a party is insane. Especially when you’re having a party and lots of guests will be bringing gifts. Grow up and consider that real life things like jobs are more important than a party a 1 year old wouldn’t even realize or remember happened. SMH.

It’s sounds like you’re really upset they didn’t move Mountains for a party you made on a day they couldn’t attend . Did it ever occur to you to have your children’s parties on days your immediate family could attend ? Did you plan it on a Monday wen your parents were both at wrk ? Prob not . Just an outsider looking in .

Maybe they realized that taking off work & quitting jobs was a bit much for a grandkids birthday & they’re making better decisions now. I’d say more but I’m gonna read the room & not ruffle any feathers. :sweat_smile:


I don’t understand some of these comments. She’s not asking for a 150 dollar gift for both of her children, she asking that both of her children are treated the same. That doesn’t make her entitled. Get both of my kids a 150 gift or get them both at 10 gift. It honestly doesn’t matter which one. Just treat them equally. Parents are on here saying they didn’t get as much for their second born. I get that as a parent we tend to go over born for our first born as they’re growing up. We learn what is really needed. Birthday parties are different. :partying_face: my kids the same. High dollar gift, dollar tree gift, just your presence is fine too. Whatever it is, it needs to be the same. PERIOD!

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I can’t even believe the comments on this post obvious favouritism going on and you all don’t think the children will see this as they get older :roll_eyes::woman_facepalming:t4: I’m pretty sure it’s not about the money but tbh if they aren’t going to do the same for both I’d tell them not to even bother


I would be upset too. I have 6 grands and they all get the same. If I weren’t financially able to send what I sent for the first, I would explain that to my son or daughter. I can’t even imagine not treating them all the same.

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Those are your children. Grandparents are their to give them extra love. They are not obligated to do anything and the fact that he made his wife quit her job just to celebrate a birthday was showing you how much they cared. That financial decision he made might have set them back financially on top of that sending a 150 dollar gift when only one of them were working. That does not obligate them to do it every year. My mom loves her 2 great granddaughters. For their first birthday she was there and that meant traveling on a train from one state to another to be there. As they get old she sends them gifts and her love but unless someone is bringing her she’s not coming to their party. My niece doesn’t love her any less cause she understands that what my mom does is coming from the heart. No one is obligated to do anything or spend a dime on a kid they didn’t make. Maybe be grateful they have Grandparents that love them

Yes they do notice . You are not overreacting . Soo sad that the father in law did that. All our grandkids get a gift all equal to the same amount. Did that with our kids as well. You don’t have to spend a lot of money. We Do that for Christmas as well . Love them all equally. :heart:

I would definitely say you’re over reacting luv a gift is a gift rather it’s from the Dollar tree or Target it’s the thought that counts!!


Sorry I didn’t get past “made his wife quit her job” what on earth???

Are you personalizing this?

Is it really about your children?

I really don’t think a grandparent would quit their income source for the birth of a grandchild. Feels excessive tbh :woman_shrugging:

And if they did, perhaps second time around they just aren’t in same position in life to make such grandiose gestures

I think you’re overthinking it, I’m sure you have better things to do :green_heart:

Do you think they felt unappreciated after the first birthday celebration?
Maybe something happened/they overheard someone talking that made them feel that way…best thing to do is ask if you all did anything to offend them. Or if everything is ok with them …ask if they are facing any new financial burdens ?
Ask with love and respond with love!!

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I get where as you might feel like that, however and I am not saying this to sounds like an absolute jerk. Maybe they both realized that 1 day cost them 100’s if not 1000’s depends on how long it took them to re-coop their finances. They could have realized that they made HUGE decisions that maybe shouldn’t have been made. How is you’re relationship other wise. Is it a up and down situation? I don’t know the odd bits and pieces is it a case where they themselves have pulled back for whatever reasons they have. When’s the last time any actual TIME was spent with either one of the parents? I honestly have so many questions.


Talk to them about it. If it is just because the oldest is their first grandchild, then make it clear they treat them equal or don’t come around. The youngest might not remember it now, but it could cause issues later even on a subconscious level. They may not realize that to small child the message they could be giving is I like this child more.

My mom has always done the same with my first and it’s always bothered me bc the other children definitely notice one day it’s not right

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Wow this comment section is wild.

You have every right to be upset. But before you go off on the grandparents, talk to them first. Explain to them your concerns and feelings. If they blow you off then go off. It might have been a misunderstanding or they could be broke now that he made her quit her job. But I get where your coming from. I had a mother inlaw do this as well only I took to long to say something and my kids were at war with each other but she was the reason. And she is evil so that’s the difference here. But no talk to them. They may not understand what there doing OR it may just be a big misunderstanding. I really dont think there as evil as my MIL. I dont think anyone is as evil as that woman.

