Something is 100% missing from this story. First off “one of us has to go. Do I leave my husband?” Seriously? You’re leaving your husband because he wants your daughter there and it’s been only 6 months???
There’s definitely more missing to this story… coming from someone with an extremely manipulative and gas lighting mother, something just sounds fishy here, idk.
No I don’t think you’re selfish. Your daughter is a grown adult and needs to learn how to do adulting on her own. She’s not even caring for the dog. Does she even buy it food? Your husband and you need to get on the same page though. Some compromising is in order. And you can’t placate to her forever. What if she didn’t have you, what would she do then? I don’t have my parents to take me in. She needs to learn not to take you both for granted and needs some hard life lessons. If that means rehoming her dog for starters then it begins at rehoming. Is she paying any bills or even have a job? These are my questions when it comes to kicking her out. But the dog is simple. Tell her she needs to find a new place for it or you will rehome it and your husband needs to take care of the dog if he is letting it stay and she’s not.
He’s going to let u be the bad guy tell her if she’s staying the dogs good go find it a good home
Kick her out simple she’s totally disrespecting you, your house your rules xxx
Are you serious? Just because your daughter is an adult doesn’t mean your duties as mom is over! When you decide to be a mom that is a lifetime commitment! Maybe she needs help and just doesn’t know how to ask you! It sounds like she is depressed and doesn’t know how to reach out for help! Maybe sit down and talk with her instead of threatening her! I guarantee you if you just “evict” her and not help her she will cut you off from her life!
My home is my adult kids safe place. They know they can arrive anytime day or night with or without their kids, partners, pets etc. They have their own key , can stay as long as necessary and are always welcome…but…they were brought up to be respectful. They know this is my home and I expect a certain level of behaviour from everyone in it and I dont accept laziness or disrespect.
Personally id be telling her the rules and expecting her to stick to them. Youre the adult. Youre the parent. Its your home.
Id sit both of them down and talk with them together . Make sure they both understand your unhappy with how things are at present and what you expect in the future then stick to it. If she has problems…get her help , give her support but don’t play servant to her or your husband.
Does she work and contribute to the food and bills?
I tell my adult kids. You can only stay at home if you work or go to college.
Why is the other adult in the house ( your husband ) acting like your adult daughter is acting responsible?? Time for her to go or you pack and leave . They both are disrespecting to you since he will not help discuss her inability to act like the adult she is now . Her dog her responsibility . Yes I know people help out but when my kids got a dog and did not help out as they promised the dog went to a better home to show them it would not be tolerated . Why have an animal if your not going to spend the time for feeding and having a safe outside or inside and pick up the 
?? If there is not backyard for the dog to run and play she should take it for a walk twice a day . Apparently your husband let her get away with a lot before the daughter moved back in with her immature ways including the dog . Hope she has a job to feed it since she does not want to do anything else . All of this between your daughter and husband is pure B.S. BOOT HER OUT. Your the parent and it is your home and she is lazy and disrespectful . Not your problem for life . Parents need to quit being scared of their kids or significant other.
No! You are not selfish!
Girl what!? That is YOUR house. You and hub need to get on the same page. I’d keep the dog but she has to go! 
my adult son (20) lives with us BUT he’s full time in college and working. Our deal is he can live here but it’s not a free for all. There’s a curfew he has to buy his groceries and he has to pay 1 bill. That’s your house and your rules and I’d back hand that mouth calling you selfish. Good Lord! Talk to hub express your feelings. See what he says. I think you’ll have your answer after that and if it’s you that has to go then get on girl and live your life and find your happiness!
Your house your rules , and sounds like there needs to be more communication on everyone’s end !
Your husband is an idiot. Id make them both leave in this case
Just wondering how old the “ adult “ daughter is?
What you don’t want is the disrespect and hateful talk. That’s a shame when children behave like that.
I’m conflicted because it’s like, you chose to have children, and they are your children for the rest of your life. Unfortunately if they can’t live successfully on their own they were failed someway, somehow in childhood and adolescence. Your going to get old one day and need to rely on your children, do you want to end up in a Medicare paid nursing home, with bare visits, or have a loving safe place to age out in?
