Forcing children to share just because another kid wants the toy they are playing with teaches them that other people’s boundaries and feeling are more important than their own. The other child can play with the toy when your child is done, or ready to share.
I feel if it is their favorite toy and don’t want others to play with it, it should not be out. Keep it aside for your child!
I had these situations when my granddaughter and her cousin would get into that. The cousin who was one and a half years older would constantly take every toy away from my granddaughter (in a mean spirited way) and her mom, my niece would never do anything to intervene. I finally got fed up and starting taking the toys back and giving them to my granddaughter and told her cousin that she had to share. Her mom, my niece seemed upset but I’d had enough of seeing my poor granddaughters little sad face. She was only just over 1 year old. Poor thing. I did the same when my daughter was young because she wouldn’t share toys. She’d be screaming and crying but I still took the toy away and gave it back to the child who had it first…I believe 100% in sharing and will do whatever I have to, to enforce that. Well it worked it put an end to the not sharing issue in both cases.
So I taught my daughter that if she has anything special she doesn’t want to share, it needs to be put in a special place before company comes.
In terms of the toys being played with at the time being, I always say we take turns. When you are done, please give it to so and so. And so and so, we need to be good at waiting for our turn.
Sharing needs to occur. But it doesn’t need to happen the instance someone else wants something. And I find I encourage a more “let’s share” approach if it’s like a ton of toys verses just a few. But I also won’t blow past the boundaries on those points of the child playing.
The only thing I absolutely make my children share is food (mainly snacks like a bowl of fishie crackers) I tell them all the time we aren’t stingy with food because there are people out there that have none and we are blessed to always have more food available. Everything else I make them take turns.
I tell my 3yo daughter that she doesn’t have to share but if she doesn’t, she can’t be mad when her cousins don’t want to share with her
Sharing and being allowed to take another’s toy, are two different things.
Nothing should ever be taken out of a child’s hand!!! That’s NOT shareing. That’s not how it works. If he let’s the other kid play with all his other toys while he is playing with one himself, he is good. The other kid needs to stop being a brat.
If he has 2 , why not teach not only to share but, HOW to play together. It sounds like they don’t play together ,just argue over toys. Sit down with both of them and play with them for 10-30 minutes and then see how they get along. Kids need guidance on How to interact together. Sometimes we need to get down in their level and play with them or even clean up with them to tech them to do so as well. Teach them to be caring if each other and they will grow to be like brothers. You are both in the wrong and right. I would have done as she to teach equality for both. Hope this helps. God bless.
I had the same problem with my two goddaughters when they were four they were 4 months apart from each other one was born in December when it was born in March so what we did because they would fuss and then we try to make them share so what we did is each of them got their toy or toys and every 15 minutes we made him switch and we explained to them because their attention span is not that long every time we switch while we were switching but the first week or so and then they got to where they would even want to play with something else they’d come to an adult and say can we switch can you time it and that made it fair and it made it kind of like a game and fun too not like a discipline but your sister should not be doing that both of you should have a talk not in front of the children and agree to something so that it works for both children because they’re going to grow up almost like brothers with their age being so close together trust me this plan works children get excited and they have to learn because remember they don’t come with instructions it’s our responsibility to teach them right from wrong and what is fair and what is stingy hope it all works out parenting is fun LOL
PS you can also set a timer we did that as well and then when it would ding the kids knew automatically to switch toys and if they couldn’t go by the rules and share then I got the toy and I put it up for usually about an hour until they both decided they were going to play fair it’s all just in teaching them
If you were to go on your phone and another adult comes up and grabs your phone from you, are you expected to just share it with them? No, they can ask to use it and you can choose to let them when you are finished or you can tell them you are not comfortable doing that. Why treat a child to be any different in a similar situation?
Children lack the cognitive ability to understand what sharing truly means or the benefits of sharing until about 5 anyways. Disrespecting their personal boundaries by taking toys away or forcing a child to share, is just going to set them up to have anxieties around material objects.
You should teach her to share and teach her to expect others to share. This builds life long habits.
I encourage sharing but don’t force it
Teaching my son this bit me in the ass😂
I didn’t want him to be conditioned to think people can just take things from him because the want to but now he’s 6 and wouldn’t share a his last crumb with me if I was dying of hunger:joy:
There’s a difference between choosing to share, and having things taken out of your hand.
