I have been with my fiance for almost 10 years he has known since we first got together that I always wanted a family he brought two children into our relationship that I have raised for the past 10 years I had fertility problems that have now been fixed and I am able do you have a baby but we found out that his swimmers don’t work and he refuses to drive 3 hours from home to get checked out and we got into an argument the other night which turned into a big fight that he doesn’t want any more children because his are almost old enough to be moving out of the house I love this man with all my heart but he knew from the beginning that I wanted a child am I being selfish because I’m not sure anymore how I feel towards him
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Hmmm I see it from both sides. Maybe 10 years ago he was open to the idea of another child. But now 10 years later and his kids are grown and he wants to relax, instead of raising a baby. I totally get it. If you’re wanting a child of your own and he doesn’t want anymore, you can’t force him. But if it’s important to you, then maybe it’s time to jump ship and find a man that does want a child.
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I wouldn’t say you’re being selfish. Men (really most people but especially men) have a hard time hearing that something isn’t working right on their part. Maybe give him a little time to process but if he really doesn’t want anymore kids that would be a deal breaker for me. As hard as it is to give up ten years of your life you have to decide if you’ll be able to be okay without having a baby of your own or if this will be something that hinders your relationship for the rest of your lives because you resent him for it.
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Nope your not. And nor should you. I know someone who didnt cause her husband didnt want any. She said she should have left him cause she held it against him, even as of today and hes been dead a couple of years. But shes now far to old.
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You’re being the kind of selfish you have every damn right to be. There absolutely is a time and a place to be selfish, and damnit if this isn’t the time then when? If he REALLY doesn’t want more kids then it is time to face the sad reality your relationship has run its course. I hope that isn’t the case, but you don’t want him to resent you either if he just gives you a kid he doesn’t want.
This subject is a deal breaker for many, and that’s ok. It’s totally valid. It’s something you BOTH should absolutely be selfish about. It’s a life altering decision that must be agreed on, you can not compromise through it without hurting the child that will result. Both parents MUST want them with all their heart.
Not selfish. But it is a problem I think you both need to really discuss in depth. It’s hard to start over. My children are 7 years apart in age and my youngest is 5 now. I completely understand where he’s coming from not wanting to raise a baby/child again since his are grown. BUT… I also understand your desire to have your own baby and raise it. Guess it comes down to who’s gonna bend on their decision or maybe move on?
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Neither of you are wrong
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No you’re not being selfish. If it’s a dealbreaker then move on and find someone else while you still have time.
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Hit the road now before your clicking clock runs out on you
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It’s his right not to want more kids but it’s your right to want one as well
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Honestly…it sounds like the two of you aren’t compatible anymore. It’s not fair to force a child on someone who doesn’t want one, but it’s also not fair for you to give up on a lifelong dream. One of you will end up resenting the other no matter which way you go.
Two people can love each other and even be good together…but if you want different things from life, you won’t be happy together in the end. It doesn’t make either of you selfish or bad people. You just need something different.
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You’re not selfish girl! You told him from the beginning you wanted more kids and you even raised his 2 children for the past 10 years. He did you wrong 
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Better of starting over if you really want kids or accept that your raised his because I can tell u he probably won’t like the idea of raising a child he didn’t create…your not changing his mind so sadly your choices are start over with someone who can or stay and we’ll pretty much give that dream a bye bye your not selfish but talk it out and end it in good terms if he understands good if not stop waisting time on idle ears
Not selfish at all. You bkth really need to decide to move forward together or not. Don’t waste no kore of your life w/anyone who doesn’t want a child w/you. I had & regret it! My boys are 26 yrs apart I love both of them but would have loved more children. Good luck!
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The signs are there this is a no go you will have to accept.
Most guys that have raised their kids and now are older dont want to start all over and be tied down…he probably thinks he is too old to start again and now wants to just enjoy life
You have a choice to stay but you might not have kids anyways with him since he has poor swimmers
Or you leave and hopefully find someone else in the next few years or you might not
Its your choice to make
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It’s lovely that youve raised children for 10 years, but as a woman, if you’re able, there’s nothing quite like the experience of growing and birthing a child. Time is never on a woman’s side either fertility wise so if you know in your heart you want to do it, don’t spend too long waiting x
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Don’t miss out on having ur own baby. U finally can have this lil miracle… although not with ur longtime bf. Also…he kinda wasted ur time never locking in the deal by getting engaged and marrying u. It’s beyond so long buddy status
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He toook 10 years away from youuuu RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
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That is so selfish of him. He should have been up front with you about his not wanting more kids.
