You should meet her!
You are not wrong for wanting to meet her. I would thank her for what she does for the kids. It actually might help you feel better about daycare pick up. Especially if you can forge a friendship. The more people who love and are there for them the better. Most states are opting for 50/50 physical custody these days. If you don’t have custody papers those children belong to each of you 50 percent. Meaning he could take them for visitation and keep them and file for custody himself. If the kids are happy and like her count yourself lucky and try to appreciate her caring about your kids. Also you don’t need his permission to meet her. Praying for you
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If it were me i would want to meet her. If she is going to actively be involved in their lives to the extent that she is picking them up from daycare then yes id want to meet her. Co-parenting only works when all parties are in communication and are civil with each other. Camt build a coparenting relationship with all the adults involved if they havent ever met.
Clearly the ex is avoiding his responsibility. It isnt the responsibility of the girlfriend to be looking after the children. He makes his own work schedule. All makes sense. Its more of an obligation to take the kids just so you don’t have to make a fuss and ditch them with someone else. By the time he is done his day. Kids are ready for bed. You should meet her. She is much a victim as you are. Somebody with an attitude like that only has eyes for one person. Themselves.
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You can have it set in custody stuff that you are the first to call if he will not be the one with them.
I befriended my ex’s gf so I’d be comfortable with who our son is around when he leaves to go to the store or work. And honestly getting to know her would be a good idea. He should definitely allow you to meet her so you can be comfortable with it. My ex hasn’t met my bf but that’s for a different reason unrelated. But don’t put her on the list if you’re uncomfortable.
I have a court order with my ex and my daughter, if he goes to work I am the first person he has to ask to care for the child and if I say no then he can look for a babysitter or his wife but I am the first one he has to ask. It’s call right of refusal. Also, I don’t think that you are obligated to put that woman in the list to pick up your kids. I don’t have his wife In my daughter’s school list or daycare. No! And you are not wrong for wanting to meet her.
It’s absolutely your RIGHT to meet her. I would stand firm on that agreement. Until you meet her she will not be given more access to your children.
Its none of your business what he does with the kids on his time, that being said, yes, you have every right to meet her.
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I would want to meet her. These are my kids here. I’d want to know who they’re around and how they’re being treated.
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No girl… U are 100% right
We’ve always been told to know who is around our children, especially at such young ages. He should have introduced you long ago. She should know you as well. It’s impossible to coparent with no contact.
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Pretty sure the judge would tell him he is an idiot.
No. Your kids may know her, but to you she’s a stranger. Do NOT give this lady pick up duty
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You don’t need to add her. If you haven’t met her then she is a stranger and shouldn’t be added to the pick up list
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You should have met her way before your children were even left with her. If he makes his own schedule and schedules himself to be working while your children are going to be with him I wouldn’t let them go if he isn’t spending time with them. He sounds like a real piece of work. No you shouldn’t put her on the pick up list especially if you don’t know her. Now once you meet her and do a background check on her and find out she’s a decent person you just might have better communication with her instead of him.
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You don’t have to meet her nor have any right to. BUT the fact on his visits he doesn’t see them and he wants more custody is where it’s funny because why do you want more time if you don’t see them when you do have then
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Id probably not list her as a person to do pickups as simply a girlfriend. If she was his wife sure.
Also that being said, he doesn’t really have to tell you what he’s doing on his parenting time unfortunately.
You’re not wrong for wanting to meet her but he’s obviously shown he’s a competent parent and he’s perfectly capable for arranging childcare on HIS time. 💁
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I befriended my finances ex girlfriend and they have a child together and I also know my daughters fathers fiancee. It’s actually good because her and I talk more than my daughter’s father and myself. And my fiancees ex we talk almost everyday just about. It’s not a bad thing I don’t see any4hing wrong with it. Tell baby daddy to grow up and get over it.
Just curious but I’m assuming you don’t have a job right?
Otherwise you would need someone to watch the child during your work hours too correct?
What if you do get a job?
Will your ex be the only one allowed to watch the child while you work or is this a one way street?
