Please help!! Sorry it’s long, but I’m at a lost in what to do. My 3 year old has major meltdowns when something doesn’t go their way by major I mean kicking screaming to the point of being sick with snot and spit running from their face throwing their self down, just everything. We have literally tried everything (time outs, taking away favorite toys, no tv in bedroom, not getting to take fun trips, ect.) she’ll literally just stand at her bedroom gate and kick and hit it. Pediatrician says to put them in their room and just walk away, but that just makes things worse and I’m afraid neighbors are gonna hear her and start calling the law and them think someone is hurting her. It’s little things that set her off too the most. What kind I do to help her and not spiral out of control like this.
No yelling or arguing w her just keep being consistent. It will be over soon!
At three it may be too late. First time she had a tantrum she should have been disciplined
Call Coverdale Counselling for help.
Do what the doc says and record the meltdown for proof.
Yeah, just give up on her according to some, at 3 it may be too late, really, what an idiotic remark!!!
It’s very difficult to leave them in the room for a little while for them to cool off. Let your neighbors call the cops. It gets easier, they are not the terrible 3s for no reason
She is manipulating you. Do what the doc says
When my son went through this a “doctor” told me to throw a glass of icewater no ice in it in his face. It only took 2 time and he never did it again.
You are the parent, if the cops come calmly tell them her age and all that she is doing, the neighbors should be your last worry, sounds like y’all have spoiled her too much, I as a parent did this and now my teens still get mouthy she has to understand that she is the child and you are the parent this will not take long be patient and it will all work out
Sometimes a bear hug worked for me. Sometimes I just let them throw their fit.
My daughter was the same way. She will be three next month and has these tantrums on occasion. 6 months ago, it almost felt constant and I would put her to bed at night with tears in my eyes because I was just so glad that we made it through another day. I put her in her room and walk away for a few minutes while I compose myself and give her some time away. She never calms down during this and is always kicking and screaming (I worry about the neighbors too… because it’s insane!) Then I come back, pick her up, and just hug her and love her. Nearly every time, this calms her down and then we can talk about what actually happened. Three years olds have BIG emotions and they truly need someone to love them through it. I know how hard it is when it’s actually happening! I am thankful that the tantrums have lessened. I honestly think it’s just due to her maturing more and my husband and I working together to handle it consistently. Wishing you all the luck and love! This will pass. <3
Sounds like a typical three year old. No need to panic just yet. The docs advice was good. I do that with my daughter. You walking away says … I’m not entertaining this tantrum. She’ll eventually realize you’re not taking the bait. Best of luck, mom! Hang in there
Thats what i do with my 3 year old, in her room until she calms down. My youngest is 6 months and she just randomly screams during the day, im surprised the cops haven’t been called on us
My now 4 yr old was that way(highly self destructive behavior…even threw himself down our stairs once) for a long while…literally nothing would help. I feel that part of it was lack of communication skills tho. A friend of mine showed me articles about good gut health…we followed most of the recommendations. It has really helped!! I would maybe try talking with her and ask if she is hungry, thirsty or is in need of a quiet place…before she just explodes💜 I made a calming bottle…you just take a water bottle, water, glitter and super glue for the lid!!
Read the book called 1-2-3 Magic. Sounds cheesy I know. But just give it a try.
Maybe taking the gate off the door . This can sometimes make children worse . They are any , confused and over emotional now they are TRAPPED in a room . Take the gate off and then keep returning her to her room when she gets out of it .
I put my son on the bed and let him throw his fit. I told him 1 times y he didn’t get wat he wanted (because he didn’t listen to mama or he hit mama or watever) when he asked for it again I sat him down and told him no and i ignored his tantrum. The third time he asked for wat he wanted I ignored it and didn’t say anything. He cried for about 30mins the first time then them second time it took about 10mins for him to calm down. And now he doesn’t throw a fit he’ll cry for it once then correct himself.