I completely understand every mom saying your home is your adult child’s home also but you have to look at both sides. I LOVE my 3 with every bone in my body and I am so sad that they are growing up and hate to think they won’t live with me forever too!! But on the other hand your kids grown or not need to respect you and your house. If your children aren’t going to respect you and your house then they don’t need to live there. Her kid is driving a wedge between her and her spouse which is a big no no!! If she is an adult then she needs an ultimatum, act like an adult, work, take care of her responsibilities (dog, laundry, cleaning up) and respect mom and house or she can get out.
Wow!! How was she raised?? It’s time for her to grow up and get out of the nest!! No respect for you or your household! Use some tough love and kick her out!!
Even with your kids you need boundaries. Tell her if she won’t take care of her dog then find another home that will provide for it. Tell her she has so many months to find work, save for a place, or make other arrangements.
You don’t go anywhere but feel free to send them on their way!!
You’re her mother and that’s her home. Your duties don’t stop when she becomes an adult.
With that being said, sometimes parenting means hard decisions and tough love. Serve her with an eviction notice. Type up a letter, and mail it to her, certified, at home. She will have to sign for it. Give her 30-60 days notice to find a place of her own.
It would be different if she were going to school full time and couldn’t work, but still helping around the house and especially taking care of herself and her dog.
Doesn’t sound like she is. Sounds like she’s taking advantage and being an entitled, spoiled brat. Your husband just doesn’t want to be the bad guy.
Have a talk with your Husband. Explain to him why she has to go. Tell her to get a job, or find another place to live. Co-parent. He is not helping her by allowing her to do nothing but disrespect you. If he doesn’t want to Co-parent put them both out.
I totally understand… I take my daughter that is 44… to the store, the doctors, out to eat…
But she has to go back home after a full day with her, We get along fine once she is at her place of living, and I really do enjoy living alone…
Let them get a place together and you stay in your home mana
She needs to have her own life. By letting her stay, you are enabling her and contributing to her dependency. She is an adult, she needs to act like one!
Well I’d let him know she leaves or I do. And then follow through. He will wake up when she doesn’t change and HE has to do it all.
Your house! She’s grown! If she doesn’t respect you or help, make her leave!!
Reading this made me even more grateful that I have loving parents. I left a toxic relationship with 2 little kids and moved in with my dad and stepmom. I lived with them for 2 1/2 years before I was able to move out on my own. Definitely was not easy with 3 adults and 2 little kids but we made it work. There’s always going to be some disagreements but knowing how to communicate goes a long way. That’s all you need to do. Sit down with her (you and your husband) and communicate what you expect from her and what your ground rules are. She can’t change her ways if she doesn’t know what your expectations are from her.
I’d keep the dog and kick her out. She doesn’t deserve a dog.
Make her go because you laid down the law. If she ain’t gonna follow that and respect, she out even if she’s your daughter. Ya need boundaries, and she and your husband already crossed one of your boundaries. You said no dogs, but she kept her dog anyways. You have to choose when enough is enough
At some point you have to decide when enough is enough. Child or not. Shes going to have to grow up.
There’s definitely another side to this story just me but your kids are your kids at the end of the day doesn’t matter how old they are should always be welcome to move home I’d they hit hard times sounds like she’s still a child to me and with an attitude like that no wonder she doesn’t have respect for you respect given is respect earned even if your her mother
Tough love. Either the dog goes or they both go
Oh kick her out babe. Seriously you don’t deserve that
When my 16 years old, disrespected me, I grounded her for a week. Being grounded in my house means, she will be my maid the whole week. We have a big house, and I want her to clean it it everyday while maintaining her good grade in School. Without my permission, my husband took her off grounded after only 2 days. Without asking so many questions and to have an argument with my husband about his decision, I told my husband, to take over her punishment. Now, he is grounded. He had to clean the whole house everyday for a week, after working 10 hours at work. Plus driving to work and back, that is 11 hours for him. Come home and clean up the house for about 1 or 2 hours a day. He lasted only 3 days. He asked our daughter to continue with the grounded because he is very tired cleaning the house when he comes home. Since then, he never interfere with my discipling the kids. Instead he backed me up every step of the way. My point is, since your husband is the one who’s letting her stay with her dog, let him clean up after her and her dog.