I do agree that you should’ve met the gf WAY before this point since she’s been in your child’s life for a year already
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I loved my ex husband’s girlfriend. She was good to my kids, Her daughter’s age was in between my 2 & they all got along great, Matter of fact, she had them with her more than my ex & I was fine with that, Damn shame he did to her what he did to me, Meet her & see how the kids act when they get home. If they act up then see what’s going on, I remember way before the girlfriend I like, he had the kids every weekend, My daughter did something at the dinner table & I corrected her, & she would always say, 'well then I am going to live with daddy," And that would upset me, I don’t think he had anything to do with this, I think it was a 4 yr old, trying to get away with things…very normal . So one time, I used reversed psychiatry, I got up from the table, went into my bedroom & got a small suit case & told her when she is ready she can pack her stuff up & I will call her father to come pick her up, NEVER had a problem again ( year was 1975 ) It worked every time, My kids were well behaved 
I feel like women in this group think all men are morons. You trusted this man enough to make a baby with him, yet not enough to trust that he has your children’s best interest at heart?! If he trusts that his children are safe & happy with this woman that should be good enough for you 
It’s not about respect to you at all, it’s about her respect for your children, which she obviously has or she wouldn’t be going out of her way taking care of them. Chill out & next time don’t have kids with someone you obviously have no trust or respect for
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I am sorry but i would never allow my kids to be picked up from school with someone you have never met and for him to ask you to do that is wrong! I understand that your ex works but why the hell should the girlfriend have the kids all the time when they are not her responsibility to begin with? He needs to take resoponsibility for his own kids and act like a proper father!
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You both need to do what is right for your children. They are the main focus now. Speaking from someone older and has been thru this. It is imperative that you work together to help raise healthy happy children and adults for the future.
It might be the way that you are going about it that is making him blow up on you. He MIGHT think that you are going to be predisposed to hate her, and maybe you are. I wasn’t a huge fan of my ex’s now wife when I first met her but now she is the best bonus mom my girls can have. She loves her like her own child. Keep trying.
You are well within respectable rights to want to meet her!! And usually bio parents are (through court eyes) the first person to go to if you can’t watch your kids. This is a mess that I’m sorry you’re dealing with. I would have to know everyone ingrained in my kids lives. Period.
In this day and age he could easily get 50/50. It would be nice to meet this new baby momma It’s in the approach. Say look I don’t want to piss you off but we are all doing this co parenting thing. I just thought it would be nice to meet her since she’s involved in helping with the kids
In my opinion, I would like to get to know the person who is helping me raise my kids. It ain’t about anything else but to know the influences within my children’s lives and it will also help with co-parenting. Especially if my babies are spending more time with her then with their father. In a way, she’s pretty much who you’re co-parenting with lol plus it just gives you a peace of mind that she’s looking after them properly. His days his choice for sure but you can’t just let anybody that you don’t know pick up your babies from daycare
Im so glad I don’t have these kinds of problems,I have 5 kids. ( 4 to 1 guy ) the father of my first 4 kids haven’t seen since mother’s Day 2012 so 8 years and the father of my youngest hasn’t seen her since she was 2015 so 5 years,neither guy wants to be be a part of their kids lives,neither of them supports them so I work just to provide for my kids
Stop acting like they are just your kids. The man has to work, it doesn’t matter if the gf watching them or not. Pick ur battles. He was OK to marry and have 2 kids, but not good enough to be a father when you guys break up? Sound bitter to me!!!
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Yes, you need to meet her. I had a relationship like this where the father was always working on wkends he had her. I spent more time with her than he did and drove 4 hrs round trip to pick up/drop off. I got along great with the mother. We were very similar so it just worked.
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Should have met her already, since your kid is around her. I wouldn’t be leaving my kid with someone I’ve never met before
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Here is the parenting template for our state. As you can see 6-B deals with this. Our attorneys changed this to someone other than the parent for more than 3 hours. Normal daycare and school do not count. So if he was to need to work on a Saturday, he would need to ask me if it was ok if they stayed at his house with his girlfriend or did he need to drop them off with me for the time he would be gone.
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I think you are approaching it wrong but you take kids to daycare instead of asking if he can take the kids?what you are asking goes both ways
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Absolutely not!! If he leaving your kids with her you have every right to meet her!!
