Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Can I help my sons relationship with his dad? - Mamas Uncut
It sounds like dad is uninterested in being a parent. You aren’t doing anything to hinder that so there really isn’t much else you can do. Continue to make your child available to his father for the little time his father wants to see him. Your son will figure things out on his own as he gets older, but it’s important for your future relationship with your son for him to know that you never prevented his father from being there too.
Don’t give his father anything to use against you in the future. When he has no relationship with his son, that fault will be his alone.
You can’t make him be a dad.
Offer face time and even letters. But if dad won’t put in an effort, your son knows. So, be there for him bc you will hear those heartbreaking questions.
If he don’t wanna take your son then don’t force him to go
I understand the son missing you, but also understand dad being hurt if son is constantly saying he misses you. Have you encouraged your son and let him know you’ll be home when he gets there ect. Dad may be just trying to make son happy. But at the same time dad needs his time as well. I think at this point dad has adjusted to son not being around. Maybe have a serious talk with both.
This is going to be good.
I wouldn’t try to force it. You can’t make him want to spend time with his son. I would let him be the one to contact you about having time with him. If he doesn’t then thats it.
You can’t force him to be responsible. Him saying he doesn’t want his son because he misses mom is a pathetic excuse. Teachers deal with that daily, some mom’s deal with that every day. Kids miss their parents even if they with the other. You stay consistent & form a bond. Eventually it stops.
You never said if you legal visitation. If you do go to court to get it readjusted so child support can be adjusted too. If not then just stop the crazy. Don’t push the child on him. If he wants his child he can show effort. He will file in court, make a schedule. Put in it that if he misses so many visits he forfeits. His son shouldn’t sit around waiting if dad will show up. Keep record of every time he sees & calls. Moods of both etc.
This is so sad. Poor little boy. Man, I hate it when shitty dudes do this.
So you would prefer for your child to cry and need you while he away from you in order to establish a relationship with someone that he doesn’t enjoy being with? I mean it’s not about you and what you want, you gotta get some real help and figure out how to get your kid comfortable with spending time with his dad. How do you think the dad feels when his kid cries for you at almost 10 yrs old and has done it for years….it’s probably hurtful and confusing to know how to handle a kid that doesn’t want to be with you, like is he supposed to put what he wants before what his kid wants and force the visits? Who benefits from that?
I force nobody to have a relationship with my children. other parent/grandparents/in laws/ aunts/ uncles, NOBODY. If they want to see my kids they can make the effort themselves. I’m not a nag by nature and if they want to be apart of my children’s lives thats great if not then they are the ones missing out. I make sure my kids know they are loved and I am always there for them no matter who isn’t. You can’t force people to do things they don’t want to do. The result of pursuing that kind of thing is usually more heartbreaking then just leaving it be. Good luck
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Can I help my sons relationship with his dad? - Mamas Uncut
I’m curious to know why your son does not want to be with his dad?
It’s his dad lost . Your son knows the truth…
Tell him the truth. Never lie
Tell him the truth, he is old enough to know. Talk to your kiddo. Is there a reason he says he misses you(dad not paying attention to him while he’s there etc). Let your child be part of the decision to see his dad or not. But the big thing is communication. Don’t block your son out or lie about it. Best of luck.
Why don’t you both spend a couple hours together
Don’t do anything.
Ignore the Bio Father and just get on with life with your son.
If an Adult doesn’t make the effort to bond with & actively speak to/spend time with a child … Then that’s their loss when the Child grows to be disinterested in them.
He’s almost 10 and he’s been treating this kid like he’s a rag doll since he was 3? He’s old enough now 2 make his own decision about his dad… however spare the child and say no more. If dad isn’t 2 concerned with a relationship u can’t force it. It will never get any better. U guys split when he was young and ur his comfort so of course he’s going 2 want u when he’s with dad. I’m sure it makes dad feel like crap but he just plain isn’t trying 2 be in his life or have a relationship. Kids remember who’s there 4 them in life and at some point realise that some things were done because u care and were protecting them not because u were mean. Going 2 school is tough but u can make time 4 ur kids if u really want 2.
