I’m a single mother of 4 kids 16, 15 ,14 and 10 I don’t get much help I work 2 jobs doing all I can but I still seem to be failing my babies I feel so overwhelmed and my teenagers don’t understand I’m not being ugly I just don’t have the extra $ please tell me I’m not the only one going threw this alone Rn bc I feel like a horrible mother
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Anyone other single mothers going through this?
Have your older ones get a job and help out
I’ve had to explain to my kids a few times that while I understand they want things , I don’t always have the money for it . My daughter is 16 and has a job and pays for the extras she wants.
I’m in the same boat. Sometimes they are understanding, but somedays they think I produce money whenever they want something.
You r not alone mama!!!
I know how you feel, my teenage boy plays hockey and baseball and I am always strapped for cash
Your not the only one mama.!
I have to say they need to pitch in. Took a lot of tears and yelling for my kids to start helping.
Put that 16 year old to work… and its some places that will let a child work at 15… just check around
I’m a single mom. 21, 18, 13 and 7. My kids know I work to provide. I refuse to work two jobs. I refuse to give my kids every thing they want. They have everything they need. I set one day aside to do stuff with them if it’s nothing more then going swimming at the lake. Or spending all day streaming a TV show. They don’t need you every minute of every day. They just need to know you love them.
My two oldest work full time jobs since age 15.
Yes, get jobs for the kids.
The 14, 15 & 16 year olds are old enough to work. Everywhere is hiring. Don’t baby them by handing them everything, especially if you don’t have it. I started working when I was 12 or 13. Pizza shop or ice cream shop.
Definitely not alone momma, I’ve got 5, 14,13,10,7 and 5. It’s a struggle. They know I’m trying my best, but sometimes they can’t get what they want. Sure they pout, but they know. Maybe try a small allowance for them helping, then they can save to get what they want.
Your doing the best you can and it’s more then enough… you got this and you are not alone
I feel bad for you. Why don’t you suggest they find ways to make money on the own.
I too was a single mom with no support . My kids went to work at 15 , there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them working in the summer . They saved up enough to buy their first car and things I couldn’t afford like designer clothing etc .
16 for sure and 15 in some areas can both get jobs if they need money. Teach them to budget and save and spend wisely. Good luck.
Your not alone I feel like it all the time
Mama you’re definitely NOT the only one! Maybe sit them all down and show them the budget that you’re working with. Help them understand it on paper.
Been there done that they won’t understand still there older just keep pushing and make the older ones get a job and pay for there own stuff or they will be lazy n not want to do anything good luck momma I had 4 now there 18 19 20 n 22
That’s the majority of us in one form or another.
Tell the 16 yr old to get a job for there stuff
Straight to the point. If the 14+ crew are making you feel bad about not giving them money for things tell them to feel free to go get a job and work for what they want so they can see what it’s like.
Maybe its time to have your older children start looking for a part time job. Just because it’s not their responsibility doesn’t mean a parent shouldn’t teach children to become responsible individuals. Teaching starts at home and when a single parent is struggling its about that time to teach her children the value & responsibilities of being responsible. Its what this society is missing again.
My 7 year old decided to go on an adventure today…was upstairs cleaning and I get a call from my mom telling me he’s there with the police for context she lives less than 5 min away and he gave the nice police officer directions
You’re not a horrible mother. I was raised by a single mother of 5. She was a great mom even though she couldn’t get us everything we wanted. She did 2 things that I think were really impactful.
- She sat us down & went over the household budget with us to show us how much life actually costed. Food, electricity, gas, water, living expenses, household items, car note, insurance. Everything. So we could see what was left over. It helped me understand she wasn’t saying no just to be mean. She really didn’t have it.
2.She invited us to be contributing members to our family if we wanted extra things. She always provided necessities but offered us the opportunity to consider finding ways to provide our wants for ourselves. By offering the option, to me, it didn’t feel like she was making me but instead letting me know that after a certain age I am able to start working on creating solutions.
