Can you please post anonymously? When I met my husband, he had just purchased a vacation home with his parents, right before meeting me. We are now married with 3 kids. He also has three other siblings who all have children, but they do not pay for the house at all because they did not go in when they bought it. His mom lets any and everybody use the house without asking us. They sleep in our bed, use our room, and it just bothers me. I find it to be unfair that we are paying half of the mortgage for a house, but his siblings all use it whenever they want or my inlaws friends free of charge. My husband would have never bought this with his parents if he had known we would be together and start a family so soon. He doesn’t want to upset anyone by backing out, so he just continues to pay for this house. It bothers me so much that money we could use for a lot of other things is going to a house we never even go to. My question is, what would you do, and how would you feel? Am I wrong for wanting to get rid of it?
It’s his decision that was made before you were together. This is not a hill you’ll want to die on.
It is up to him not u so there for u just need to ride with it. And if he don’t want to pay for it then he wouldn’t be paying for it.
It happened before you were with him. It’s up to him if you don’t want to hear about it then tell him to do something about it. I would stay put of it until your name is in it with his and your now married to him
Seems like ur trying control him its what he wanted at the time & if he didn’t want 2 pay he wouldn’t suck it up buttercup, dont get people that are bitter over everything.
Anyone who says it was before her…
Ummmmm anything financially becomes joint after marriage, she has a say so. She just has to be reasonable.
I would offer to have one of his siblings take over the payment or start a airbnb to make the payments, his siblings can work around the airbnb schedule
If his name is also on the mortgage he has to pay his share. He can always padlock the door to his room.
I don’t think you’re wrong. It would bother me that other ppl get to enjoy it for free while you all have to pay for it. You should have a say in every guest and I definitely wouldn’t want other ppl on my bed.
Agree with others here, this was done before you were in the picture. If you can’t afford it then he needs to talk to his parents. Even if he doesn’t sell his half, he could still speak to his folks about renting it out instead of letting people stay there for free.
While it was a decision he made before he met you, I agree with you that the other adults using it should at least pay for the nights they stay in it. (Just as anyone else would, if they were renting it for a vacation night). Discuss it with him. If you can afford to pay the mortgage while maintaining your family and 3 kids…then Pick your battles…touchy situation.
It seems as though the vacation house has became a financial strain on your family. Maybe your husband should discuss selling the property with his parents.
I think he needs to just stand up to his family and tell them no one can stay without speaking to him first since he pays half the mortgage
If something happened to your husband they would probably expect you to pick up the payments so yes it is your problem too and I say it is time to talk to a lawyer about both of your rights
as a former agent, it depends on how the house was bought. In some cases, he can sell his portion, in other cases the person that holds the deed is the only one that can sell it. Determine first, what his legal rights are.
I would make it a point to simply start using the house more
That’d be a convo you have together and joint decision 
pros cons all of it. Hopefully you can come to some kind of decision. Gl
I would ask his siblings if they want to divide his portion up between them if they’re going to use it. If he’s paying half he needs to tell his parents only they can use it or have his siblings pay. Or ask about selling since he has equity in the home.
Get the siblings to buy him out. Tell them they use it so it’s time to start paying up.
So is this more so because you guys can not afford it or is it because his siblings are using the house and sleeping in your room for free?
If it’s the first one, have your husband speak to his parents about it. If his siblings want to use it, that’s fine but they can help contribute to it with a small portion for when they are there. If it is the second one,request they stay out of it and ask before staying in it 
I don’t think you’re wrong at all! He purchased this house because he had children and now can no longer afford it! Have the siblings pay rent when they go! But I would get rid of the headaches! Immediately!
Do you stay at hotels on vacation? If so whats the difference sleeping in a hotel bed then sleeping at (your) vacation home?
Sell it this could end up being a pretty bad situation
I wouldn’t let him back out. BUT I would make him talk to his parents about charging people for its usage. Just start sending out invoices when you find out who has been there.
Investment properties are never a bad thing.