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I would definitely meet with her I don’t know your situation and from what I can tell in your post you’ve asked nicely multiple times he sounds a little bit like my ex I have a 9 month old we are no longer together but for all of these “if you trusted him to have a baby with him but you don’t trust him with the child” you people are morons people change after major event such as having a baby, getting married, or even just moving in with each other. My ex and I had to move in with his parents and he changed completely from being this sweet, charming, and loving man to an absolute ahole that only wanted to try and fight with me over the littlest things and practically blow up if I went anywhere alone I’m not trying to make this about me just giving a very detailed example of how much people can change I trusted him to have a baby with him but once we found out about my little munchkin he booked it and abandoned me on the street so no I DO NOT TRUST HIM WITH MY CHILD and I never will so don’t judge her for not trusting her you don’t know what she went through nor why she doesn’t trust anybody that he knows I definitely don’t trust anyone my ex knows
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Honestly it should be up to the girl if she wants to meet you or not. She shouldn’t be obligated to. After all she is dating him not you. It would be great if it was something she was comfortable with but if not it shouldn’t be forced as long as your kids like her and she is good to them 
If you couldn’t trust him why have kids with him ? I would never presume to tell my kids dad what he can and cannot do and who he can and cannot see if we broke up. That’s not my business anymore. I trust him 100 percent in making decisions for our kids.
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everyone should know who their children are alone with for any amount of time
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I insisted on meeting my ex’s gf. We agreed in the custody paperwork not to have new relationships around the kid until all parties agree it was a good time. His new girl ended up coming back from a trip needing a place to live cuz she got kicked out of the old place and I said if my kid is living with her on dads weekends, I need to know the person who is helping take care of them.
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I would absolutely not be ok with my kids staying with a person I didn’t know. Whether he claims to know her or not… there are a lot of red flags that people miss when they are in a relationship with the person. I’d definitely not let that happen.
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Sounds like the making of a ID TV movie
Just cause he makes his own hours doesn’t mean he can just not work for the 3 or more days you want him to. When it’s his time with the kids legally you have no say in what happens and who is around them or who they are left with. Yes you should meet her. But you can’t keep the kids from him -against a court order- just cause you don’t want them around her.
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You have every right to meet her He can suck it up and get a grip.Hes the problem after you meet her put her on list But she can only pick up if you know about it. First or a accident happens and she needs to get for y’all .Keep open mind about her She hasn’t done nothing wrong Him on the other hand better get 2 jobs and making kids Take care of the ones y’all all have .
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I would want to meet the person looking after/helping raise my kid… hopefully for my daughter we can co parent together successfully and make it easy for her growing up, at the end of the day if the woman my ex goes for loves my daughter half as much as I do ill be happy and know she is in good hands
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He’s making assumptions for his girlfriend without giving her the opportunity to honor the request. She’s probably expecting it anyway. He needs to realize this is a part of the co parenting he’s working toward with you.
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Def need to meet her as well as ANYONE watching your children, that’s a hands down thing…and I probably still wouldn’t have her able to pick my kid up…but I’m crazy and watch too much dateline…like what happens if they break up and she’s crazy and tries to kidnap them…just sayin
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You don’t have full custody and can’t control who he is with. Get over it. Didn’t matter if she’s #3 or baby is #4 she is not a baby sitter she is his current partner so a judge will see it as a family unit. Stop being jealous and he has a right to add her to the pickup list himself.
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Not wrong at all. You need to know who is in your babies lives. Should have met her before she met the kids.
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You should meet her::: for your kids sake.
Side note:: He has to work. It’s his time. WOMEN NEED TO UNDERSTAND THIS. And… op do you have a job? If you do what do you do with the kids then?!?
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You have the right there your kids not hers you need to know who going to be around them
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He thinks it’s all about him 
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I think you should be able to meet her. My kids are grown but I wouldn’t have trusted someone I didn’t know
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I mean have you tried talking to her? Message her. Sounds like you don’t have bad intentions. Just say hey I’d like to meet you since you guys have been together so long and you spend a lot of time with my kids and help care for them. I bet she would be willing to meet.
