My question I need advice on is. I have a 11 Year old daughter who’s real dad took his life… now her father was my first love but over time we grew apart moved on and now I’m married but when I got the news my whole world shattered I feel the pain and the sadnesses and I just want my husband to comfort me but instead he gets in his car and drives away which makes me second guess our life together when he is supposed to my emotional support system am I in the wrong for the emotions I’m going through?
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He can’t show you any sympathy? Or comfort? Then leave him.
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Absolutely not wrong. He was your first love and the father of your child. Your husband should be supportive and comforting, especially because his step child lost her father.
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Well he’s an ass, in a way I understand but at the same time that is your child’s father. Like even if you aren’t upset for yourself you are going to be upset because of the child. Communicate with him …then leave him 
Run. If he can support you… he ain’t the one sis.
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I fell for your kids. He should be there for them. For he is my ex for a reason. It’s probably wondering why you are so upset
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I watched my first love drown in front of me when I was pregnant with my only daughter. Have two boys with him also. That was 15 years ago. My husband and I got married the day after his death day. We will be married 9 years this year. We also lost my second oldest july 4 2020.
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You’re not wrong. I have a son who is now 17, his father took his life when he was 6. My fiancée at the time now husband of 10 years was completely understanding. I was so heartbroken when my high school love and the father of my first born took his life. My fiancée knew it was different then the love him and I share now. No matter I once had feelings for him, I cared and still do care about him and he left a beautiful gift for me in this world, our wonderful son. I’m sorry you’re not getting the support and love you should be getting. Sending you lots of love, hugs and positive healing energy. From one mother to another whose been though this, if you need to talk or just need to vent you can private message me if you would like❤️
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Exactly what happened to me. I hurt inside, my husband gave me a hug and my daughter,
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Rethink your relationship, your husband is acting like an immature, jealous ass.
Your feelings are normal
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No your not in the wrong, you have every right to feel the way your feeling. You had a child with the man, your heart still has feeling even tho your not together. And as for your so called new husband he should be their, but my opinion is he’s childish and not being the man he should be when you need him the most. If he’s not there now what else is he not gonna be there for. Hope and pray God guides you threw this and your daughter. 
sent you way.
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I was upset but I’m more angry for him leaving and taking the easy way out and no goodbyes. And alot of questions and no answers. And no why… Just BOOM and you enjoy life without me… And we weren’t enough to live…
Not everybody has the skills to offer emotional support, right now its your daughter that needs yours, you need to process as quickly as you can so you can help your daughter understand that there is no genetic component to suicidal decisions
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No you’re not wrong. You guys are suppose to be a team. The good, the bad, the ugly… ALL OF IT.
Ok done with that.
No offense but …
What the fu€k, your life shattered?? enough about you what about your daughter !? She just lost her bio dad !! And her step-dad just up and left !!?? Put yourself on pause for a minute and get your baby first.
No that’s your first love and daughter dad he is mad because it’s another man had it been someone else he might would comfort you have he done this before if he is a good husband then stay how your daughter doing
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Absolutely not. You had a life and a connection with that person. It doesn’t matter who they are now.
What you should be asking yourself is why your husband isn’t there for you.
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Nothing wrong with mourning you kids father, but also understand that not everybody react to death the same way. I cant deal with it, i dont know what to do so i just give people space.
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My sister went through the same thing and she divorced her husband about 2 yrs later. I think he’s not mature enough to think of anyone but himself, just like my sister’s now ex-husband. You have the right to express your sadness and your child’s grief
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No your feelings are valid, sounds like your husband is insecure and jealous of a man who no longer lives. That’s immature.
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My 19 year old sons dad was diagnosed about a year ago with cancer. We haven’t been together since our son was 1. I promise you those are some unexpected feelings and it’s completely normal. Grief can be very hard to explain and not 1 person experiences it the same.
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Hes being selfish you should be able to grieve and him support you and your daughter. He seems jealous and insecure please seeking grievance counseling for uou and your daughter.