My 14 year Olds worked since she was 13… She understood I’m a solo mum and that I put my self in the red to get her and her brothers everything they need and want. She hated seeing me struggling and decided that haven a job and doing good in school would take weight of me… I’m so proud of her and it’s given her a sence of accomplishment and given her so much self appreciation and Self esteem… I fell that there is nuffn wrong with kids working. Life isn’t handed to you if you want things in life you have to earn it… So now she’s got her money she can buy the lable clothes she wants can go to movies with friends.
Your oldest kids surely can find some kind of job at their age. Your situation is one your kids may not fully understand until they are in it for themselves. That’s normal.
I completely understand… mine are 17(special needs), 14, and 12… I feel like I work like a dog… hate telling them no… but this mama is tired! And sometimes I just have to! I am barely making ends meet most weeks… so I totally get it! Hang in there! It will be okay… and one day they will understand!
Been a single mom .
My kids were like 5,8,11 and the 11 year old mowed to make extra money to use on her self
The 8,5 year old helped a round the motel where I worked and made extra money
16 and 15 can work!! 14 can too, some places…however, getting them there and back may create more of a headache for you…hopefully the 16 yr old can drive….mine all started working at 15/16!
Put the 15&16 year old to work. They can have their own money and financial responsibility and that will keep them occupied while you overwork yourself for them.
The 14/15/16 can get a job!!
No. I was just venting to my friend about being expected to be the breadwinner AND primary caretaker. It’s so hard. But I guess I can’t complain… The $71 child support almost got me a full tank of gas in the Bay Area.
Kids could work babysitting, clean yards. Some places accept 14-15 year olds. 16 year old easy to find something.
The amount of people suggesting forcing kids to get a job. Maybe if they want extra expensive things, but it is our jobs as parents to provide for our kids.
Your 15 and 16 year olds are old enough to work. Let them earn a paycheck to finance their own entertainment. Encourage your 10 and 14 year olds to do chores for an allowance. Or, maybe small jobs around the neighborhood (babysitting, dog walking, yardwork, etc.). That way you can give them what’s affordable to you and what’s fair to them. They’ll all be more productive while also learning how to budget. Once they understand the value of a dollar and how far it doesn’t actually go, they’ll be more selective about their spending and more appreciative of how much you’ve done for them.
Never alone. There’s ZERO work like that of a mother doing it all by herself. Keep doing the best you can for your family, “try” not to stress on anything that won’t matter a month from now, and never give up — this too will pass.
You are not a horrible mother. Horrible mother’s don’t worry about rather or not they are doing a good job. The teenagers are old enough to be earning their own money for their wants. Single mom of 4 here I
I feel like it’s so difficult to provide for a family these days let alone two working parents and getting everything done but doing it alone is absolutely impossible in my opinion without assistance. I don’t think humans were meant to live so separate. Find a few other moms with similar lives and work together perhaps
Don’t feel like a horrible mom. I was in the same position. It’s hard telling them no. I know it. The ones that were old enough to get jobs , got jobs part- time for extras they wanted. They learned the value of a dollar and appreciated things more when they bought it with their own money. My youngest is 13. It’s still hard. I don’t get child support or help from welfare. Some weeks are ruff and I’m honest with him. He gets bummed but he understands.
Lay out your Bill’s & your check stubs. They’re old enough to figure it out. !!!
Is it Christmas? Is it their birthday? If the answer is no, then they need to get over it.
First of all… you are NOT failing them! You are doing your best momma! I went through the same thing when I was a single mom… even now being re-married we still struggle and do t have much left for “extras”. Maybe start by setting them all down and explaining how hard it is right now and that you are trying your absolute best. Maybe brainstorm some ideas together on how to make some extra money. They are old enough to be able to mow yards or something like that. Whatever you do though… NEVER feel like you’re failing! They have everything they need. They will realize what you are doing when they are older and thank you for it.
If the older kids want stuff they can learn the meaning of a $1 and get a part time job. They are not babies anymore and almost adults. It is getting 10x harder being a single parent these days. Don’t feel bad. Kids are too privileged these days and that’s why they live with their momma til almost 30. When I was a kid I went out and mowed lawns or babysat if I wanted something outside of a food and roof over my head.