No discipline. Walk over to her pick her up tell her I understand. Then sit down on a chair or a rocking chair. With her on your lap put her arms in front of her and gently wrap your arms around the front of her. While you are holding her in your calmest voice tell her I understand that you’re upset. But Mommy can’t help you if you don’t use your words. Continue calmly talking to her about random stuff while holding her so she can’t wiggle out of your arms and just keep calm we talkin to her until she d escalates. It’s going to take awhile and several attempts. But trust me it works. I would also tell her mommy is going to keep holding you until you calm down and we can talk. You’re going to go nuts until it starts working. She doesn’t feel validated she doesn’t feel like you understand
I used to stand my kids in a corner with their nose touching the wall. Start out with 5 minutes make her understand that if she doesn’t do it then you add minutes! And they have to stand no leaning, sitting or slouching. Kids this age have to learn what discipline is. It is never easy stick to your guns be consistent with discipline not spotty.
I have dealt with what seems a million of these it seems my self. My son is 5. The past little while I am just fed up. Any time he wants to act in the specific ways I ask him not to. (he’s mouthy and says mean things when he’s mad) I got a new job and wanted to take him somewhere small to eat just to spend time with him. He turned into an ungrateful little boy being a meanie. So he ended up pajamas on and on bed at that exact moment 5:30. He decided to scratch my couch and call me dumb. (he knows it’s wrong, but lately if he doesn’t get his way ) Meh. I get a quiet night and he will be good and rested tomorrow for school. The only advice I have is try to see where they are coming from sometimes me explaining that I know how he feels works. Other times he disregards it. Lately meltdown. After a couple nearing a couple months. It’s like he learned how to be mean and I am DONE. Maybe tomorrow will be the day I don’t have to feel like an ahe mum.
Try throwing a tantrum just like her. Throw yourself on the floor and scream and kick… see how she reacts… some kids have to taught differently too… like sit with her and explain why something is bad… use a doll or stuffed animal as examples. Love her a little more… sounds weird but when you figure that out it works!
She’s playing you! She knows what gets under your skin, testing you to your limits. Do what doc says. You can’t give in or she’ll know she can get away with anything. Nip it in the bud now before they get older or you’ll be dealing with a tide pod eater! Trust me I have a 5 year old daughter who did that and still acts out from time to time. Stand your ground! You’ll have good and you’ll have bad days. Just part of parenting
When the tantrums start. You stop. If you are shopping and it starts, leave the cart. If it happens at home, walk away. 3 yr olds are smart. It won’t take long for her to figure out that bad behavior won’t get her what she wants. Praise her when she does the right thing, but don’t constantly give her “rewards” or she will come to expect one just for behaving. Reinforce to her that you love her. It’s hard, but you can do it. If you don’t have one, get a video baby monitor that records so if a nosy neighbor calls the cops you can show them that no abuse is taking place.
Just breathe! You are NOT a bad parent! I went through this with my son when he was a toddler. The only thing that ended up working for him was to leave him in his room until he was over it. I didn’t give him a time limit, I just let him work through his emotions until he was calm enough to talk about it. Sometimes that meant laying in his bed screaming and sometimes it meant throwing stuffed animals around his room (by this point I had removed anything he could do damage with). He’ll be 9 at the end of the month and still occasionally has anger issues. He understands the difference between right and wrong and he has a set, clear level of expectation, but sometimes his emotions still overwhelm him. Try your best to be calm and consistent! You’ll get through this!
Thank God hadn’t had deal that , puberty was bad
Testy 3s are horrible! We’ve all been there. But it’s mainly to get a reaction from you. so best thing you can do is walk away or completely ignore her (yes i know it’s easier said than done). I had to do it with my son. I felt like the worse mommy ever and cried a lot myself when he wasn’t looking but it stopped when he learned mommy won’t react. I apologized to my neighbors (explained the situation) when we crossed paths and they completely understood and said they’d been there too. Good luck mama’s you’re doing a good job!