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You’re not wrong. You know everyone that comes in contact with them. He’s wrong for taking them just to leave them with a third party. Id be taking him to court to put “right of first refusal” added to your custody agreement & that if he’s unable or unwilling to take care of your kids he has to call you first.
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By law she is merely his gf and has ZERO rights to your kids period so you do not have to let her be on your list. You don’t know her. Petition the court for modifications and let them know he isn’t even spending his time with them. You can request that when he works they stay with you.
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If he expects her to be around long term and shes caring for the children and he wants to have her pick them up, then of course you should meet her!!
Stand your ground.
This woman may also want to meet you and hes preventing that.
Remember to keep an open mind about her. She is taking care if your children and sounds like shes doing it well(you’ve not mentioned otherwise)
Perhaps you can suggest a family dinner with the kids, him and his partner and you and yours (if you have one)
Co-parenting is so important and do it somewhere public so everyone is on equal ground.
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If the current girlfriend is with these little ones more than the father. What’s the point of even having custody.( Rhetorical )
He’s obviously still pissed off and trying to get back at the mother.
Sounds like a narcissist to me.
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Main concern here is why dosent she have custody of her own baby! If she was all that great hed want to introduce her! Id have a guard do a background check on her tbh their ur kids court ordered or not ur childrens saftey comes 1st!!! What way do the kids speak about her? Are they washed dressed fed when returning? And as said above the girlfriend might now want the responsibiltys he is putting on her id make my own arrangements to meet her when hes at work
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I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to meet her. I think if she is spending time with your children, you at least have a right to meet her and know that they are in good hands. I’d want the same if I was in this situation. I’m sure he would want the same if you had a boyfriend watching the kids all day while you were at work.
If he is choosing to not spend time with your kids, I’d be sure to keep track of it though. If he does ever follow through with taking you to court so he can get more time, it will end up helping you in the long run.
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He just said it. SHE has a better relationship with the kids then HE does. It’s not going to court for HER to be with HIS kids it’s him with his kids and by his own admission he has none. Let him take you to court. Get him to bring those new hard working paystubs with him and get your child support adjusted on his dime. Oh while he doesn’t get more custody.
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if he is not putting the children in danger I think a dad can raise children just as good as a mother can that is if a father wants there kids so a father should do as a mother does make sure he’s children are cared for he also needs help in to make sure they get what they need if that means picking up the kids no you don’t have to put her name on there but he should be able to
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I dont think its wrong of you at all. I was the same, of someone is around my child I want to at least meet them, not to cause trouble but to know who it is that’s caring for my child. And I did with all of them (
) I would never put them on a list to collect tho but that’s coz there was nothing stable. If his relationship is stable then he should respect your wishes to meet her. After all there are only 2 people with legal parental responsibility 
you never know you might get along
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I don’t know where you live but where I live if the parent works on their weekend the child goes back to the other parent till they are off if the other parent wishes it. Also unless it’s a legal guardian or family member or emergency pickup she wouldn’t be able too get them. As the “main” parent you have every right to meet her.
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Speaking from experience itll be beneficial for everyone!!! My children’s fathers girlfriend and I communicate 100 times better then him and I do. It keeps the peace and cuts out all the unnecessary arguments w him and I! Good luck
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You have every right to know who is keeping your kids. I live in Texas and my custody agreement has a right to refuse clause, it states if he is away from them for more than 4 hours at any one time and noone related to him to keep them then I have the right to refuse.
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I think you should be able to meet her if she is spending so much time around your children. I wouldn’t let my child go around someone without meeting them first period. Dads girlfriend or not. The work schedule, if he didn’t make his own that would be a different story. People have to work. My fiancé worked on our time with his oldest child and I cared for her and it was never an issue. However because he makes his own schedule he should make it around them being there as much as he possibly can so he can spend time with them. Once in awhile is one thing, if he has to go he has to go. But every single time the kids are there is different. If he doesn’t plan on being there to spend time with the kids in the first place then why does he care to have them at all? It makes no sense to me.