If it was “with” his parents, why don’t they pay? If it’s his house or he’s the only one paying the bill, he could sell it. He should talk to his parents and let them know circumstances have changed and you, as a family, have decided that he would rather spend his money elsewhere and explore options from there.
Have all the siblings that use it go in together to buy him out, or one of his parents friends buy him out
Time for family meeting, All the other kids need to pitch in or can’t use it, they can pitch in, buy you out if it’s a financial struggle or it needs to be sold outright.
Start using it more yourself.
Can you even get rid of it? Like can you just stop payments or would he have to find someone else to take over the payments? It’s in his name also right so if the payments aren’t made it will be bad for him. And it doesn’t sound like he could sell his share to a stranger cause of the way everyone is always using the house. He could talk to his parents but I’m sure they will say it’s half theirs so they can have family stay there.
If nothing else, start charging
Well as much as it sucks. It was his decision before you, and he and his parents are responsible for payments. Im sure the parents wont be around forever. Once they are gone sell it. You never know maybe he will want to keep it. I understand you have a family and this may be a burden. Perhaps hubby could get a second job?? To pay for the debt HE created?? Buy a Murphy bed and put a lock on it. If your not using or sleeping there why worry about whos sleeping in the bed? I would use it bring sheets pillows and Lysol lol. A home is a wonderful asset especially if someone is paying half the mortgage!!!
No but that’s his choice. The fact they let anyone and everyone use it isn’t okay.
I would start using it or forfeit my ownership
Are you sure your husband wants out of it? Or is it just you and he’s just telling you if he had known he would of met you and started a family he would never have gotten involved in it?. Cause I’m assuming he had no problems with his siblings going there or his parents friends before you or else he would of said something if it bothered him that bad being half owner and paying for half of it. Personally if he doesn’t want to I wouldn’t force him as it will cause problems in your marriage down the road. Seen it happen before, and honestly owning vacation homes or properties is a good investment and a positive as they only go up in value. The parents half own it so I don’t see a problem if they have quest come to it. It wouldn’t bother me at all.
Charge the siblings and friends. Put a big arse deadbolt lock that locks with a key on the door to your room or get them to buy you out.
Sell your house and move into that one 
I recommend him talking to his parents.
Start showing up every time someone will use it say oh well it’s my house too and I wasn’t aware so
Change the door locks
I would put it on air bnb and have his siblings pay for at least the cleaning and re-stocking supplies they use and only allow them to stay when it’s not booked out.
He most likely signed a legal document so he cant just back out of it unless he goes thru court to get his name off… also with the bedrooms just clean the bedding and flip the mattress before adding the new bedding it’s that simple.
I would ask him to talk to his parents about them buying out his portion or asking a sibling to as it’s no longer a sound financial decision when his wife & children’s primary home should come first.
It would be different if your name was on it to but its not. His parents own half of the house so as unfortunate as the situation is they have the right to say who can stay there as much as your husband does. So unless his parents will buy his half he legally still has to pay into it. If your husband still keeps it then i would say your room is off limits get locks for the room if it doesn’t or change them if it does have locks. He has the right to say that if ppl are going to be here with out us our room is not to be used. If his parents or siblings are going to invite whoever over then they should be in charge of groceries and supplies if the guests aren’t going to contribute.
As a couple, sit down and discuss it with his parents and explain. See where it goes. They may offer solutions.
You can’t back out. Kinda seems like you have had it for a while. You would have someone but you out
These comments are funny 
how is she controlling him by wanting out, I would want out aswell… screw that!
What does he want to do with it? Since its legally his not yours then the decision has to come from him. He shouldn’t back out of a commitment he made willingly simply because he chose to get married and have children. That’s irresponsible. If he is struggling financially then he needs to step up and speak to the parents as they co own it and all decisions will have to be made together.
I’m curious to why y’all don’t take advantage of having your own vacation spot!! I sure would!
But anyway, if he wants out, fine, he needs to tell his parents and figure out how that works. However, I’d be petty and padlock my room AND rent it out to help make payments. That’s just common sense. His parents need some guidence or something to stop letting people use the home for free! Once in a while, everyone come hang out for free, whatever, but all the time? Nooo! Maybe a family discount but not totally free. Tell him to approach his parents with the proposal, if they refuse, say then if I have no say, I want out, immediately.
