Any Advice for Dealing With My Mom?

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"I have a crazy bipolar mother who has abused me, manipulated me my entire childhood that I have recently been diagnosed with “childhood trauma”. All my life my mother has made decisions for me. She has brain washed me into thinking her way of thinking was the way to think. I have a 2 year old son. My son & I last visited her 8 days ago….she is now saying she is wanting to fight for grandparent rights. I’m so torn on this because one night I had let my son stay overnight & when I came early in the morning to pick him up she was asleep on the couch, my step dad was asleep in the bedroom. My son was awake playing & had peed out of his diaper & his clothes were soaked. Since then I have no allowed overnights. Just visits here & there….I honestly wish she could just leave me alone. She is so toxic & always comes with threats! I can not have peace. Anytime I am around her….there is always something! What can I do? There’s no reasoning with her. She has put fear me in my whole life into thinking she is unstoppable….any advice???"

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The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"Been there. Cut her off and don’t look back, you’ll be amazed how fast you’ll find peace in your life xx"

"Grandparent rights are only visitation. They can only even attempt to fight for custody if you’re deemed unfit and unless you have deplorable living conditions or have put your kids in any eminent danger she doesn’t have much of a fighting chance. If I were you, I’d run for the hills. Don’t let her threaten you into doing anything. With that background, I highly doubt she’d even get court mandated visitation by the way. Just be very careful what you say to her and the best bet would be to not feed into her entirely."

"Does your state even recognize grandparent rights? If so, perhaps you can get some legal advice on what her chances are, considering her mental illness."

"Definitely set some boundaries! You’re an adult now with your own child and she needs to respect you and your wishes if she wants to have a relationship with her grandchild and be in both of your lives, but on your terms….Good luck"

"Get a restraining order, move, change your phone number. Cut off all contact and keep it cut off. She has no rights to you or your child."

"Cut her off. If she persists get a restraining order."

"If she has a medical record for mental instability that can provide support for your case. Being 51:50 is on the police database."

"You need to establish boundaries. Even If it’s your mom you still dont have to put up with all that. Your mental health is important. You may have to cut her off to get her to see your point that you’re an adult and refuse to be manipulated any longer."

"My mom was the exact same way. I cut all contact 5 years ago when she tried to literally take over my home and family. Life has been so much more peaceful since."

"Just cut her off completely, I know it is hard to move and set up a new life, but there has to be a way… there’s women’s shelters you can go to in the mean time, find a new job, leave the city… idk what’s right for you, only you know what’s good for you"

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My ex MIL to a T. Swear your talking about the same person. Then it seems like they are better and you get close again and they swing right back to the same horrible person. Your state might not even have grandparents rights. We finally got tired of the whiplash and completely cut off contact. It’s not safe for your child to witness that emotional manipulation and abuse. Block on everything, change your number, and if you can move without telling her where you went. Thats what me and my ex did with his mom and our lives are sooooo much better.