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I don’t think you are being selfish. Tbh, that would be a deal breaker for me. It would be hard to start over but I know I’d regret not having kids and I would resent him for it.
Sounds like y’all need to have a deep conversation and you need to figure out if not having kids is something you could live with. Praying for you!
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He’s just found out that he has infertility issues, maybe his reaction is more ego and pride based… He might need time to adjust, you’ve had 10 years to work out your own issues… Maybe give him some time re his own.
I don’t know why people are saying that he took 10 years from her, when she has just had her fertility issues fixed.
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No you’re not being selfish. He is the one being selfish. why get with you have you rise his kids and know you would love to have one of your own lead you on for 10 years to tell you no he dont want more kids now that your body can have a baby.
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NOT SELFISH AT ALL! If anything he is the one being selfish. He knew from the start how you felt about having kids if he had any issues with that he should have said something YEARS ago! If i were you I’d be pissed 
that he is now saying this to you. Now you have to decide whether to stay and give up your dream and desire to be a mom or leave and find someone new that has the same desire to have kids. I will say there’s nothing that compares to being a mother to your biological child, NOTHING! Sending prayers!
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He’s probably feeling very ashamed and emasculated you need to remind him that he is no less a Man to need help
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no if you want another baby. He maybe feeling self conscious about himself and nothing to do with you. Maybe tell him you will go to Dr with him and the journey will be the both of you. If he knew you wanted a child he is the one being selfish.
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He knew from the beginning you wanted a family … and you have had a family for the past ten years.
I understand your desire to have your own child, but I also understand his desire to see his children grown and moving on with their lives, so that you & he can share what’s left of your lives together … and enjoy each other.
If he feels this strongly about it, I’d say pushing him could push him out the door.
I don’t know your ages, but I can’t imagine starting over with a baby when my kids were 10+ years old. You said you had fertility problems … why did it take 10 years to get them fixed, and did he know all along that the plan was to eventually (even 10 years later) still try to have a baby?
It might be a dream that you have to let go of … enjoy the fact that you have the man you love in your life, and that you’ve been able to help him raise your kids (because even though you didn’t birth them, they are your kids, too).
Good luck, my friend.
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Not selfish at all. Start over with someone else this ain’t anyone’s fault. Just not the right match, unfortunately.
Yeah Eff that piece of shit! Good enough to raise his but not your own
After 10 years of fertility issues he might feel he is too old for another baby . Respect his feelings ……
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Find someone else. Its never too late.
My oldest is 24 and my youngest is a year old. (Im 41)
Hes not worth it. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Sending love and light.
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It’s okay to prioritize the family want. It’s also okay for him to not want anymore! I don’t blame him for not wanting to start over. I hope you figure out what’s best for you!
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Yes he knew you wanted children, he possibly did too, your fertility issues were out of your control so no he didn’t rob 10 years off you, the fertility issues did. That wouldn’t have been any different no matter who you were with. But how long has he known he’s got an issue? Has he opened up about it? Has he been referred to speak to someone about it? He’s not being selfish as he obviously was still up for having children that he went for tests to find he has slow swimmers!! He needs time and understanding. Remember how you felt failed test after failed test?? Year on year that you couldn’t do what women naturally take for granted that they can have children , create that family, give your partner a child, parents grandchildren.
Now being a man and not being able to reproduce…. You should be far more sympathetic towards him
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It’s been 10 years. You really gonna be mad that he doesn’t want to start all over now? You said you’ve had fertility problems for the last 10 years. So it clearly wasn’t for lack of trying. He’s done trying. If the shoe was on the other foot, all the other women here would be screaming about how he needs to respect your decision. It’s a 2 way street. If you’re that mad that YOU’RE fertility problems caused you to miss out on bearing children and you want to end things now, that’s your business but yeah, it’s selfish that YOU’RE mad that after 10 years he’s had enough. Not everyone wants to be the grandparent-looking parent on their kids field trips and shit. 
