They never treated you like family. I don’t think you’re wrong for not wanting to pretend. You don’t owe them anything. I think they should feel lucky that you put your child first and allow them to spend time with him. I would just give yourself more time and wait and see if things change. Right now I think you’re handling it ok.
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Without more information this is a tough call to make. You don’t mention how old your son is now. Is he old enough to be on his own with what sounds like a very dysfunctional family that has disrespected you and offered no support emotional or otherwise in the past. If I were you I would definitely not want to go myself. I just am unsure how productive or emotionally safe it is for your son at go without you.
I would cut all ties with them and never look back.
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They should consider themselves lucky that you even let them see your child.
They showed you who they really are. If I were you I wouldn’t let them see my child no matter what
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Not wrong at all. They should be glad you let your son be around them. Screw that. You tried to save their son. There needs to be huge apologies and a heart to heart first. Even if he said bad thing about you and they believed it like my ex family did, thats not an excuse. You have no idea what they say in front of your son or will when he gets older.
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There is two sides to every story. My brother passed away this summer due to an overdose. He also had children he was kept from in his active addiction and a bad falling out with his ex partner. It estranged our relationship with his children. But we never stopped loving them, and I know my brother didn’t either. Not everything is black and white. It’s easy to say someone is a POS but addiction is a disease and it’s very hard to break free of it. I’ve learned in life from age, experience that everybody has their own perspective, their own hurt, sadness, anger and we need to understand that it’s not as simple as snapping your fingers to fix it all. I don’t think you’re wrong to feel the way you do, but if there is another side of the story to try and understand, I would try to understand it.
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They were offended? YOU were offended by the disgraceful treatment you’ve had from them all these years. They really don’t deserve any kind of relationship with either of you in my opinion.
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Honestly you do what makes you comfortable. You are doing the right thing by letting them see him tho as long as you feel safe with it. Don’t stress yourself out. It’s not worth it believe me.
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I wouldn’t even send my son over there. Fuck that. Zero contact. Everyone is blocked. They reach out another way? Restraining order.
My father was an alchoholic. Not the violent kind but he did drink a lot and was in and out of prison a lot. My dad’s side of the family HATES my mother. (As an adult I can see why). Though the one thing I will always thank my mom for is the fact that she allowed them to have a relationship with me. I am closer to my dad’s side of the family than I am with my mom’s. My dad’s mom is the person I look up to the most and admire the most. She is the most important person in my life other than my children. She offered me a safe and loving environment and I cherish her forever. That being said I don’t allow my own mom to see my children because she and her husband are very toxic. I wont put them through a life of on again off again love nor will I ever allow them to be made to feel like they have to earn love.
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After the way they treated you when you guys broke up, definitely no!
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You go ave every right to feel the way you do. Don’t lower ur self for them if a brave woman an great mother
Not only I wouldn’t go but wouldn’t send my son over. It’s not just blood what makes a family and they haven’t behaved like family ever, why start now.
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Cut your ties with them!!
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These comments petty asf. You will regret it if you keep your son away from them and he will resent you when he grows up. As long as they treat him well, continue the relationship. I’m sorry for yours and your sons loss 
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I wouldn’t even do that… (get son ready)
Would never send my child over there i would cut ties I can see them saying no about the necklace even though it’s still messed up but the bracelet for your son that’s his dad they wouldn’t be in my child’s life especially if they weren’t even in it before
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My kids dad passed away the exact same way and I had the same situation. They refused to give me any of his ashes for my children (also refused to give his own dad ashes). They gave every last bit of everything away to other people and never even told me, so now I have nothing of his. They also acted the same way towards me and my children when he was alive and when he passed is the only time they actually wanted to be involved and I said no. You couldn’t be there when he was alive then why do you get to be there now? Best decision I ever made. When I finally said no they never bothered after that so 
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Have they always been in contact? If not I wouldn’t be sending my child over to strangers…
X
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I am in exact same boat. My ex was extremely abusive. I went to his fam for help they wouldn’t listen. My kid and I left. Had to hide form him had protection orders and all. He was diagnosed schizophrenic and bipolar when he went into rehab for addiction. Ten yrs later haven’t heard a word from him or his fam he died in August.now his fam wants a relationship all of a sudden my kid is 16 I had him at 18. I don’t want no part but left it up to my son ab him having a relationship. I just can’t . I thought I could but I can’t. I suffer ed extreme abuse and PTSD I can’t go back to that house. I thought I could but I learned real quick nope. Even after so many years I can’t do it. I would let them see the kid on some holidays and stuff like that. His fam knew ab the abuse and ignored it. Occasionally checking on me but that’s it. It worries me ab my son being around them. So I do very short visits . Having. Lunch or just a couple days spend the night. I don’t go I have my mother take him. It really depends on ur child’s age how u go ab this.
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I have no advice that could ever be right in such a situation. I’m so sorry for your loss, and the sadness/cruelty you faced from them all. Whatever feels best for you, you do. You deserve so much better. All the best.
