Ok, here it is. I was stressed, frustrated, and exhausted, mom! My husband works seasonal, so in winter he’s home. I was laid off due to a shortage of work, but shortly after found a new job. Despite my husband telling me to take a break and enjoy being home and enjoy the summer! I couldn’t survive on govt benefits. I work Monday-Friday leaving 630M not getting off work until 4 pm- so home at 5! If I’m lucky, with no stops on the way home. I get he’s been taking our little one to school BUT seriously, do I have to do everything? I work full time, do all the shopping, come home and cook dinner, clean after that. My weekend is full of real cleaning, laundry, and getting ready for the upcoming week. I also do the homework and personal hygiene with my kid. In his eyes, he does so much already, but in reality, he doesn’t. When I’ve tried talking to him, he makes comments saying as though he works hard long hours in the summer, this is his time. But yet, when do I get my time?!? In the summer, I do IT ALL. ALL of it. Housework, yard work, gardening, taking kids on holidays, everything. I’m mentally exhausted from work already and everything else, he bleeping snores so bad at night I can’t sleep at all. He says, wakes me up-. When I do, he gets kissed and starts snoring in seconds. I Just Can’t catch a break. If I try to talk or tell him how I feel, he becomes very offensive and angry. I feel as though I’m losing attraction as well. Top it off, I’ve been on a weight program, and binge eating is not helping at all! Trying to lose the weight, not f gain it all back. I’m dreading summer approaching, but at the same time, not because sun will be out and it’s like I’ll get a bleeping break from another child in the house that does bleeping nothing. Am I wrong to be loosing attraction and wanting to scream my head off?!?
You are not his wife, you are his mom. As long as you act like it, he will let you.
Yeah i think i would leave you already proved to yourself you can do it on your own and get child support so he will get a real job working all year instead of depending on the government half the year leave the summer jobs for highschool and college kids. It would be different if he made enough money to help carry you all through his time off. You deserve better! You deserve you don’t give that up.
Tell him he can either fix it or file for divorce. Some times people don’t change.
You’re not wrong for feeling that way. I’ve been in those shoes. It’s very frustrating.
Unfortunately it doesn’t ever change. When I was with my child’s dad I felt like I was a single parent, while he lived his life, so I left.
Omg I feel the same way lol
Tell him that he is a parent and it’s his house also that he doesn’t get to take all this time off just because he works hard in the summer. You work everyday no matter what and you need him to pitch in more now. And if he’s gonna get mad about that then I would say get a different job where you work normal all year and not just in one season where it’s so hard. He’s not single and needs to stop acting like he doesn’t share half of the responsibilities.
Leave him. If he only works in summer then he should help with housework. He can do shopping and make dinner since you get home at 5
And thats is how love die in marriage
I couldn’t stay attracted to a man that acts this way so no I don’t think you’re wrong. You aren’t his mother. He needs to help out more. You need a man that cleans, cooks and takes care of his children. To me that is sexy as hell and is important for you to be able to continue to be attracted to him physically and emotionally. If talking to him about it isnt working maybe you should suggest therapy.
Might read the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
by John Gray.
Try writing out a task list for him each day. Go over the list with him to ensure buy in and understanding
Sounds like a child. Would be nice if he would man up and contribute to the household. Most of the time people like this only change if they experience a great shock or loss.
I had this issue with my ex, we ended up separating and honestly it was the best thing we could have done tbh. We’re now both able to co parent and communicate well and now he pulls his weight
No. Theres no bigger turn off I find then a man that don’t get dirty or try to contribute in some way or another
You’re not his mum. You’re his wife. The only reason he don’t do anything is because he knows yourl do it
Omg—- you wrote my story!! Only mine is retired and does nothing but sit in his recliner and gripe about EVERYTHING!!
Tell him that you are losing your attraction to him if you’d like to give him one more chance. Because once that’s gone, it’s over.
Counseling. Also if his job takes more physically it could be why he’s more drained. Communication is key. You may think you are but you may be coming off as attacking and he put up his guard. Tell him what you need help with. He’s not a mind reader.
I work hard all summer so winter is my break? Ok that’s bullshit. He’s lazy using working hard during the summer as an excuse to not do shit in the winter. He’s an adult, he needs to step up and start acting like one
Time to stop doing it all
Possibly seek couples counseling. Literally learn how to communicate with each other. It helps sooo much.
Secondly , legit…what about making a list? I’m currently on disability (severe mental illnesses)… and I’ve ask my husband to make me a list…for the days when my brain cant brain,a list helps a lot.
Honestly, stop doing “his stuff” do not wash his laundry. Stop cooking for him. Take care of you & your child. If you have already cleared how you feel & he still doesn’t make any attempts or changes then you are no longer responsible for him. He is a grown ass man. He can do his own shit. If this doesn’t help & he doesn’t see or appreciate all you do. It’s time to leave.
