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"Back story. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 7 year. We have a toddler together and another on the way. And he is constantly complaining that I nag on him and he can’t stand me, and has left probably 10 times over the years but I always let him come back. I try and talk things out with him and he always tells me to get away and I always do, but I feel hurt and betrayed he won’t talk to me and actually try and fix things. He yells and isn’t physically aggressive but is mentally and emotionally draining. I feel like he is sucking the life out of me and my kids. I work, and am the only caring for our child, and the house and our daily lives, and he DOES NOTHING. And I am always the bad guy. I just feel like I am at a loss. Do I keep trying? Am I the problem? Am I nagging him to much to help me? It doesn’t help that my parents are always having to save the day when he vanishes, and his parents think im the devil. What do I do?"
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"You have invested too many years in something that wont change. Its time to get out."
"I think y’all are both the issue on different levels. Sounds like going your separate ways is the best option."
"Sounds like the next time he walks out on you, you gotta change the locks and block his number because he is mentally abusing you. You work, you take care of the child while he does what? You said nothing. There’s your answer. He wants you to be his mommy while having babies himself. Don’t let him walk all over you like this."
"I was in a very similar relationship for 12 years. It will never change and that kind of mental and emotional abusive will take such a toll on you. You and your kids would be better off without all that."
"Get out of it. It will never change. Your children’s mental health is at stake and they will grow up thinking that is acceptable behavior"
"Huh. sounds to me like you are the life support system for a terminal asshole. What exactly is he contributing to you and your family that is positive and helpful?"
"Children see/hear everything! They will believe that behavior is acceptable. RUN!! THEY DONT CHANGE! I spent a total of 23 years on two different marriages that included gaslighting, both narcissistic asses, cheated, lied, physically, mentally and emotionally abusive. Break the cycle!!! My kids were 10 Mos and 2 years when I left the 1st one and the 2nd one I thought since he didn’t physically abuse me he was a better man…you don’t see just how bad til you leave!!! My now adult children go to therapy to try to heal from the damage of those relationships."
"He’s consistently showing you exactly who he is, and that person DOES NOT care about you, and you keep letting him back in your life? Nail that door shut!"
"Don’t wait for him to walk out, put him out. You and the kids will be so much happier."
"Mental abuse is still domestic violence."
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