Anyone have their 4 year old throw more attitude than when they were a toddler? I thought my son would be over the fits (at least mostly) by this point, but he’s so much worse. We have literally taken away all toys, special events, etc to show him there are consequences for not behaving. We have talked to him in length so many times and read books about following rules/attitude and etc. Nothing has seemed to really work. It might work for a day, but not the week or more. We have put his bedtime earlier, talked to teachers, etc. Did anyone have a stage like this? Is this normal? We just don’t seem to be making any real progress.
1 Like
Taking things away that aren’t related to the issue may not be effective for them. Try natural consequences maybe. What has worked with my son is, when he’s being disrespectful or lashes out with a big tantrum (which is often) I would acknowledge that I understand his feelings but this is how it’s going to go. You can be upset but you don’t get to throw, hit or smash, things. When you do that you then get into trouble, right now you can take a breathe and think about how to handle this better and I can help you find ways if you need. After a while they will catch on and you won’t have to say the whole shpeel
I don’t know maybe I’m wrong but I feel like taking away things, etc. like this at four is just amplifying the issues.
This is the best learning age and example age. This is also an age they are learning what they like and learning there’s other ways to do things. It’s also a great time for you to reflect how you do things and he’s watching.
Definitely not saying to let things go because that’ll create a monster.
Put him in the corner and tell him why he’s going to the corner. It’s one minute per year. Time starts when he stands in the corner quietly thinking about what he did. When time is up make him tell you what he did and explain to him what he did wrong and what you expect. Give him a hug afterwards and tell him you love him.
1 Like
Four is when they’re confident in their talking and they have so much to say! Can you try more of a carrot vs. stick approach? Create a chart with desired behavior and give gold stars for achieving such as eat dinner with no rude remarks, asking for food or help politely, following house rules on picking up toys, etc. A reward is given at the end of the week for a certain number of gold stars. Don’t expect perfection.
Or you could give him an allowance and have him forfeit a penny or nickel every time he mouths off like having a swear jar. If he still has more than half his allowance at the end of the week he gets a small prize but only use food treats on rare occasions.
You may want to talk to the pediatrician about oppositional defiant disorder, ADHD and being on the autism spectrum as any of those conditions can add a layer of complexity, frustration and inability to cope for your little one.
Be sure he is getting enough exercise to help deal with big emotions, and teach and model ways to help regulate emotions. Are you or dad blowing up a lot? Do you yell a lot?
Let him make decisions within parameters so he feels like he has some control and agency in his own life. Does he want to wear the blue shirt or the red shirt? Let him pick out his own socks and underwear, does he want to go to the park or the library?
I found having weekly family meetings where everyone can air their grievances (and preferably come with ideas & solutions) are helpful for everyone. Let him go first & talk without interruption on one topic. Ask if he has ideas for solutions. See if you can accommodate that or discuss other options. You can then talk about what you’d like to see fixing specific behaviors with why it’s upsetting and throw it out for solutions with any ideas you have. You may be surprised at what he’ll come up with to help solve the problem.
Again, don’t expect perfection. Let him come up with solutions and he’s more likely to follow them. Are y’all being really rigid? Or too lax? If he feels overly controlled he’ll rebel. Schedules help a whole lot too so he can anticipate what’s going to happen most of the time and prepare himself. If plans change, give him as much advance warning as possible.
Good luck and be sure he knows how much you love him too.
Yeah…I called them the F you Fours