Older kids could get a job. Teach them them value of money and the effort in earning it. Or even chores to earn a monthly allowance if your able to put change aside.
One day they will look back and see how mom did it all! Just keep doing your best. We see you!
You have to feed, provide every essential that they need… And you do what you can do. Don’t let teens bully you. Pray Pray PRAY… Get your children to pray with you daily. Let them see what you’re made of and not what their impression of you makes you… Stand tall… Warrior Up. They will respect you. Let them figure out ways to make money too… Legally. Then tell them that they can use their pays for things they want but they must save 25% for future …
The older ones are old enough to understand a budget; write down income v bills, food, petrol etc and show them what there is left then divide it by 4, 1 each for you them and the other for the littlies and thats what they’ve got to do what they want on until next payday - they’ll soon understand, I bet you’re an ace Mum xx
been there! They will see you mama! They may not understand now. But they will! You are not alone!
I am not a single mom but my husband can’t work from very serious injuries in a car accident so I have been the only income I spent YEARs literally working a full time job plus random side jobs to try to make ends meet but luckily found an awesome job working from home with all equipment provided for U.S. Bank doing customer service. The pay and benefits allowed me to quit the random side jobs, have one main job, and be home w my middle school age boys even while working. I’m glad to send you or anyone a referral link to apply. You do need high-speed internet but they provide everything else. This job was a huge blessing for our family and I’m glad to share with anyone else it may help.
You are absolutely not alone ,kids ￼have not idea about money and finances .
The 16 one can get a job so he / she can have some money for whatever he / she wants, the 14-15 can do it too , if they are girls they can try to babysit for a couple of hours , if they are boys they can wash cars or cut grass as well .
Do not feel bad because you can’t afford everything they want , I’m pretty sure that they have everything they NEED
Take a paper and write out every expense you have and what you make. Tell them to take a good look and see if they can find extra money in there. Nice eye opener for kids.
Honey I’m a single mom of 3 boys(18,19,6) it’s hard. But in the end your kids know who was there for me who provided for them. Keep your head up!!! Have the older kids start helping out more around the house. My house you’re 18 and not in school then you’re working
RJ Young yes, it is our job to provide shelter, clothing, food and a public education. The extras movies, candies, games whatever it is they are into…going to camp etc. They can work to earn it. There is nothing wrong with getting a job. They will learn the value of a dollar, work ethic, responsibility and appreciation for their things, what’s important, and hopefully their mother. No creates children by themselves, the other parent has a responsevbility to these children as well, but obviously absent. She is doing her absolute best while doing her part and the other parents.
Two or three can get part-time jobs.
I raised 5 alone, it is challenging. No child support. No family to help out. We made do with pretzel picnics. HomemadeEVERYTHING! Handmade costumes. Thank goodness I learned a bit of sewing,for altering and fixing hand me downs. Shopped at thrift stores and yard sales. Cooked from scratch. Every one had responsibilities. I worked 2 jobs until youngest started school. Then I went to college. They were 5 kids with total age span of 7.5 years. We made it.
Movie night,at home. Birthdays the “birthday kid” got to pick all 3 meals.
At Christmas I made and sold candy and cookies ,for Christmas presents. We celebrated a few days after Christmas, so I could shop clearance ( more presents!!) And I worked as many holidays as I could for holiday pay. All the kids got jobs when they turned16. To pay for their own stuff. I wish it had been different. But they are grown now, married,with families.we made it. But it was Damn hard at times. I cried alot. But I love them more than life itself.
I was a single mom of 5, worked 2 jobs, and didnt pay much on my bills. The ildest girl got a parttime job at 16 for her spending money. After they are now grown all I hear is I never was home and the oldest take responsibility for raising the younger. You cannit be mom and dad at the same time. Kids want extra they can work fir it. Babysitting is an outside option for under 16.
They’ll understand when they have kids of their own- you’re doing AMAZING mama! Don’t ever forget you’re doing the work of an army by yourself! I did it for many years for my twin boys alone- it’s the hardest thing and you are doing GREAT!