Your husband is right. She’s your daughter. You don’t t abandon your kids. Even when they’re no longer kids. Being a successful adult requires a solid childhood. If my child was struggling as an adult I would accept some responsibility for that and help them get to a more stable position in life.
If my partner ever told me it’s her or my child…. I love her dearly… but I didn’t create her. The choice would be made.
I had to move back in with my mom after my divorce, many years ago, with my babies.
Her house her rules. Period. She’s always been the dungeon master, very codependent and extremely controlling. I have had a 9 o’clock curfew all my life! (Only At her house.
Now at 46, me and my kids stay there most of the time, they never wanted to leave when I got my new place, and her bedtime has changed over the years, now it’s 8. My curfew is now 8 or I get locked the hell out. My 18 year old daughter is learning the ropes now.
She wanted to go to get some snacks at 6 minutes til 8 last night and my mom wouldn’t let her. Told her she’d be sleeping in her car if she did.
But. We all take care of her house and our pets. My daughter will keep the second story clean, my son takes care of all trash and the yard work. I keep the downstairs clean, kitchen, and am always mopping hardwood floors. My mom does everything for us. She’s our cook, bank, taxi, and secretary!
She helps me with and my daughter with accounts, bills, appointments, etc. I give her basically all of my $ every month, and use her credit card to pay all my bills. She gets cash back lol.
I guess the bad thing is, it would be really confusing and difficult for me to cut her out of my life. She has a lot of control of me and my children. I don’t even really know how to get in to most of my bill paying websites. She’s always done that for me, with my money of course.
So your adult daughter needs to pitch in around the house and pay her way. Period.
She’s an adult, any other adult staying in your home would be expected to respect you. She is your child. It’s ok to love her and teach her responsibilities of an adult at the same time. Don’t let anyone tell you that you have “failed” her.
This is yet another lesson, The world does not adjust to every need we have, as adults we have to adjust or redirect our path to achieve the results we want. Good luck!!!
To the parents that say boot her out you the ones that end up in flooded nursing homes following their set routines and no visitors. It’ll come back around for you.
There’s 3 sides to every story.
We are only hearing your side so it’s very difficult to take a side without all of the facts.
I have 3 special needs kids, they are not adults yet, but I have at least two that will most likely be with me as long as I’m alive and they are all welcome to be home.
You need to find out what is causing the behavior. There is always a reason for the way people act.
May I suggest some individual and family therapy before making any drastic moves such as moving out or kicking your daughter out.
No your not - your house your rules- if she doesn’t like it don’t let the door bump her booty on the way out. She lives there she is part of the family - she has responsibilities too. The fact she doesn’t realize is - her dog is part of her life - she in turn is all the dogs life. Her dog her responsibility.
Apparently your husband doesn’t stand by you, so he and your daughter must be very similar, you need to tell him to piss or get off the pot.
I could never kick my daughter and her dog out. In your case tho with the disrespect, I would charge her rent and have rules about the dog. Try it ‘on a trial basis’ give her 1-2 months and if she doesn’t respect you, your home, or her dog, then tell her she needs to leave maybe?
If she’s not paying rent or helping around the house and especially if she’s disrespecting you I’d give her a time line. Tell her she has a certain amount of time then she needs to move out. Give her time to save money and find a place but tell her she must help around the house, her dog is her responsibility and if she continues to disrespect you then the time line moves up. I know people are saying you chose to have a kid. Well to them I say I’ll always be there for my kids but if you’re an adult and capable of living on your own then I don’t mind helping you out when you’re down and out but I’m my house you must respect me and help out. You also need to have a heart to heart with your husband and tell him exactly how you feel and get him on board with the time line and making sure she shows you respect.
If she’s an adult and thinks it’s okay to disrespect someone in their own house let alone their own mother then she needs to go! It’s sad but it sounds like she’s in need of a reality check and some tough love since she’s behaving like a child 
No, she needs to be a responsible adult tell her she has 30 days to find somewhere else to go.
