Anyone elses baby daddy not have the right priorities?

My daughters dad and I just broke up 2 weeks ago and before that his priorities weren’t always about the girls. It was more about what he wants to do and the girls will be fine because they are with me or with his mom when I’m at work. In the past two weeks I’ve been offering to see the girls. He’s made no effort to see them or me and the girls were at his house anyways visiting his parents. I asked him if he would like to have the girls tonight till tomorrow after my appt and he goes oh just bring them before your appt and then pick them up after it’s done that he has “ things to do”


Let me guess he plays video games.

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Me and my bd were together 13 years. We have a 5 and 2 year old. We are in the middle of a divorce right now and he is already engaged to a woman he hasn’t even known a year. He only sees his kids a handful of hours out of the week. Occasionally when they are sick he will step in but I’m not sure if it isn’t just to prove a point​:woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging:. Your not alone!

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My ex wrote his kids off .Don’t stress it let him do him and u focus on yourself and the kids.


If his priorities weren’t right before the break up, that won’t change after. It comes down to how much effort do you want to put into it. Best thing you can do is focus on the kids and do right by them. If you’re always mad about him, it will tske away from them.


Tons of people have this issue - don’t sweat it . If he doesn’t want to spend time with them , don’t worry about it . His loss . The girls will know who was there for them


Keep your focus on you and your kids. Either he’ll step up or he won’t. No amount of forcing it is going to make him want to. Speaking from experience.


Mine has seen his dad once in 13 years .
We’re solid- my son and I.

I’m confused did you think his priorities would change?

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I feel this on so many levels. I just gave up.

He’s trying yo make you jealous of all the “things he has to do”.

OK well regardless I’ve been there I’m literally living it so a child does not need a dad a child needs a consistent dad. If he’s not consistent then he’s not a dad. He’s not a father.


Don’t force it. You can be angry about this but as long as your babies are safe and good you shouldn’t force a soul on them. And yes you deserve a break, but please do t force it if he ain’t willing.

That’s a little boy and he won’t ever do better.

Just accept he’s going to do the bare minimum so go after the maximum amount of custody and support you can. Don’t be nice.

Whatever you do, don’t assume you can co-parent, and come up with custody/visitation/child support arrangements without going to court, go ahead and get the ball rolling in that aspect. Get yourself an attorney NOW.


Being a parent does not mean they will automatically put the kids above themselves. It wont magically disappear when it was already present before.

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I got lucky. My ex and I co-parented since we split in “84”. We were teen parents. Now our daughter is 46 and we still act as a team and co-grandparent. Yes I messed up a few times on visiting but it all worked out. It wasn’t easy but is doable. I hope your guys start stepping up.

Don’t ask again he doesn’t want it

They get worse, not better. Prepare yourself for that.

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Yeah I mean my sons dad left when our son was 3 months old after 13 years of being together and marriage. My son is 9 now, sadly doesn’t know his bio dad because he’s never wanted to be consistent with being in his life. What I’ve learned is you can’t make them care or be involved. Having a parent come in and out because it’s forced is not good for kiddos. If a parent, mom or dad, wants to be involved and be there, they will be. I’d offer a few more chances and end it with “when you’d like to be an involved parent the door is open, you know how to reach me” and leave it at that. Then it’ll be your choice if 1, 5, 10 years down the road and they make an attempt if you want to do that.


If he’s never valued then what’s changed ? Stop asking. Utilize his mom as a babysitter and keep it moving.

Don’t need that in their lifes…the unstability and feeling their dad doesn’t care for them is worse than him just being out of their lives.

Mine has seen his 2 times in a decade the other not in 4 years they were not family orientated to began with and as much as you try and adapt and make excuses when it’s time to separate you feel like your about to go at this 60 40 or 50 50 and in the next 3 years it becomes less and less and it’s like it go unnoticed and bam they don’t see them again for many years. I belive if we had a flash of 2 years after sep in the very beginning we may not of made those choices. Even a court order can’t make someone be a parent.

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My ex is the same and also doesn’t financially support his kids. I filed for full custody and child support. My advice is to just carry on your life with the kids and do not reach out to him. Its not your responsibility whether or not he wants to see his kids. Its not your responsibility to call him with the kids. I am sorry you’re going through this - its far from easy. I will say life is better without him in my house but it still sucks for the kids.

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Either let it go and keep your kids to yourself (for the most part) or take him to court. It’s a pretty common occurrence.

There could be several reasons - youth, selfishness, mental health issue, fear of how to handle them by himself, etc. Don’t blame. Ask kindly: can you help me understand because this is how I feel". That should start a conversation without drama.


Sounds like a boy who isn’t ready to be a man.


Document everything. He going through it to maybe.

You picked it! He’s not interested in parenting and you can’t force it. Live with your choice and move on being the best parent you can be.


Let me tell you from experience so you wont lose your sanity.

You can’t change him or make up. Do what you are doing and be the mom they need. Forget everything else.


Just make sure legally everything is squared away, so then nothing shady can happen. People like that typically don’t want anything to do with the kids until there’s anger involved. 


Kids don’t always mean the same to Dad as they do Mom. Men think different from women and he’s telling you without saying it that he’s through and wants nothing to do with the kids. Ignore him and see if he contacts you wanting the kids if not move on, it’s his loss not yours.

Mate. I can’t even get mine to reply to a message let alone see the little dude

A lot of men have this problem. They’re self centered. They feel they’re entitled to rights but not responsibly. Stop chasing him. If he wants to be he a father he will be. From expirence it’s easier when you don’t expect him to be a parent.

Don’t force them on him. It’ll just cause problems

Unfortunately that’s the way it is with some men. Then they get a new girl and give her a sob story about how you keep the kids from him.


Welcome to the double standard world of a single mother :neutral_face:
Just forget him & do whats right & best for your kids, which clearly isnt him.

  1. Child support.
  2. Don’t push him to be a parent, it’s not your job. I say this because raising kids is hard enough, if he’s going to flake, pushing him is just going to be harder on you and will likely not get anywhere but more resentment. If he wants to be a parent, his actions will prove it.
  3. Talk to his mom if you need to talk to anyone and you have a good relationship with her, if she can’t get through to him, nobody probably will.
  4. When your kids get older, just explain facts as is, they will form their own opinions, and understand the situation. You did what you can do, and you have your kids to raise, not him.

See your problem is, you have a baby daddy and not a father.

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That makes me kinda sad tbh. Like he does not really want to be a father to them

Let him do his “things”. I wouldn’t want my kids to be around a self centered dad. As far as him seeing you there is no need, you guys broke up. Take care of your children. Walk with your head held high and move on. Your children deserve better and so do you! And please stop calling him your baby daddy! It makes you sound uneducated !


Some men are just sperm donors

Dealing with the can’t have the mama damn the children syndrome. Clearly a male virus.

My baby daddy hasn’t seen or even messaged me to see his daughter in a year.

You can’t force it. His lack of a relationship is on him. I would focus on myself and my connecting with them - I wouldn’t even argue or fight with him about it. Just straight up say “don’t make promises to them that you don’t intend to keep. Take responsibility for your own relationship with them. Stick to your word or don’t come around”

There’s not much worse than a fickle parent.

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I dealt with the same thing for so long…good riddance to him and ur kids will be better off without him.

My daughter hasn’t seen hers since she was 2.5 and no money since then.

Unfortunately his kids aren’t a priority. I wouldn’t be chasing him around to see the kids. He’s making it clear. He’ll be the one missing out not you

Why would you be pushing things this early give your kids time to adjust