Just get divorced already geezus
I see this in so many men it’s ridiculous. I don’t blame you. I’m a sahm and my husband not helping around the house and just leaving his stuff everywhere makes me want to throw the whole man away. Try talking to him and tell him to F his free time. What Is free time when you have kids. It’s a team and if he doesn’t want yo work as a team ot might be time to go. Nothing worse than raising a grown @ss man
So many woman struggle with this expectation that we do it all. But no, you’re not wrong. It’s not right to say he gets a time and you don’t. Any able bodied person with a brain in their head and two hands on the ends of their arms ought to be pitching in. It should be a family effort not mom does every bleeping thing so everyone else can be happy. Moms happiness matters too. When I was in this situation, feeling like I had just another kid to take care of I let go. Got out. It’s just too much for one person to take on.
first of all
stop mothering him. you are making yourself sick. now stop doing everything. reason men act like is is because WE HAVE THEM THAT WAY.
You aren’t his mother and you can find a dick and a paycheck literally anywhere else. Tell him that 
No. You need to be able
To have a real talk about this situation without him getting all butt hurt. I’m sure that he really thinks the 2 hours of work tops he puts in a week is a real ball buster. You have to lay it all out. Tell him that this isn’t working out and you need him to step up because you can’t do it all anymore and you should not have to. Let him know what needs to be done and when and have him pick what he wants to do. Right now is very stressful but life continues and most women don’t get “breaks” because we do babysit our manchildren and still run the house and manage the kids. It’s very hard to find the additional stress attractive or sexy or worthwhile so you absolutely HAVE to talk to him and let him know what is up. Who cares if he gets defensive you need to tell him because he’s obviously not getting it or seeing you struggling. Good luck.
Oh gorgeous 
I nearly married a guy like this… honestly the best advice I ever gave myself was if nothing changed in 3 months nothing will ever change… don’t lose yourself pleasing someone who wouldn’t do the same for you that’s not living that’s settling… settling for far less than you deserve…I know it’s not easy but trust me staying in a situation like this only gets worse… explain your frustrations one more time if they are unheard tell him it’s time to go…I guarantee he will hear you then aha…n that’s when the 3 months starts good luck 
A spouse that isn’t willing to both pull their weight and pick up your slack when needed, is a huge turn off! Tell him you want to trade places for one week. Tell him in that one week, you will do what he does and he will do what you do. At the end of the week, ask him again if he believes you share chores/responsibilities equally. If he straight out refuses, then he really doesn’t care and at that point, you may have to explore other options… counseling or possible separation. If the situation bothers you as much as it seems, it should be important to him.
The snoring thing, that I can help with. Invest in some ear plugs and a high velocity fan. My husband and dog snore so loudly, I swear the neighbors can hear them. Ear plugs and the fan drown them out so I can sleep.
Think about what you want, put together a plan & make it happen. Don’t complain or get mad, just state clearly what you want and why (very briefly), and a timeline to make it happen.
Make a list of all the chores/duties each of you does and show it to him. Once he sees everything that you do and the very short list of what he does, it might get through to him. Ask him to pick chores so you each have an equal amount. Tell him each month/2 weeks he has to add three more until his column is equal to yours. Do NOT yell, nag, or complain. That makes people tune you out. Think of it as a work presentation where you need buy-in.
Next make a list of hours each of you works and any mitigating circumstances (level of physical and mental strain, length of workday, commute, etc.) List how much money each of you brings to the table per year. Figure out how much “recovery time” each of you gets (sounds like he gets 10 months, you get none right now). Then divvy up the work based on that. You each pick up some of the the slack during the other’s busy season, but remind him if he wasn’t with you he’d have to do it ALL himself anyway.
Yes to marriage counseling as it helps to hear info from a professional and third party. They can also help you learn better ways to talk to each other.
Don’t expect a complete turnaround overnight. Make changes in stages. Also, if he does things differently from how you would, do not criticize. Only if it’s harmful (like letting the kids play in the street unsupervised while he’s doing laundry).
People loose feelings for people everyday yeh believe me it sucks but it is what it is …I mean if he does absolutely nothing and u do it all u def don’t need him
Stop doing everything and only cook meals for you and the kids. Tell him to step up and do his fair share around the house or get the fuck out.
I would make a list. List every last little household task on it, and put it on the wall. Then tell him to pick his half. If there is 50 things on the list, tell him to pick his 25 and get them done. Every week. I wouldnt stand for a lazy partner, I would put it in writing. Men only listen when they want to, but sit down together with a piece of paper and hope for better luck.
If you’re doing it all yourself anyway, why you still with him? He’s gonna pay for those kids either way. Maybe let him know that?
