i’ve been with my boyfriend for around two years. he has a daughter from his previous marriage and he and i have our son who is almost 5 months. since we moved in together, i’ve helped with his daughter. buying her clothes, food, toys, anything she needs/wants because i truly do love this child. when is it acceptable to label my self as a step parent? contrary to popular belief, i don’t think legal documents make you a step parent. actions do.
71 Likes
I counted myself one as soon as you started doing mother things for them, but they do live with us
If you love the child like your own, I think you already know the answer. Speak with your boyfriend how you feel and if it is alright with him to call his child a step.
I think you already are. She has a brother from you that’s for life.
2 Likes
Whenever you like, my exs, ex was calling herself my sons step mother without ever meeting him… End of the day, what matters is how the kids feel, let them decide, or it’s just a title you gave yourself.
From the moment you and her dad started living together and shared the parenting responsibilities
I’ve had a few step parents over the years and I think it’s really just whenever it feels right?
Like I started calling my step mom on mother’s day and stuff at some point and I don’t know when we crossed that threshold. We just both knew it was time.
So if you feel you’re a step mom then you are. You clearly love her and care for her. And have the right attitude.
18 Likes
Talk about it with him. If he is even comfortable with you classifying yourself as a stepparent. My husband has a daughter from his previous marriage and I have a son from a previous relationship. Our oldest lives in a different state so I personally haven’t been a ‘mom’ to her. Such as getting her to school, feeding her, etc. But for birthdays and holidays I make sure she has things. Things that I personally think she would enjoy. And when we talk and my husband says his daughter he knows right away and says our daughter. Because even tho I don’t do her everyday needs I’m a mom to her.
1 Like
You call yourself a step parent when you make a lifetime commitment to that child’s parent and to that child to always be there. Not saying you have to get married. Not saying it needs to be in any form of legal documentation. It’s when your mind and heart decide that you’ll be there regardless of any outside factors. Just as being a bio parent, that’s your role for the duration of your life. Same goes for a step parent. If you’ve made that choice, love that child without condition, care for that child and will always be there in that child’s life, then you can call yourself a step parent.
1 Like
I was with someone for 13 yrs. We never needed labels. You definitely are a step mama after 2 years, in my opinion. I don’t think the label is necessary though. Don’t sweat it.
2 Likes
I’m a step parent to my wife’s amazing 5 year old I’ve been in her life since she was 1. It’s not about what you are buying/doing for her it’s what time and effort you put into them any person can buy/ do things for a child but a step parent is another parent to the Child not just because of what we get for him or her but what we do how we engage how we listen etc if the child views you as another parent figure then you don’t need to ask being a step parent isn’t about being given permission to be one from the moment you two entered a relationship the door was open for you to be another parent to his child.
1 Like
I was with my ex 5 years and his son thinks of me as his step mother
1 Like
What does your boyfriend think
2 Likes
If you love and treat them as your own, I think quilifys for it. As a mom who hopes my older daughter’s dad finds a woman one day, I wouldn’t even take offense if my daughter were to call her mom. As long as she is loved, respected, and taken care of, that’s all that I care about.
6 Likes
When you’re married you’ll be a step mother
6 Likes
Actions do. My daughter has me( her mother) and her father’s girlfriend. She’s been part of the family for a little over two years now and I consider her my daughter’s stepmom 
has nothing to do with paperwork. If you are helping provide and helping raise the child, you are a step parent
2 Likes
I been a step mom 4 years how but considered my self a bonus mom for 5 when you are acting as one you are one but I’ve never expected my boys to call me mom Even told them that when we got married because they asked if they should I told them call me what you see fit and sometimes it’s Bobbi. Sometimes it’s ma or mom
When the child understands what a step parent is.
We don’t use the word “step” in our family. We use “Bonus” instead. But yes, you are correct in feeling that you earned that title.
1 Like
If your living together and your helping with his children then yes your a step parent
6 Likes
When your married is legally ‘step’ mother. But I just hate the word step! Married or not -You’re a BONUS mom! 
26 Likes
Emotionally you are one. I don’t personally differentiate my bio from my bonus unless explaining the family dynamics is required like to a therapist or something. (Or someone does the math and realizes our oldest would have been born when I was 14 and my husband was 20 lol.) However Legally you wouldn’t be recognized as a “step parent” until there is a legal marriage. I suppose all legalities could vary state to state as well.
9 Likes
Depending on what state that’s common law marriage and I think it would be fine to refer to urself as her extra parent or step mom or bonus parent.
However legally binding documents do matter. Especially if mom isn’t custodial or very present in her life. It would make things easier for legal documents and filing certain paperwork
1 Like
I think that you two should talk about it first.
2 Likes
I’d probably let the child decide that designation.
31 Likes
That is something for you and him to talk about, not us because we’re all (if not most) will have different answers/opinions.
From my personal experience… When my now husband and I first got together, I never labeled myself as the stepparent until after we married - and we married a few years into our relationship.
I’ll most likely be the odd one here, but in my opinion, I don’t think someone should label themself “stepparent” unless the father/mother and their partner have been together for 5+ years, married, or if it’s a mutual agreement type thing if not married 
12 Likes
If you’re doing step parent or parent duties, then you are a step parent/parent.