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If you want to have a baby, you should… With someone who also wants one. So you have to decide what you want more… Your fiancé or a baby. 
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NO
HE IS‼️
How can he expect you to raise his kids not give you the opportunity to experience the gift of motherhood
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No you’re not being selfish and if he knew from jump or whenever that he felt that way he should have said something. You have a right to feel how you do , you also have a right to go ahead and move on with your life and find the right someone for you who wants children and a family just like you.
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No you’re not selfish. He is.
It’s not fair to you. He knew from the beginning you wanted children, just because you raised his doesn’t mean you don’t get to experience getting pregnant and being a mother to your own child.
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I’d feel a type of way to ! Specially after helping , loving , raising children I didn’t bare only for him to back peddle .
Move on . Let someone else play sucker .
I dont think you’re selfish but neither is he.
It’s been 10 years of accepting that he will not have more children.
Now, he is being told that there’s a possibility but he has gotten comfortable with the idea of the next phase of parenting.
You can’t blame him for that.
So you decide. Him, or a baby…but obviously you can’t have both.
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Not selfish. Your feelings matter. May be time to separate and have some time to reflect.
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It’s took you 10 years to sort your fertility issues out so now you can get pregnant and have a baby and he’s obviously supported you for the whole duration of it.
Now his swimmers ain’t actually working and your mad at him sorry love he ain’t going to get you pregnant with no working swimmers. Maybe support him how he’s supported you.
Others are saying your not being selfish and that he is but how can he be selfish he didn’t ask for his swimmers to not be in working order, I think you are being selfish for not supporting him like he’s supported you.
If your wanting a baby that badly then you need to make the choice of leaving him and find someone who can give you a baby but bare in mind you’ve been with this guy for an extremely long time so a relationship with someone new might not be what your expectations are and you threw a perfectly good man away over fertility issues. Everyone says things in an heated argument even stuff they don’t even mean
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He knew you wanted kids. He has 2 he has had you raising the past 10 years, now that you can have your own now all of a sudden he can’t and says he doesn’t want to…Maybe he never had the intention of having more and just had you raising his with him. Once they are grown and out the house I wonder if he would leave too? Definitely a curious predicament…
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His swimmers aren’t working? Is he sure the other 2 are his?…. Is this a new found issue he has or ?
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Not selfish at all, you need to discuss this and if he’s certai he doesn’t want any more then I’d be thinking about finding someone that does want children. You might regret not having them if you just stay and will resent him x
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He is the selfish one
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He has no intention of getting married. 10 years together and you raised his kids and he still hasnt married you. If you really want kids and have enough time left then maybe find a new man.
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you’re not being selfish! He knew from the beginning, he’s being cruel. Shouldn’t matter that his are almost out of the house, doesn’t change the fact that you want to have a baby.
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Personally I’d get a few pets and enjoy the grandkids xx
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He knew you wanted children and led you on for a decade. I’d leave just for that, but also I can’t blame him for wanting a child. It’d only be selfish if you sabotaged things to get pregnant
Not selfish choose yourself and your wish to be a mom over him
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Why can’t you be happy with his kids & treat them like your own- sense he doesn’t want any more- do u really want 2 change more diapers- babies r cute but they r a lot of responsibility-
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I don’t think you’re selfish. I think you’re stuck in a relationship where you don’t stand a snowball’s chance of getting to have a child of your own. You have three ways to go here. 1) Wait for grandchildren to spoil. 2) Leave him and find someone who will have a child with you. Or 3) Decide to get pets instead and let them be your babies. I’m not trying to be a smart aleck here. Really I’m not. A lot of people who wanted to have kids opted for pets because having a child was beyond what they could do financially and for other reasons.
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He’s probably looking forward to the kids have moved out and he’s getting older. You can’t force a person who doesn’t want anymore children to have another child
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If you want a child and don’t have one you’ll regret it the rest of your life. It will always cross your mind and continually disappoint you.
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There’s no reason or excuse for this man to make himself an obstacle in your life. Use a sperm donor.
Perhaps he has concerns about
Raising more kids
Financially
Pick your battles
If he knew that before then he consented to having more with you by staying. So if you sit down with him and talk and he still doesn’t want anymore. Consider moving on to someone new that wants what you want
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You are not being selfish. He is.