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Try to talk to him. Is he jealous? Marriage counseling is recommended
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You’re not wrong at all. You had a history with this man and a child with him. Just because you’re not with him and are married to someone else doesn’t mean that the history and feelings for your child’s father go away. I cried over my kids’ father when he passed away. Even though we weren’t together I still very much loved him and cared for him. Your husband is a jerk.
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Absolutely not wrong. Not one single bit. You are allowed to feel what you feel… that was the man who created your daughter… just because y’all grew apart… doesn’t change the history. Try talking to your husband and express what your feeling. He may have mixed emotions about it.
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No, my son’s dad did the same we were not together and I’m married … My partner supports my heavy emotions. Your feelings are completely normal.
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You’re not wrong for your feelings but he’s not wrong for his feelings or reactions. Maybe after a moment sit down and talk to him about it, everyone except death different and everyone has their own feelings.
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OH HELL NO!!! Part of your pain is centered around your thoughts for your daughters loss…explain it to him. You would probably feel the same way about him if you split and something happened to him.
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No you are not wrong at all to feel saddened by his death. Your child is going to hurt and wathcing our children in pain hurts us 100x worse. Your husband is very emotionally immature and Im sorry hes acting like an a hole when he should be understanding and supporting you two right now.
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He’s jealous. I couldn’t be with anyone who didn’t support me in my worst times.
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I think that’s mean of him, it’s ok to still love your child’s father it doesn’t mean you are still in love and what some people can’t fathom is you had a child together and a bond it’s normal to feel what you are going through and he really should be mature and loving enough to try and understand.
I send prayers to you
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I think he probably doesn’t know what to do or how to comfort you since he was your ex but also the father to your child!!! My daughters father passed now almost 2 years ago, and my husband was the person I called first cause I didn’t know how to tell my child, as far as comforting me I’m sure he wouldn’t know what to do or say to me either if he saw me crying over him!
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It’s not the same as we didn’t have a child together but I went through a similar situation. My husband and I have been together going on 9 years and have two beautiful children together. He is the love and light of my life and I would never wanna do this life with anyone but him… so a little bit of back story. I dated thus guy most of my high school days and off and on a few years after that. He was my first and my first real “love”. Well the end of our relationship I was the one to end it. I knew what I wanted out of life and knew he was never gonna change and be able to give me those things (settle down, kids, a comfortable life) so I decided to walk away. He took it pretty hard but we both moved on. Fast forward a few years. I find out one night that he tragically lost his life in a car accident that was his fault. He was speeding horrifically and lost control. Anyway, I had a whole range of emotions. One of the big ones was grief. For a life lost too soon, for his parents loss, for our mutual friends grieving the loss of their friend, and for my own loss of the memories we shared and the love we once had when we were younger. My husband was completely supportive and even went to the funeral with me. He let me grieve and was there when I needed him. In all honesty it only made our relationship stronger and made me love him even more. I am sorry your husband isn’t doing that for you. I would try to sit down with him after he has some time to process it and just explain to him what you’re feeling. That it doesn’t make you love him any less, just that that part of your past is gone, and your child will never know their dad. Hugs dear.
No you are 100% right. He’s weird for not understanding. He can’t expect someone to be so heartless. I hear stories of people I never met that did the same and it makes me feel bad.
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Your not wrong for having these feelings
But what if his first true love died and he was grieving would you be ok with him grieving and being heart broking over some other girl?
It is hard to see your partner grieve for another lover or ex lover.
So see it from that point of few aswell
But explain to him yous had a child together he was your first you always have a soft spot for your first can’t help that
And hat he’d feel the same if it was his first love expecually if they had a kid together
Hopefully he will come round and support you once he has calmed down
Xx
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Sometimes men just don’t know how to show emotional support yet can still love you in a different way. One just needs to learn to understand them and adjust/accept the way they are. It can be very difficult and painful yet our wedding vows are worth hanging in there and trying anyway,
So sorry for your loss, dear. You have every right to grieve but I think your present husband’s self esteem is shaky seeing you so saddened. Perhaps he feels sad too to see you grieve for a man who wasn’t there for you and your child but your husband has been. I’m not saying he’s right but it may explain his reaction. Would you consider getting a grief counselor or therapist that might be better able to help you through this very difficult time? You need someone to talk to that will be objective and not be hurt by your history with your child’s bio dad? Praying for the Lord to help comfort you and bring you some peace. 