Phew! 16, 15, 14. If they’re alive, and fed you’re doing a good job in my opinion. Plus there’s ANOTHER ONE. I have a 9 year old and I feel like I’m struggling
Tell the older two to get a job if they want money
Put there ass to work so they can help let them know it’s hard
As long as they have what they need make them work for what they want doing odd jobs like mowing the lawns, weed the gardens and if they don’t wanna do that then they get NOTHING …
My 14 and 16 year old have jobs.
They will understand just talk to them I’m open with mine they r 16 and 13 and they will understand
You are, for certain, not alone. Almost everyone is struggling just to provide necessities.
You are definately not alone. I often feel like im failing my kids when I have to say no but then i stop to think. They have a nice home, plenty of clean clothes that fit them, my home is clean and they aren’t coming home to a strung out or absent parent, and they aren’t being mistreated in any way. Heck they have game systems and phones and tv’s, and there is always food in the fridge, freezer, and cabinet. Still though the mom guilt of not getting those 300 dollar shoes sets in at times. When i was a teenager my grandma had the rule for all of us that she would provide gas for us to get back and forth to school and work and pay our insurance as well as make sure we had the things we needed. But if we wanted name brand clothes or money to go ride around on or a phone we had to work or do something to make that play money. It instilled values. At the time i thought it was mean and unfair but now in my 30s I appreciate it.
I was a single mother /left my husband when I was 20 yrs old, I have 2 children, They were 1 & 3 yrs old at that time, I worked 2 sometime 3 PT jobs & went to college PT, & I did it, Yes, my kids didn’t get all the name brand clothes or at the time, Nintendo. But they were loved, hey had a roof over their heads, food on the table, Yes I couldn’t take them on vacation, per say, But we lived near the beach, so that is where they hung out with their friends, When my daughter got older, she told me never to buy her any clothes, I guess my taste wasn’t hers, But when she complained she wanted Jordache jeans, etc, I told her to find herself a job, And she did, She worked at a ice cream place on the boardwalk in the summer, then when school started back, she worked at Dunkin Donuts & she did buy herself the things she wanted. My son, he was fine with what I brought, Boys are different. I started to babysit when I turned 13 yrs old, I brought myself material to make myself my own clothes, But in the end, I do hope my kids know they were truly loved & we were together. They are now 51 & 49 yrs old But i do give a little more to my grandkids, So you are not alone, Many of us women & men have been a single parent & thru thick & thin, we all have made it
I have no advice. I just hope things get better. Mine are smaller still but going through the same. They’re too young still to realize what you’re doing for them… just keep doing your best.
I a single mum of 6 keep going girl my children are aged 16 12 9 8 5 2
My granddaughter got her first job at 15. She is 22 and working while she is going to collage. Let the two oldest get a job.
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4 kids on your own & teens I feel for you Mumma. I have two & that’s hard. Your not failing them at all! You’re doing your Best. Working two jobs go you!
You are not alone! Everyone is having a hard time right now. I’m not a single mom but we are 1 income with 4 active kids. You just have to talk to them. Maybe do an experiment with budgeting. So they really know it’s not easy and money doesn’t just grow on trees and even though you have a job and money coming in, it doesn’t mean you get to spend it however you want. Bills gotta be paid.
Don’t worry, they love you. They will understand when they are older. You’re a super mom in my eyes.
Why are you not getting child support…
Teenagers need to find jobs to make their spending money cut grass do whatever
Sit them down show them on papet how much you make how much the bills are and how much you spend on groceries. Then suggest they find jobs if they want things you can’t afford. Even mowing lawns can be done by the 10 year old. The oldest 2 are old enough to get real jobs. They all can start learning financial responsibility.
1st off 2 of them are able 2 work made even the 14 yr old tell them they need 2 get a job…that’s ridiculous & laziness
Shit, I’m not a single mom and we both have income & still don’t have the extra funds! Kids don’t get it! You are not alone! You are an amazing momma for being able to hold 2 jobs & raise 4 kids on your own! You are a true hero! They will understand soon enough & thank you for all you do!
