Are the boundaries I am setting for my family and my husbands too much?

My husband and I are expecting our first child in a few weeks. I’m having trouble getting him to understand a balance with grandparents while also not playing favorites with grandparents. His parents practically have his brothers children 24/7. His brother and SIL are just not hands on parents and totally take advantage of his parents as much as they can. We have already discussed in depth that this is not how we will parent our kids. My siblings and their spouses each have children but they live far away and my parents go as often as they are able to see them. It seems to bug my husband and he makes comments about how he thinks they’re just going to come over every day. My parents can be a little excited about things and don’t understand boundaries sometimes, especially my mom, but I feel like if we are going to establish rules and boundaries that they should apply to both sides the same way and not favor one or the other or allow certain things from one but not the other. Am I wrong for this? For example, we will not be having either or our parents babysit full time for us, but they will both be backups, BUT he insists that my mom not be allowed to drive our child anywhere because he feels she doesn’t pay attention enough - I’m not necessarily against that, but I also feel that way about his moms driving too. And I feel like if we limit one, we should limit both. I’m also trying to get him to understand that when we go to the hospital that I do not want visitors until I am ready for them. When his brother’s kids were born, his parents were literally there before and after almost the entire day. I’m not trying to entertain people. I’m not opposed to them coming, but on my terms and to not overstay.

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There is a huge difference between healthy boundaries and total control.
Relax a bit, pick your battles and just go with the flow if what is supposed to be special time in your life. There are some boundaries that one set of grandparents need, that wont apply to the other set of grandparents. Its not that black and white and you are just going to tie yourself in knots about it! Relax.

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Yeah y’all are nitpicking things to death to the point that you’re taking all the joy out of it. Seems like you’re have a power struggle as well. Let your family come together and develope naturally. Your in-laws wanna be there for your and their grandbaby on the day. They don’t have to be right in the room, but it’s a natural thing for family to gather at a birth and look through the window at the nursery. They don’t have to immediately be in your room and and all over your kid, but it sounds like you don’t want them to bond or only to bond on your terms, which are very stringent when it comes to family. By all means set acceptable boundaries. But understand these people are blood related to your baby same as your parents. It seems like he sets a boundary on your parents for his concerns and your like alright to be fair then the same boundaries apply to his. Power struggle. Nitpicking. Just let things be for now and set boundaries as needed.

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Go with the flow . Parenting is all about learning to chill a bit on expectations. Have realistic expectations with your parents and in laws. But I think you wanting no visitors at the hospital is fine they can meet that baby when your settled at home and ready for visitors . Your body just went through alot and you need to focus on baby and get rest while you can.
Best of luck

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You can tell a grandparent what you want done but ultimately they are going to do whatever they want :woman_shrugging:t3: and not necessarily tell you.

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Seems to me you are over thinking things.
You are creating scenarios that havent even happened in your childs life and trying to work out how things will happen.
Sometime we have no choice as who can look after our child and for how long. Mother or mother in laws. You will be grateful for any help you get when you are tired and sleep deprived. (I will predict you will feel like this)
Let this worrying go and enjoy. Don’t create divides when you don’t know what your dealing with.
Good luck.

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I fully support your decision on not having visitors until you are ready and i say stick to your guns there, but as for everything else, you cant control what happens next. Take a deap breath and let things be. There are many things my parents do for my son that drives me nuts but at the end of the day they raised me and i turned out alright…

I think you need to chill a bit and that you are overthinking things

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Oh my goodness, this isnt going to go well if yall keep this up. You’re getting way ahead of yourselves. Just ride the wave and deal with it as it comes.

I wish I had been lucky enough to have family living close by when I was raising my young ones.

I hate in-laws lol they always get in the way. I’ve always promised I will never be that mother in law when my boys grow up… I’ve had this issue my boyfriend mum is useless and my mums thees whenever I need her she is amazing and my partner said she comes to early in morning to pick me and my children up to rake us to school as I don’t drive so I told her to please come 10 mins later when partners left… I don’t think you are unreasonable I think you need to sit down and explain each boundary one by one as you have mensioned alot there

Enjoy I wish my daughter had her grandparents.