“Tell me, if I can take care of everything by myself, what do I need you for? You’re just an anchor keeping me down. I’m falling out of love with you at this point because I find you to be more of a burden than a partner. So either step up and learn how to be my partner, go without and buy me the help I need so that you can continue doing nothing at home, or gtfo and send me half your paycheck so I can go find myself the kind of partner I deserve. Then you can go find yourself a freak who is happy to play mommy to you in the streets and slave to you in the sheets, because honey, that ain’t my kink.”
I say try counseling people do and can change my husband did almost 18 years ago went from a semi functional alcoholic to a wonderful amazing husband father and now pawpaw if I would have just gave up it would not have been fair to him to not give him a chance to change we are now married almost 17 years and together almost 19 we have 2 grown kids his from a previous relationship but I have been there since they were 7 and 5 now 22 and 24 we also have 2 girls together 9 and 10 so please if you have any live at all like in live not oh I live him don’t want to see him hurt live but truly in live with him then you both deserve the chance to make changes and remember this past year as been hell on us all sweetie I get the frustration I really do I’m just saying people are to eager to just throw in the towel niw days I am a firm believer if it’s broke you try to fix it just my advice
Stop doing it then. Make dinner for you and your kiddo ONLY. Do your laundry and the your child’s laundry ONLY, same with dishes, etc. Sleep in a different room if need be to allow for better sleep. Start functioning as if it’s just you and your child. Eventually he will run out of clean clothes, clean dishes, get hungry, etc and will need to put in the efforts. Good luck hun!
I honestly can’t believe that so many responses are encouraging her to leave or get divorced. Marriage is hard work and before throwing it away, especially with kids involved, there are so many other possible solutions to try before going the divorce route (like marriage counseling, etc.). It’s no wonder that few marriages last if so many people have the mindset of “if the going gets tough, leave”.
Stop doing everything for him, write him a list of things you expect to be done by the time you get home, I had this, and it got to the point that I just stopped doing anything for anyone, my house became a full blown tip, I always kept it at least tidy, enough to not be disgusting and then I just let it go…when they notice you’ve stopped doing anything they think holy shit wtf is happening here and then see what you actually were doing for them…dont do any of his washing, just do you and your kids, if it doesnt help then hes a lost cause
I suggest u make him sleep on couch and dont do dishes or cook.
Go away for along wk end… leave him to it… u deserve a break. If he moans tell him to shut the fook up… lazy git
Encourage him to get a year round job since he clearly isn’t a homemaker🤷🏼♀️
Tell you what was told me give him chores or whatever like his clothes kept clean or put up let him wash dishes and other stuff dont you do it and if he dont do then start packing a bag in front of him you will see a different man i did it and it worked
Giiiirrrll… no. You are not wrong. That man sounds lazy. He don’t even take care of YARDWORK?? Oh nooooo, baybeh. If he’s home in the summer, that should be time to do HOME SHIT. Including stuff with the kids. Smh. And if he’s not going to physically do yard work or maintenance stuff to the house- he should PAY someone to do it on his behalf. Shit.
OMG, why no woman ever thinks about the simplest solution for issues like that! 
You are tired of doing everything? Then bloody hell stop! And I mean it. Just stop doing everything besides taking care about yourself and your kid. It’s not cooked? Who cares? You are not hiring a cook, or a cleaner, or a nanny, and you are not hired by him either. Let the dirty dishes and cloths piling up 
if he will say anything about it, tell him you are not a maid and if he doesn’t like it, he can do it. At some point when he will start tripping over his dirty shit and there won’t be clean spot on working tops in the kitchen, he will have to do something. It might be help it might be running, but you will make a hard and proper point. He is not a single, childless man that has maid and slave providing the very food under his nose. If he would be without you, he would have to scrub his shitty toilet and do his washing. Just stop everything and see where it will take you! It worked for me
I’ve been exactly where you are. I let it get to the same point you have and actually told my husband I wanted a divorce. I did it with love and let him know that we both let us get to the point we were. I expressed that I became his mother and even though I loved him, I needed a partner, not another child. We already have 4 between the two of us. Then Covid hit like a day later so we decided to work it out and it was better for a bit but then it went back to the beginning. So I told him again that I was done. I deserved more and so did he. I told him that even though we loved each other, maybe we just weren’t capable of being what the other needed. That’s when he finally got it. He now does dishes since I do all the cooking and he sweeps and does things to help me feel appreciated and helps with the kids and communicates with me. I’m not saying it’s perfect by any means, but when you act out of love for not only yourself but the other as well, you’ll get a lot farther and the biggest thing that helped was I started taking care of myself and loving myself. Doing the things that I needed to feel good and to fill my cup because you can’t pour from an empty cup. I’m sure not every person is ready to grow but you should definitely give them the chance to try, if you can 
Love and light to you because I know it’s a horrible place to be in mentally but it does get better when you take steps to fix it and grow and move forward, no matter what that looks like for you.