Talk to your son let him know it’s ok my boy went through this for a while I got him his own phone so he can text/call me whenever and he really became comfortable because we would go on outings together as much as I disliked his father and somethings he did he’s still his dad and they both deserve to have each other
Don’t do any thing. Youre doing the right things, the rest is on the dad. Soon the kid will be a teen and won’t give his dad the time of day and that will be the dads loss. If the grandparents want to be in his life, let them. But don’t beg people. They’ve already showed you who they are. This on again off again relationship is more damaging to the child than just letting him live his life.
Leave it alone. Your son has his reasons why he doesn’t want to be around him. All 3 of my kids decided around that age they didn’t want to talk or be around their dad. And they seem happier and I’d rather have that then a miserable kid
Have you asked your son why he gets so upset? Is there something he’s not telling you? You can’t force a relationship if he simply just does not want one. He may come around one day and decide he wants his dad apart of his life. Give him the space and time to talk to you about why he gets so upset. Also take a step back and think if there are any times you might speak negatively about dad, those words can play a really big part on how he sees his father. Just something to think about!
Unfortunately you can’t make him have a relationship with his son. All you can do is be the best mom that you can and understand that he is responsible for how the relationship between he and y’alls son develops or doesn’t. I wouldn’t try to force it anymore because at this point your son has got to be feeling rejected everytime he has to go with his dad. That can cause a shit ton of phycological damage getting the consistent rejection by his dad. If the grandparents want to see him hell yeah make sure little man gets to see his grandparents. Honestly stop doing this to your kid, please it’s going to mess him up worse then just not having his dad around.
Based on info provided, it could be that dad isn’t confident enough . Imagine being excited and picking up your kid but all they do is want the other parent. Let’s be honest ladies, that would crush us and make us feel like we aren’t doing something right. The difference is that rather than continue to be consistent, being confident in one day that would change, it seems like he copped out and gave up. Rather than nagging ( not saying you are ) encourage and remind him of the importance of the father’s role in an uplifting way so it fuels the desire to fight through any uncomfortable feelings he might exhibit when his son is wanting his mama. Good luck 
IF it’s true that your son doesn’t want to be around him, do some investigating. Sounds like dear old dad has something to hide. Also, don’t force your son to do something that very well may scar him. And if the sperm donor is that much of a prick, screw him. His loss
It is far mor damaging to a child for a dad to swing in and out of its life when convenient ti him than to not gave a father at all
It’s not your job to fix their relationship, and you’ll drive yourself crazy trying to. Just be there for your son, but it sounds like your son doesn’t want to be around him anyway.
I’ve been in this same situation for years… my sons bio-dad stopped picking him up consistently when he was 4yrs old the exact same reason (just an excuse) now my son is 13yrs old and his dad comes around maybe once a month for them to just go fishing… he’s became more of just a “buddy” to my son & no more. He never comes to baseball, basketball, or football games even though I give him schedules. My son has been raised by my current husband since he was 4yrs old and he begs us to change his last name to ours and just leaves it as his bio dad will see when he has time. I used to try to force a relationship with them but it got tiring so my now husband and I just let our son decide if/when he wants to see him. It’s mentally exhausting
It’s not your job to fix that relationship
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Can I help my sons relationship with his dad? - Mamas Uncut
My sons father and I divorced when he was 8, he is now 18. They do not have a relationship at all. In the beginning it was every other weekend till my son was about 15 since then it’s been hit or miss and mainly just a text relationship. His dad got married within a year of our divorce Stepmom does not like his kids, my son does not like stepmom it makes it really difficult. You cannot force a relationship between son and father. as much as you would like you cannot intervene and make it happen. Speaking from experience the best advice that I can give you, Do your best to be the strongest best mom you can and fill the void and do both roles. Be the example your son needs teach him how to treat women with love and respect and just go on with life. When father and son are meant to have a relationship they will reconnect but in the meantime you be happy and make your son happy.
Your son is 9 yrs old have you asked him about how his visits go? Have you ask if he cries and misses you while he’s there? I would ask in case dad is lying and just wants to bring him home. If dad isn’t lying then you need to help him work through whatever upsets him. Seems odd because he’s getting to see his dad and grandparents(since dad lives at their house) Theres more to these visits not working out. Maybe dad already had this woman and no one knew until they were married. However if your son does go back over it should only be to be introduced to the wife,he shouldn’t have to spend the night with a “stepmother” he’s never met.