Stop planning Soo much. Not allowing your kids in the car with your parents. Sad. Ya both obviously survived driving with them. This is sad. Lots of jealousy seems to me btwn the in laws

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I birthed way early in the morning so hubby and I just went into the hospital and didn’t tell anyone we were there until after the baby was born . So no crowed delivery room :slightly_smiling_face:

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You should be thankful for so much love and support. Some people have no one.

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You are robbing your child it sounds like both of you are control freaks. Do not be shocked when both sets of grandparents stop coming around.

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My folks came over every sunday so dam early nobody was awake, by the time we were all woke up they’d leave. I said can ya come later like after we’re all awake and had our breakfast…their reply was that they had shit to do and we should be awake already. Set your boundaries and don’t feel bad about it but dont be nitpicky.

Be blessed your child will have grandparents from both sides

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I see nothing wrong with setting boundaries, and making them equal for everyone. My boyfriend and I are expecting in a few months and have discussed many things like this. Ultimately, the day you give birth is YOUR day. You and your husband need time to bond with your child without a bunch of extra chaos. As far as the in-laws go, I think there’s nothing wrong with setting rules and boundaries. But they have to be the same for everyone. Best of luck to you and your growing family. :heart::heart:

Your rules will change once you have had the child. Being a new mom is HARD and EXHAUSTING, you will welcome the help and grandmas seem to k ow just how to help. Yes i would limit visiters in your room after birth until you are ready and keep visits to no morw than an hour, both you and baby will need your rest.

Parenting is a live and learn and of thinking about rules you need to relax enjoy your pregnancy and just be happy your setting yourself up for a worrisome baby that isn’t going to be happy happy mommy happy baby. That baby feels everything you feel so relax and enjoy. As far as grandparents go it doesn’t matter who does what or when they are going to do what they think is best and you should know that. Your letting insecurities get in the way. I’m sure both sets will be a blessing .

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I’m not saying this to be mean but you are pregnant seriously I remember telling my mom you aren’t allowed at the hospital. I would say all these things and seriously it all went out the window when I was at the hospital I called for my mom. Things happen things change. Just try to relax and enjoy it. Let things go. Having a child changes your life so nothing is exactly planned. :slight_smile: congratulations :slight_smile:

Once you have the baby and are settled you might change your mind about things. It’s overwhelming right now but don’t think so much. You will be happy you have people who are around to support you and want to help.

Everything will fall into place…when you need help …the first to show up in a jiffy no questions asked will mostly likely be the reliable people in your life…whether it be your family or your husbands and that’s how it will be…
When it’s our first child…we have these wonderful plans…but things change and you will be thrilled with whoever helps…and loves your baby like you do
Good luck…and much happiness…:wink:

You are NOT being a “control freak” as one of these others put it. I agree with boundaries. You are in no way saying you don’t want them to be involved at all, but the y won’t raise your child. I agree with them coming to see you some time after delivery, when you’re ready, maybe a few hours after birth. This is your baby and how you feel is how you feel. YOU are the one who has carried he or she for 9 months. DO NOT allow your in laws or husband or these other idiots on here make you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with your little family unit before everyone else comes in, you can’t get that time back. I do agree no one should allow in laws over EVERY day, that is WAY too involved and intruding, unless that’s what you both want. Really 1-2 visits a week, if time allows is plenty. Good luck and enjoy this blessing! Try not to stress!

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Well let me just say. My kids only had one set of grandparents and I saw it hurt them at times. If people want to love your kids, LET THEM! stop over thinking it all. Grandparents are a very important role in a child’s life. A child can never have enough people loving them. Kinda selfish to argue of it imo.

Keep it equal, what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

You seem to have this outlook on his parents because your parents live to far to visit some of their grandchildren when they can because they live far that’s not his family there close so they’re obviously going to be closer to the kids not there fault. I think you need to calm down a little and whatever happens will happen with love for your kids.

All I can say is quit with the power struggle. You can’t control everything. I don’t have in-laws that come over cause he lives in another state. Not even my own parents cause they live far away as well. I don’t trust my family, or his, with all good reason not too.