STOP! she tears you up and disrespects you in YOUR house? And you are questioning what you should do?
Time for her to leave…
Bye-bye daughter and doggie.
But she acts like a child treat her like a child make her get up and do stuff if she back talks you smack her in the mouth I mean she’s an adult abuse and when it comes to the dogs either she takes care of it or you going to get rid of it she don’t want to do nothing around the house kick her ass out and if the husband don’t like it he can go to that’s just my opinion they want to act like kids and treat them like kids
Nope. No way in hell I’d let her come between my husband and I. However, I do feel there is more to this story.
She would have to go! The disrespect alone is enough to send me into orbit. I don’t tolerate that from anyone, especially a grown adult living in MY home. If husband has a problem with it, he can go with her!
I’m all for helping adult child get on her feet but if she’s not trying to better her life with school, work etc. And she’s disrespecting you then she needs to go! And if she isn’t taking care of the dog that she begged to have there and husband isn’t helping either then said neglected dog needs to go to a home where he/she is loved and taken care of
So many young adults get animals and this is what happens .They don’t want the responsibilities that come along with them.!!If she can’t agree to the needs of the animal and abide then she definately needs to go.!!Your not SELFISH and you shouldn’t leave because it is you & your husbands home.!!If she agrees with your rules in which you can make again ireguardless of her age because she’s in your home.!!(Potty breaks for the dog,bathing, exercise & feeding as well as vet bills)etc.You shouldn’t be disrespected in any way period by your daughter or your husband.!!He needs too take a stand and let her know what’s expected in the home.Good place for him too start since she’s so DISRESPECTFUL.!!Helping a child out with room is a neccessary at times but only if RULES are followed.Otherwise show her the door.!!Don’t allow her to come between you & your husband …PERIOD.!!!STAND YOUR GROUND!!! You and him must be on the same PAGE.!!! GOOD~LUCK!!
The daughter and the dog need to leave
All these people saying never abandon your kids and to deal with it. HELLO mom should deal with blatant disrespect 24/7 just cause it’s her child? She’s a grown adult and can’t even respect her mother. Telling her to pay rent probably won’t work cause she won’t even take the dang dog on a walk. If your kid can’t respect or your rules then she needs to go simple as that. Sounds like kids acting like a spoiled brat and you people telling mom to just deal with it are the problem. She’s NOT a kid anymore she’s an ADULT. So she needs to act like one 🤷 otherwise buh-bye. Tough love is needed sometimes.
Keep the dog who actually is the innocent party- and give your daughter the boot
She’s being selfish and disrespectful to you…kick her out…she’s a grownup…she needs to live in her own home
Shove her dog, her, & her dad out the door
Fact is legally you have to evict her to actually force her to leave are you ready to do that soon as you allow anyone to live in our home weather they pay rent or not if they refuse to leave then you have to evict. I on the underhand would never do this to my child talk to her set rules enforce those rules ur husband too
Show her tough love. Time to be an adult
My son just moved back in and he’s 20. Due to circumstamces, we gave him about 10 days to be home, resettle. By day 12 he had a job. He was smarter and saved enough that he’s ok until his 1st check. That said, if he even trued to be disrespectful like that, he would have to go. My husband wouldn’t allow it.
Personally, I’d tell them both “These are the rules or I’m out” & if they test you, leave for a while. Stay with a friend. Your husband will figure it out within the week.
You are NOT selfish!! It’s sad and hurtful that your husband isn’t supporting you in this situation. If you can afford to move, to keep your sanity, then leave those two slobs there. Your daughter is and adult. I actually feels sorry for the dog as nothing is his fault, poor baby.
No! She grown she needs to take care of her self and put your foot down and tell her she has 1 week to vacate. And she doesn’t need to be disrespectful. You didn’t raise her that way. When she not there take the dog to the pound or tell her she has to. STAND YOUR GROUND!!!
It depends does she have health or mental issues that makes it impossible for her to live on her own? If that is the case then find resources for her so that she can live on her own, but at least your husband isn’t kicking her out into the streets because that’s what my ex-husband did to out daughter after I left…he’s a POS.
