Back story. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 7 year. We have a toddler together and another on the way. And he is constantly complaining that I nag on him and he can’t stand me, and has left probably 10 times over the years but I always let him come back. I try and talk things out with him and he always tells me to get away and I always do, but I feel hurt and betrayed he won’t talk to me and actually try and fix things. He yells and isn’t physically aggressive but is mentally and emotionally draining. I feel like he is sucking the life out of me and my kids. I work, and am the only caring for our child, and the house and our daily lives, and he DOES NOTHING. And I am always the bad guy. I just feel like I am at a loss. Do I keep trying? Am I the problem? Am I nagging him to much to help me? It doesn’t help that my parents are always having to save the day when he vanishes, and his parents think im the devil. What do I do?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I the problem like my boyfriend says, or I am manipulated and treated like crap by a narcissist
Woman!!! Walk the hell away from that piece of effluent. Boot him out. And shut that door. Your better than that! You deserve more. You don’t need 2 to parent 1 can do just as good a job. Stop being his doormat and show him he is neither desired nor required honey!!!
Somebody said to me, “sometimes an absent parent is a blessing in disguise because the demons they carry can inflict more pain than their absence.”
And that just changed my whole perspective fr.
If you keep nagging someone and they don’t change, you only have 2 options:
- Put up with it (and be a doormat).
- Tell them to get out, and get on with your life.
People treat you how you let them, and nagging never works. They’ll only change if they really want to.
Wow… this sums up my relationship with my ex to a T except the second child. I broke up with him 3 years ago and am doing so much better. My mental health is so much better. I feel si much better. My stress levels are down. You are NOT the problem.
Leave his ass. And STOP LETTING HIM BACK! he’s just using you. And it don’t sound like he want’s a relationship or he would set down and try and work things out. You and your children deserve better. You don’t need to be troubled by a man’s bullshit. You have your children to think about.
The problem is you are letting someone treat you like s**t. Not only that, you are teaching your child/children that that’s how home life is suppose to be. If you have a girl, she will grow up and find someone just like him. If you have a boy, he will grow up and treat his wife and family like this man does.
Dump him, he needs to grow up and not run every time he gets the urge.
You are WAY better off by yourself.
Everything you do as a parent is being watched and learned by your children. Think about that, long and hard.
I know you want better for your kids. Move out and on.
I’m all for the saying ‘if a man wants to, he will’ and you’ve just admitted he does nothing. Sounds like he doesn’t care and knows he can get away with it! Sounds like some right red flags 
If one of your friends came to you with this problem what would you tell her? I think you already know the answer. Be brave hunni and kick him to the curb. Don’t look back
The thing is, every time you’ve let him back, he’s took that as a sign of “ I can do and say whatever I want and get away with it” your in a relationship with a child by the sounds of it, if your doing everything yourself then why are you letting him stay? He sounds like a parasite, I think you know deep down what you need to do! It might be scary, but nothing is worth spending everyday feeling the way you are, your future self will thank you for putting yourself first, and your children will be better off with a mum who knows her worth xx
That’s a narc. The flying monkeys being his parents and likely, his friends.
Time to go yesterday. The gaslighting will never stop.
Leave. As soon as you can. It may be the hardest, bravest thing you have ever done. But it will also be the best thing you have ever done. You are 100% being manipulated by a narcissist. I promise you eventually, enough will be enough and you will leave, feeling broken and worthless and you will believe those things about yourself. But they aren’t true. You are strong and you can do this!!
Read this out loud to yourself. Sometimes being single, alone is the best
yr kids are going to think that’s what love looks like. leave for them if nothing else.
Girl… You need to put him out and let him see how it feels when you don’t let him come right back… If that don’t work then move tf on and stop wasting you and your kids time and mental health on a weak dude 
Leave. It will be better for you and the kids. And when he tries to come back say no and explain why. Tell him he had more than enough chances to help you out and all’s he did was make it worse. And you refuse to live like that for the rest of your life.
This is almost the same experience I had with my ex only add physical abuse to the mix. Girl know your worth. You are worth SO much more than what your getting.
If you don’t want your kids growing up thinking that kind of relationship is okay, you need to leave. You guys do not sound great for each other at all and it sounds like you’d be better off mentally by yourself if he isn’t helping anyway.