Your boundaries will change when you realize you’re going to need to learn how to breastfeed and tricks to keep the baby from crying and you’re gonna need someone to show you. I did everything alone and had my ex’s parents help me with the kids. But I cried and cried knowing that I needed my mom and dad but sadly they both passed on. To this day need advice and help and you’re so lucky that little baby has so many people to love him/her. Don’t put so many boundaries on everything because one day you’re going to need them but you’ve offended everyone because you are trying to control the situation. As for the hospital I had boundaries but I also let everyone in. Quickly for 15 minutes per set of grandparents and uncles and aunts and then I was like ok bye I’m tired. :slightly_smiling_face: Goodluck

Deal with boundary infractions as they occur. Discuss your concerns and let your family enjoy your new baby. Trust me, you will look forward to letting someone help you.

I think you just need to go with the flow and see how things work out. Anxious parents create children with potential anxiety and depression issues. Also strict boundaries can can come back and bite you in the butt

If the rules are put in place for a reason like your mom is a terrible driver and is unfit to drive the baby than no his mom should not be punished because your mom can’t drive. You can have whoever you want in the delivery room it’s you giving birth. Just make sure that you not wanting his parents there is exactly what you guys tell them, that you don’t want them there so no issues occur between him and his parents because of something you want so they don’t think it’s him.

You sound like ur baby is the first human alien to arrive through your vagina! I can’t! Please take a chill pill alright, it ain’t dat serious!! Pray you and your baby survive the pregnancy delivery etc, cuz when there is life there is hope. Be well!

Maybe this sounds harsh but It sounds like you both have some growing up to do! I agree with the rules applying to both sides but coming from someone whose family literally has nothing to do with my kids, you should feel blessed and thankful that you have a family that wants to be there and that wants to be involved. Sometimes I would give anything to have the extra help. We live close to all of my family but literally have no help whatsoever just hubby and I. I say pick and choose your battles

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Gosh this much stress and the kid is not even here yet. My kids don’t have grandparents. Having grandparents in there life is so important

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I think having healthy boundaries is perfectly fine. But if he wants to limit your mom’s driving, then yeah he has to limit his too. Now when we were first married, he was in the military. So we lived far from both sides of family. Mine would attempt to come see us often. His, not so much, if ever, at least for a really long time. Then after he got out we moved closer. We again spent more time with my side, then his. That’s just the way it is. Now, we live twenty minutes from his dad and stepmom. We see them four times a year. We invite them to stuff and everything but it is what it is. My mom has been up to visit once in three years. We normally go south to her house. It’s more Central to my siblings and my dad. His mom is hit or miss. Our oldest is also there, so we use that excuse to go that way. What I’m saying is, it’s all about compromise. It’s going to be that way all through the rest of your family life. As far as visitors at the hospital. If you don’t want anyone there then that is your choice! You can even tell the nurses no visitors until the second day or whenever you’re ready. That time is for the three of you to bond and start growing as a family. Sorry for the ramble, hope this helps!

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I totally see what you mean but don’t over do it. The baby should not be around a lot of people until starts getting shot. Kids are like walking germs so if Gramma has other kids around leave them home!! Sorry

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All this and the baby isn’t even here yet. I suggest you put all this unnecessary drama aside and enjoy your pregnancy.

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Not harsh at all, I like my space too. We live in another state to our parents and we get along fine. I’m quite independent and don’t ask for help unless absolutely necessary. Lay down boundaries now before it’s too late

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Be grateful you have family that cares. Having a baby is hard work and if you can have your in-laws or your parents watch your child full time while you work then you should. Why the hell would you pay someone else just for the sake of paying someone else. Your parents will love your child, no daycare will.

Instead of trying to control literally everything, think of it this way, your family and his family want to be there to love on their grandchild. This literally isn’t about you.

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You are making a human being. All these worries is not healthy for the baby, and certainly not for your husband. Poor guy.