Its important for a boy to have a male mentor but sounds like “dad” has left his previous life behind. Don’t push it, just live your best life. Maybe you can fill your sons void by having him spend time with friends even overnight to get used to being away from you. Its hard bein a mom 
Doesn’t seem like dad wants to make any effort. Rough situation, I’m sad for your son. But help him face reality that his dad is not interested in him and not making any effort. Talk it through with your son, stop trying to make it work with dad. Let dad make the effort or it doesn’t happen. Cold reality … but let the truth set you free!
I wouldn’t bother dad with trying to make him see his son. If the dads parents want a relationship with your son, and they are trustworthy good people for him, then maybe you can work it out for them to try and see him. The dad will regret it soon enough. But I sure wouldn’t want my son around a woman that I didn’t know or even meet and who he married and didn’t let anyone know . That’s very strange and not normal. Your son is old enough to understand.
Let it go!!! Why force it hes ganna be mean to ur kid and be rude or not pay attention to him. Let it go he doesn’t need a dad that doesn’t want him
The only person missing out is the Dad!!!It sounds like he has his priorities mixed up, but he will have to live with that one Day! Don’t force the relationship on your son, it’s terribly sad but kids can say a lot without saying anything at all. 
When you first got divorced your son was 2-3 years old. That is the behavior of little ones that age. He is older now and should be able to handle weekend visits away. If not with him, then with his grandparents. They should have a relationship with their grandson.
“Normal” is a tricky question because everyone handles things differently.
That your ex didn’t tell your son about his new marriage was in poor judgement and will come back to bite him in the fanny big time. Not only should your son have been told but he should have been at the wedding.
I would make sure your son was seeing a child therapist to help him process everything.
you can lead a horse to water, you can’t make it drink the water… a quote so overused, but so on point for a lot of things. It’s The Fathers relationship with the child, Not yours . Just make sure your kid is okay, the rest of it will sort itself out… It’s sad, fathers are having kids with mothers and leaving them (this does happen both ways) but you can’t force what’s not meant to be .
When my brother married, his wife had 2 children ages 7 & 9. When I met them they told me about their bio dad. Oh he might show up for Christmas, give us some clothes, say hi but that’s it. Inother words it didn’t matter.
Sounds like your son would benefit from therapy if he’s crying over you that much.
You cant make him be a dad - seems odd he married living with his parents -
I wouldn’t force it some people just don’t want to be a dad I got one of those baby daddy’s that just want to be a dad when he’s got a gf around other than that he don’t care if he gets time with them or not his mom does
Accept that his dad doesn’t put forth effort bc he doesn’t care. Stop forcing your child to see a man who doesn’t care about him. He probably doesn’t pay attention to him when he is there, that’s probably why he cries.
If the grandparents are decent people then allow them to visit with your son on their own without his dad. Kids know more than we give them credit for. Let his dad miss out maybe that will help him try harder to be a parent in the future to your child.
The most important question is what does he Say about his Dad ?
Dont force the relationship when your son gets older he can decide if he wants to find him and have a relationship with dad or not
You cant force the relationship. Yes, dad should want to make it right. But hes not. And its causing you and your son heartache. If it so happens he wants to work on being a dad, then let him. But if not, dont force him to be. It does nothing but upset your child and your child doesnt deserve that.
Hard spot. While I also feel that dad’s role is vital. I wouldn’t force the situation. I would however talk to your son about his feelings towards his father and what he wants. Listen for signs of abuse. If the child doesn’t feel comfortable. Or maybe dad is just more strict and your son doesn’t like it? If you don’t suspect abuse, talk to dad. Renind him that he is a parent and is vital to his sons life. Find a solution together. Maybe son can hang with you both at the zoo? Or out to eat? Include new wife. Maybe son will like new wife? Does she have children? Tell Dad you are willing to help make it work but he has to make the time.
Listen to a child that doesn’t want an adult in they’re space/life. Are you listening???
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Can I help my sons relationship with his dad? - Mamas Uncut
In basic its basic form the father is feeling stuck cause he is trying to sort out some form of stability in his own life so he struggling when the only times he sees his child he sees his child getting upset it can be an emotional experience.