Little kid big emotions. Talk about the emotions. Not just sad or mad but frustrated, disappointed, angry etc. little kids that loose control usually don’t know what they are feeling. You tell them it’s ok to be angry but not ok to act that way.
Shes having those meltdowns because shes frustrated that we dont know what she wants or you are saying no, (which can be a good thing) mine does the SAME thing. And I calm her down and have her show me. Or explain the reason why i said no. Yes you can leave her but it’s not solving anything. They are trying to learn how we communicate and taking things away, punishing them wont make it better.
So when she starts having the meltdown, you stop and think why she might be having one, then get down to her level and ask if she can show you ONCE she stops her meltdown completely and you will wait patiently. Then try and show her or teach her the right way of asking… that should help a little bit. But us throwing them in the room and taking crap away for a reason they are trying to communicate to us doesnt make much sense and we sure as hell wouldnt like it either. Slow down and take the time to figure it out.
I’ve had to do this with my older child who has horrible sensory issues and has meltdowns 15 times a hour. Haha. You can do this.
You have a very strong a willed little little girl . which isn’t always bad . I know it feels bad now and it won’t get easier . I have 2 of them my daughter was the worse . You have to stay consistent with her . Don’t give into her . The only thing that worked for my daughter is is now almost 30 and is very bright and a go getter . Was to put her in her room til she settles down . No time limit shut the door . Tell her when she settles down You will let her out . Tell her you understand that she doesn’t like the rules but she has to do what is told . Make sure before you turn and leave her with herself that you love her no matter what . SHut the door and walk away . She will either come to you or if you hear she has settled go get her and do something with her .Like read to her play with somethng she likes , give her a treat ect . She will get it . She in her own mind things by throwing a fit that she is getting her way and attention . Even if it is bad attention . It is going to be harder on you then her . wish you luck momma . She will grow out of it
My daughter was 18 months old and was already doing this. I just used to allow her to throw the tantrum. If she smacks her head off from the floor, then she will learn that it hurts and won’t do it again. If she gets upset and you don’t give into her, she will learn that this isn’t the way she goes around things. After my little girl had her tantrums, I got her to come and sit on my lap for a cuddle and I would speak to her calmly. Explain to her what she is feeling. So say she throws a tantrum because she wants an ice cream and you say no. Allow her to have the tantrum. Then when she’s ready and calm, get her to come to you. Sit her down on your lap whilst you cuddle her and say “I understand that you are feeling frustrated and probably felt angry with mommy for not giving you an ice cream. But you cannot always have one when you want one. Then tell her why you didn’t want her to have one. Something on those lines. Then tell her that having a tantrum won’t get her the ice cream but by doing what you ask of her she may get one in return for good behaviour. So for example you wanted her to eat her dinner first. So if she eats her dinner you may give her the ice cream, but only if she really deserves it. My little girl used to have tantrums from the second she woke up to the second she went to bed. Every day was a battle. Brushing her teeth, brushing her hair, putting her in the pushchair, putting on the rain cover, etc. but I kept on just doing it all anyway and I would really congratulate her when she done something positive. If my daughter was older I would try a chart where they can put a sticker on it if they have been good. I would of printed out emotion cards so that if she was feeling something negative or something positive, I could sit down and talk to her about what she was feeling and why. Toddlers don’t understand how to deal with their emotions so it’s all about trying to get them to understand their emotions, why they are feeling the way that they are and how they can deal with them. Plus, don’t be afraid to let her have her own way sometimes. I have set rules like if my daughter wants to walk then she can, but the second she gets tired then she has to go back into the pushchair as I wont carry her and push it. There’s no point and it makes things hard. But say small things like what she wants to eat or what she wants to drink, wear, etc. I allow her to pick those things as I wouldn’t like it if someone was to dictate my every move. And it makes them listen to you when there are things that actually need to be done. I hope this has helped xxx
And meltdowns and tantrums can be very similar so figuring out which one you are dealing with will also help
My daughters is only 1 so I’m new at this and they’re at different stages, but my strategy is to distract her from what she’s crying about but distract with positive things of play. For example she wanted someone’s iPad and was starting a fit so my husband and I started playing with her big bouncy ball as sayings come play ball and making it look fun. She’s at the age where she gets into everything so if it’s stuff I won’t allow I’ll show her other options. Or you say you can’t have this I’m sorry but here’s something you can have or play with.