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Well who is in the room is 100% up to you and the doctor. If you tell them no, they have to oblige because stressing you out or getting you upset can send the baby into distress which leads to a completely avoidable cesarean

Seems reasonable, but try to take your stress levels down a bit. Have a cup of tea and calmly explain that you feel his mother shouldn’t drive the baby either. Set expectations up for the hospital in advance, I didn’t have visitors until a full 24 hours after the baby was born, the first 24 hours are just for me, dad, and newborn. It’s not unreasonable to set simple boundaries like that at all.

I believe in the beginning it’s ok to have boundaries, especially since you are both new parents. I think it’s super important that you all 3 bond together in the beginning, and it’s ok to be a little selfish when the baby is born. This is about you, your husband, and your new little one creating those first few memories. I think finding a nice balance where you get what you want, and your family getting to celebrate with you is what I would strive to achieve in this. Make this memory as enjoyable as possible, bc you will never get that time back. :heart:

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I’m sorry but you need to tell your husband to go and get fucked how dare either one of you try to take the joy happiness and excitement away form them being grandparents they raised you and did everything for you for what for you to turn around and treat them like that? They have every right to see and spend time with the baby and have sleep overs if that was my husband it would be game over for him

:wave::wave::wave:
I feel like the Parents should be the ones to raise the children and the Grandparents, once in a while. If your gonna bring kids over every day for your in laws to watch them while you’re at work, make sure your pitching in food or supplies, so that your child has something to eat and drink. (Mine won’t take money so that’s what I do)
Also ask your in laws to call before they come, new Moms do need to rest. :wink:

Woah … people would love to have the parents y’all have! You’re blessed! I wish my parents took part in my children’s lives even a tiny bit of what you explained…
It could be worse … you could have my mom … She on the other hand dont take part in my kids lives like she does my brothers kids … YOU’RE LUCKY

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As a child my grandmother (fathers side) and grandfather (mothers side) were at my house everyday. I cherish the relationship it created for me and them. My mother lives with me and I am so glad for the connection with my son. It takes a village to raise a child right and letting your child be surrounded by people that love him/ her will never hurt. All your plans are great now but you may find they change. You may decide that it is financially better to leave your child with a grandparent full time if you are working. This may even become a much better thought when you start considering leaving him with a stranger. Just don’t block people out to make a point.

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I think you are overthinking it and risking alienating some very important people in your child’s life. I would address things as they come up rather then give the grandmas and gramdpas a huge list of rules. It’s totally true that parenting boundaries are important. But those boundaries also need to be communicated tactfully. Just handle making sure that they understand your rules for your hospital stay and then wait until situations arise to show them where your boundaries are. Hitting them with all of it at once is guaranteed to cause hurt feelings and drama.

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Your concerns are valid, you’re a first time mom. I was the same way with my first. It’s great you’re talking to your husband about it so you guys can be on the same page when it’s time. About you not wanting people to visit until you’re ready YOU DECIDE and husband has to follow because you’re the one either pushing out baby or getting cut open to get baby out not him!! About having grandparents follow your rules eek that’s gonna be hard and feelings are gonna get hurt but ultimately you’re the parents. At our house with our first we didn’t allow shoes in the house and oh my it was hard to have family follow our only rule and they made fun of us, all of our family lives 700miles away so they don’t visit often and now that our kids are 2&4 they get their feelings hurt because we don’t allow them to take them to the store and no candy. It’s ok to plan to be prepared but it’ll change once you have your baby. Good luck :heart:

When I was pregnant, I couldn’t fathom the idea of living with my parents.

After I had my daughter, we moved in with my parents. Having my mom around was SO much help. Even before then, my MIL would stay over for the weekend so that I was able to get shit done (my bf worked every Saturday at the time).

It’s nice to know that if I ever needed help, I had and still have my parents and my MIL at my “disposal” for lack of a better term.