Maybe he’s dealing with some thing on his own that you know nothing about
Did you ask him why? Does this remind him of something painful in his life he never got over? When he’s grieving dies he want to be left alone? Does he think it’s not “manly” to cry? Does seeing you cry make him feel like he’s not making you happy? What’s going on in his head that he can’t comfort you? Is he usually emotionally aloof? Is it that he can’t get over that you loved another man before him? (Controlling, jealous vibes—watch out).
BTW, I’m sorry for your loss. Maybe your daughter would like to do something to remember/honor him in someway, like planting a tree or paying for a plaque or sponsoring something or writing a book (maybe dictating it) about her memories.
No your not! It’s been 18 years since my ex husband took his life and left my husband and I with 4 small kids. I still cry over his death. FYI, you can get survivor benefits for your daughter from social security if he was working during the past year… It’s kinda like getting child support to help you with everything you’re daughter needs… It stops when she turns 18… We went to grief counseling as well as groups and they helped us a lot…
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My husband ex died and I had no idea what to say. I was very loving to his son but I don’t know that he would ever have told me if he was missing her.
I think I would try to understand but mostly I would feel uncomfortable and probably say something dumb cause I’m kind of a dork when uncomfortable 
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Been where you are and lucky enough my husband cares enough to care , he he’s done everything he could for the kids helped them empty his house , to taking them to his memorial bench , to offering to pay towards his funeral if there wasn’t enough money, you will feel every emotion, I’d been divorced for 15 years and over the last 3 years I’ve felt every emotion it’s perfectly normal ,
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No your not wrong. Can you tell him how you feel?
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My boyfriend before my husband died in a accident today is actually he’s anniversary of him passing my husband dosent understand it’s a very touchy subject for him I’m guessing this is the same for your husband I hope you and your girl have someone else that can be a support person for yous at this difficult time! Your not only grieving for you but for your daughter to as it’s a big shock and loss for her as well so you’d be feeling for her to
My condolences to yous
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You are not. If I were to ever not be with my kids dad/husband and something like that happened to him, married again or not I would go insane. He was my first love and dad to my kids and nobody will ever take his spot. You have every right to be upset. You lost someone that once held a special role in your life.
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It’s called Disenfranchised Grief and no your are not on the wrong for the feelings you’re going through. Have a Google and it might make you feel a little better.
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You’re entitled to your feelings but he is entitled to his as well. Respect where he’s coming from. Maybe it’s hard for him to swallow your love emotion for your ex.
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You are not wrong for your emotions. He should be there for you instead of leaving
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Anger is one of the stages your fine totally normal sorry for your loss
they say first love never dies…guess it’s true
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He was your first love. You will always hold a small part of that love with you always and forever. Just let him know He holds your heart always. But, even he had a first love. In sure he would be grieving as well had he been in your shoes. Your marriage is strong enough to withstand this. Have faith in him and yourself that together nothing can overcome that. Tell him this as soon as you can. God bless.
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No you’re not wrong at all. In my opinion he is childish and heartless for being jealous over someone who is no longer alive!
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Sorry, but right now you need to be putting all of your feelings aside for your daughter.
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No. You’re hurting for your child. Whether he likes it or not you are still connected because of that being the father of your child. So sorry for yours and your daughters loss
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I think that you should keep that emotion to yourself. Be supportive of your daughter. Would you be upset if the situation was reversed? I think yes.
