Am I the ass? Friend in my whole life! Long sorry

This will probably sound petty but hear me out first. It’s been going on for years.

So one of my closest friends (and the reason I’ve just kept quiet for 20 years, because she’s my friend and I love her) has a habit of copying me and involving herself in the lives of people I know. Following them on social media, adding them, people she doesn’t know or like! My neighbours, people I went to school with but she didn’t. My in-laws. The last straw was when I was away and had no signal and when I got home she told me my friend had had their baby and oh wasn’t he gorgeous. Having had no signal I didn’t get this friends messages to tell me her good news or social media announcement until after I’d got home and unpacked.
When I get my nails done, a week later she’s had the same or very similar. When I buy clothes she asks where I got it from and a week later she owns it so now I’ve stopped telling her. If I lose weight or mention I might join the gym, she pulls a face and belittles me, saying I don’t need to. Yet she gyms 4 times a week. She has a career, no partner and no children. I didn’t start my career journey until 18 months ago but if I talk about it, how excited I am or ask her advice, she ignores it and talks over me with another subject. Even as far as to say “don’t know why anyone would want to go into that line of work.” I’ve been a stay at home mother for 12 years I thought she’d be supportive it’s now my time to do something else.
For Christmas this year I had some really beautiful presents from my family. I saw my friend New Year and she’s purchased 3 of them for herself in that week between! One of them being a Michael Kors smart watch. My husband put so much thought into that and she just went out and got one for herself exactly the same! I don’t have any of her friends or family on my social media or contact list, been friends for 20 years and not even her Mother! She has all of mine, my in-laws, my neighbours, she regularly checks my childrens school website and tells me the latest like I wouldn’t know already. When my children received certificates and it was put onto the website, I text to tell her how proud I was, she replied “I know I saw, it’s on their school website” She works in a school too but has never told me the name of the school, when she changed to another she doesn’t tell me where. What is it she thinks I’m going to do?? Isn’t that normal response to “I’ve got a new job” to ask “oh brilliant, where?”
I have never been invited out with her and her other friends. I’ve never met her work friends or old friends. I’ve met her Dad only twice! And that was by chance in the street. She keeps it all to herself and the one time I questioned her and said “why do you even have those people on your social media. You don’t know them or like them”, she said “oh just being nosey.” When I ask why I’ve never been invited out or met the other people in her life, “I like to keep it all separate, it’s nice having different groups of friends for different things”. Well I wouldn’t bloody know that would I because she’s in every single aspect of my life and often knows things about my people before I do! These other friends of hers do exist, she sometimes talk about them and I’ve seen them comment on her social media, text her while she’s with me.
I’m at a loss. I don’t know if I’m being silly or petty or what. I’m an open book, I like everyone to get along and I mix my friends and my family for events etc, but it feels like this isn’t a two way street :frowning: I am now at the point where I just want to lock down myself. So she can’t know anything.

Girrrlll … you do not sound “petty” whatsoever!!! IMHO, you need to block this person from all your social media, phone, etc. She sounds to me to be a stalker and very unstable!!! I watched a movie one time that almost mirrors what you’re dealing with … RUN, RUN, RUN!!!

From what you’ve posted I’m confused as to why you maintain a friendship with her. 20 years???

According to you, she has indicated she has all the support she needs in her life … you wouldn’t make a difference either way! I’m sensing that this situation can go “South” VERY fast once you take measures to remove her from your life.

Document, document, document … keep texts, emails, even a diary of your interaction with her. This way if you need to file a restraining order (RO), you can present this to the judge in support of your reasons for needing an RO. You will be petty if you don’t do something to cease all communication with her. For your sense of peace and security, take the measures I’ve suggested. BTW … I’m retired law enforcement so I know what I’m talking about.

Best of luck to you.

You and your friend are 2 very different ppl…

She obviously relishes her privacy, while you are very open about your life and associations.

She also obviously looks to you to be her guide for good taste and fashion—they DO say imitation is the highest form of flattery. But I can see how that can be tiring.

If it is really bothering you, make your social media friends list private—so only you can see it. That way she cannot follow all of your ppl. Maybe the reason you don’t get to meet her “other” friends, is maybe their relationship is more superficial n she is living vicariously thru you—with your meaningful relationships with others?

Also, you don’t have to show and tell her EVERYTHING that happens in your life. It seems like maybe she is jealous of some of what you have—your family, being able to be a stay-at-home Mom, the loving support of your family and friends…… She could really blame the fact that she had a “career” instead, and so she was “too busy” to have a family and all of that. But if you now establish yourself in a career, you are living proof that BOTH are actually possible, and she is just fooling herself to pretend that the only reason she’s alone is bc of a career….:roll_eyes:

She sounds more narcissistic than anything—she should be supportive; even if you wanted to make a career of picking fly :poop: out of pepper, if it’s what you really want to do in life, she should be enthusiastic for and supportive of you. Not a hater.

Sounds like plain old jealousy.