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First of all I’m just going to say you do whatever works the best for your family. Your reasons are your own and some may do things differently and that’s completely up to them and what worked for me may not work for others because everyone has their own lives. So here’s my story, LOL. When my daughter was born my grandma would help babysit her while both my husband and I worked (I didn’t have a set schedule so sometime she would have her all morning and sometimes only for an hour or 2 before my husband came home from work). This worked well for my grandma because she just loved spending all that time with her great grandkid especially since she had recently lost my grandpa a year before she was born. It really gave her something to look forward to and it helped us save money which we where limited on at the time. I was always really close to her growing up and I’m glad my daughter was able to be raised so close to her whole family. My mom also loves to babysit her whenever she can, but she works alot so we go visit with her every few weeks or so. My dad is a holidays and special occasions only type of parent. So we see him on holidays and birthdays, LOL. My husband’s family doesn’t live in the best environment for a kid. Not like they do drugs or anything like that, but they do not keep a clean house and have some hoarding issues. So we don’t have her over there unless she is with us and we are stoping by or it’s an emergency and need someone to take her for a little while. At least that is now that she’s 8 almost 9 and she doesnt need to be watched like a toddler, but I still don’t feel comfortable with her there for long. We do see his side at leadt once a week so it’snot like she doesnt get to see her. Usually it’s his sister’s house because they have a family dinner every Tuesday night. My husband is #6 out of 8 kids so our daughter has a ton of cousins that she just adores and his sisters are my best friends. Now for the hospital just tell them that you don’t want any visitors until the next day or that you will calm them when you are ready for visitors. Just explain that you know that they are excited about the new baby coming, but you want some one on one family time for the first day or 2. I also plan on having hand sanitizer so everyone will have to use hand sanitizer before holding the new baby and no kissing in the baby.

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Do what works best for you. Pick what’s most important to you, and choose those battles. Another suggestion from a parent of 4, and someone that likes to plan things, when you have a baby you don’t get to plan things always. Some things just work themselves out, for instance you could go into labor at your in-laws and not have time to make it to the hospital (probably not going to happen just sayin don’t force it).
Additionally, remember boundaries are great, but you also you to live with them, from experience regret can suck. Both of our mothers are no longer with us. We don’t have the option of a grandma for our littles. Cherish it!! It not something everyone has. You will never forget the memories of your mom getting distracted, and at first it may stress you out, but make sure the boundaries you choose is something you can live with because life is short.
One of the biggest joys I’ve been told in life is to watch your children become parents, I see all the little baby steps my kids make and can’t imagine the joy it will bring to see my kids have kids and fall in love with there babies.
You child will be watching, how you handle this is how they will handle you.
Take in a big deep breath and relax.

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Be thankful for great grandparents. You’ll want there help.

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Sounds more than fair to me!

Keep an open mind. I feel like you are both playing a little tug of war. Like, “if my Mom can’t, then your Mom can’t either, no fair.” Just take things as they come. Putting your baby in childcare might sound good now, but a lot of first time Moms have such separation anxiety that they can’t handle strangers with their baby. You partner should definitely respect your wishes about the birth. It’s very personal and stressful time that some people don’t want an audience for. Good luck.:heart:

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Just tell your husband not to call them until you are ready for visitors. Like the next day. If they show up, just respectfully say I’m sorry I didn’t call you, but we will when we are ready for visitors. As far as everything else, you are overthinking and overstressing it. My kids don’t have grandparents so at least you have two sets that care.

Personally, I’d rather my kids not have grandparents than have to deal with people who don’t understand boundaries or respect them. You are the parent. You don’t have to be “grateful” and let people do whatever they want with YOUR kid just because other people feel like their family abandoned them. But yes, you absolutely do need to be fair on both sides of the table. And giving birth is exhausting - I would definitely wait the full 24 hours after baby is born so you can try to rest a little, get baby fed, take that first shower post birth, and get a little bonding time in without having to put up with people.

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Omg the immaturity :sweat_smile::sweat_smile:

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I had no help. I’d have loved to be in your shoes.

Y’all are playing control games with each other over what comes across as good family on both sides.

Maybe have the kid first and see how things unfold before trying to control everything with “rules”.

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Honestly IMO relax a bit & go with the flow. You are stressing too much over anticipation of what MIGHT happen.

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I love this post. We are Grandparents to almost 12. All of our adults chose their birth plan and layed down their boundaries from almost the beginning.
I think as Grandparents you do so on YOUR TERMS. Example we babysit on our terms only.
Which also includes discipline and travel.
Our adults are all wonderful parents. We are very fortunate.
They nurture and do their best for their little families. It works.