Teaching your child to share, is important. Teaching the other child to ask before taking is important.
If certain toys aren’t to be shared, they shouldn’t be brought around other kids. So you’re giving them a choice before getting together with other children.
You mess with the boundaries as an adult, when you make them share when there not ready, or not giving them any options.
Sharing on their terms is important.
“ hey cousin would really love a turn, do you think in a few minutes we can share and cousin can have a turn?” “ sharing is kind, and makes us feel good”.
Give them options.
Well she had it first so it’s not sharing when someone takes it from you, sharing happens when someone nicely asks for something you have and you willingly allow them to have it… Maybe teach them how to ask for the things they want instead… Your kiddo isn’t doing anything wrong… Nobody wants something taken from them… So while kids should share ( not like giving random kids at the park their stuff but with other kids they’re playing with), they should also be taught you have to ask nicely for what to want and wait for your turn…
My son is 19 months… a while back he started saying iiii ii iii ii ii if he wanted something and trying to snatch from his siblings… well…everyone really! They were told so not give him anything when he does that just tell him to say please… Now he says please for anything he wants and waited patiently… my mom said he thinks someone will give him a loaded weapon if he asks nice enough:rofl: point is… They’ll learn to they are plenty old enough and if you teach them… They’ll learn.
Tell them both to share
I taught my kids to share. They have one toybox of toys he’s willing to share and a toybox of no share toys.
As adults if we don’t want to share we aren’t forced to, so why force your kids to share if they don’t want to? I’m going to teach my kids that if they don’t want to share anything including food or toys, they don’t have to and I’ll be teaching them how to say it nicely. I’ll also be teaching them that if they don’t want to share, other kids also don’t have to share with them unless they want to.
Time to teach the cousin to ask if he can play with________ and respect when your son says “no” but you should also teach your son to share sometimes when asked nicely. Teaching taking turns is also important. Maybe set a 5 minute timer a sharing timer that when it goes off the person borrowing the item returns it or has to ask if they can have another 5 minutes. I learned most kids don’t want to share because they are afraid they won’t get the toy back. If you and your sister work together you can teach both boys to share and respect each other. When it comes to family I feel it is important to teach sharing with in boundaries is good but when it comes to random kids it is important to not always share personal belongings because random kid much not give toys back, although when at a playground it is good to teach sharing public equipment Surry as taking turns on a swing.
I’d teach taking turns. Let cousin know your son isn’t finished with his turn yet and tell son to give to cousin when he’s done. You can even add a time limit, like 5 more minutes until the next turn. Cousin needs some patience.
I’d be telling his cousin not to take things from him, and tell him you don’t take anything out of anyone’s hands without asking first. That’s your nephew and you’re an adult. Step up and guide him.
I don’t teach what people call “traditional sharing” I feel like giving something up just to make another happy is wrong and doesn’t teach proper boundaries. Instead, I let my son play with something and when he’s done, only then will he give up the toy or book. If he’s been playing with it for awhile I will then tell him he has X amount of time left with it then we are going to find another cool fun toy to play with. If they both end up going back and forth with toy then we set a 5-10 minute play window and then they will switch after that increment of time
Your child, your house, your rules!!! Nuff said…
Your son doesn’t have to share everything. It’s also not okay for his cousin to just take things from him without asking first and along with your sister doing it to your son as well. Maybe he needs to keep his favorite things put up until the cousin leaves. I would also just keep telling the cousin to ask if he can play with something if he really wants it that bad. Again though, your child is not required ti share. It is your house and your rules. Yes they are 3 and they will learn eventually. It just takes consistent reminding to them that they either have to take turns and share with each other and ask first before just taking or maybe no one plays with those things at all. Itll get better With time. Just keep reminding your sister your child is not obligated to always share. We adults do not have to share anything, why impose that on a child? Let them share if they want too. I think you know when your son is willing and not willing to share things and that is good. Again, just be consistent and keep reminding the kids together. You’ll do just fine. Good luck.
You don’t teach things by forcing. Even teachers have to connect with their students to make the information stick. So forcing him to share doesn’t actually do anything anyway. It just teaches that it’s ok for people to take your shit and you have absolutely no say. People with empathy are good sharers naturally so as long as he’s learning empathy and shares on his own I wouldn’t worry either.