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Choose your happiness. You only get one life, once it’s up it’s up. You’ll wish you would had of done what you wanted.
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No I don’t think you are being selfish. I also don’t think he’s being selfish. He knew you wanted a baby ten years ago and supported that- possibly for years. You had fertility problems, that had nothing to do with him, causing you to be unable to have a child. You don’t say what it was or how the time was spent in relation to these issues. Were you trying for awhile and then gave up? Did you have testing done and get treatments to move forward with the goal of getting pregnant all this time? Have you discussed the idea of having more children at all in the last five years? How did you find out the swimmers don’t work if he wouldn’t go get checked out?
You already are a family. Just because you didn’t personally birth the children in your life doesn’t make it any less of a family. What is your relationship like with the current kids? You aren’t selfish for wanting another baby, but I can’t help but wonder if the fertility issues being fixed was the plan or if this was unexpected? If you’ve gone the last several years with him thinking that part of life was over and now SURPRISE!, then I honestly don’t blame him for not wanting to do it. I have two kids 10 and 13 and would never in a million years start over again. People change their minds from one day to the next, so it’s not so crazy he’d change his mind after ten years of parenting and aging. I think you need to decide which direction in life you want to go. Push him to have a baby and face possible resentment from him, don’t have a baby and face possible resentment from you, separate and have a baby by yourself or with a new partner. The choice is yours.
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I don’t think your selfish, infertility is never solved you will always struggle. He knew you wanted one. You need to decide if you want to stay with him or have a biological family instead of a bonus family
He should respect your feelings as well
You are not selfish, he is. He knew from the beginning
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No definitely not selfish
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Wait…10 years and he had to raise his kids …and still hasn’t married you yet? 
now that his biological kids are grown he springs that on you ? 
maybe he just needed a nanny with benefits? I feel for you ! You got played!
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Neither one of you are wrong in your wants, but that is something that makes a difference in the relationship. Time to move on baby you’ve been together 10yrs and not married either. Maybe yalls wants just dont line up, people grow and things change. Doesn’t mean you’re wrong, just time for a new start love. Keep your head up you deserve to be happy
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No you’re not, he’s selfish
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A lot can happen in 10 years and it’s definitely fine if he changed his mind about wanting more kids. Does it suck for you? Yes, but you can’t and shouldn’t force him to have a kid if he doesn’t want to because he’ll end up resenting you most likely. You have to decide for yourself what’s more important to you; having a kid or being in the relationship? If this is a deal breaker, maybe reevaluate your relationship. You can be upset that he changed his mind, but remember that he’s allowed to change his mind especially if it’s been 10 years
You helped him raise his kids and now he doesn’t want you to have your own he sounds self-centered
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No, you’re not being selfish, but you also have to take his feelings into account. If he’s adamant he doesn’t want more children…you have to accept that. The real issue is whether or not you want to stay with someone that doesn’t want the same things you do anymore.
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Leave his ass he is being selfish he brought u his kids to raise and thought that would suffice and keep you quiet 
absolutely not he give you the child you’re asking or find you a sexy strapping lad that will screw that loser 
No you are not selfish.
And no he is not selfish.
Both of your feelings are valid.
He is entitled to not want anymore children. Perhaps at this time in his life, he feels the time has past to bring more children into this situation.
And you are entitled to have children if physically possible and your partner agrees.
Though your partner may have once been receptive to having a child with you, as the years past, he changed his mind. He is allowed to change his mind.
It is very different having children when in your 20s or 30s than when in your 40s or later.
Somehow you ywo must figure out this issue.
Either you two have a child or you don’t.
Regqrdless of the decision, one of you will be unhappy and resentful.
Personally, I think you should move on.
Every child deserves to be loved and wanted by both its parents.
I hope you can find a solution that makes you both happy and gives you peace.
I wish you well.
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Sounds like he just wanted someone to raise his kids for him
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I would enjoy the empty nest, I love mine
I’m almost 200% certain she would NOT have waited 10 years for him. If this post was the other way around, she’d have been pregnant by a fk boy by year 3
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Your needs and wants are always valid! Don’t feel bad or selfish? Because of how your heart feels! I think you should have your baby? You might have to end your relationship? Keep this in mind? You may leave him and it could still take three or four years to find a new man that wants to have children and then the two of you actually get pregnant together. I’m not sure if you want to have a child on your own? Without a partner? Either way I think you should make a plan and have your child you’ve always wanted? Maybe you’re a man will change his mind in the future? But if he doesn’t? You’ll be OK because you will have your baby. Good luck.