In every relationship I say this adult kids need to have limits… My older kids know they can’t stay with me I have rules I did it once with my daughter and it was way too much drama no help from her, she was up all night then slept all day… All my cups and plates were in her room… COVID hit and shut down the dorms it was ok at first then she wanted to run my home…she then moved out got a dog and couldn’t take care of her rent and dog she wanted to go out and not pay attention to the little things that he friends were doing to single her out… She would come home for a few days and leave without me knowing having me worried til one day I had to let her know not at my home anymore… She had to step up and do for herself… Her dad that wasn’t in the picture for that time is now dealing with her nonsense at 20… I at that age couldn’t come back home and I have had to deal with a lot…bit none the less your house your rules and you have the right to do what’s best for you… And if your husband isn’t on board…is that her dad? If not he can kick rocks too…in my book…life to short to be unhappy
Wow there’s a lot of issues here 
and potentially a lot of backstory. If you’re the one who’s really unhappy in this situation and no one else is willing to do anything/change/listen to you/leave, then yes you need to leave. Not enough info to say if you’re ‘the selfish one.’ It’s an extreme thing to leave your husband and family over, but I don’t know what else to tell ya. Maybe you just need to put your foot down with your daughter more I feel sorry for your hubby caught in the middle of all this tbh. Maybe you need therapy to learn how to compromise/communicate because living with people ain’t easy.
You can’t just kick her out. You have to legally evict her. That’s difficult to do when you really don’t have grounds. I mean legal grounds. The judge is going to say there’s nothing for him to legally enforce .
Sit down with her, your husband & your daughter. Write up a lease. Include what you expect but also listen to her & include her thoughts as well. Be willing to compromise. If she refuses to sign it or breaks it file eviction. You need proof though. If cleaning up after her dog is in the lease/contract then take pictures of his messes. Stuff like that.
Stand your ground if she is not helping then she should go
No, your not selfish. She is grown. You did your job. It’s not your job to raise her again. You don’t owe her anything, but the fact that you welcomed her back in should give her some appreciation. I’ll be dog gone before somebody stay with me in my house being disrespectful. It’s not making it better that they are my kids because I raised you better than this. Your husband is an enabler. I bet if he checked her or made her feel like he would have your back she would get it together or leave. Dad’s on her side though so he’s the selfish one not wanting to be involved in conflict or a solution. She’s the selfish one too because the sense of entitlement is real. She won’t even care for the dog right. Messing with me I’ll take the dog too since she feels it’s your job to take care of it. I’d serve her with a two week notice on the way out too. Me and my ex-husband are divorced ( of course), but a kid still better not disrespect him.
You need to sit your husband and daughter down! She should never be allowed to disrespect you!
If she won’t leave, and your husband won’t back you up, take the dog (if you like him) and go. It’s a shame the dog has to suffer. She should NOT have a dog!
Can I just be honest when I say at this point, it’s kinda your fault and it’s obviously not on purpose. Youre a good mom with good intentions but you’re allowing her to stay. Once you laid down how long she had, it was up to you to follow through. You didn’t and she knows it. There should never be a point to where you consider leaving your Husband because of a situation you can control. I agree that you should always be there for your kids but sometimes it comes down to doing the best for them isn’t what we want to do. You need to do it. Give her another time frame, a specific one and make sure she knows you’re serious, and follow thru with it. You’ll both be thankful you did
No you are not selfish. My daughter lives with me and her 13 year old son and she helps me tremendously. I got lucky!
Kick her out but keep the dog ! She obviously doesn’t want to care for her dog ! I think it’s okay to allow adult children to live with parents but she should be helping out around the house ! I lived with my mom a few times during my adult life but I took care of my dog and my kids and helped her around the house like doing dishes , mowing grass , vacuuming and taking trash out etc… tell her she needs to help out or leave !
No way. You are absolutely in the right, you do not have to live with the verbal abuse. I tell my kids, I have to take it now but once they turn 18. I do not and I will not. And if ur husband doesn’t stand behind you and support you, you may need to stand and walk away, I wouldn’t go straight to divorce but I’d walk away and put up boundaries and not allow those boundaries to be trampled on. If at that point he doesn’t stand behind it may be time to look at that relationship.