Maybe he dont want to give it up. If he had it befor you and he fine with family useing sound like your the one not happy with his family
Put deadbolts on the bedrooms and bathrooms that are yours. If they complain let them know that if people want to use your bedroom and bathroom they must pay you for the nights there… 30 bucks a night or something along that. If their not paying you for use of your half of the house then you don’t have to share it if you don’t want to. Things cost money just because their family or a family friend does not entitle them to your stuff. Just because they are your parents doesn’t mean they can offer up your half of the house. Set boundaries and keep them. Don’t let anyone being butt hurt bother you just because they are mad you won’t let them use you as a doormat.
You need to communicate with your husband. He needs to put his little family’s financial needs 1st
I say you have some options.
- discuss the situation with hubby, MIL, & FIL bring up your issues and see if you can create a schedule for the house, your husband obviously likes the idea of vacationing there otherwise he never would have agreed in the first place. Something like we get the house from in February, April, July, August, Oct, Nov They get it Jan, March, May, June, Sept, December if they want to allow people to use the house they have to during their own months, and your rooms are not allowed to be used.
2)You’re done completely and they have to buy you out of the house, whether they do it themselves or your husband’s siblings take his place by giving them a deadline when it’s to be finalized
- Get the 4 of you together tell them your issues and see what they have to offer, and go from there.
That’s pretty bogus everyone gets to use it for free.
Make more time to go there. Make up like a time share agreement type deal with all purchasers. Then the parents are free to use the property how they feel with their time and your husband with his. If you cant go, put it on air bnb and make some pocket money with your alloted time. Or he can ask his parents to buy him out
Have him talk to his family about him selling his half of the vacation home. No one should be offended by that.
He can’t just back out, there’s a mortgage and I’m assuming his name is on it. Someone would have to agree to buy him out or he and his parents would have to agree to sell the house.
Maybe sit down with a calendar . Y’all get half the days & they get half the days . And you can do what you want with it during that time .
I am with you on this. He should ditch the house. Also, the parents are being so inconsiderate and deserve to hold the entire load of the house. If it was me I would be putting a lock on my door so no one could use it.
Why not use it? I would use it all summer so the rest of the family gets the crap times to use it. Lol.
Happens all the time. Women fighting over a man’s paycheck. 
He had the house before you.
You can use his share anytime you want and you choose not to.
His parents can let anyone they want stay there for free as long as they are paying their half.
You sound bitter because he has something that your name isn’t on. If he wanted out he would, you need to grow up and gtf over it or start using something that’s paid for.
How about proposing the siblings purchase a share and split it a total of 5 ways and create an liability account for maintenance? It may be a good way to bring up the costs involved if they don’t want to purchase a share into it.
You are married now so you have every right to have a say about what goes on with your households finances. I hope everything works out.
Both of you sit down with in-laws figure out a fee for when anyone other than them or you use it make everyone know they will need to get key from you and charge a fee trust me they will quit coming …if mom and dad let someone use it make them aware they will be paying for the guest the money goes in kitty for taxes and fix up and clean ups
In my personal opinion that is just like him committing to a child before you, a mortgage, or even a car loan . His prior arrangements and/or obligations are not something that you have a say in when he agreed to it already. Why not utilize it more so it seems like a win verses just added debt? Why not speak with the parents to charge people instead of allowing a free vacation for anyone anytime? Why not sit down and talk with the siblings and explain that finances are a bit tight lately and see if you all can come up with an agreement for everyone to pitch in and everyone can use it? Many other options verses just quitting on something that he already signed on for.
Family therapy or a mediator if they aren’t willing maybe it’ll help hubby see what kind of actions and disrespect this situation is
It was his before you. Tread carefully.
He needs to put a lock on his door at the house and let everyone who want to use it know the daily rate.
Start using it
You both need to sit down and discuss it together then he needs to go to his parents or both of you and explain to them that either respect you guys and stop letting people use the house without prior consent from yourselves or they can buy you out and you won’t be making and further contributions to the mortgage.