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You are not. I witnessed this(well kind of) with my Nephews mother when my brother took his life. She took it very hard and her and my brother didn’t even really get along, so you feel the emotions you need to feel! Luckily she had someone who was supportive, BUT you need to know that your feelings are VALID and understandable in the situation. I’m sorry you don’t have support from your husband.
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There are several suicide survivor groups. I’m just suggesting you might want to join to get some additional support. Hugs!
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You are not wrong.
He needs a chance to process your reaction.
We are all human.
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You are not wrong but he also has feelings and at first it is something that might be hard for him to deal with. My partner’s first love passed away and at first I thought it was ridiculous that he couldn’t get over it and it would make me feel like I wasn’t special, but we’ve grown and I’ve come to understand why it’s a sad subject to come around. It’s the father of your child, that man will always have a space in your heart whether yous like it or not
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When my ex passed my husband of 11 yrs was very supportive he said I know u was married for 22 yrs and u have children and I know u need to grieve but I hope it’s for your children’s sake
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Not at all he was still a part of your life and all the feelings and all the heartbreak and everything resurfaces! Then you have your childs pain too that they no longer have a daddy that shit hurts! X
My sons dad took his life when my son was 1, fast forward to when he was 6 and I met my husband. My husband slowly started coming around my son, (my son lives with my mom), and they get along fine. We got married and have had kids of our own, but I cannot talk to my husband about ANY feelings of sadness I have over my sons dad, he doesn’t know how to deal with it. It is hard having something that you will grieve over (for me it will be a life long grieving because it was one thing in a huge series of events that hit me all right before I turned 20) and not be able to go to your husband for comfort. Journal of you need to, talk to your parents, or your best friend. Your husband is probably feeling some kind of way over you being upset over this, it’s definitely jealousy but not regular jealousy if that makes sense. I am here if you need someone and don’t have anyone. I lost my dad and my sons dad to taking their own lives a year apart, and an ex boyfriend was murdered a few years ago and I plan on going to the trial, my husband isn’t completely happy about it but he also knows I’m going regardless. Grief is a hell of a mess and it a part of life unfortunately.
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Time to reasses the foundation of the relationship to find out for sure if the commitment runs deep enough to brave the challenges of growing old together.
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What your husband isn’t understanding is you love your ex as the father of your child, but you were no longer IN LOVE with him. Two different things. You have every right to be sad and sad for your daughter as well. Nobody should tell you how to feel. Sorry he is being a little child over such a devastating time. Hugs to you and your daughter!
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You’re not wrong at all!! Either way y’all shared a life and made a whole human together!!
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How rude and insensitive of him! Your feelings are very valid!
Definitely sounds like counseling or therapy is needed. He could be more empathetic though
You cant hold in your greif your body will eventually shut down. Hes your daughters dad its ok to be sad. Your daughter will prob think you are mom of yr for caring about her dad. If your man cant be nice about he is big baby
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No your not in the wrong at all! The same thing happened to me and my son, his daddy ended his own life and some people just don’t get it. It is hard! Hopefully you get through it xx
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Your feelings are valid however your husband may feel a type of way about he situation too. Being that you feel so devastated about your ex it may make him feel like you still cared far more for the ex than he thought. I say try family counseling and marriage counseling. That way you and daughter can get help with grief and you and husband can work on your relationship.
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Of course you’re going to have these emotions, he was your love, the father of your child…new husband should be as supportive and understanding as you need him to be right now.
He was probably hurting that you had such strong feelings over someone that wasn’t him, I would try couples counselling or just trying to spend time together and talk i don’t think either of you were in the wrong though he could have been more supportive, maybe he didn’t feel able to at that time
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It takes a man who is secure in himself, and in the relationship he has with his wife, to allow her the time & space to express her emotions.
I have an uncle (family friend) who was in a long term relationship with a woman but never married her. After about a decade they drifted apart. He just took too long & she wanted a family. Eventually he did get married & had kids but then he got sick & died when the kids were still quite young. His ex-girlfriend had also gotten married & had her own family. When she found out my uncle had died she grieved deeply & asked her husband to let her go to mourn with my uncle’s family. Her husband was very understanding & allowed her to go, knowing that she had spent 10yrs of her life in a relationship with my uncle. She went with her husband’s blessing, witnessed my late uncle being laid to rest, mourned with his widow, and then went back to her husband & children. Life went on.