She’s an adult, not your responsibility.
Not selfish. I moved back with my parents for one year after my divorce and mom and I separately decided we could no long live together and we never did again. They did buy a house that I rented from them and eventually owned.
This happened with us. My daughter moved back with her two dogs and pregnant. They took over my house! She never picked up or helped around the house “because she worked.” So do I! Well she met someone, dated a few months & married. They moved into a apartment that did not allow dogs. Guess who still has the dogs??? When she does come over she doesn’t pay attention to the dogs.
What do you consider an adult ? Is she in her 20s? 30s ? I feel you are somewhat being selfish . You’re willing to leave your husband bc your own child won’t move out? It sounds like maybe you are putting some of your own problems onto your daughter. If you’re not happy in your relationship , leave . Don’t blame someone else’s downfall . Maybe you can help your daughter by taking to her places she can afford ? Kicking her out on the street is selfish to me . I’m 32 and if I needed a helping hand , my parents would be the first to help . It’s called unconditional love .
Yes, actually, you are the selfish one. She’s your daughter. Maybe start teaching her respect and how to behave as an adult, because you obviously missed that when she was little
Tell her if she doesn’t take care of her dog or help out with chores she has 30 days to get out
Sounds like a plot between your husband and his daughter to get you to leave. Why wait? Get yourself an attorney and leave. Since they think you are so selfish, show them what selfish really looks like… Take EVERYTHING you want and leave them with just each other.
if you are questioning leaving the husband your marriage has bigger issues. as for her, shes a grown adult make her pay rent and tack on a dog daycare fee
First, you just say “adult daughter”. Are we talking 19 or 42?
Do what you feel like you need to do. Buuuut. Understand…one day…she will mature, she will grow a family of her own. She will have babies, a husband, maybe another dog.
Soooo. Before you start making great big choices about leaving your husband and daughter or tossing her out…make sure you’re ok with her having a future that you won’t be a part of.
Maybe you and your individual therapist can work on effective communication and healthy boundaries. This is a very easily resolvable situation
Think it’s time for her to grow up!! You’re letting her treat you this way if you continue to let her stay…she’s taking advantage of you guys!!!
Never leave your husband over your disrespectful brat of a child. She is taking u for granted and using u sorry to say. It’s fine to help our kids when needed but that’s if they are really tryin to pull their own weight and get ahead. You & your hubby need a date night away from the house to be sure to get on the same page with deciding the outcome. After all it began with you & him and should end as such. Good luck moving forward together 
Make her move and tell her take her dog with her… does she have a job? If not tell her to get one and get out.i wouldn’t put up with the disrespect…
So, y’all stop being parents when your children are grown? This parent gig never stops. “One of us has to go” then leave lady 
No you are not selfish at all!!! Her thinking she can just come back home and do whatever she wants as an adult is selfish!!!
Talk to your husband and set boundaries together and then tell your daughter what she needs to do (take care of dog, help around the house, etc) in order to stay with you. If she can’t respect your rules then she will need to find somewhere else to go. It’s hard to make that choice when it’s your kid but you wouldn’t put up with it with other people or if she was still a kid, so don’t put up with it now.
Legally, she can’t be kicked out. Don’t listen to people who say throw her out, or change the locks. She is considered a tenant if she is over the age of 18. You most likely have to give her 30 days notice. She can even squat because there is no contract, I’m sure, and receives mail there. The fact she is family makes no difference.
How old is she ? She should be working an providing for herself ! My daughter moved out at 18 an has been on her own ever since ! She’s worked two jobs at times an is a single mom of 3 !! Tell her she needs to get her stuff together !
I think one of the hardest things a woman can do is deny her child or grandchild shelter. As both, I fear that I would be a real enabler. I may end up being a bitch to live with but I could never deny my kids a safe place to live.
Come up with a contract that she has to follow in order to live there.
Not at all!!! She’s grown and if isn’t contributing to help then let her go!!
I would be moving out she and her daddy and the 
let them have it all
She’s disrespecting you in your own home and your husband is okay with that? That right there says something about your husband.
Move out and don’t have anything do with husband and daughter
Put her ass out. Make husband go with her.