Your sister on the other hand is 5000% teaching entitlement. She’s teaching it’s ok to take people’s shit just because you want it, and that you can totally walk all over someone as long as you’re older and bigger than them. I bet she hated being forced to share as a child and is now subconsciously taking it out on the kids. It’s a “if I had to go through it so must they” mindset. It’s really common in parenting. I don’t think people mean to do it most of the time. We just do what we learned, and sometimes we take the wrong lessons.
If He has a few fav toys put them up when company comes over, that way there is no problems. He will learn he will get them back after company leaves. Beats fighting and disagreements.
I always ask my son if he wants to share his stuff if he says no then thats that he doesn’t have to share and vice versa if my son wants something that isn’t his he gets told to ask and if he is told no then the answer is no. I was an only child so I had my own stuff that I didnt have to share but I would be the first kid to offer up to share my food or something with another.
You don’t HAVE to share. It’s ridiculous that we force kids to do it with everything. I encourage them to share but I’m not going to force them, especially if they were playing by themselves and another child just walked over and demanded it. The other child should be taught “will you please share with me” and that sometimes people say no.
Always share even when they so no, sit them down and explain why sharing is good even when we don’t want too, — cause one day they will walk by someone that’s less fortunate and hand them something too eat , weather in school or in public , there are too many people that acts selfish and that’s one thing we shouldn’t teach our children or grownups
If it is a special toy for your son have him put it away in his room so he doesn’t have to share that toy. As for taking stuff out of his hands I would be stopping them from doing so. But that’s just me
Nephew isnt sharing and your sister needs to tell her son to share and wait until your son is done playing. Its not his turn. Only time i have ever taken a toy out of my kids hands or other kids hands to give to other kid is if my kid took it away. Or they both were fighting over it and then nobody gets it. Im an infant toddler teacher so if a child wants a toy the other child has we look for the same toy we always try to have multiples. If not then we tell the child just wait until the other child is done usually stops playing within minutes
If a child has something in their hands, they do NOT need to ‘share’. As adults, do you have to give someone else something just because they want to use it? No. They get it when you’re done with it. Same for children.
I only make exceptions for an item that a child favors.
I Believe in sharing too an exstent if it’s their favorite toy no because most times the other will break it intentionally… say Grama bought a toy my daughter will cling too that an I don’t make her share it somethings are semitemental to them or me.
Not everything has to be shared. I bought her a electric truck for her 5th bday she’s not to share it.
If my daughter had toys she didn’t want to share(a very few) they would be put up while other kids were here all other toys were fair game and had to be shared if another wanted to play with it. She’s always been willing to share though
No my sister does this with her Daughters toys, if my daughter wants something she has she gives her something similar nothing wrong with that. The only time it’s frustrating is when my daughter has a toy and hers has a whole different thing and she tries to do the same thing at first she would let her do it but now she has started to redirect her and tell her she does have to share especially when she wasn’t playing with it at the time. I think each parent is different
Just because you see something that someone else has and want it for yourself, doesn’t mean you’re entitled to it. I never forced sharing and my now 10 (almost 11 ) yo is one of the most kind, giving and sharing people I know. And sometimes he wants his things for himself and you know what? That’s okay too!
I have certain things my kids have to share and certain things that my kids do not have to share. They know the difference and they always have because I explained it to them. No other kids are allowed to take from my children I don’t care who they are. That just makes the other kids think they can take whatever they want and we have enough assholes in this world. But things like the xbox, nintendo, playstation, and the VR they have to share. They’re individual tablets better not catch anybody on them but the person that belongs to or laptops. Those are individually owned
No it’s not wrong. In life, there are things you just don’t want to share and that’s ok. What did with my son is had him choose which toys that were off limits to others and we would put them away for when guests leave. Sometimes he would forget one and mid play tell me to “put it away” in that moment. Til this day, he is 8 now, he still puts stuff away when we have company. He has no problem sharing, he just values certain things than others and that’s OK! Teach him to use his words and create boundaries with his precious items.
No you’re not a bad parent, sharing is nice but not everything needs to be shared. THE OTHER children need to learn that, not your son…
I taught my kids, that things he doesn’t want to share should be kept put away when company comes to play. He can play with it later when no friends are over.
