Am I the problem like my boyfriend says, or I am manipulated and treated like crap by a narcissist

Back story. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 7 year. We have a toddler together and another on the way. And he is constantly complaining that I nag on him and he can’t stand me, and has left probably 10 times over the years but I always let him come back. I try and talk things out with him and he always tells me to get away and I always do, but I feel hurt and betrayed he won’t talk to me and actually try and fix things. He yells and isn’t physically aggressive but is mentally and emotionally draining. I feel like he is sucking the life out of me and my kids. I work, and am the only caring for our child, and the house and our daily lives, and he DOES NOTHING. And I am always the bad guy. I just feel like I am at a loss. Do I keep trying? Am I the problem? Am I nagging him to much to help me? It doesn’t help that my parents are always having to save the day when he vanishes, and his parents think im the devil. What do I do?


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I the problem like my boyfriend says, or I am manipulated and treated like crap by a narcissist

Didn’t you ask this the other day? No one is going to tell you to stay. If they do, they’re encouraging mental abuse. Leave him babe.


Sounds like you are in denial and he doesn’t want to be with you. Harsh but you are wasting your time and should free yourself up to find someone who loves and deserves you. He is weak


You are being treated like a doormat. He contributes nothing to the relationship except stress. Go to your local agency for whatever help you can qualify for as a single mom like childcare assistance, food etc. move him out and don’t look back. You deserve better and so do your children.

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I think you already know the answer. If he’s unwilling to discuss your problems how can you work through them? He keeps coming back because you allow the behavior. It’s never okay to walk out as a solution to an argument. Start making plans and take your children and create a more stable environment. You may have some issues to work on them but you can do that while you heal


He does not want conflict resolution and is being avoidant-dismissive. If he’s not stepping up then cut him loose. Don’t worry about his mom she may have the same attachment style/no accountability/no respect as him or she is used to enabling him.

It’ll be a lot more peaceful without him around.


You are being manipulated & abused by a narcissist. He will not stop. He enjoys your pain & seeing you hurt. Leave. Get out before it gets worse. And believe me, it will.


Next time he leaves, change the locks and delete his phone number. Go to therapy and get help for yourself and your child because that can cause trauma in a toddler as well. Enjoy your life as a single mom and I really mean that in the best way possible because you’re already doing it now

If he already does nothing why are you allowing yourself to continue to settle. Yes yall have kids but you don’t need to try and make a relationship work just bc kids are involved. Save your sanity and dump his ass.

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Don’t let him back it’s a mind game hun my ex did the same thing. Just walk away and live your life with your kids. If you’re doing everything anyways it’ll be much easier on you in the long run. Good luck.

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Grow a backbone and get away from him. You only have so much life you may as well enjoy it with someone that actually wants you!

Sometimes people don’t understand that financially you can’t leave. I was in the same situation 15 years ago and I had a good job but without his income I couldn’t afford the house or rent to live somewhere else. Maybe you just need a break…when things are calm talk to him maybe he could stay at a friends for a couple weeks to give things a chance to cool down. Don’t make decisions in the heat of the moment. And figure out how much child support might be…there should be a calculation sheet for your state online. Good luck!

I’d say you both are part of the problem… …him for being an ass, you for repeatedly allowing him back to do so…my advice, call it a day and move along. History has shown a clear pattern (by your description) your choice to let him back is your choice to accept his behavior.


Do NOT try any more. Cut your losses and go. Perhaps to your parents?


Get help with your confidence and self esteem. Some men look for women who are insecure.

Send him back to his mommy and daddy!

You already know what to do, sweetheart.

Look for someone else! Do not let him treat you bad. You sound like you can’t leave now? Go back to your parents. Then work on you and your kids.

He has already left you. Say goodbye.

Go it alone and be happy

Ur gonna have to be the one to leave this time sis.

He is playing games. Dump his ass and live your life

You are not the problem.
Just let the irresponsible lazy guy out of your life and your kids lives fast. A better and responsible man will come and shower you with love, care and attention.

Stop letting him come back. Do not let him treat you that way and do not model that behavior for your child. You deserve better and you shouldn’t feel bad for demanding better.

And if he throws a fit and starts making things difficult, than you need to hire a family attorney and let the courts figure it out. Maybe a reality check is what he needs


You should leave him for good ,what the hell you’re alone even when he’s there and the mental abuse isn’t just to you its also happening to your child, believe me I know. You can’t buy those years back and it probably won’t change !


“If you have to ask, you already know the answer”

Taken advantage by a narcissist

Go n get some self esteem counselling if someone had left me 10 times i wouldn’t be letting him back he doesn’t love you how on earth did you think getting pregnant again would help. Good luck


He a narcissistic ass. He is mentally abusive. You need to leave him and stop taking his ass back. He is using you and you let him.

Leave him beyond toxic .

Put him out for good

Get the hell out of the relationship!!! Seriously think of your kids before this lazy son of a Bitch!!!

Get rid. You’ll be better off without him in every sense. He’s obviously a useless arse, who only cares about himself. Ignore what his parents think, he’s just a chip off the old block. Sounds like he’s gonna be a leach for the rest of his life, and you’ll be forever keeping him. I’m sure his parents will welcome him back with open arms.

Why are you still there?

Yeah definitely seems like there is two sides to this story :joy:

Why is this on here again? And a better question is why are almost all of these fan questions asking what to do about their relationship with their piece of shit partner that they still want to stay with even though he’s obviously a piece of shit? This is a really bad trend to keep seeing and says a lot about relationships in general.

Leave his useless ass!

Don’t keep having children with such a bum. Get your self and your children away from him.

Get rid… itll only get harder when the baby arrives but if hes not helping you might as well be doing it alone… but you wont be because you have your parents…
If he wants to see his kids itll make a effort… and itll probably open his eyes too x

Kick him to the curb. Your about to have another child. You don’t need a spoilt man child who does nothing.

Why are you still there?

He is mentally and emotionally ABUSING you. Get out now! Any man who would treat the mother of his children like that is trash. What kind of example are you setting for your toddler and baby to be.?

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My Dad ,in heaven now God Bless Him ,said to me once when I was being hurt in my relationship ,one sentence ,I was so hurt ,but I’ve realized ,how often in my life I’ve come to remember his words ,with comfort and exactly what I needed . Dad’s words were ( if you don’t like the music, stop tapping your feet ) !!

You shouldn’t have to “nag” him to do anything…he’s the father and your partner, he should just help you without you having to “nag”. I have to ask my partner to help with things some times but he never looks at it as nagging, he looks at it as, oh he didn’t realize I needed help or that chore needed to be done. And it goes both ways. Your partner seems like a child and unfortunately you’re enabling him to be so. It sounds like he may be done with the relationship and you deserve better then to be with this man child.

You aren’t his mum. He can get up off his ass and either get a job, be the stay at home parent or feck off. You and your child deserve way better! Raise your standards or he will walk all over you more than what he already is

Communication is key to any relationship working he’s not willing to talk only yell so not effective communication you need to leave and not take him back

If you have to ask you all ready know the answer to this question. Be done with him and get on with your life!

And you are still with him? Why? His entertainment is your misery, right? Take your child and flee.