When my daughter was young, I was struggling. I wasn’t making much and I was working every hour I could get. She kept wanting an expensive sweater. I got upset, threw my paystub with the net pay circled at her, with bills with the amount to pay circled and told her that didn’t include food. I told her if she could find it she could have it! She figured and added and subtracted and figured some more and found out we were in the hole the price of the sweater… about $50. She got big eyes and asked what we were going to do. I told her I would have to ask around at work to see if anyone wanted me to pick up their weekend work. Then we’d have enough. Turns out I got the time and we made it… she never pestered me for money again after I said no. She started babysitting.
Well the older ones should realize that everything is going up. You’re doing a great job. Hang in there.
You not a bad Mother you are doing your best
You are a wonderful mom and your children are lucky to have you.xoxoxo
If you have a ymca I belive they are giving free access to kids 18 and younger also ymca has a sliding fee that goes by income and family size when my kids were younger I payed 25 a month look into it … it’s a fun place they can swim and exercise plus they have daycare which is included if you need one for a little while for your Littles .my kids loved it
Two oldest can get a job and help out
If you get foodstamps i seen many zoos ,aquariums , and museums are free to get into with the card
Your oldest children can get jobs. Even just for the summer. I feel guilty for not being able to give my kids all the cash they want…. but I’d only be contributing to their dependence on other people. And it’s imperative we teach our children independence and self sufficiency.
You keep doing your best and one day your kids will know ,
Where is the mate…can help pay for bills
Fair answer: in this current economy, even married, dual income families don’t have the extra cash all the time
It’s so hard for everyone right now, my husband and I even struggle and we both have good paying jobs… I can’t even imagine trying to stay afloat right now in a one income household I’m so sorry.
I think their age is a good age to sit them down and explain to him how hard life really is, especially in this time right now. they are getting to the age they can start working and you should allow it on weekends if they’re mature enough. That way they can have their own spending money and take some pressure off of you.
Single mom of 3, 2 jobs n struggling. I get it
The 15 and 16 year old can get part time jobs and supply their own needs. That will help.
You’re not a horrible mother. You have 4 kids to provide for. Working 2 jobs takes you away from them, but you have to do it to provide for them … and that’s something that they are ALL old enough to understand.
In this day and age, kids want expensive clothes and expensive electronic games & toys … they want to do fun activities that are expensive … they want to eat take out instead of home cooked meals. They need to understand all those things are luxuries, and cost a lot of money.
The two oldest are old enough to understand that in a couple of years, they will be on their own to provide for themselves … so they would be doing their selves, and you, a favor by going ahead and getting a job now. It’s summertime . They could work full time during the summer, and then part time during the school year. The 14 yr old could get a paper route or something.
Show them your budget. Show them your paycheck stubs. Explain to them that you are doing everything you can to take care of the family, but it has to be a group effort for all of you to survive, and for them to get the things they want in life.
It’s your responsibility as a parent to love them their whole life … but financially, you’re only responsible until they are 18. They need to get use to the idea that they will have to work for what they want . That’s part of preparing them for the world & how to survive in it.
You rock, mom! Teach those kids to grow up & get a job!
Same don’t feel bad the old gets need to get a job. Some jobs are taking in 15 year Olds heck even my 13 year old can get a job of she wants.
Time for the oldest ones to get part time jobs and work for their own extras if they can’t appreciate what they have.
Your not a bad mom. Your doing your best. That is all you can do in time they will understand and appreciate. I also raised four children as a single mom. With zero support. At times I was so overwhelmed I didnt think I would make it. I did and so did my children. I look back often and wonder how? But Im thankful. You and yours will make it to. Just keep doing your best. That is hood enough. Much peace and love☆
I don’t think it matters single or not have help or not the kids always except more because they are trying to compete with their friends. As long as they have a home, food, clothes, and love they have all they need you’re doing great we can’t always give them what they want
Each new opportunity that you come across, always try to give it a try because this might be your
Golden chance of making yourself good income, you don’t have to wait, its free, work towards it my dear I promise you will make it out successfully as I did stop having double mind.Dm her