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I see grandparents who love their grand baby even though she’s not even here. What’s wrong with that? My father in law lives 1 block away. He only shows up for holidays. My mil lives 2 miles away and shows up once a month and counts 2 minute phone calls as visits. They have their own lives. Same with my mom. She lives in Canada. I’m in Illinois. She comes once every 3 years or so. When she does visit she spends so much time dealing with work issues that it’s not like she’s hear at all. She doesn’t call my child to talk. She’s close to my sisters kids. She has one of her kids pics on her fb cover page for the last 3 years. So if grandparents want to be involved, let them. Too much love is not a bad thing.

Thats totally reasonable and if he cant respect your wishes then he really needs to think bout how hes overstepping … its yalls days in the delivery room mostly yours i was present at both my daughters births and new my place as a husband im there to help support and take care of any and everything she wanted… the time pain and focus and work women put in during birth yall need a fukn medal lol… he needs step bk ask YOU !!! HOW YOU WANT YOUR DELIVERY EXPERIENCE TO BE CAUSE YOUR DOING THE WORK … Im a guy and guess it seems weird but this is my opinion…

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Valid concerns and you would be correct to not play favorites.

You are complaining about a problemthat you don’t know Will even be a problem yet! You really can’t say how anyone will act when your baby is born. I wouldn’t even worry until it becomes an actual problem. Hos parents may be to busy with his brothers kids add you said to even come around yours very often… I’d just wait.discussing now is ok but won’t mean anything till it happens.

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You can’t be like “well if my mom can’t drive the baby anywhere than your mom can’t either” that’s silly and childish. If both grandparents driving skills are questionable then sure, but if not then it’s silly. Your mom doesn’t need to know that his mom transports the baby anywhere and if she is asking then she needs to back off because that likely will quickly turn into a one upping contest and that’s never ok. If you aren’t comfortable with anyone driving your child anywhere you don’t have to be. It’s perfectly ok to say that only you and your husband will be driving the baby places. As far as them just popping over, it shouldn’t be much more than they are now. Maybe 1 or 2 more times a month. You need time to bond as a new family. When it comes to family visits in the hospital, he needs to respect that you will be calling the shots, you shouldn’t have to see people if you don’t want to.

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My mum’s not around enough, his mum is full on… you won’t get a complete balance, but you definitely need to set boundaries early and stick to them or they will be pushed.

I would set boundries for both sides because they’re going to fight you, he prepared. I like the way you think. I had both grandparents drive I trusted both sides on this. But it changed more when the kids got older. Just go with your gut instincts.

Sounds fair if ur willing to do it with both sides… also, when it comes to the hospital, you can tell the nurses to set a password, or they must check in at the desk before seeing u, so then u have control of who comes to see u and baby. I didnt want visitors either really, I made it clear they had to ask. We also had a “safe” word where if someone just showed up and I was uncomfortable I could call the nurse in & ask for " grape juice" the hospital can be more accommodating then one thinks.

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Stop saying she’s lucky! It is nice to have help, but there does need to be boundaries. My family is helpful but my aunt is pushy beyond belief and it makes it difficult to deal with. Just as most want extra help, some of us have to practically baracade our doors and windows and put our phones on silent just to get peace. There’s nothing wrong with balance. I agree, the rules should apply to both, but also be realistic when making said rules. And try not to worry about it until after baby is here

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The hospital, you guys should discuss and have a plan. The rest, it would be best to discuss on a case by case basis - so no one makes a decision until you’ve discussed it. If Grandma (either one) wants to take baby overnight and either of you isn’t ready for that, baby doesn’t go. If baby is 2 and Grandma wants to take him or her for the day and you 2 would enjoy having the day to yourselves, great! Accept the offer. When it’s brought up, just say “let me check with Husband / Wife and see what their plans are.” While I understand both of your concerns about it being fair, I think you’re getting a little ahead of yourselves in a way. Use the help when you need it and don’t when you don’t.