You leave. YOU. LEAVE. File for custody and child support and move on with your life. You’re literally hurting your self and your children by staying
There’s always 2 sides to every story. Maybe you are doing something. Maybe he is mentally unwell. Maybe you just don’t go together. Asking a therapist for advice versus asking Facebook for advice is a better idea
Grow a backbone, tell him to pound sand for good then work on you. Get your head right and be a good mama to those babies.
You are the problem. You are letting him abuse you, you are the one cleaning up after him, Do yourself and your kids a favour and show him the door.
As the lovely lady stated before me…read this out loud to yourself. Leave and never look back! Trust me, you will be so much more happier.
I lived in a marriage like this for 27 yrs! I had 4 children with him. I would see if you both can get some couples counseling and see how that goes for Communication skills But if he is not willing to work on how he is treating and making you feel I would move on. My kids told me I should of left their dad along time ago.
After writing all that out, you still can’t work out the answer? Come in, you’re better than that, aren’t you? Kick him out. It’s over. It’s not serving you anymore. It’s done. Goodbye.
You deserve a man that will wake up every morning and say what can I do to help make your day better and easier. Someone who is not thinking of themselves. You need to be that same thing for him. You should never stick with someone who will not commit.
Nah, it’s him. He sounds very emotionally immature and toxic. Find someone better 
Ive been in this situation, and its awful. My long term relationship ended after 11 years together. Its horrible, but over time is becomes better. My inbox is open if you need a chat xx
My boyfriend and I !!! not me !!!
I’ve been there … My last boyfriend used to upset me on a daily basis and when I approached him about it he told me I was the problem and was an ‘unstable mess’. If I went out and he didn’t like it he would guilt me…tried to turn me against my friends and family and negated me to the point of depression and anxiety. Even though you have kids don’t subject yourself to it anymore, focus on yours and your kids happiness x
If you’re the only one working and he does not even care for your child when he is not working…
I would leave. Don’t be afraid of being a single parent, you’re already one.
You are better than this and deserve better than this!!
Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” He has shown you who he is, and what is important in his life (not you or his kids). You have chosen to not believe him. It’s time to start believing him, because he will not change just because you hope he will, or you nag him, or your parents bail him out.
This was me 3.5 yrs ago and glad i only had 1 kid to the guy. Best thing i ever did was leave the guy. I know in myself i was better off as i know i was independent on my own as i did everything myself anyways. 2 happy homes is better than 1 toxic one. He’s still a narc to me in another “happy” relationship but my son is happy to have 2 mums that love him unconditionally
get rid of him for you and you kids next time he leaves dont let him come back you can get help
Just walk hun, itll be better for you and your children. It will be tough at the begining but after a while youll notice the difference between now and then.
Ive lived through this before and when i said im walking he broke down saying he would do better but he had 5 years to improve and he didnt.
After a month of me walking he was on dating sites looking for another mother for our daughter…
Trust me change wont happen so your better off alone. Wishing you all the best x
I will never understand for the life of me, why people freaking think their kid does no wrong and expect him/her to be treated like a king when he offers nothing to the relationship despite also having kids! Get rid of him, you’re already a single mother might as well remove the extra weight!
Sounds like a real catch. Mentally abusive, non communicative, neglectful to your children, gas lighter. This is not a relationship. This is codependency. Get an exit strategy plan. Be prepared for him to drag you through the mud when you leave. Get some therapy and never look back.
Just because he doesn’t hit you doesn’t mean he is abusive. Kick his arse to the curb & move on for your & your children’s sake. Maybe you wouldn’t have to ‘nag’ if he actually did shit…
You’ve literally just said you look after the house, you look after your child alone, that he’s a parent of & you work.
What does he do all day? Sit on his arse & do nothing? You deserve better.
This is only one side and perspective of the story so none of us can truly say but at the very least you sound incompatible and like you’re stressed and upset so that says LEAVE. He doesn’t sound like he has changed and you taking his immature behavior teaches your children how to be treated. As someone who grew up with parents together when they clearly would’ve been better apart, do it for the kids at the very least. Teach by example to love and respect yourself, not be taken advantage of. You can love and care for someone and want so badly to be with them but if it doesn’t work it doesn’t work. When he doesn’t have someone to pick up after him he may become a better parent for it down the road as well.