Sorry that you cannot express your deepest sorrows with him right now but understand that he is still growing & his heart is still expanding. Eventually he will be there. It takes time. Grieve by yourself for now, express these feelings to your closest friends, and be patient with your husband.
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No I lost my daughters father before her second birthday two weeks to be exact and he took his and we were seperated working on ourselves at the time and she was with him the weekend he did it and I always kick myself in the behind wondering what if I’d of came back or what if I’d just been there for him he felt so alone that even with mine and his older son there that weekend staying with him I really don’t know if I would or would not have made a difference in his choice but it does tug at me all the time and she’s 12 going on 13 now
I’m sorry for your loss. You are allowed to feel however you do about it. I’ll say it again! YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL!
But don’t expect others to grieve with you. I myself find it very difficult to know what to say/do in the face of some peoples grief. He may not KNOW HOW to support you and he certainly doesn’t feel the same emotions for your ex as you do.
Not only that but this man has more responsibility on him he’s got all the responsibility of dad now when he only had half before, that can be scary too. Not to mention what the other comments are saying about jealousy.
I suggest you talk and communicate with eachother. If you want extra snuggles say so, don’t just expect him to know what you need. You probably don’t even know what you need right now.
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The fact u even have to tell ur 11 year old is enough to ball ur eyes out and lose control
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My ex husband the father of 4 of my children took his life 6 months ago 
my husband now was amazing when I hard the news he was there for me and helped me get through it.you are not in the wrong at all he should be there for you. I’m sorry for your loss
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Why is he making it about him is my question sounds very selfish of him to be reacting in that way, I’d be pissed 
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Absolutely not. A loss is a loss, also he has to understand that this was your daughters father regardless if he was in her life or not. So of course that is going to impact you.
He should be happy you tried to get him to comfort you. I mean it could have went the opposite and you could have distanced yourself from him. He isn’t looking at the awesome communication you are trying to have in your relationship. Most people wouldn’t have even brought it up just to spare their partners feelings.
I share too much with my partner so he comforts me even when I cry about something sad on tv, sad news or homecoming videos on tictok, so the getting upset and leaving is A HUGE red flag 
to me…
Sorry for your daughter loss 
Prayers and positive vibes your way 
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Can’t expect a man to let you cry on his shoulder about another man who had his thingy in you.
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It takes a very strong man to handle that. I’m a widow myself and lost my husband in a major event that turned him into a hero. I also had two kids with him so we talk about it regularly with them. I never thought I would find a man who could step into those shoes. My current husband proved me wrong. He is there for me and my kids always. Even tells them their dad was like Captain America. Maybe, try counseling so that he can get a better understanding of how you are feeling. Sometimes a neutral third party can be helpful in getting those issues addressed.
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nope, you should be able to grieve and have that safety in a partner to do it with. He shouldn’t be upset that you’re grieving a loss of someone that you once loved and had a child with.
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It Is not wrong for you to be so grief stricken I’m sure you husband doesn’t understand why you have suck feelings for (your ex ) this man I understand to a point I had so many strange feeling when my ex died and he wasn’t a good person it was just not right I guess I don’t know the words strange and I had weird feelings I told my husband he said he understand but I am not sure
You have remember this could be hard for him. Especially seeing you morning another man. You have every right to be upset. But think of it like this. How would you feel to watch him mourning another woman? Truly sounds like you and him need to talk. Marriage is a great thing it just takes work on both sides. I am sorry for your loss.
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I don’t think it’s easy for a man to comfort his wife over the death of another man, especially a man that she really loved. Maybe he’s a little immature. Maybe he needs some time to cope with your feelings. Maybe he doesn’t know how to comfort you given the situation. Talk to him about it. I’m sure he’ll come around. Everyone is different.