Put up an Advert and start renting it out for a holiday home to people for money. If they complain tell them it’s ok when they let it people free of charge. Would suggest putting a lock on your bedroom in the house so no one can enter it when family allow them in
The other family siblings should be paying or help him pay the mortgage on it
Not so easy to just “back out” of a mortgage…he’d have to have his parents buy him out or convince them to sell the prop…or convince them to pay entire mtg, or find someone else to pay his half the mtg. If he really wants out of it himself…he should prob try one of those routes… Or just leave his parents stuck with the bill…
So the real estate market everywhere is phenomenal right now. It sounds a little like you need the money elsewhere. Have the hubs chat with a Real estate agent about what it is worth. It is most likely the perfect time to cash in on this investment. With profits, parents should be able to purchase another that suits their needs as his have changed. In today’s market there is no need to hold onto a property. Listings are needed literally everywhere.
Your right more people should be paying something at least until you have it paid off.
It was before you. Deal with it. Embrace it. Life is short cherish the family time
Maybe just communicating to the rest of the family that you are financially struggling because of the house?
I’d say get rid of it and get your own “vacation house.” That way you guys wont have this issue.
Sit down with the parents and make who ever stays pay a rental fee… Use that to pay taxes, to maintain the property, and to put towards the principal of the loan… Let the parents know that if they choose not to charge someone that they will be responsible for that amount when it comes time tor taxes ect…
If no one else contributes then they can’t stay there. You’ve got to pay to play.
Talk to the parents about boundaries, let them know about the issues. If he is paying for it, he should have a say in it. When anyone wants to use it ask that they pay at least your portion of mortgage (of course not the whole part unless it’s for the entire month) that way they get it discounted, but y’all at least get something out of it as well. If it’s a huge issue for them to use your room, mark it as a restricted area. He doesn’t need to back out of it to have everyone happy though. Find a middle ground that can please everyone. They may not know it upsets you guys, or it’s putting you in a bind financially.
Charge them like a hotel or a bnb would
Theres actually a lot to consider here.
First, he bought this with his parents. While his room should be off limits, when it comes to the rest of the house and other rooms his parents have just as much say who gets to stay there as he does.
Second, legalities are a bitch, and subject largely to state laws. He may not be able to back out quite as easily as you’d like to believe.
If he can back out, there needs to be a discussion with his parents. Decisons need to be made together because its property that is jointly to them. Maybe allow siblings to take over and split his portion of the payment amongst themselves. Allowing parents to take over in full. If not selling to a trusted buyer.
If he cannot easily get out of it then a discussion with his parents still needs to happen. You guys can rent it on Airbnb to help with the financial strain, but its likely that it would go smoother if his parents weren’t blindsided and felt they could at least contribute.
Remember, these people arent just random people. They’re family as well.
If hes not happy whys he paying for it?
If he doesn’t want to get out of it get a lock for your room. Only you and him have the key. Make sure nothing is left in the home like food, cleaning supplies, toilet paper, soap etc. If people are going to use it they need to supply their own things
These comments are funny ! She’s his wife then it’s hers as well . Every state is certainly different but it’s a joint decision whether it’s a joint marital property state or not . If it’s feasible financially then talk about boundaries together then jointly with your in-laws . First and foremost you should always have first opportunity to stay in your home .
If you own half of it I would also start renting it out and make some money off it. It’s half yours (when I say yours I mean your hubby and you) too. It shouldn’t just be a hole in the pocket where it’s not financially helping y’all. What is the point in keeping it? To let everyone else have a good time? Maybe talk to hubby and see what options you have to make income off it. But girl I feel sorry for you this just sounds like a whole ass mess that’s pretty unfair to your family. Sorry you’re dealing with this
I would Airbnb it out. His parents can choose to let anyone go for free but your husband doesn’t have to. I’d rent it out two weekends a month and use that to help pay the mortgage on the house. I would not pressure him any further as you knew about him purchasing the home when you met him. I’d make the best of it and make it work for me and my family. You actually have an income property.