Have you tried hugging while consoling quietly and calmly. They don’t know how to regulate until we teach them…
Trifling threes I tell ya but she maybe autistic
Isolate and ignore. When she no longer is the star of the show it will improve. And ignore means No chirping back to her “bait you” comments. Isolate and ignore is that simple. She loses all her power over the situation.
Honestl tough love. I started from the very beginning when my little was very young. Fits don’t get us anywhere so I just walk away until she wants to calmly talk to me.
I do redirect. Explain and try to let then show me whats wrong. My youngest this has worked better then just ignoring him. That didn’t fix anything and made it worse. All kids arw different what works for 1 might not the other. If ignoring the problem isn’t working try a new approach. Try to understand and be sensitive to their strong feelings and redirect. This is what’s working for my crazy wild 3 year old.
Emotions are hard for toddlers to learn. The best you can do is acknowledge them and stay firm on your decisions. " I know you’re sad, but …" Stay firm. It’s a learned behavior that with a loud enough tantrum they’ll get their way. I’m going through this too. Be willing to walk out of the store surfboard style. Beyond that neighbors are just going to have to deal. Good luck.
Trust me it does get a little easier. My daughter was terrible at 2 and 3. Now that she is almost 5 she has improved alot. But now my son is 2 going on 3 (13) and has a TERRIBLE attitude
A foot up the arse every now and then works wonders
Ask if she needs a hug and talk about it. Usually my son starts like that then I ask if he need a hug and he usually accepts and just needs reassurance and to know I’m there for him. Then we talk about what’s going on
We’ve had similar issues. Including breaking our skin through sweater from biting us. There had been times where I had to wrap my body around my son until he was calm so he wouldn’t hurt himself or others.
Lots of positive reinforcement, patience, understanding, validating feelings, guided meditation, cuddles, showing alternate ways to relieve anger and stress, and lots of time. In the past 2 years, my son has made lots of progress but this still happens once in a while, especially with big changes. Emotions are hard for kids to deal with.
I’ve been in this same boat when my son was 3yrs old & no matter what i did it didn’t help the situation even when the dr said my son would just “grow out of it” that i needed more patience…soo… i tried getting down to his level talking calmly even when he was screaming & now that he’s 5 he’s progressed… he now at times will dig his nails into his face neck & legs drawing blood (yes i do keep his nails trimmed because of this but he WILL DIG!! LITERALLY) because he’s not getting his way & now telling him no don’t scratch you face your hurting yourself has lead to a more aggressive approach of hitting his head like slamming it into a grocery cart because i said no candy today just the essentials… or into the car window because we are not going to the movies at 730 at night on a school night so now I’m not only calling around for a child psychologist but a new pediatrician because what worked for some of her other patients & her kids isn’t what’s going to work for mine i believe ALL kids are different some need a lil extra help at times so for me I’m going with my mama gut now & getting my son professional help… not saying your lil one needs it could be “just a phase” but sometimes it’s not
I remember those days. Not looking forward to it with my son, especially with a moody pre-teen to contend with simultaneously.
You could always try a sensory bottle, depending on how willing she is to participate mid tantrum. I’ve heard they work wonders for toddlers and older autistic children during meltdowns. Kids at that age don’t know how to funnel their emotions just yet and they get frustrated. Plus they’re exploring, they’re learning their boundaries which means severely testing your limits.
My son did this,his pediatrician, said they do it for attention. Ignore the tantrums.
Sounds like a normal 3 year old to me
Look up on YouTube SUPERNANNY!!