It honestly sounds like the 2 of you need to learn to talk and hear each other… Not talk just to 1 up each other or think that a disagreenent is always grounds for a fight. He sounds like he does that 1 quite a bit.
Id try therapy first, try to have some 1 on 1 to remember why you love eachother. If after you’ve tried all you can the moment will come when you will know what you got to do.
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I see these questions all the time from woman and I quite frankly and sick to death of it. GROW A BACK BONE and kick his lazy effing ass out!!! You do everything so what is he needed for any way? File for divorce and take all his money maybe then he will understand. 
It’s going to be the reason I get a divorce
I believe it possible to lose feeling over lack of effort… Tell him… Look i dont know how i feel anymore…im just exhausted doing everything by myself. I need help , show some effort… If not im done, you can clean and cook for yourself!
You can lose feelings for your SO it happens especially in these situations. You don’t have to stay with someone just because you share children.
Pack your stuff take your the hands of your kids and walk dont look back
I would legit tell him you are taking a weekend to yourself because you NEED it. Get a hotel room and do you boo.
Stop doing everything!!! Why would he do it, if you’re doing it? Stop doing it and if it doesn’t get done🤷♀️ when he says something tell him to do it
Try writing him a letter. Old fashioned kind with pen and paper. Start it with something like . I love you. I some some feelings that may not or maybe true. I want to share them with you. Please respond the same way after reading no talking .
No your not wrong thats one pd the main reason my husband i are getting a divorce it all started two years ago when i broke my neck and he couldnt stay sober to help me at all. Withe kids house work nothing. I atarted loosing love doe him. Especially since the very night home from hospital he got drunk and went abs got high on drugs imstead of helping me. That showed me how much he really cared doe mw and loved me
That night i fell going to bathroom and couldnt get up and has no one to call to help me. My kids were asleep for school and couldnt hear me. Income tax te i moved out. When we moved my kids help me take care of myself and helped with everything they were my life savers. But sad they had to help there mom instead of being kids cause we had to move because dad was a worthless piece.
Reading this post made it feel like you was telling the story of my life I currently live. It’s frustrating & draining emotionally and physically.
Marriage counseling! He is not giving you the respect you deserve.
Well he did try and tell you to take a break. You didn’t want to and now you’re upset that he’s not meeting your expectations? It seems like your stressed and it’s blocking your ability to love or to see a fresh perspective. Give yourself a real break and then reevaluate.
He gets offensive because he knows he could be better, what you need is a team player esp being home all day everyday the house should be clean, he needs to take some of that off ur plate fix dinner a few times a week, don’t let him say well I work hard in the summer, like okay you work hard all year 
If he isn’t at work, he should be doing the house work, at least the daily stuff, and helping with the kids. If you’re already feeling like a single parent with a man child, letting him go would make you feel so relieved. Speaking from experience. Just not having a man child around takes away so much of the stress and resentment. You have to decide if that’s what you want. Only you can make that decision. You know you and how you truly feel.
I leave some areas in the house a mess so the father of my children will clean it 
he bitches ab it but oh well. We both work, I take care of the kids all day on top of it, I do all the cooking, and alot of deep cleaning, and the shopping most times too. I won’t touch the laundry sometimes so he has things to do. 
Don’t do it and they feel the need to.
You will know when it’s time to make changes permanently. In the meantime, assign him chores. No exception. And do not do them if he doesn’t do it. He will get the picture pretty quick. If you continue to do “everything “ you are enabling him to do nothing.
Take a few days to yourself and he will experience what it’s like to do it all. Maybe a Weekend away, foe yourself, when covid allows.
Stop doing at least half of it. Yes, there will be conflict but you have to start somewhere or before long your health will start declining.
You two need counseling if you want to stay together.
My husband screamed " I am not going to do anything for you but I will help you" But for years all I did was doing things for him. I know exactly how she feels. So I left and have not regretted it one minute. But since he has learned how to wait on another woman hand and foot. He had no choice. I say life has a way of getting even with slacker men !!
You need to explain that to him. Once you start losing feelings/attraction towards them it’s going to be hard to make the rest of your relationship work when you see nothing in the person worth fighting for.
I would encourage a doctors appointment for him to be checked for sleep apnea. Causes severe snoring and can make a person lazy and irritable. My husband finally listened and was diagnosed two years ago. Literally saved our marriage. He is a completely different person. And no it is not just overweight people that have it
…I can’t believe this is a FB post…deal with it!!!..
I do it all. My husband does nothing. He has been working from home for nearly a year and has added to my work load by leaving over flowing ashtrays and beer cans everywhere, dirty clothes lay where they drop. Heres the thing though part of my vows were for better or worse…I didnt get married to get divorced so I deal with it but I am tired