Get out! Get out! Get out! I can not say that enough. Whether it mental, physical, emotionally abuse is abuse… If not for you then for you little ones. They need you at ur best and he is clearly not capable of being a MAN! Bc a man wouldn’t do what he’s doing to you and your children.
I’m sorry you believe that you are in the wrong here. Please get out. If you’re able, get therapy to help you learn that you are a worthwhile person deserving of being treat with love and respect.
You are allowing the behaviour by taking him back get out and let him be a big boy all on his own. In saying that you have a child on the way.
You say this has been going on for yrs but your pregnant come on girl your brave strong and you can do it but you should have done it before you bought another child into this toxic relationship.
You’re the problem because YOU don’t hold your ground with him. Put firm boundaries of what you’re willing to tolerate. He’s testing you and treating you like a doormat, because you allow it. Next time he leaves, don’t let him back into your life! DEMAND and go get better for yourself and your kids. Love yourself enough to stop being treated like crap. Focus on your children and don’t waste anymore energy on this boyfriend.
You teach people how to treat you. If you tolerate his crappy behavior, why should he change? If he can leave and return whenever, why stay? You deserve better. Time to leave and do this on your own. It sounds like you already are.
My Mum would always say Mind manipulation is the worse kind of abuse as wounds eventually heal but words and manipulation will not.
In our own minds we make excuses and that it is not as bad as what some people endure. Or even that you can not see any physical scars so who would believe you about what is happening. But it is real!!!
Please watch the TV series maid on Netflix it is a real eye opener.
You are the problem. You have done nothing but show him how you want to be treated and he is doing just that. By letting him do what he wants to you,let him back in everytime he leaves, let him speak to you and treat you like crap, again this shows him how you want to be treated. 1st step, get jim out of your life and keep him there and 2nd, get some counseling for you. Hope you work it out
Leave. Start over as difficult as it may be and find someone who loves and appreciates you. They are out there. Been there and done that. Worth the struggles!
Read wheat you wrote again and imagine your daughter wrote it or your best friend. In your heart you know what’s right …I didn’t listen to my heart we had more kids when mint was 15 things got.worse and worse I haven’t worked now in 7 years kids are just starting school and I’m putting in applications
15 years in 1.5 years ago I found out her been having an affair for 3 years and she was 9 months pregnant…
I would have left by now.but I have no where and no one to help shelter closest to me is almost an hour away and usually full and I found out the week covid shut us down. He took all my joy from me made me believe we were going to be ok while buying her diamonds
Think you’ve answered your own question there , 
sounds to me your be better on your own with your children , it’s better to be happy on your own then with someone who makes you feel bad and doesnt put in the same amount of effort. Wish you all the best .
You’re allowing him to continue treating you like this.
You and your children deserve to be in a happy safe home.
Pretty sure this entire post is answering your own question. Also a baby doesn’t fix a relationship.
If you continue to allow him to treat you like this you’ll always get the same results. Leave his arse so you can find someone who actually treats you right.
Walk away and don’t come back. He’s convinced mentally you won’t do it and that you’ll always take him back…take back your power. If he isn’t working or contributing what’s he bringing to the table? Sounds like your giving more than your receiving and that’s unfair to you and the kids. Never stay in a relationship for the children sake they need to see mom in a healthy relationship so that they base their future ones on a healthy one and will be more likely to be an stay in one themselves and they won’t settle for less
If I was with someone who I felt was “sucking the life out of me” I would leave. Love doesn’t matter if that’s the way he makes you feel. Why be miserable and stay with someone who makes you feel like that? Who won’t even try to fix what’s broken? Leave. Don’t worry what his parents think or anyone else thinks. At the end of the day you gotta ask yourself, what is going to make me happy in life?
Leave. Apart from being an “enabler” for his behaviour its a bad example for your child. By accepting his treatment of you you have effectively given him permission to continue to be abusive.
Does he work? Is he providing for his family?
Read back over what you’ve written above…Why would you want to be with someone that treats you like that? Good luck 
I think you know the answer. Reading your post and giving your friend advice what would you advise her? Walk away amicably and try to create a great co parent relationship for your kids. But be the role model that shows them what boundaries and healthy relationships look like!