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Your doing the right thing in my opinion maybe someday you’ll feel different but for now do what your doing
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You do you! You look after your son and if anyone else doesn’t like it then that’s their problem.
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No you are not wrong. I’ve spent the better part of 11 years catering to my exes family that literally helped him lie in court and get custody of our son all for him to abandon him less than 2 years later. My ex died in July. I live with his parents and don’t want to be apart of this family. His father was an ass to both of us before and after he started drinking, which started after I left him, I don’t miss the man but yet here I am trapped with his family when I finally have the freedom to go and do as I please with my baby for the first time in 5 years. You are not wrong. They turned on you and expect you to just let it go….F that!!
Pray about it . Give it to God . Only advice I can give . My mind says don’t do it but my heart says don’t be like them . So there’s that
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You’re completely valid in feeling the way you do. If they want to have a relationship with their grandchild, which by the way you’re not obligated to allow, then that would be the extent of it. You pick up/drop off and that’s it! Don’t exclude them from your child’s life, don’t force a relationship with them and do NOT let them be inconsistent. If they want to be involved, it needs to be consistent. Seeing him now, after his father has passed, then not seeing him for months or years and popping back in, is unacceptable.
Whatever you do, do it in the best interest of your child!
They sound toxic. Cut all ties.
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i would not even let them have the boy they are hypicritis
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No way too many red flags and not appropriate or considerate of a normal relationship with you. Cut ties if they want to reach out when he’s older perhaps that’s an option ?but they showed true colors and never ignore that.
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Walk away from them
You don’t have to be a part of that family
Although your child should be allowed to get to know them
Even if it is only holidays here and there
I would never send my child over there to them
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I would cut them out of your son and your life completely!
They are toxic
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Nope. You don’t even need to send your child. They abandoned you. Just say no
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Don’t. They aren’t your family. They bailed and left you when you needed them most. Now they’re having a guilty conscience. You have your boy and he has you. That’s all the family you need.
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I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Unfortunately, hindsight is 20/20 and they probably see the error in their ways now.
No. I wouldn’t send your son there either. Maybe when he is older. Do not be sucked in because they couldn’t give you the time of day before. Cut your losses and have your own life.
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You have every right to set boundaries. You know your experience, even if no one else does. The fact that you are letting your child get to know his fathers side of the family shows your character. Until they show theirs. Boundaries are everything. Stay firm. Hopefully they will come to respect you and have a real conversation. I’m sure they are hurting too. I bet all of you loved and lost. But you don’t have to subject you and your child to additional pain - especially where there is no growth.
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I’d be running!! If you weren’t good enough while your ex partner was alive don’t be good enough now. Move on!
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I’d be very careful they don’t start making trouble and try to take your son from you. Be very careful please.
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They sound toxic. Keep your son away from them. They did not know how to raise their own kid and allowed him to turn into that and then blamed you and treated you like crap as if they didn’t know the “jewel” they had for a kid. Pure innocent fluffy white bunny. Nope, they are toxic
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Hey away from those people…heartless
Why would you wanna have anything to do with those people after the way that their son treated you. They are lucky you’re being so considerate and sending your child to them. I wouldn’t do that don’t trust them
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You’re not wrong, I wouldn’t want to either.
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You are right on track. If they push the issue , tell them the truth in a calm manner and be confidant that it is right for you.
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Wouldn’t even send my child. They’ll just cause you problems down the line.
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I wouldn’t go near his family!!! what they did to you after you both separated was cruel and I would say no and tell them straight.After how they treated you and your son by ignoring you both etc now they want to catch up and pretend like nothing happened after your son’s dad passed away that’s all kinds of messed up.
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Only after he died then it occurred to them to invite u too holiday and family gathering. Where were they when he physical, mentally and emotionally abuse u. Instead when he left they did the same thing as him. Where was the support system for u and the baby. Girl if I was u I wouldn’t have sent my son there, your deceased husband is no more u was doing fine without him and his family. Don’t let these ppl come into your life and dictate what u chose to do from what u don’t want to do cause they never did shit for u and your son. Where is the apology to begin with from them. Nope they rather sweep it under the rug and not address it but pretending to be so caring all of a sudden. I would say listen I haven’t heal from everything that happen and it will take time for me to have relationship with u all so don’t expect everything to be perfect and not address everything that I went through. Then make your decision after u hear what they have to say and only then u know if it worth to have a relationship with these ppl.
Stay away from his family and don’t let your son go, they will start saying bad things about you to him. They are all toxic.
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You’re doing the best you can for yourself and your child. Some people will never see the wrong they’ve done. Maybe their having regrets over the way they’ve treated you but it’s not up to you to give in to them in order to make them feel better. Take care of your childs mother first and foremost. Its not selfish under those circumstances.
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You were very nice to allow them spend time with your son their grandson. But I wouldn’t advise you to go tbh. Apologies would need to happen for me if I were in your situation. The fact that you allowed your child in their company is very big of you.