Keep putting her in the corner facing thy he wall
Ignore the tantrums and reward good behavior. Tell her screaming will not get her what she wants and just let her tantrum it out and tell her when shes ready to talk then you are welcome to hear what she has to say
Listen to your pediatrician and ignore it
Ignore …??? Who decided that was a solution …?? That is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard …!!! Try swatting that little “BUM”… may.take more than one time … but I promise next time it happens , you will only have to give him the “LOOK” and he will remember his sore butt …!!! NOT child abuse … it’s called "D I S C I P L I N E " …parents have been doing it successfully since Jesus walked the earth …!!!
You need to ignore the behavior. She’ll quit when she realizes she isn’t getting any attention.
I took out sugar and limited screen time to 1 hour it helps but it’s also just the age not really a quick fix thing on it they are going to act out so time out for a min per year they are old and try to ignore the bad behavior then talk to them after
My granddaughter will start to cough, etc like Dr. Phil says don’t react don’t yell or punish ignore or put them in their room the more you react they know they have you attention!!
That’s what they call the terrible 3s you should have been prepared
I explain to my kid that kind of behavior is not acceptable. I take away screen time which includes all -no tv, no YouTube on phones or tablets! If all else fails-yes a swat on the butt!
I highly recommend the book 1,2,3 Magic by Dr. Tom Phelan. It has helped us a lot and the meltdowns have been much better since we started this.
Pop her on the booty and tell her that is unacceptable.
Just do what your ped says. Honestly that’s what I have to do and no one has called any law enforcements over her screaming when I ignore her. She knows you will give in if she does that so just keep up with the disclipine and ignore her.
Yep, do as the Ped says, put her in her room and go sit down, read or listen to music for as long as she lasts, don’t give in.
Distracting usually helps
Have her checked for autism. My daughter has it and she has really bad meltdowns to just like that.
If the Neighbours are going to complain take your daughter over there and let them deal with her that’s what I did with the old bat that use to call the cops on us as my daughter was a high pitch screamer… We just let her scream then when she knew it wasn’t going to work any more she gave up and started to listen your the mum your doing a great job just remember in 10 more year she will be doing it all over again but as a teenager
Take her to a therapist now. This behavior gets worse as the child gets older. Imagine her as a teen !!!
My son was mostly nonverbal at 3. We had a card with all kinds of facial expressions. When he got upset we asked him to find how he felt. It seemed to work. He had to look at the expression and think about how you would look if you felt a certain way. Then you have some clue what you are dealing with. Sometimes something to focus on helps to get over the bump.
I have thrown louder fits to get my kid’s attention, then when he hushed to look at me, I’d say see how silly you look and then walk off and leave him in his room. I have also had him throw a fit in the car so I cranked the radio and sang. When I heard him scream at me to stop, I’d turn the radio down and offer a deal, I’ll hush if you do. Then I catch him when he’s not upset and explain that we use our words to get what we want not temper tantrums.
There’s alot of shitty parents/ people on here, mainly because they’re blaming you for the behaviour but also due to their lack of research into child development.
You don’t need to hit your child completely ignore that it doesn’t work it causes more harm then good (this is coming from someone who was very negatively affected by it - not abused by everyones standards either btw).
Your doctor gave you good advice just put her in her room and walk away for a few minutes come back calmly explain to her that she needs to tell you what’s wrong and if she’s not ready to calm down walk away again.
You are doing a great job it is not your fault it’s completely normal children under 4 have trouble understanding most things especially emotions they are still learning, she’s probably having difficulties communicating what she needs.
Have a look at her diet and how active she is, maybes she’s bored or maybe she’s tired ect.
Personally, I think it’s her testing new boundaries but I would talk with her Dr just to have it on record. Just in case someone can’t mind their own business.
Both my twins have anxiety and adhd. We struggled with separation anxiety, serious meltdowns, screaming…you name it. The professionals won’t put a label on their behavior until they’re 6 because 3 is too early to diagnose. When they started their meltdown nothing helped except putting them on my lap, putting their arms across their chest while rocking and singing. If she does have anxiety, putting her in her room to scream or spanking her just escalates the problem. Observe her in preschool. If her meltdowns continue, I would contact ESD to monitor her days at school…it’s free and through your county.