‘Nagging’ is a term invented by parasites to help them jusify their unpreparedness to listen or respond to another person’s needs. If you are having repeatedly to ask for his support and he continues to dismiss your concerns as ‘nagging’, kinda says it all, really…
Why are you still there? I’ve always told my stepdaughter… you can’t expect a different outcome if you keep putting yourself in the same situation
Girl, unless you want to live another 7 years in the same mess, you know you need to leave. Cut contact except when necessary for co-parenting.
It’s a scary world we live in when a woman can say all this and still be “confused” as to who/ what is the problem…
Your not the problem! Leave. You and your kids will be much happier in the long run
Get out NOW and get into therapy right away. It will not get better. This is called narcissistic abuse and it causes cptsd.
I’m surprised you keep nagging. Isn’t one of the definition of insanity keep doing the same things and expecting a different results. What do you get out of the fact that he is there? You may not be alone technically but damn you sound lonely
Say goodbye not a good fit.
Run away and be happy and free and leave him to his miserable existence, there is no I repeat NO obligation to join him in misery
That’s a toxic relationship not good for u or ur children time for a fresh start
Be the strong one and tell him to go for good 
Life is more important to you and your child:revolving_hearts:
He sounds toxic af…leave
Have you listened to what you just said, Girl, get out of there before you something real bad happens, and take the jerk to court!
No! You cannot fix this; he is the issue and is taking it out on you; you deserve so much better ! Move on
Get out now. There is not one thing wrong with you.
Say adios permanently to him and his enabling parents. He will NEVER be the man that you and your children want and need.
He just wants a mommy to take care of him and talk to him like he’s a little boy. Let him go.
Let him go and move on with your kids by yourself. He’s bringing you down and it’s unhealthy for all of you
Xx
I was married to someone like this … I stopped at one kid.
Read you’re post again and I think you will find the answer. He sounds like a real p.o.s and no one deserves that so please do some soul searching to figure out what you want and need in a partner
Listen to your self he is mentally and emotionally draining. Get out and enjoy your life!!! He’s the problem
Read what you wrote. Find your answer by looking at this from a different perspective. Like your giving advice to someone who just came to you with this problem. For me its clear as day to see he is not good for you or your child.
Kick his no good free loading arse out and start fresh he’s not a man he’s a man child. And his parents are pathetic excuses for parents no wonder he’s turned out so badly. Get rid of him and don’t look back. From my personal experience I’d rather have no father in my life than have a really shitty one. Don’t let him stick around and ruin your kids lives as well. Is he really the example you want to set for your kids. Kids mimic behaviour they witness at home and being around someone so toxic isnt going to be any good for them.
I think you answered your own question.
Did you say 7 years with a toddler and one on the way?
Think hard - this is your life - welcome to it.
If he hasn’t married you and your the bread winner - after 7 years I have a comment: He is not going to change! And, like others say: Your children are learning
Yes, you are the problem. Get a real man and move on
Sounds like you enable him to treat you poorly, by this thinking it is your Fault.
Let his parents deal with him if you’re the devil. Your children deserve better as do you.
Nope you are not the problem but until you get sick and tired of begging sick and tired you can only blame yourself for keep taking him back.
Kick him out and don’t let him back in ever. Read this as if it was written by someone else. What advice would you give?
Get out! This is not a healthy relationship!
That’s not a man. He’s just freeloading. Show him the door and make sure you know your worth. I will tell you this, your definitely not the problem he is.
Not enough context. But either way you sound resentful of him. Just end it before it gets worse.
Get him to fuck! I’m on my own with two girls and U CAN DO IT!!
Leave before you have the second baby! Dont let him come back. It might not be physical yet but it could be soon. Just leave or kick him out. Whatever you feel is safest. If he contributes nothing youre doing it on your own anyways so what the hell is he there for?
Get out now and I mean now. He will only get worse and he can do real damage to those kids. Get out
Leave and think about you and the children not him…He is not worthy of you…He is just using you for a place to stay…He will starting hitting YOU next…
Run with the kids as fast as you can!
Time to give him the boot.