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It’s not selfish if he knew this is what you wanted from the beginning. My husband had a 12 year old when I got pregnant with my first. He knew I wanted kids from the beginning. Emotions are high right now with your argument but once it cools I’d try to sit down and explain “I told you when we first got together I wanted children, what’s changed now?” I understand the kids he has now almost being grown, but still. Maybe he’s upset he’s having issues now and took it out on you. Try talking it out. Best of luck!
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He’s being very selfish! Move on!
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you say he always knew, but did he ever tell you he was done? And as for the fiancé part, if he has been your fiancé for 10 yrs, that really is how far as it is going, He is your SO. As for this situation, it’s your move, Do you really love him & take him as is, or do you leave him because he doesn’t or can’t have any more kids. This is where true love matters
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Not selfish if he’s known all along you wanted to have a baby. Are you sure he hasn’t had a vasectomy and that’s why his swimmers don’t work and doesn’t want to get checked? He has two kids clearly his swimmers worked previously (not saying that doesn’t change) but most men would want to know why now they don’t work.
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I had been in the same kind of situation that your in. ONLY I was married, was raising his 3 children. I had had a miscarriage in our first year of marriage. He told me he was glad that happened as I would have loved “MY” child more than his. It hurt deeply …I loved his children as though they were my own. So 8 yrs. later I find out he’s messing with another “woman” who has 3 children and is pregnant again only this time with my husbands …So I got divorced. But I never could get pregnant again because I had to have a hysterectomy when I was 27. So I would leave if I were you. Find someone who wants to have kids with you. Not just for you to raise.
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I don’t think either one of you are being selfish. Things change people change their mind. Especially when it comes to having more children. You both should sit have a serious conversation about what you want and see if you can come up with a compromise. If not then I’d go your separate ways.
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You’re both entitled to your opinions about parenthood, and both of your opinions are allowed to change at anytime.
So, you have two options:
#1 You decide to stay with him, and his kids, and not have a child of your own.
#2 You put your desire to have a child of your own over this relationship, so you leave to try to find a partner that wants this goal along side you.
Neither is easy.
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Its time. And you know what you have to do.
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Did you know he didn’t want more kids from the being?
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That was 10 years ago. He’s allowed to change his mind. His swimmers, his choice. It’s your choice to move along and find someone that wants the same now. Good luck
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It time to ask yourself if you want to to stay if he doesn’t want kids I move on and find someone else
Neither one is being selfish. People are allowed to change. If he doesn’t want anymore kids now that’s fine. Don’t force it. If you really want kids move on.
It might not just be his swimmers. You both can be healthy perfect fertility and still never get pregnant
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The world sux. Don’t do it.
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It sounds like you are on different life paths.
Why is he still your fiance after 10 years?
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Need to decide what’s important to you. Your marriage, though unfulfilled or children of your own. He married you with the knowledge that you wanted children of your own, it is actually selfish for him to wait 10 years to decide to voice that he doesn’t want more kids. He should have expressed that the moment he felt more were not in his future. We aren’t given an unlimited amount of time on the earth. Our time is limited, live your life with fulfillment before it’s over. If you want kids, have kids.
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We’ll good thing you didn’t have more kids with him. He doesn’t want more so that’s that. Let that man go
I’m made to feel selfish all the time because I wanted a family. My step daughter was 17 when our son was born, and we have another one on the way. Don’t let anyone deny you children. If he’s not willing to comprise, and get his guys working then go another route. Some men love to make babies and have a family!
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Not selfish, you have wanted one for so long, now that you can, you want one. But that also means you cannot take his wants for granted either. He has told you straight out that he doesn’t want any more. If he doesn’t want any more, don’t force it on him. Just leave the relationship, and find a partner who wants them.
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In this time and age I don’t believe anybody should have children. Let’s stop thinking about our self and our needs. Let’s look at the Future these children will have. Right now it is not looking too bright. Not wanting to put you down in any way. Just my opinion.
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