Sharing has its place. But kids should also be raised that it’s ok to keep some of their things as private and just theirs. It may be a good idea to put some favorites away when the cousin is coming over so there’s less issue which who is playing with what. Maybe set a timer so they can rotate toys. If he’s actively playing with it then there’s no need to remove it from him just bc auntie wants her kid to play with it too.
Unpopular opinion. I don’t believe in sharing. We as adults have things that are specifically ours and no one else gets to mess with. Kids deserve the same. I don’t enforce sharing with my daughter (3 in march) and she does perfectly ok when she plays with others. As long as your kid isn’t being a bully and taking from others I don’t think he should be made to share
It’s should be called taking - not sharing. It’s ok for your son to have something that is just his
Nope iv been the same. If my child is being a jerk i will put him in his place but I will do it as well to ANY child that I feel is acting mean or wrong to my kids.
Sharing does not mean ‘give the other child the toy as soon as they want it’. First, have your son pick out a few of his favorite toys that he does not want to share and put them away when the cousin comes to visit. Second, I would be teaching BOTH children that “he’s playing with that toy right now, when he’s done you can have it.” I think it’s ok to set a reasonable amount of time as a limit as well and say “OK, it’s time to let him have a turn with the toy now.”
You need to learn to put those items up while company is over if that’s the case. And you talk about your sister taking “both” out of his hands, then you need to start teaching “one toy at a time” so he still gets to play with one while not harboring another toy.
I make sure both kids get a turn, I tell my son, ok a few more minutes, then so and so wants to have a turn, and let the other child know, he’s going to play for two more minutes, then you get a turn, kids do need to learn to share, but they also need to learn that if something belongs to them, that other kids can’t just take it, like with school supplies/clothes and such. Toys are for sharing, if someone comes to our house, everyone gets a turn on everything, I know some people say, no that’s his toy, he can play with it as long as he likes, which I get, but does lead to tantrums in a shared environment like daycare, they just want to play with that one toy, and not take turns.
Jeez so many ppl raising selfish ass kids
If you are reading a favorite book, are you going to just give it to someone in the middle of it, or wait their turn-when you are done?
What I’ve seen my cousin do with her twins which usually works well is that if the child wants what the other one has, they must find something to trade with them. Might take a few tries with different toys but usually they’ll switch. And if it’s still a no, then it’s a no. And they’ll have to wait their turn.
If a child is playing with something and it is the other child just wanting what they are playing with then NO. The other child should find something else to play with. If they keep trying to take the toys that another child is playing with then they are the ones that should get a time out ect… Sharing is one thing but if your child is playing with the toys and the other tries to take them then that is not being respectful and should not happen. If your child gets done playing with said toy and then offers it then fine. You cannot share 1 toy that you are actively playing with…
To be clear I angry reacted at the fact that a grown person would take a toy from a child to give to her own. I would NEVER think of doing that! You’re doing everything just right and that woman needs to check herself.
I’m a big believer in waiting your turn… I do believe sharing is something they should be taught, but patience is also something that should be taught… so waiting your turn is key.
Nope nothing wrong with that it’s called boundaries and your sister needs taught them lol
Kids shouldn’t have to share everything…
Model how to share while playing with toys with your own son first. Say, “Your turn.” Mommy’s turn.” Make the time limits very short and sweet at first. Add praise and hugs with successful transitions.
Working in childcare, I encourage the children to share, but only when they are done playing with the toy. For example, when a child has finished playing on the bikes, give it to Tommy to have his turn. I never force the child to give up a toy if they are not ready to. Sharing is a good thing to teach children, but sharing also comes with boundaries. When that child is finished, then the other child can have a turn. The children respond positively to this because they aren’t being forced to do it, or forced to shorten their time playing
Put the items away when people are over and bring them back out when they’re gone. Problem solved
Sharing your stuff should be encouraged but never forced. Especially if your son was playing with the toys first. If the cousin comes over and your son isn’t playing with a toy then that’s different but I would never allow a child to take a toy away from mine.
The generation of forced sharing has turned into the generation of entitlement. I never force my child to hand over anything she has in her possession just because someone else decides they want it and I also teach her just because she wants something someone else has doesn’t mean they have to hand it over to her.
