I have a mother who did not raise me but she is in my life now that I am an adult. She helps with my children but it seems like she’s been in competition with me with them. I let her stay at my home so she can be closer to her doctor and so I can help her. However when I give my kids chores and if they’re ever grounded she will tell do their chores for them and take them here and there although I say No… I get that grandmas like to be lenient with their grand babies but as a mother I don’t like overstepping boundaries and she is way past the line. She will also judge me and my partners parenting style and give rude remarks although we have been giving her a place to stay, food to eat, gas money, and even a vehicle. How do you explain to your own parent that they can’t stay with you anymore nicely? I have opened my home up and I just get disrespected. Please help…
Sit her down have a talk with her- let her know this is your house, you have rules and you are being so kind for letting her stay there- put your foot down. Don’t be afraid to tell her what’s on your mind. You got this!
grandma doesn’t get to parent her grandchildren when she wasn’t a parent to her own child. You don’t get a redo. Tell her it’s your home, your children, your rules. Follow them or get out.
I dont wanna get into my whole long story so I’ll just make it kinda simple.
You just sit them down amd let them know that this living arrangement is not working out. And also that your boundaries as a parent are not being respected by her. If you would like to be generous in allowing her time to save up money and to find a place, that’s awesome! HOWEVER, I would warn that this could give your mom more room to not respect your boundaries regarding the timeline you have given her. Which also brings more frustration to the situation, but just how it can be sometimes. I gave my mom initially 4 months, not paying me rent to save up money (shoulda been $2500 saved), she then proceeded to d*ck around for 9 months and not even save up any money in that timeframe. Thise 9 months were rough, now that she has moved and the situation is over we are cordial with each other. (There are boundaries regarding my daughter she still doesnt reapecst therefore I still do not allow unsupervised time with her) but overall once the situation was over and she had anew place things started to get a little better. Another however is, even not living with you she could still be very disrespectful to your boundaries as a parent regarding your own children. I say this bc my mom didnt totally raise me either, or was like 50/50 my grandparents or her crazy ass. This "competition " thing could unfortunately continue. Then you may need to once again review the situation and how you want to handle it fe there, but by that time it could be easier in dealing with bc she is also not staying at your home
Best of luck with the situation bc it does suck.
It sounds like you’re dealing with a very challenging situation. It’s admirable that you’ve opened your home and provided so much support to your mother. However, it’s crucial to establish and maintain healthy boundaries for the well-being of your family. Here are some steps you might consider:
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Have a Calm Conversation: Sit down with your mother and calmly explain how her actions are affecting you and your children. Use “I” statements to express your feelings (e.g., “I feel disrespected when my parenting decisions are undermined”).
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Set Clear Boundaries: Clearly outline what behaviors are acceptable and what are not. Let her know that while you appreciate her help, it’s important for the children to follow the rules you set as their parent.
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Create a Timeline: If her staying with you is no longer sustainable, set a reasonable timeline for her to find alternative living arrangements. Offer to help her find resources if needed.
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Seek Support: Consider family counseling to navigate these complex dynamics. A neutral third party can help mediate the conversation and ensure everyone’s feelings are heard.
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Take Care of Yourself: Ensure you’re also looking after your own mental and emotional health. It’s important to set limits to protect your peace and your family’s harmony.
Remember, setting boundaries is a sign of a healthy relationship and is necessary for the well-being of everyone involved. Best of luck! 
As a mother and grandmother I can identify with how we are with our grandkids but, our parenting days are done and she should be respecting your wishes. She definitely has no right to judge your parenting style when she neglected her duties. You need to sit down without the kids around the her and your partner and put everything on the table. She is acting like she believes she is privileged to do as she wants but in truth, she lost that privilege years ago. Stand strong and firm. Your job now is your children’s welfare before her. It’s your home, your rules. Not going to be easy but if she shows your kids now that they don’t need to acknowledge you ir follow your rules it’s going to be much harder down the road.
She clearly needs to be in control and has 0 respect for your choices…
This is why I won’t live w my kids 
I be the GMA about the kids 
if my kids say no ask granny but I do have my boundaries I will respect my kids no matter what especially when it comes to their marriage life I told them that I don’t want to be the toxic mom o grandma although they are my world
Tell her to mind the door doesn’t hit her on the way out.
You say “I’m gonna do for you what you did for me” nothing.
Time for her to go
May visit grand kids that’s all
tell her exactly what you just told us!
She needs to go. Im sure you’ve already told her that she is under mining your authority & its inappropriate. This isnt a conversation you have more than once with an adult living in your home.
OK.This is a toxic mom.You grow up living her dream through u,she edits your attire,your laughter,your breathing,your every deed.She kills your spirit every chance u get,shes selfish and emotionally manipulative.Sounds like u have only a desperate mom.
Talk to grandma and explain everything you want from her. As far as opening your home and have a babysitter at the same time, woman open your eyes and explore the situation. A babysitter costs you more than paying housing rent. And she is your mother. She is probably trying to make up for lost time and wants the love of your children very much. Plus you don’t have to worry about your kids getting mistreated Think before you make a mistake.
Your Mom is just being a Grandma. I raised my 3 Kids, and I find myself doing the same thing. Trust me we mean no harm in it. We just love our Grandbabies. Just explain to your Mom that the Kids are learning. That you need her to stand with you at times. That you and her should be on the same team. Especially when you are setting rules. Best of Luck
My mom was like this. It was as if she went against things just to go against me. We saw different doctors in the same office. We were there 1 day with my mom. My son (toddler) was acting horrible. Everytime I tried to discipline him shed step in. A few days later I took my son to his appt. The doctor came in & told me personally she saw a huge contrast of how he behaved with his grandma vs without her. She wrote her a very professional sounding reprimand letter stating that she needs to allow me to parent & how her interference is detriment to his growth, health & mental well-being. It helped for about a week. I wish I had better advise for you.
Nope. She needs to stay in her lane.
“These are not your children. It’s not your 2nd chance to be a mom. You don’t have to like how I do things but you are in my home and you will respect it. Or, you can leave.”
This will confuse your kids. End it now.
Do not keep the kids from her please ! Just tell her she absolutely HAS to follow your rules as you all are the parents ! I can’t imagine not doing what my son and DIL expect !