You can’t force him to be involved. I would live your life and if dad sees him great, if not he can kick rocks.
I wouldn’t want my son to come see me if all he did was cry🤷🏼♀️
Take him to a counselor and get to the bottom of why this is happening.
Don’t try to force a bong that’s not there. Just encourage the relationship, and when dad comes to get him act excited for him.
As far as dad, I can see why he would have an issue if his child cried for mom the whole time. However, I would still just try to offer up days and times to help build the relationship. If he doesn’t use that time, it’s on him.
As far as anything in his personal life, it’s really no ones business. It’s weird that he hasn’t told his son he’s married, but he may have some legitimate reasons for that- seeing as your son is more attached to you.
Don’t force the bond between the dad and your son… you can’t make him be a father… just keep doing you and take care of your son! Apparently your son already knows your the one who’s there… 
Can’t force the kid to spend time with his dad. He’ll only grow to resent him more.
Don’t let ur son hear u take bad about his dad don’t force them to spend toghter cause as sob get older n start understanding what is going on won’t be you he hating my 2 kids dad walk in n out if there lives today they r 37 n 38 they can’t stand there dad don’t have nothing to do with him they have try but Everytime they get a big let down from him so they quit even trying he had strokes n can’t hardly talk or walk most of the time he stays by his self my kids will tell he never been there for them so why they be there for him.
It’s really sad, but he’s responsible for his relationship.w your son.
Be supportive to your son…don’t badmouth his father…and let it go.
Can you talk to dad? Text or email or letter about how you feel. Be real. Tell him you don’t think he is trying hard enough and if he doesn’t want to then bye bye. If he isn’t held accountable he will be in and out as he pleases and make things worse.
I would first ask your son if he cries the whole time and if he does, why. If he doesn’t cry, then it’s quite obvious that his father doesn’t want a relationship with him and you can not force that. If you are needing or simply wanting a short break from being a mom(we ALL do), find a friend or relative that would gladly spend time with him for a bit.
It’s a dad’s fault he’s not making him feel secure and loved
Always be supportive of your child having a relationship with his other parent, but you can not control him. Just love your son the best you are able.
Let him go, don’t ask him for anything or about anything!!! You can keep in contact with the grandparents if they’re involved in the little boys life. Just be sure you have info to tell the kid when he gets older and starts asking questions
It might be a stretch, but maybe dad could be invited over for small things, even something as simple as playing a game of football with him outside or something? That way he would see you both together and might warm up to leaving you a little better. Dad has to be a little patient and understand that having to switch off for visitation is a tough transition, especially for younger kids.
Don’t say anything it sounds like your son is not happy there anyway so don’t make him
You can’t make him be a dad and step up and spend time with his own flesh &blood .next time dad says he wants to see his son tell him to take you to court for court order visitation because believe it not this in/out crap is emotional abuse in your son …better never than in/ out
This dudes a dad. He needs to step up and quit whining!!! I wouldn’t make your son go but if his grandparents want to see him, let them. Your son will figure it out as he gets older and you’ve definitely done your part already. I’m glad your son has such a great momma! Hugs and I hope for the best for you both.
Sounds like dad is a bit of a narcisist. He gets annoyed bc he is jealous of the bond you have with the son. Instead of being jealous or annoyed he should sit down with you and yalls son to talk and figure out the problem. He should ask the kid what he could do to comfort him when he misses his mom and reassure him that any time he misses you he can call or come back to you. The dad should ask you what kind of routine you have with your son and figure out what he could do so that the boy feels more comfortable with him. He misses you for a reason… if the dad could give him some of the same securities you give him then he might feel more comfortable with dad.
Talk to your kid. Ask your kid if they are really complaining they miss you when they are with dad and ask them why. Reassure them no matter their relationship with their dad that you still love and care about them and will always be there. Id talk to the dad too about the conversation you and the child have. And encourage both to be better.
