Can I cope with being a mum of two?

My whole life I have always wanted to have 2/3 children. Being a mum and wife was my dream. My son is three and my husband and I are thinking about trying for our second in a couple of months. My anxiety is through the roof!

I really want to have another baby. I whole heartedly believe siblings are important. They are where you learn relationships, love, hate, disagreements, emotions, different opinions and security. But I’m terrified will I cope?

I suffered with postnatal depression and still suffer with postnatal anxiety. As my maternity leave finished and I returned to work I found myself and my feet and it saved me. (I love my son with every fibre of my being but I’m not cut out to be a SAHM.) After two months of working we hit lockdown and it was like an extended mat leave. As my depression was stable I was happy to be at home but god lockdown was LONG!!! Let’s all laugh at the predicted 6 weeks together (uk)

What am I worried about?

Working (4 days) I feel like I don’t give my son enough of me as it is. How can I give him less of me with another baby? Mum guilt!

My husband works long hours, works away roughly once a week and family are about an hour away. How will I cope with day to day living with two children? Bathing two? Feeding two? Bed time with two?

My mental health. Is it right that I have another and risk my mental health declining again? My son was so little before it didn’t have a massive impact on him but now he’s older is it right I risk it? I could be fine but what if I’m not?

Like I said I think siblings are really important but what if I’m not okay?

The thought of not having another baby or giving my son a sibling makes me feel sad.

I’ve tried to talk with friend a who have multiple children but I don’t think they realise how worried I really am and just shrug it off like yer it’s hard but merh you’ll be fine.

Something that I thought would make me nearly broke me.