It’s understandable to feel sad that they didn’t go all out but you also need to be greatful they sent a gift late or not.

When I was growing my birthday falls on memorial day every year no one ever showed up for my birthday and half my family never called or even tried to say happy birthday. I was upset for years but I was always grateful my parents still tried to make my day fun and my grandma in her old age sent me my birthday gift a month early she was so proud to get it to me before my birthday incase she wasn’t home. Don’t rely on others to make your child’s birthday special that’s your job and be greatful when they do give gifts or throw them a party bc some of us never had that and I try my best to always be thankful for what I have and what I can offer my kids.

Sounds like they did brush it off but maybe they really couldn’t leave work , not much you can do about it really. You can let them know how you feel but probably won’t help much. My parents were same way. Favored my daughter over my son,nothing helped

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First kid is more excitement some go all out so can go all put. They may not be able to leave work etc for whatever reason. Your husband needs to talk to his family.

Only money doesn’t matter a gift is a gift specsilly when they sre at an age they don’t know money

Sounds like they already have a favorite which is sad. It doesn’t matter if the baby is too young to remember it now, it’s showing signs for how the future will go. Every kid is just as important and deserves the same amount of care and attention :woman_shrugging:t2:

Nope the favoritism in treating children different is disgusting and obnoxious it really shows what trash the people doing it can be and I would start going low to no contact, children realize when they are treated differently and you should protect their feelings first.

I see a lot of comments stating that they get more excited for the first Grandchild and are new to it and maybe feel they went overboard for the oldest birthday and couldn’t do it again. This could possibly be an excuse if your youngest is one, And they only Spent the time and did the expensive stuff when the oldest was one , And only Treated them differently at the same age when they didn’t have two grandchildren. But that is not the case here, And is not an excuse. As far as the gifts the difference in asking what the Older child wanted, And then getting the younger child something completely not age-appropriate just shows that they couldn’t care enough to be bothered. It’s about spending time with each child for their birthday doesn’t even have to necessarily be on their birthday. They didn’t have to take a day off and quit a job that’s a bit ridiculous, And maybe they did realize that was a mistake,but for the second they didn’t even acknowledge it for a month or 2.They should have spent time with her and celebrated her birthday with her either on her birthday or as close to as they could. They could have taken her on a picnic spent the day at the park and a walk it didn’t have to cost money and they didn’t have to take a day off but they should have been there for her for her birthday If they were going to make such a big deal out of the oldest. It is clearly favoritism and you and your husband are not at all wrong for being upset about it and being worried about how it’s going to progress. The children know they don’t need to hear mom and dad talking about it to figure it out ,not that I think you guys would have talked about it in front of them like some have said. Kids pick up on everything ,they don’t need anyone to point it out to them. I would definitely talk to the grandparents about this ,I wouldn’t even mention the gifts because like these people here they’ll probably say something stupid about you being materialistic and entitled or something. but mention how going through so much to spend the time with one daughter on her birthday versus not acknowledging the other daughter’s birthday for a month or 2 and still not spending time with her is not acceptable.

Some people are very ungrateful. :roll_eyes: Speak of entitlement brat behavior.

Is the child one? If so, they have no clue. The grandparents probably realized they were a little over the top with the first one. Quitting your job is a bit much.
Even parents make a huge deal of the first kid and take waaay more pics than they do with the second and third. I’m sure that it will even out as they get older but the last thing you should be doing is checking the prices of gifts. They are not required just nice to have. Honestly, kids will have more fun with wrapping paper tubes then the presents half the time. Don’t make a big deal of it unless it continues as they are older.

I will say regardless of what anyone thinks thay you are 100 percent not overreacting. Now yeah as of right now your second child probably won’t even realize what’s going on but eventually he/she will and it’s not right. You put the same effort into each of my children or you won’t be invited next time. Now Idk the details and the only reason I would think otherwise is if maybe they are struggling now financially and can’t take off work or can’t afford more than a $10 gift then that would be understandable

Favoritism my mom died it with Mya nice an nothing for my daughter

The novelty of being a grandparent for the first time wore off lol


Be happy they your child got something my parents never called my kids never remembered any of them :sob::sob:

As the second child, I definitely started to notice the different treatment I received by a certain grandparent… the offer I got.

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Yes, for all of the reasons stated above where yes was the response.

Sound like your being selfish and spoiled ! Maybe first one they had the money and time and the second one this time it was a lil tuff shouldn’t matter how much the gift was anyways

You can NOT let this precedent be set.
It’s not entitled to think your children should be treated equally. As they grow, this will cause resentment between your children, self confidence issues with your second, and a lot of heartache.