My only nephew and my son are 6 months apart. Sometimes ones grumpy, not sharing or even mean and other times it’s the other. For the most part we let them figure it out. There’s rarely any breakdowns. They are both 2.
Kids don’t always have to share. As adults we don’t share everything if we don’t want to so why should we force our kids to? We all have our favourite things that no one else is allowed to use. Kids should have the same. My daughter is never forced to share. I have gotten lots of nasty comments from other parents because they’re all about controlling their kids and not letting them have a voice in their life. Let your son have his voice. Keep standing up for him and when your sister in law rips toys out of your sons hands or both the kids step in and stand up for them. Not saying you’re not doing that but be loud and proud. Give those kids a voice. Especially you’re son. I wasn’t one to give my daughter a voice before. I’d let people walk all over mine and hers boundaries and after seeing how she was reacting when I wouldn’t I’m very in your face about them. You’re not teaching him bad habits. You’re teaching him good habits. That it’s okay to say no when he doesn’t want to share. When the situation arises you offer him to share something else of his and if he still doesn’t want to don’t force it.
I don’t make my daughter share. Once she puts it down it is someone else’s turn and then if she wants it back she has to wait until they are done with it for another turn. As adults we don’t just give our items up because another adult wants them. We shouldn’t expect our children just to give their things up unless they want to…
If there was special to my children toys and we have company I tell them to either put it away so it’s safe or they have to allow the others to have a turn. I don’t take things from my kids but they are required to give turns. If a fight breaks out over a toy and the children can’t come to an agreement on their own I remove that toy. By nature humans don’t like to share it has to be taught. Adults have typically been taught already (usually) that’s why we have the option. But children are still young and don’t understand empathy as well so sometimes it has to be forced. As adults we have to do things we don’t like and I see alot of the younger generation whose parents never forced them to be uncomfortable are very very lazy and selfish workers. Not saying all, but many.
Kids should learn to share!! But if one child is already playing with a toy. Don’t take it and give another child. So, no if your child is playing with a toy. Let him play with it
If he is playing with it then no he shouldn’t have to give it to anyone else. When he is finished the other child can have it.
I never force my kids to share something that’s their favourite or important to them or something they have just received.
Put the toys away if they can’t share…if I see snatching I don’t care who’s kid it’s is mine someone else’s etc I’ll give it back to the child who had it first and tell them to wait their turn lol
The earlier they are taught to share, the better …but, if your son had it first, then it needs to be told that to the other child and redirect other child to other toys. I have 10 grands, very close in age and that’s how I have always taught mine.
There is No need to fight over one toy, when we have hundreds of others.
Nope. If someone walked up and asked me for my phone I’m not going to give it to them just because they asked. I don’t expect my child to do this either. You’re right, momma. Teach them when we share and when we don’t. There’s a lot of things we don’t share now, that used to wasn’t a big deal either. Ever since Covid and my daughter in school I trip about her sharing anything of hers. Like don’t let anyone else’s hands touch your things
You need to teach your son that once he is done playing with them to then go give them to the child that wants them. That teaches your son not to put his needs last and teaches the other child patience. Otherwise the other kid will think he can just take whatever whenever and as adults we don’t do that.
I always tell my kids there don’t have to share but if they don’t then don’t expect anyone else to share with them …. Usually they decide to share
If toys are out when we have visitors then the visitors can play with them. My son always leaves his favourite toys in my room when we have guests. It teaches kids to put it away before guests arrive if you don’t want to share them.
Teach them to take turns!
Eh. I always taught my kids to take turns. I was taught to share so I taught my kids that way. To each their own though.
Share means the 2nd one can play with it when the 1st one is done with it. Or they can both play with it if it’s a back and forth toy (rolling a ball/car/etc.) IF they want to play with it that way when it’s their turn. Just my opinion, after many failed attempts to try and be fair.
Taking is rude… no matter the age. You are in the right
My two year old has a slight issue with sharing too. I started telling her that before her cousins come over (or any other visitor that brings kids) that its time for us to go and put her “special” toys away(the ones she’s very fond of) and that seems to make sharing a little more easier for her.