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Here’s something I wish someone had said to me with my first: you aren’t going to be able to micromanage every moment of your child’s life. If this is the way you’re starting out…whew…:woman_facepalming:

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Your baby your rules. And when you go to the hospital have them give you a paper to sign that dosent let anyone just wlk in on you if you dont want people there. I had my two kids at separate hospitals. One was a paper of someone coming or call to see if I wanted whoever to come in and the other hospital was a peice of paper saying that if someone calls or goes in I wasnt there maybe when you go in to your next appointment bring it up. And I totally understand stand with the grandmothers not driving with your kid. I dont let neither drive when it comes down to my kids but then again no one really does

I find this post a little crazy. I mean not wanting the family to be at the hospital during the birth I think is wrong. They are excited to welcome and love your baby as well. Also you should be thankful your child will have their grandparents to love them and drive you crazy. The only grandparent my children have is my mom. Both their grandpals and one grandmal have past away. Sometimes people can be so ungrateful

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I agree with the micro managing comment. Don’t do that to this poor kid already. Things will change as time goes on and you won’t be able to do anything about it. I WISH I had been able to be this picky with any of my kids. Lol. My parents babysat full time for my first two because well day care is expensive, I’m a single mom and dads aren’t involved. I got to a point where I could afford it after my third was born and I paid for day care, then day care shut down and back to my parents all three of my kids went full time. Things will change and I wouldn’t burn bridges with grandparents by trying to micro manage.

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Id set the same boundaries for all families or it may cause resentment. Set ones that make you and your husband both comfortable and be a united front on them.

Be thankful your kids have grandparents that want to be involved. I love 900 miles away from my mom and grandma and all my kids have. My fiancee parents have nothing to do with their grandkids and his mother was 2 miles away when I was at the hospital.

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Sounds to me like you guys are stressing about things unnecessarily, and need to relax a bit. Set “grandparents rules” that apply to both, snd you are giving birth so YOU decide if you want visitors and when, but for the other stuff, your parents raised you both! So give them some credit and don’t make them feel incapable. Trust them. All of them. They already seem to love this baby, and I’m sure will do everything they can to protect him/her. Sounds like you guys need to count your blessings and just relax a bit.

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Girl trust your feelings and let hubby know the importance of having control over your life right now. The hormones we experience during pregnancy, birth and postpartum are serious and if ignored can lead to postpartum mood disorders. I was very clear with my mom that my birth was between my man and I. She was allowed to be at the hospital all she wanted but I only let her in the room when I was comfortable with having visitors. She was also the only one I allowed to be there. Giving birth is extremely invasive and you should be as comfortable as possible. Just explain that it’s not them it’s you and you just need space during this sensitive time :heart:

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Dude settle down. Motherhood doesn’t work how you think it’s going to work. Both of your parents raised children successfully, both of them are excited to meet the baby, NOBODY is expecting you to entertain them (and it’s nice to have help changing diapers after you just ripped from your V to your A), and you can set as many rules as you’d like but that’s not how parenthood works. You can’t plan for and manage every little thing that happens, some stuff is going to happen and it’s not going to be fair and everyone raised kids, they’re not going to hold it against you.

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Yes. Too much. Quit complaining.

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I agree with you. If they can’t respect your boundaries then they don’t need to be around

I think of parenthood as kind of like a birth plan. You can make rules and plans all you want but it usually never goes according to plan. Cross the bridges when you get there, and try not to worry too much about the future. You’ll eventually find things you thought would bother you actually don’t and vice versa.

Also, whoever you have at the hospital is your choice. You are the one who is being exposed and put in a very vulnerable and emotional position. You need to be comfortable and stress free. Your husband and family should understand that. Congratulations on your little one and best of luck. :heart:

Everyone needs to know their boundaries or you will get so annoyed and stressed out after baby gets here. And I agree that the boundaries should be equal between grandparents

Be grateful for all the help, my mom died when my daughter was 10. Who better to baby-sit then the people who you trust the most. You never know how long you have your parents, dont disregard them.

I think you need to relax! What’s with all the rules already! Just let things be until you think they are getting out of control! Enjoy this time and stop worrying about every little thing!

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Why don’t you both grow up your parents had you didn’t they you will need them before they need you

Take things as they come. I think you are over thinking a bit and micromanaging for sure. It’s his child to…compromise.