Am I wrong for how I am feeling?

What do you do about the resentment you can feel as an isolated SAHM with a spouse who leaves for work everyday? I sometimes become a momster and am grumpy with the kids because of this…


Sheesh some of these comments are terrible. She’s asking for advise not judgement.

It’s important to maintain a sense of self. You’re more than a wife and mother, you’re your own person. Figure out if there are any clubs/hobbies you can join in your area, or even a part time job can help with this.


Why and how are you isolated? By your choice, spouse or circumstances?
I’m fairly certain that he doesn’t work 24/7/365, if you need the “freedom” that you seem to feel comes with working, get a weekend job and get out of the house.
Why would you treat your children poorly based on your “resentment” of your spouse? You obviously know that they didn’t choose life, the two of you chose it for them and you are responsible for making their life the best possible, as long as they are incapable of taking care of themselves.
Maybe consider couples counseling, get your grievances validated and figure out what will make you happy. Good luck!


Sounds like you need a spa day. So many sahm feel unappreciated. Hang in there. And book a spa day! You need a break. You don’t get vacation days like your spouse does. And you should.


My wife felt the same once upon a time . She got active in church and found a hobby … the world is tough ,it can be alot tougher apart…


My opinion is get out of the house when he comes home. I’m seeing someone struggle thru this now and is getting medical help in the hospital. Speak up now or it can get worse


Would you change places with him if you could? Maybe consider how your life would be without him and the money he makes? Maybe find an early morning activity you can do (either with the kids, like a hike or brisk walk, or bring them with like to the gym that has a romper room) and commit to it. Then when he leaves for work you leave for work. You won’t stay gone all day but with your routine you aren’t just stuck home looking at all the house work that needs to be done. You will get home and get it done and have more energy maybe. Back burner or cut corners on some of the activities you dislike (laundry every other day instead of daily) and add in more or the things you love. You are not a slave to your home. Try the AllTrails app if you like hiking. Getting out there in nature helps me most. Good luck.

I talked to my doctor and got meds. I’m much better. I felt the same way

It’s really hard, I get it because I’m also a sahm. But you have to realize you have a partner who supports the household so you can stay home. If you’re getting to the point you want a job, talk with them and figure it out.


It’ll eventually kill the relationship. Happened to Me. Talk about it and try your best to not let it eat you alive.


Get a hobby or a part time job u can work from home or set aside a day or two out the week that once hubby is home you go out for some time with your girls or solo

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I was Asah mom with twins.thought I was gonna lose my mind.found friend in my neighborhood and planted half acre garden that kept me really busy.

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It is not ur spouse fault ur a stay at home mom that is ur doing pretty sure ur spouse wouldn’t care if u got a job so don’t take it out on ur spouse or the kids … my girl is a stay at home mom and is able to get a job but doesn’t want to right now so that is completely on her

You could turn your resentment into gratitude with the right attitude. If you’re spouse has a job that can support your family he has given you a wonderful gift of watching your children grow the ability to be there for all their first and memories that will comfort you when they are grown and gone.

Schedule social activities during the day for myself.I would insist on a gym membership to join their classes or get involved in the groups at church.

I like the gym because they also have childcare and would give me a break from the kids.

As a SAHM I would negotiate money that belongs to me. That would definitely help me not feel resentful.

In my city mom’s meet once a week for playgroups at the park and they organize on Facebook.

You don’t have to be a SAHM. You can go out and get a job or volunteer somewhere or go back to school. I love being a SAHM and I definitely don’t feel isolated. I ran a dayhome for 15 years while my kids were young. I loved the convos in the mornings and at the end of the days with my dayhome parents. It helped me feel connected to other adults. Now I’m a SAMH as we’ve outgrown the dayhome. I’m hoping to continue my education when we have enough money for it. For now, I’m upgrading and exercising and enjoying the slower paced, quiet lifestyle before I re-enter the world of parenting a teenager again. Or before I become a Grandma. LOL. This is only a moment in time. It goes by ridiculously fast. Don’t waste time resenting your partner for working outside the home. Focus on enjoying where you’re at right now. It’ll all be over before you know it. And you’ll miss it.

