Your feelings are valid, but so are your husbands
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When my ex passed away my now husband was very supportive cuz he knew I was mourning the loss of the fact my daughters no longer had a father not cuz he was my ex
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Focus your grieving process on your daughter. I’m sure she needs someone as much as you do.
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He was a big part of you. I myself lost my sons father and he was married. It’s normal we are not made out of stone. The hurt we feel for our children is something that never goes away. Be strong for your child and make sure they get therapy if needed. Tight hug to you. Very sorry for your loss. One day at a time🌹
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Your not in the wrong for having these emotions.
Even still, he was your ex, you had a life with him at one point, he fathered your kid. He should be more understanding. Your allowed to love more than 1 person. We all love in different ways.
Yes you have a new husband, your allowed to still feel sad and sorrow for your ex.
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You’re grièving and that is ok! I personally wòuld nòt stay with someone that try’s to màke me feel güilty for grièving.
He should 100% be supporting you. You have every right to feel what you’re feeling. He was your first love and father of your child. You had a strong connection. Your feelings are valid.
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My late husband took his life. Your current is mixed in emotion because youre reacting with feelings that you should have for the current. He cant distinguish the difference. It’s a weird thing.
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No emotions are feelings everyone has and must be dealt with in order to heal and adjust to whatever life situation arises.
Absolutely not!!! My oldest daughter (almost 11) father died of an OD when she was 18 months old and we had been off and on for awhile because of his addiction issues and my need to protect her from them. At that point he’d had 10 months clean, though, then the one relapse and he died. We were together for 7 years off and on (mostly on) and he was my first love also. About 7 months after he died, I got into a new relationship (which I wasn’t ready for at all tbh but was in a very dark place and thought maybe someone could distract/save me from the weight of my grief - I was only 24 and had also lost my little sister whom was my best friend the same year and I was just so lost). My new boyfriend was terrible towards me in my grief. He was not at all understanding and was instead extremely jealous of the framed photo I kept up on our dresser of my daughter, her father and myself, of memorial posts I’d make on Facebook about us both missing him on birthdays and anniversaries. He would say things like “if he were still alive, you’d choose to be with him instead of me”, etc. It was honestly immature, selfish, and cruel, the way he wouldn’t let me feel my feelings about that loss. Do not ever feel wrong for how you are grieving. Of COURSE you’re going to grieve the death of your first love and father of your child! Even more so when he died at his own hands. I know you probably have questions and doubts about “what if I’d done this differently/not said that/tried harder to help him/etc” (please DON’T ever truly question yourself about those things, as it was not ever your job to save him from himself) - but I do know how these thoughts still tend to rise up when it comes to someone you love/d ending their own life either by suicid3 or drvgs. You are allowed every bit of the pain you’re feeling and someone that truly loves you and your daughter would not be so selfish as to guilt you for them, or make you question their validity. Your new partner is being a complete ass and you deserve so much more. I’m so sorry for your loss and your child’s loss. If your new partner is unable to distinguish the difference between grief over the death of someone you once loved and whom gave you your firstborn child, versus grief because you’re wishing they were still your partner instead, then that’s on him, not on you, at all. I would suggest trying to have a genuine conversation about the things you’re feeling and how it in no way puts your feelings for him in question (not that you should have to point that out, but if that is his concern, maybe it’s still worth saying out loud). If after that he still can’t support you and be there for you and your daughter during this painful time and let you feel any feelings, recall any good memories or times you shared, be grateful for the life you brought into the world together, share stories with your child to keep their father alive in their mind, etc., then perhaps he isn’t the right one for you. If someone I loved were to have a very significant ex pass away, the FIRST thought in my mind would be to support them and be by their side and do whatever I could to listen and be there, to let them feel all of their feelings with me, or give them the space and quiet to do to alone, if that’s what they needed. You deserve someone to put their own feelings, insecurities, jealousies, etc, aside for this, and for your pain to be validated in all of the ways it may come.
Nope your not in the wrong at all. He needs to understand that is your daughter’s birth father and your first love. You will always love him even if you guys parted ways because you have a child with him but it’s a different kind of love then you have for your current husband. I still love my ex as he is my oldest daughters father but it’s a different kind of love then I have for my husband if that makes sense.
I’m sorry your going through this. I hope your daughter is going threw this ok. If not don’t be afraid to seek councling for you two so y’all can sort out the emotions and start to feel better. We all grieve differently
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I went through the same thing a while back and a few of my true friends had a courtesy to ask how I was, my partner was so supportive I must say.
Everybody hating on the husband but let’s be honest, if OP had a strong reaction to his death, her husband is probably feeling a lot of crap right now too. Is his reaction the best? Maybe not. But maybe HE needs a moment to collect his thoughts and feelings as well. Quite frankly the fact that OP immediately went to “maybe we shouldn’t even be together” tells me that maybe she’s not as into her husband as she seems to think she was. His feelings are valid too.
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What a jerk!
He should comfort you in this time.
My abusive step father took his life a month ago, he wasn’t the best person, but that kind of shock is so difficult and different. Someone you loved at some point in time did something hard to grasp. You’re in the right completely, my step dad wasn’t the best person but this is unthinkable.