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You are allowed to grieve whomever you need to. Those are emotions you can’t control. How your husband is reacting though depends on a couple things…
Was the decedent still active in his daughters life? Or has the new husband stepped up in that role?
How long have you been together? If its only been a few years, thats still a pretty new “forever” could be something he can’t process.
You need to talk to him. Allow him to express his feelings as well. Unalivement affects everyone, like ripples in a pond from a rock.
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I don’t care if you dated your ex 60 years ago and your child is grown, the two of you are forever bonded. I would be way more concerned if you didn’t care at all. Is your husband going to run away when your daughter voices her feelings too?
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Contact hospice, they offer free grief Counseling for both children and adults but especially children. My oldest son and my youngest daughter lost their dad a few years ago and it’s been a huge struggle for the boy. You’re allowed to grieve losing your friend and grieve the fact your daughter lost her dad. He’s human and he himself may also be upset by this and not in the way you think. That instantaneous “omg I’m the only other parent” feeling when you’re the step parent is overwhelming. You’re all going to go through some very hard emotions here soon
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You’re not in the wrong for having those feelings. He’s the father of your child! Your husband needs to understand that. I can’t say he should comfort you in this particular situation, I mean he probably don’t understand you mourning another man. You might need to explain to him that you being upset isn’t because you still love the father. My cousins ex & father of her child died 2 weeks before Christmas. She was upset, but she cries the most over having to tell their 8 yr old daughter. She cries because her daughter will never have her daddy again. She cried because now she truly is a single mom. She cried because even though she couldn’t stand him, he was the father of her daughter. No matter how a person feels about the person who helped them create a child, they will always have a connection because of the child.
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No you’re not. When my bfs ex wife passed I was very supportive.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your husband should be supportive.
I had a close guy friend pass away last year and my husband took me to the funeral and everything. I’m sorry you’re not getting the support you need. Hug your daughter tight. 
You aren’t wrong to grieve someone who deeply impacted your life. Your husband is wrong for making this about himself instead of comforting you. Seek therapy for you both. I’m so sorry for your loss and the grief being made worse by your husband’s actions.
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A loss is a loss and you loved that person at one point. And obviously he is still your daughters father too. You may not have loved him and been together but you still cared about him. I’m sorry your family is going through this and sorry your husband isn’t very understanding
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Probably not what you want to hear but my boys dad took his life 7 1/2 years ago and i have a daughter with my now exhusband. My ex was great with my boys until their dad died then he apparently didnt feel threatened anymore and was just mean and picked on them all the time and whatever… He helped maybe the first few weeks but that was it. He even yelled at me for crying at the funeral. Needless to say it still took me a few years to decide he was not what the kids or i needed! My current husband is absolutely amazing and knows that i still struggle a few times a year and is there for all of us <3 Also talk to him about your feelings because maybe he just dont know what to say or do or how to act. This is new to him also so give him a chance. Good luck with whatever u do but he really does need to be there for u and your daughter.
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Nope you’re not in the wrong for grieving and being emotional. If your husband can’t understand then he needs to move along. He should be their for you and your grieving process.
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Sorry for your loss and pain.
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My dad passed when I was 11. I’m not really sure how my stepdad handled it regarding my mom. I believe they both sat me down to tell me but I didn’t realize that it was real until the funeral. My stepdad didn’t go to that but my mom did. My stepdad has always been very supportive so I can’t imagine him not being there for my mom during this time. My dad was an alcoholic which we knew his time was limited so it wasn’t a sudden death. Your husband should definitely support you and help you through the grieving process. Not only for you but for your daughter too
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Your feelings are valid. Grief counseling will help you so much. But if your partner is abandoning you in your time of need you’re very right to question the relationship. What’s a relationship if they are not being emotionally supportive? I’m so sorry for your loss.
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You aren’t wrong. But I’ve learned in these cases sometimes the other party feels like a third wheel. Maybe he’s feeling out of place? Communication goes a long way on both sides.
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