If she is going to be staying around I don’t think her being proactive in the parenting aspect is a bad thing as long as you meet her first… if your kids like her then you know she treats them well and that’s all that matters. Do your kids WANT to be at dads house even if he has to work? How do they feel? I think it’s equally important to make sure the kids are also happy on both ends of the spectrum.
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I feel like you’re completely correct! Your job is to protect your children and part of that is knowing who they’re with and when… Period. You should also be able to contact the person caring for your children at any time.
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You should absolutely meet her. However, what he does with his children on his time doesn’t concern you. They have a sibling coming with this woman and she’s a part of their lives so why confuse them with the negative energy you are likely exuding. Your ex isn’t out running the streets while she’s caring for your children. He’s working to provide for all of his children and she helping him by picking up the slack. Why NOW are you insisting on meeting her as opposed to when she first came into the picture? Is it because she’s pregnant and things just got real and you’re trying to be difficult?
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The common courtesy thing for him to do would be to let you meet his girlfriend if hes leaving the kids with her. My ex had a girlfriend around my daughter I later learned that she had her kids taken away from her permanently and would not disclose why. I made sure he knew that either she was not to be around my daughter, or I needed to speak with her and find out why she was not allowed to have any contact with her children or I would be taking him back to court for endangering my child. When I got into a serious relationship I definitely set up a time for my ex and my current to meet And talk. That way each one felt comfortable with the time that my daughter spent with the other 1.
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I would never allow someone I did not know nor have ever seen be allowed to pick my children up from daycare. I would be completely be against it. You have the right to not put them on their without meeting her first and I would want to meet someone who is spending all their time with my children as well. He should be spending time with them when he has them, it is in fact his visitation time. You did not have children with this lady, and you can never trust someone you do not know with your children.
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You definitely need to meet her. These are your children! I met my ex’s girlfriend and she’s great. And my son loves her. It was nice being able to meet her and it eased my mind knowing he was in good hands. There is nothing wrong with meeting an ex’s gf especially after this long! Stick to your guns darling
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You should definitely meet her. But keep in mind… it’s not her fault your husband behaves the way he does. Be nice and make yourself an ally over at his place so you can relax and enjoy your kid free time as much as you enjoy yourself with them. 
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You are right, if you take him to court and prove he makes his own schedule and leaves them with her, they’ll lessen his visitation. If she is going to be a part of their lives I believe you have a right to meet her 100% especially if she’s pregnant that child is going to be the sibling of your kids as well.
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Yep! Ur 1000% right! My ex-husband only spends 2 days a month with each of our 2 kids and his gf of 1.5 years won’t even take care of them herself and they live together. He takes them to his moms because neither really want them. Neither are on my pickup list from daycare.
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You have every right to meet anyone spending time with your kids. There’s so many issues with bf’s and gf’s harming or murdering their significant other’s kids when they aren’t around! Even if she is sweet and taking good care of the kids, you still have the right to meet who is taking good care of the kids and you’ll have that peace of mind 
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You definitely should meet her.
And also, you can have it added as a stipulation of your custody that if the other bio parent is not available to have your kids physically with them during their time then that time defaults to the other parent OR an agreed upon person. Meaning if he is not there then that time defaults to you. And if you haven’t met her and don’t approve then she cannot watch them or he is violating the agreement.
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You have every right to meet this woman and to be fair she sounds like a pretty good one (in regards to looking after your kids). But he should never have put either of you in this situation! This is not ok. You need to stand up for yourself and be honest with this lady about how you feel.
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You absolutely have every right to know who else could be watching your children! And I see zero problems with you denying her access to the kids at daycare until you’ve met her. You’re not “making things hard” for anyone.
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If he has 50/50 legal custody, he can put the girlfriends name on the pickup list by himself.
While I understand that you want to know who is watching your kids, by agreeing to shared custody, you’ve agreed that he is capable of choosing suitable childcare on his own. Would it be nice for the decision to be joint? 
however, you’ve asked and he’s declined.
Is he legally obligated to ask your permission? Not unless it’s in the custody arrangement. He can make child care arrangements just as you can. If your issue is that he’s not spending his time with them appropriately, that’s something you need to address with him. I wouldn’t do it by restricting who can pick up the kids as this makes it look like youre bitter over his gf.
