Ok… this is probably gonna be long and all over the place. So please bear with me.
My daughter is 9. Her dad and I broke up before I even found out I was pregnant because he was abusive and our relationship was toxic. I tried again because my parents went through a nasty divorce and I thought it was best for my daughter to have her parents together… but that didn’t last long and his behavior got way worse.
In 2019 I was granted a restraining order and I moved out of state with my husband. I also got sole custody with him having no visitation rights. Things were also not good with him (my husband) and I left him to move back to California… my daughters dad reached out after I lost my husband (to suicide), and being in a very vulnerable position I took whatever support I could get at the time (because I didn’t have much…Any really)…
I have allowed him to talk to her and see her (not alone) since… but he is extremely unreliable and constantly tells her he will call or play games online with her and then he doesn’t. Its gotten to the point that she doesn’t even expect him to follow through when he says something.
I honestly hate myself for losing my backbone and allowing my emotions to get the best of me… letting him back into our lives…
So, now I’m expected to go to his moms place for Father’s Day and I just don’t know how I can go and wish him a happy Father’s Day when he is such a sh!t “father.”
He’s also talking now about him “having a room for her” soon… but he hasn’t had her on his own since she was 5 years old. His choice for the most part.
He also is so behind in child support that he’s been driving on a suspended license for years… he just doesn’t care.
I recently got back into therapy and my therapist thinks that I go out of my way for him because a part of me is still scared of him and his threats of taking my daughter from me… This was absolutely true for a long time, but I have grown a lot and really put my foot down with boundaries. But yea…. A part of me is still scared. And it gives me so much anxiety to just be around him… and to even think about being around him like a month from now.
Sorry… this has definitely gone astray.
I’ve had so many people tell me that I should just completely cut off contact again and I feel like that’s probably a good idea, but I’m scared to and I don’t know if I should push the relationship with him and my daughter for her or if I would be doing her a favor by cutting contact.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 