Not give into that behavior, let her know when she is doing good but put in time out it is not going to hurt if she cries,
I don’t want to alarm you because it might just be as simple as testing boundaries and being willful. I had no idea what adhd or anxiety looked like until my kids were diagnosed…and boy were me and my husband judged by their behavior. Although it was difficult to hear, at least we knew there was a reason for this unsettling behavior and then we got professionals involved. I would start with a good Naturopath first before a child psychiatrist. Again, not to alarm you. I just wish I had someone to point me in the right direction.
Get her on a rigid schedule with strict nsptimes, etc. Make her days interesting with personal time with her, play time with other children and alone time. It might be as simple a matter as her becoming overly tired and doesn’t know it and does not know what to do. It could be diet. Be sure she is fed on a regular schedule with regular snacktime. Make food fun. Make it together. Out her in a chair and cut carrot sticks, put raisin eyes, etc. Little sandwiches can be cut into strips and call them soldiers. Eat the soldiers. She has a strong will which is a good thing, except that energy needs to be properly channeled. If the situation gets out of control, take her to her pediatrition. The worst sort of scenario could be a brain tumor which changes her behavior…probably not thst at all, but, you want answers and you want to make peace st home. Be calm, speak in low tones, (children psy more attention to Daddy than Mommy…His voice is lower and more authoritative. …Also talk with the fewest possible words. Mommies talk too much. Give directives and be done.). good luck.
Hug her, tell her how much you love her! Calm her down, then talked to her about what she did wrong!! Whatever she did it’s not the end of the world
Or let her play in sink with warm water. Work for my grand daughter
You need to take her to a pediatrician or best maybe to a psychologist specialized in children behavior. My son showed similar behavior and a few more. He was diagnosed on age 5 with asd, Aspergers. Sometimes what we as parents perceive as tantrums is actually meltdowns. Especially if goes on like for more than 20minutes. As a perent we need to educate ourself on behavior so ad to do the best for our children. I thought my child was just naughty and gave time outs, spankings, and it was like oil on a fire!!
I would tell her you understand she’s very mad right now because… but mommy said no this time and that’s okay too. Maybe we can stop screaming and use our words like mommy did. This will help encourage verbal usage for emotions as well as being okay with hearing the word no. My 4th child is great at verbally expressing her emotions. Took me 4 kids to get some things right from the start lol! Being a parent is tough and sometimes trial and error. But we need to give ourselves a pat on the back because we are still doing an awesome job!
Does she need a nap maybe?
My toddler went through this, I changed my reaction to it and started doing calm approaches with him during that time or just walking away from him as long as he was safe & it helped. It didn’t happen over night but it definitely helped.
Record her throwing a fit. Play it back to her every time she starts to throw another one. Worked like a charm on mine
My son did this he was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder, noises, bright lights, wrong clothes my son got so bad he’d hit his head on the floor. I don’t know if this helps look up some traits to see if she has them. I know if we were more loud he’d be more loud. It was a difficult time. Good luck.
Okay, First I want to clarify my response. If the child has just started having tantrums at 3, then now is the time to deal with them. When I made the statement at 3 it is too late, I meant that if the child had been allowed to have tantrums all this time and the mother is just now choosing to do something about it, it is too late. I don’t buy that children don’t understand the word NO till they are 4. I call marlarkey.
When she is in a good receptive mood sit her down and talk to her . Ask her what she thinks could help ( not that you must do it ) but getting her view point can help . Then as a family decide how you will be responding to this behavior so she know on advance what’s to come . I found with ADHD my son did better with predecussed reactions he learned to have less and less crazy reactions . I told him if he did this I will do that and it really helped him to know in advance.
Try a behavior specialist
Lay down beside them and do the same thing see how fast they stop and look at you show them how silly they look