There’s nothing stopping you from reaching out to introduce yourself to the girlfriend. She may not respond and may not care to have a relationship with you right now.
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I wouldn’t want some stranger picking up my kids or grandkids…If she is in their lives then I would tell him if he wants to see them then you need to meet her…Sounds like he is making you sound like a crazy woman to his gf and is scared that you to could end up friends
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Definitely need to meet her! If you had a man in your life like that he’d want to meet him too. Its not about you approving of her but more out of respect and to work together as a team. If this woman needs to pick the kids up from daycare then you need to meet her. I wouldn’t list her on the pickup form until you have met her. Its not an option. He can either arrange a meet up for this or he can be the one who picks them up.
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She has unsupervised time with your kids, you should meet her and she, if she’s a parent or about to be one, should want to meet you. He’s power playing, go hardball. Blessings, I know it’s a hard situation.
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If she is going to be a part of the parenting i dont see why its such a bad thing if u meet her in the end that is a mature and reasonable request . I would think any judge would see that as a proactive approach for both sides
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I think you should definitely meet her. You said she is a mother too so she should be understanding. I’m sure she would feel the same way if the tables were turned. I’m sure she would want to meet you.
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You would meet a child care provider and license and facility prior to leaving your kids there. I would only assume you would want to meet the GF to establish a relationship with her
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I would want to meet her also!
My daughters dad has a new partner that my daughter is comfortable around and stays with for a bit if dad goes out somewhere and I wouldn’t be happy about it. If I had never met her. I think you are 100% in your tights to meet the women who has your kids.
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You’re not wrong for wanting to meet her, at all. I think that is reasonable.
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No your entitled to meet the women spending time with your kids. It is a perfectly civil and responsible thing to request and do
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You are in every right and if he doesn’t agree with it so what you have to do but you have every right to know who your kids spend time with
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If you have a lawyer, call them. You have every right and frankly, if he wants to work on the weekend, he shouldn’t have them as its not fair to them
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Drive other there yourself and meet the women, if anything comes from it other then understanding take your kids and take them to court. The fact that he’s not letting u meet her… this just shouldn’t even be a question. I’d drive over there yourself lol
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The problem is him not the gf please don’t get upset with her. He sounds like a effn douche and will most probably leave this one too when he gets bored of her. Try not to look at her like the issue. She probably is being fed lies about you from him. Respect yourself and her and perhaps organise to meet her on your own terms and hers without going through your ex. It’s a hard road and I give you all my strength during this time.
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My ex’s next gf wound up having 3 kids with him. I have 2. 5 in total. Guess who does all the work of co-parenting? Us. I’m blessed with a good Sister Mom because they’re split up now and the guy doesn’t help either of us or any of his kids.
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When my daughter went to court for her son she stipulated that if dad is at work, child goes home to mom. No staying with stepmom!
If you can’t met her, then no staying with her. It is supposed to be dads time with kids, not girlfriend/stepmom and child.
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It’s my opinion you have every right to meet the women that is in your children’s lives, especially if she is spending so much time with them and apparently has a bond with children. How could he possibly expect you to feel comfortable with her being on pick up list of you’ve never met this person? I wouldn’t back down, it’s also my opinion that the girlfriend should want to meet you too and see if there is a way of y’all forming a good relationship with one another for all the kids sake including her soon to be here baby
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You can modify your parenting plan for the right of first refusal - which means if they needed to have someone watch them they would have to offer them to you first.
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both parents should know who is involved in their kids lives ESPECIALLY if its a possible plus parent
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These are your kids, and you are their mother, with obviously primary custody. You have absolutely every right to know the people who watch and care for your kids when they’re not with you! Simple as that. Luckily my ex and I are on the same page with that and when one of us needs a sitter the other gets first option to keep them and we have to approve of each other’s sitters outside of our parents. Sounds like he needs to mature up a bit. Kids come first and that means both of you being comfortable with who is caring for them.
Why in the hell is he expecting you to put someone you’ve NEVER MET on a list to pick up your kids?!
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