No you arent wrong in fact i would not let them play with anything until they can start being nice and asking first its not ok that the other kids are taking things from him and he shouldnt have to just give up whatever he had just because they want it and im sry that the other kids are not be corrected when this is happening to him cause they are teaching there kids to not be respectfully of other people it doesnt matter they are family we treat family with love and
As adults we don’t share and would freak if someone came and just grabbed something out of our hands while using it. I rarely share and have taught my boys they can share but it’s not required if it’s theirs. Now communal things and areas are different because Noone technically owns it. But in our home our rooms, and toys are our own things and we don’t have to share or let one in.
I take toys my kids fight over. But if one just walks up and takes from the other I immediately make them give it back. Your sister needs to realize that her son is being rude by walking up to your son and just taking his toy out of his hand. She needs to be correcting the behavior not enabling it. And she is enabling it by going and giving each one toy even though yours was playing with both quietly by himself. Now I he put one down and walked away then the other picked it up that’s fine. But I would say something or just say they can’t play together. That behavior is not ok.
I set up “rules” for my son. Anything he doesn’t wanna share or have anyone playing with…gets put away. Anything left out, is fair game. Same if another child has toys they don’t want him touching, he doesn’t touch.
Then if one is playing with something, we wait our turn. We don’t have to share if we don’t want to. We can play with it…when it’s our turn.
It be like at the park you walking up and demanding another child get off the swing cuz you wanna…doesn’t work that way, you gotta wait your turn.
Same goes at a house.
You’re not special.
So ya. I’d just be teaching/telling the nephew that we gotta wait our turn, cuz your son is playing with it right now. But once your son is done with it, then nephew can have his turn.
If a popular toy that neither will STOP playing with…I put a timer. When timer goes off, we switch toys . But I’ll leave the timer on at that point for the whole play date, so it doesn’t seem like I’m signalling anyone out.
But if kiddo says no…it’s no🤷
I ain’t gonna pass over my phone just cause you ask to play on it…it’s mine. Get your own lol
So therefore I don’t MAKE kiddo share. I ASK.
Why punish your son for playing with his toys. Tell your sister, that she needs to have her son favorite things available. Stop making your son feel obligated to share his toys or space. If he’s peaceful and in his own space. Why you interrupt his peace. If he’s gone to share he will. Your nephew sounds as if, he gets everything he wants by taking it. Tell your sister to teach her son your nephew to play by his self and bring his own toys. Grown folks don’t share everything we have
If I was sitting there on my phone and someone came up and wanted my phone, I’d say no. No different to kids. My kids know it’s nice to share but they don’t have to if they don’t want to. They also know that it goes the other way too. They can’t expect to have something that someone else has if the other person doesn’t want. That’s life. We don’t all get what we want when we want it
Nope. I agree with you. If he knows how to share, then he can, when he wants to. I hate the forced idea that kids must share everything. We as adults do not share everything so why do we have this unrealistic thought that kids should? It’s stupid. Keep following your instincts mama.
Put away his favorite things when cousin comes over so they only play with toys he’s not completely attached to and set expectations before anyone even walks through the door. Cousin should not be snatching but there should also time limits on how long each can play with each toy so they both get a turn. Cousin needs to wait his turn and your son need to learn that there are turns.
You’re doing just fine. Sharing is optional, and cousin will eventually learn that.
Okay first off I’d be pissed if my sister took a toy my son was playing peacefully with just so her kid could play with it. 2nd. No you’re not wrong. Just tell him to share when he’s done with it but like others have said, if it’s his toys and his favorite at that, he shouldn’t HAVE to share…when he gets older he doesn’t HAVE to share his possessions such as phone, etc. Redirect the other kid and if that other kid is the problem then his mother should be helping or no playdates.
Normalizing not forcing kids to share! Telling one kid their wants and feelings aren’t important just to appease another child is straight BS.
It’s not fair for your son at all. Your sister should teach her son to not grab things from someone else.
If my son wants to share he will, but if he doesn’t want to I will not force him to.
Children deserve to set their own boundaries & if he was playing by himself not bothering anyone then shame on your sister for being lazy & not teaching her son better manners.
My mum always had it set so we had our toys no one else was allowed to touch that were put away while others were over and toys we could share. That way no one can use our favourites or break them
Nope. I don’t make my kids share, but I do make them take turns.
I think this is not a good habit to have. If a child is playing with something, it should not be taken out of their hands. When they put it down the other child can play with it. Politely tell your sister to not do that to your child anymore.