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All 3 of you need to be leaning on each other everyone in your household just lost someone to one of the worlds most horrifying and traumatizing thing I would know I lost my only sibling to suicide we all grieve differently in my household but we still lean on each other despite the differences in our grievances YOU CAN NOT place blame on yourself or others! YOU CAN NOT run or try to fill the void with something else! Grieving something like this takes a toll on the mind body and heart which is why all 3 of you will need each other in different ways! My brother was my second father figure because my father taught him how to love me the way he was supposed to love me. My brother was my whole world when I was growing up and he took pieces of me with him when he killed himself. He was practically my twin. He was my soulmate in sibling form. We were two peas in a pod. So believe me when I say this your daughter needs you and your husband needs you just as much as you need them right now. My brother may not have been my father but he damn sure made sure that he walked in my father’s footsteps when my dad was working his shift or even OT at the Fire Station. I lost my everything that day. It has changed my life forever. Y’all’s lives will forever be changed. BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER!!!
Discuss it with your husband. I’m sure a lot of your grief has to do with your daughter and her grief as well. And your grief doesn’t mean you don’t love your husband.
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Sounds like he feels you were still in love with your ex and it hurts him to see you so upset. A sit down talk about how both of you feel should resolve the situation.
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Sounds like a very insecure man
Absolutely not are you wrong! You had a child together and once where in love. Over the years you grew apart but part of you will always love him. Your current husband is a cold coward
You’re not wrong. Neither is your husband.
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You can’t help how something affects you. It’s perfectly understandable to grieve for someone you once shared a life with and have a child with.
Honestly if you didn’t, I’d be concerned. Your husband might not understand it, but he should support you anyway.
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Wow! I 100% would be grieving if my kids father passed away. And I also know 100% my partner now (whom I have 2 kids with) would totally understand. Alot of your life was spent with that man and he is the father to your children it’s only natural u would be upset. I think u need to find a way to have a talk to your partner and get him to understand how your feeling
Sweetie- you loved him - you have a beautiful baby by him. It is natural to hurt - but unfortunately this may cause your husband to misunderstand and/or threaten in some way. You need to talk about it. Reassuring that he is the only love in your life now.
Remember the 4 corners of a solid foundation of a relationship is loyalty, responsibility, accountability and trust. This is only reinforced through communication. Trust n believe kiddo.
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You are NEVER wrong for the way you feel… My story is similar to yours. My mom remarried when I was 2yo. My father suicided when I was 15yo. My mom had 3 children with my father… none with my step father. It broke my moms heart when my dad suicided. She attended the funeral & shed tears. My mom always told us children that no matter what the situation was between them, that she would ALWAYS have love for our bio father because he gave her 3 children. My mom also explained that seeing her children hurting, hurt her & she simply wanted to be there for her children during such a horrible time. My step dad always supported this. … You need to sit down & explain to your husband your feelings & where those feelings stem from. Sending lots of love & prayers for your daughter. 
Don’t expect this from him.
Of course you’re not wrong for your feelings, but he’s dealing with his own as well and probably feels threatened and hurt that you are so hurt by his loss. I totally understand your feelings, he was your first live and your child’s father, it’s a big deal. I think after it calms down and you have a good conversation with your husband he will understand that.
You are not wrong. This person you lost was your child’s father and you’re grieving. Your husband is being very immature and rather an asshole. Is there someone else you can get support from?
My sons father passed away a few years ago after we had split an my fiance now to this day will hold me when i have my moments grieving over the loss of him. There shouldn’t be any feeling of competition with the deceased.
No your not wrong. Feelings are never wrong they just are. My sons father died almost 8 months ago. Essentially he caused his death but I don’t believe it was intentional. Most days I’m ok but some days it hits me like a ton of bricks. We hadn’t been together for a few years and he had essentially abandoned our son that he had custody of but this isn’t how I wanted my son to grow up. My boyfriend has been super supportive and understands that the romantic love was gone but I still lost someone I once considered my friend. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
So sorry for your lost. Hinges to you.
I had something similar, daughters bio dad overdosed. We grew up together and went through a lot together and I had a couple of mental breakdowns after I found out.
Youre completely in the right and it’s such a hard thing. I’m sorry he drove away from you and if you see this please feel free to pm me.
He walked away from you when you needed him, that was so wrong of him.
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To answer your question… Hell,YES. You are wrong to feel this way. So so so so WRONG… This so NOT about you. Your first thought should be about your daughter’s feelings, your daughter’s loss, your daughter’s sadness, your daughter’s pain…not yours.
I’m guessing, your husband is seconding guessing your life together when he got in his care and drove away.
I get that the suicide was a shock but to say your whole world “shattered”.
You make no mention of your daughter’s reaction or of her pain and sadness.
You make no mention that your daughter’s world “shattered” when she got the news.
You make no mention of daughter’s needing her stepfather’s comfort and support.
You only mention that “you” needed his comfort not that your daughter needed his and your comfort.
You only mention that he is supposed to be “your emotional support system” , not your daughter’s emotional support system.
I feel badly for your daughter, your child for the loss of her father.
I feel badly for your husband to have to witness your making this poor man’s suicide all about yourself.
How disappointing for them both.
Yes, you are wrong and hopefully, you can see how wrong.