Sit down with your husband and tell him that you want him to sit with you as a united front and shut this down now. Come up with a game plan.

Then, Sit down with the grandparents together and tell them that you have noticed the vast difference they may between the two children and that you want to nip this in the bud now. Tell them that you will never tell them how much to spend on your children, but that they need to plan ahead with whatever their budget is to ensure both children are being treated equally. Make it clear that the next time they do something like this, you’ll ban them from gifting anything to either child and you’ll reduce their contact with the children.

It sounds mean, but better now than when your youngest is bawling a few years from now because the eldest opened an expensive present on Christmas morning and the youngest opened a pair of socks or something and they’re hurt and got embarrassed in front of everyone.

Oh yeah !!! You definitely overreacted, not body own your kids anything.
The first child in a family is very special for most people/ family members, even for parents .
For the first child we want most things new or good brands, for the second we barely buy anything because we used what we have and forget about brand stuffs :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

You have the right to feel what you feel!

I would be mad if they haven’t asked anything about the child

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Just suck it up and move on. If you confront them it will put a wedge between you and them and things will never be the same. Maybe they just didn’t have the money.

Not right, but it happens all the time, would try to have a adult conversation

Do they have other grandchildren from your husbands siblings ? The first grandchild always holds a special place in a grandparent’s heart . There is a 17 year age difference in my grandd

Maybe their situation has changed.

Yeah that’s not okay, children should never be treated differently and I’d be telling them if this happens again, you’ll go no contact. Kids will notice it after time.

Maybe they dont have the funds this time and didnt want to quit their jobs.

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You are not overreacting. Make it clear to them that you won’t tolerate favoritism. If it continues, then work on distancing yourself and your family from them. It’s very hurtful for kids to grow up experiencing that.


Be thankful for what u got.

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The biggest detail I see missing is the kids ages. You’re upset about a toy aged 3+ so if you’re youngest is under 3 and your oldest is above that could be it. A LOT of people don’t go to birthdays for kids under 5 because it’s boring and they almost NEVER remember it. I’d also you really hope you haven’t voiced this opinion on the gifts to them or the children because frankly you can’t make people gift your children equally, but you can on your own make it up to the one who gets less. Can’t control others but you can change your reaction.

I mean although I get why this would make you mad maybe they have alot going on. Or maybe last time they went all out and literally quit a job and took a day off work you did something to upset them. If their presence was half as important as you seem to claim you wouldnt be scheduling birthday parties on days they have to work. That’s alot to ask out of people especially In today’s economy. Are you doing anything to Include on days they wont have to buy a present?? I know I’d be hurt and upset if I quit a job or took a whole day off work to go to a party to then not feel included or only feel needed when it involves presents. Do yall even try to schedule parties not on days they work or call them on their birthdays?. Go visit them? Send pics?

*couldn’t care less

And you never told us how you’re reacting to have any idea if you’re overreacting or not

Did you ever think that maybe they are having financial and or personal issues that is none of your business? You are being petty !and maybe your child is too young to remember or appreciate expensive gifts ? Why spend tons of money :yen: n a child who probably would rather have a simple toy? I can’t stand when people put dollar signs on EVERYTHING! But this is my opinion and people don’t have to agree with it.

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Sabrina Janine Vereen​:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

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That second baby will soon pick up on that favouritism, how awful of them to treat the two so differently

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Did their financial situation change between kids? Some grandparents are excited for the first then being a grand wares off. But this is drastic. It really seems like something personal is going on with them. Change in income, depression, martial problems, legal issues etc.

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You’re over reacting. No one owes your children anything and an attitude of gratitude goes a long way.


After reading some of the mama comments, I am sickened by your entitlement attitudes. As a grandma, I can barely remember what I gave my grandkids two weeks ago let alone a year ago. At the time, I usually give them what they need or want ( love that my daughter-in-law‘s give me suggestions) and don’t judge it by dollar amount. Who does that? Please…are you that shallow to compare? I think the issue isn’t giftgiving, but a relationship broken. Hmmm, when grandma and grandpa had birthdays, did you give them the same thing or the same amount? Probably not. Instead of worrying about the giftgiving, you may want to start repairing your relationship with your in-laws.

Favoritism causes animosity between siblings and cousins. I promise I know. I was the favorite because I was the only girl and just recently have I grown closer to my cousins.

PLease, they’re your kids who cares how much money their grandparents spends on them its your duty to ensure your kids are happy. You sound like a spoilt entitled brat from where in standing

Your feelings are valid. Don’t let people tell you otherwise. If you want a group to vent in lmk

Doesnt matter the age. DOES NOT MATTER. The kids will notice regardless.

We wouldnt allow any of it if it werent fair.