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Forgive and forget. Forgive to give yourself peace. Forget it so you can move past all that hardship. It made you a stronger person and in the end, you know now, you are so strong you didn’t need any of them. You did it on your own.
My kid wouldn’t be going. There would be no lines of communication at all. How dare they sent a little baby his father’s ashes. That’s repulsive behaviour
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I would say stay well away! If they want your son in their lives they would have tried sooner! Just carry on with your life and leave them too it!
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You are setting boundaries for yourself.
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Keep yourself and your son very far away from these people
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Save your son
Save yourself
Change phone number
Stop giving time of day to bullies
Coz fuck them !
I can’t imagine why you would even let your son go there! They treated him poorly as well!
Stay away from all start a new life with your baby keep your baby away from grandparents
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You sent your child there? With who? Who did you trust enough to take your son into that environment if it wasn’t you?
I’d cut them all out.
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If they spoke badly to you they’ll also speak badly about you. I wouldn’t let him go over there without you. I would say if you are not emotionally ready to enter that environment then you could let them come by your house or meet in a public setting. Until you are ready to be present there with him and supervise their behavior I would say wait until you’ve done some more work on yourself maybe through therapy or even just chatting with a friend about it and then when that day comes you both could go. It’s big of you to let your child see them, I personally wouldn’t but I think it’s possible to forgive without forgetting and setting appropriate boundaries with them
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I think you should at least go over on a few trips with your son…for a few reasons First for your son he might not say it but it would mean something to him. Secondly for you…that sounds odd but it might help you to heal emotionally. And last thing is people make mistakes and they can change give them a chance.
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My concern is that if that family was that dysfunctional when he was alive, why are you allowing your son to be exposed to them? I would totally if they were compassionate for what he put you and their grandchild through and had lended support but now? Hell no! They showed you their colors, up to you if you want your influenced by them. Addiction is powerful but also usually stems from a familial source of trauma. Just be careful in who your son is exposed to. Best of luck!
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I wouldn’t want anything to do with them either. And I wouldn’t send my kid too. If they want involvement the most I’d do is a few hrs, maybe, visiting my home.
They made their bed, tell them to lay in it
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I would keep my son as far away as possible from these people! What kind of lies are they going to fill your son’s head with? Next thing you know, they will turn your son against you! I would cut all ties with them!!
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Personally I and my child would stay clear of all of them.
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Holding onto all those emotions/resentment from the past is not healthy for you I feel you need to start there and get some sort of closure from that chapter in your life only then you can find forgiveness and move forward with building a healthier relationship for your sons sake but if they are not willing to meet you half way then at least you know you have done your bit …plus I wouldn’t take it personally when it comes to the ashes maybe they wanted to keep it all together…
I can’t imagine letting my child go to that home without me! I would cut ties with them when my son got old enough to understand things and could make a choice for himself he’d not be going!! You need to deal with your grief think about your son and make a new life for the two of you!! His friends would have never disrespected me let alone throw diapers at me while holding our child!! You need to face the fact his addiction was more important to him than you and his child!! My advice would be build a good life for you and your son, someone out there is in need of someone like you, you deserve better!!
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No. Stay away. Keep your son away. Be strong.
Don’t send your son there again. Who do you trust there? Who do you know will mind him properly? Don’t risk it.
They won’t give you any ashes for his son or you? Cut them all out. I sound horrid. I’m sorry but steer clear.
Good luck 
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They are part of your son’s family. They probably have big time regrets now that their son has died and maybe they want to make things right by his son. If I were you I would give them a chance, but like others have said I would only let him go over there if I was there and only for short periods of time. Consider it a trial, if things get very toxic you can cut them off.
your kind I would have ignored them completely and not even sent my child there if they are shitty to you for his problems then I would be afraid for my child.
I completely understand how you feel and how heartbreaking and rough this must be for you, but don’t let them have your son. You have absolutely no idea how these people really are and they could be a risk to your son. Establish neutral ground first if you really want to try, otherwise cut them off. If they truly loved your son, they would have loved him from the beginning, not just when its convenient for them.
I would have a bigger problem with the way they treated you & baby back when ye split…that was on them and them alone. Anyone’s chikd could turn to addictions…thats on him, but their behaviour is indefensible. They want your son now as hes all thats left of their son. He wasn’t good enough for them until that. They gave you no support. They hurt you. What will they foll his onnocent head with…turn him against you. No, keep him well away and if they ask quietly tell them why and move on. If he really wants to see them, meet in a neutral venue, supervise the visit, or have someone you trust supervise it. Keep it short. Do not allow them cross your boundaries. Too late for niceties now, its false to have access to the child. They are bullies & toxic. Stay strong. Best of luck. 
I would never have let my child go to their home. They treated you badly and deserve to have no contact with your child!
Just be there to support your son. I’d keep lines open for him to be able to know his dad through his family.
Don’t send your son!