You can force the issue but why? Talk to your son and see how he feels and proceed from there
Stop!!! Don’t bring it up with your son unless he asks and when he asks tell him “daddy has to work” don’t push the issue with dad either cause if he wanted to be around he would!!! Your son will see through the bullshit when he gets older and hopefully it’ll push him to be a better man than his daddy ever could be to him
Don’t force something that isn’t there. Your son obviously gets plenty of love from you and it’s enough for him. Maybe for now, just let it go. If your son asks to see his dad, reach out and see if he wants to pick him up for the day. When your son gets older he will know for sure what he wants from his dad. Just let your son make the shots about what he wants to do for now since the dad is okay with it.
Why would you want your son to spend time with a man who finds everything else to be more important then his son? And if he lives with his parents why are they not wanting to see their grandchild? I am a grandma and it would be a cold day in hell that I would not want to see my grandson. Please let this alone unless your child brings it up. You can not make him have a relationship that is healthy and good if he does not have the desire.
You can’t make that poor excuse of a man to be a dad, very evident he doesn’t want the responsibility and not sure you should want him in your sons life. I know how painful this can be for children when one parent chooses to be absent from their lives. Maybe you can allow his grandparents time with their grandson, you can talk to them to see if they would like to see their grandson.
As sad as it is, it’s not your job or son’s job or even the grandparents job for dad to be involved in child’s life. It’s dad’s job. I used to work full time, go to school full time had 2 extra classes even, helped take care of my dying mother, and STILL had time for BOTH my children AND my family. This is something that I’ve picked up along my life that’s not only impacted my life but that I think about often. “You MAKE time for the things/people that are IMPORTANT!” If your son is important to his father, his father will MAKE time to bond with him. MAKE time to spend with him. MAKE time to talk to him. It sounds like your son is having a hard time with coping with the divorce/separation? He’s used to being with you most of the time? You are his “safety blanket” so to speak Bc he saw it as you are the one who did not walk away. From him. That is probably one of the reasons why he is vocal about missing you when he’s with his father.
As for the getting married and not even telling his son about it? That sounds fishy to me. My daughter knew the man I was marrying before we even went down the road.
I would ultimately said do one of two things, have a sit down face to face with dad (put a time limit on when to have it and don’t let him extend it) and give him the probability that he saw dad as leaving son when he left your guys relationship and he sees mom as safety blanket. Talk to him about how if he wants to form a lasting bond and relationship with his son then now is the time. He needs to show his son that no, he did NOT leave his son, just the relationship between mom and dad. Which means consistency of visits and honesty. And getting over being told he misses mom when he’s with dad. Everybody is allowed to express their feelings. That includes children who have been hit with a life altering experience like a break up of parents at such a young age. If that doesn’t help, or if he walks away, or if he just doesn’t show up, then leave it be. Don’t reach out to him unless it’s to tell him that something happened like going to the hospital (no I’d never wish that on anyone).
Second, just leave it be and let dad come to this on his own.
Also, you may want to start sending son to children’s therapy. See if that helps him figure out his feelings and how to properly express them. Why he’s feeling them. Sometimes it’s a lot easier to talk to a “stranger” or a professional than a parent or someone you know when you’re going through something like this. It’ll probably take a month or so for him to feel comfortable enough to open up but if you get a good therapist then he will eventually open up. And don’t take “I don’t want to go” for the first couple of months if you decide to do this. He will probably be uncomfortable and not want to go. But it’s in these uncomfortable places that we learn that we can adapt and learn more about ourselves. Maybe make a deal with him that if he goes for so many weeks and tries than he’ll get something. Good luck and if you would like to talk hit me up on dm
Contact Grandpa and Grandma and see if they would like to see him…and you might find out everything you want to know
Has he tried calling you when your son misses you? I think it is normal for children to miss their primary care giver when they are away from them. Helping them work through the emotions they are feeling by letting them call that person and asking what can be done besides going home could help. Dad could go on fun outings with him or take him to the movies to get his mind off of it. But the Dad has to want these things. Otherwise the only person hurt is the child. You definitely can’t force something someone does not want (the Dad in this case) but you can give them other options to deal with the situation. Sometimes men try their best and they really need a bit of guidance (like we all do). Maybe his new wife will help with this too. Either way communication is key in any relationship. Have you guys tried talking to your son together about why he misses you so much? Let him know that he is coming back in a few days?
It sounds like he’s not interested at all and nothing you do is going to change that. Some men are just trash. Make sure you’re getting child support and be BOTH mom and dad with his money 