If you drive and have a car or access to one, take the kids places. It helps to get out of the house. And the kids benefit. And maybe, at a park, you can connect with other moms to make friends and friends for the kids.


Im also a sahm. To four kids. I’m home two days a week with two of them everyday while the other two are at school. The last three days have been me myself and I because of my husband having to do this that or the other thing

Grow up he has to work so you can stay at home with the kids.


That’s life ! :thinking::unamused: for ya no bed of roses , more like a bed of thorns :roll_eyes:

You’re only isolated if you choose to be. Nothing is stopping you from getting out in the world and doing things with the kids. Being resentful against your husband for earning money to live is not it. Being grumpy with kids you chose to have isn’t it either. Do something to make it better instead of being bitter about it.


I got involved with volunteering when my youngest was around 3ish, she’s 6 going on 7 and I now have a part time position with decent pay doing the same type of thing💞 Honestly, helping others helped me tremendously! I was able to get out of the little world I had created for myself (and it does tend to be quite little) and even though the things we were experiencing at that time were REALLY BIG and totally unjust and unfair, somehow getting involved in non profits put me around ppl going through a lot as well and it began to make me see that my situations may not ever go in my favor, but I can use that experience to possibly help the next person do better💪 I am flirting with the idea of taking another part time position with my areas needle exchange program this year which would put me closer to a real, full time job and both would overlap and benefit one another. The folks I meet doing what I do experience all kinds of issues that just make me remember how good I’ve got it in comparison to what it once was and what it could so easily be again.
I know I have noticed that when we’re just home, not doing much, don’t have much going on (even though we do but it just FEELS that way) we tend to hyperfocus on very small, unsubstantial details. I found this to be true not only with myself but a handful of other Stay At Home Moms I knew…When you’re just home with the kids and that’s how MOST of your time is spent, sometimes something as small as a neighbor doing something you don’t like… It can boil into something really big for you😕 I look back at some things That I let drive me crazy a few years ago and they are things I wouldn’t even bring up in a conversation today. But back then, it felt very big to me and your feelings are always valid. So work on changing what YOU can, in the end the only thing we CAN control in this world is ourselves and OUR actions/reactions… When I began to work on me I found my calling🙌 Passion, finding a purpose in this life outside of just being a mom/wife, it has a way of transforming just about everything in your life🥰

This seems childish to me… you get to stay home with your children… I’d have given anything not to have to work full time and be a single mom. But maybe it medically related? Could you be depressed… maybe talk to someone about it. Def schedule a massage!!!

Honestly I am slightly resentful to my husband for the same situation. I am 7 months pregnant with baby number 3, in school time to earn my RN degree, and have a 6 year old and 3 year old, plus taking care of the 4 dogs. It is absolute handful in a half. In a way working outside the home is 100% easier, as you breaks, paid for doing what you do, can pee and what not alone. But as a SAHM you don’t get those privileges that others do. Some say you don’t have to be a SAHM but in some situations you absolutely do. If you find yourself doing literally everything for the home, kids, dr appts, etc you must communicate the frustration with your husband or it will destroy your marriage. Its not necessarily them you are resentful towards but rather the situation. I suggest trying (if possible) to get put of the house with the kiddos, even if it going to a park for a few hours to feel like your human again an not just a mom. Keep your head up and remember it doesn’t last forever and if you absolutely can’t take the stress anymore, get a part time job and tell your partner he needs to help find care for the kids and its not up for discussion as the situation at home is eating you for the inside out.

Why would you resent your husband who is willing to trudge through the day to day so you can take care of the kiddos? Is it really him you resent? That is the question you should ask yourself.
When you determine the answer perhaps the two of you should sit down and have a conversation or maybe there are other things going on that you may not be aware of that has more to do with you than him.

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I’m in the same boat. I’m a sahm as well and I get stressed. I can never do anything if I leave my house for 5 minutes my phone will get blown up or my bf will get mad. Like when I walk couple houses down to chill with my friend while he is at work and my kids are sleeping with my bf mom at my house he will get mad so I get it. It’s hard to do things when ur other half gets mad and won’t let u do nth.

The folks laughing are clearly clueless.