I def think so as you have a child together that is sibling to his child and you’re a caregiver - who says you’re not?
It is a “legal” title just like “wife”……otherwise you are you are a father’s girlfriend or a baby momma……
. Not everyone would accept and/or treat their boyfriend’s child as “one of their own “ or truly love them…that is heartwarming on your part….but certain things and titles are legal/standard/defined whether they align with your personal beliefs/wants or not. . Some say it doesn’t need to be legal to be…but that is what the definitions are. . Unless you are legally married, you are a girlfriend or common law wife, baby momma……and not a step mother as well…
3 Likes
I say now you are since you live with the parent and have a child to that parent so alot different to someone who just moved in with their partner
3 Likes
You don’t when he marries you, then it’s her decision to decide what to call you. Sounds like your trying to buy your way into that role…
2 Likes
When you get married? Do you really need a label to do nice things for a child?
9 Likes
When the child wants to call you that OR you get married. It’s not something you decide for yourself love 
3 Likes
Why do you need to label it? Is it going to change something?
1 Like
When her father says its ok
After marriage, you are step mom. Before marriage, you are the girlfriend.
But that doesn’t take away the fact that you are a mother figure in the child’s life. Love is love 
5 Likes
No that’s up to him and the baby mom if you guys aren’t married.
When he or the daughter asks you to be.
When he or the daughter asks you to be.
In all honesty, its easy to want that role when the relationship is going well, however, think about the possibility of the end of your relationship. If your commitment to that child is not affected by relationship challenges, you are a stepparent.
You are definitely a stepparent. You live with your partner and are involved in the raising of the children. I have stepchildren from a previous 11yr relationship. They are my kids. That will never change for us. I love them the same as my own children and their children are my grandchildren.
1 Like
You could be a bonus parent 
Love and commitment to a child are all it takes in my eyes so if you get married one day you will “legally” be considered the step parent but I would just refer to her as your bonus baby/child to everyone because it’s obvious in your heart you love her like your own already.
1 Like
I don’t call my step daughter my step. She’s my bonus daughter.
I would say that it all depends on your situation too. How does your bf feel about it? What kind of relationship do y’all have with her mom?
At the end of the day, you’re correct, actions are what counts over paper.
2 Likes
You become a step parent when you’ll get married
You are this child daddy live in girl friend.
Your step mom since the day yall got together. Thats how it was for my step son. You accepted her as your own since you got with her dad. That’s what a good step parent does. It will take daughter’s mom some time to adjust but that doesn’t change your status regardless. If you love her, take care of her, and treat her no different than your other children then that sounds like a stepmom to me
Your a Dads nice girlfriend until your married.
1 Like
Legally…when you’re married
2 Likes
I think you’ve given that child a sibling so I’d definitely say yes. What does your boyfriend say?
I don’t like the word step anything. Or half when it comes to siblings. But I think bonus mom is a great thing !!! Sounds like your there.
I’ve always hated the term step…i prefer bonus… I have a daughter that isn’t legally mine… she’s grown up with 2 kids of her own…who I call my grandkids. My son married a girl who had a son from a previous marriage… and he was calling me Mi-ma and I referred to him as my grandson long before they got married… it’s all in the feelings… a piece of paper doesn’t designate how you refer to them or how they refer to you.
I would go with No. If no one is labeling you as wife then why the step parent label? I was with my now husband for seven years before we married, however we lived the true blended family life. His children were under 3, mine were school aged when we met & we had 2 together. However, step mom was not my label until we got married. No one felt any way about it. Are you needing the label to simplify explaining your relationship to his child to others or are you looking to be called mom? Just trying to understand the need for the label.
1 Like
You can call yourself whatever you want, but it’s up to the child to call you what they choose to call you. It’s also up to the parents on how much involvement you get to have. Like making medical decisions for the child and what happens at school.
1 Like
I’d say talk with the child , get their feelings on it . They may have been ready a long time ago 
No not till you guys are married. And unfortunately couples break up and it’s stress on the child and yourself if things don’t workout.
1 Like
You have nailed it girl i would call you her step mum
I had 5 step- mothers. I didnt call them anything but their first name. None rose
to be anthing to me. I knew my step 'daughter before my husband. She was 4.i knew what a step-mother shouldn’t be. She is now 47. Over all the years we grew so close .I consider her my daughter and a true friend. When she was six asked what is a step-mom. I told her it is someone who loves you as much as her parents and someone who will always be your friend.
The min you become serious with someone who has a child from a previous relationship you are the step parent or bonus parent.
Court considers you a step parent once married
2 Likes
Step parent is a legal term. That is relevant when you are married.
The kid does, not the parents
You are acting in the ROLE of a step parent, so continue to be a good bonus parent. However, you are not officially her stepmom because you are not legally married to her father.
4 Likes
Up to the son and the father, but technically you are. Just be careful if the other Parent, sometimes they will use that to stir the pot, anything to cause issues.
Just refer to her as your daughter whenever you talk to people
Considering that you were already connected by blood and have your own child with him to me, that would make you officially stepparent of any children he may have. I don’t think stepparent is a legally binding thing, so you don’t have to be married to call yourself that. By all means you are his kids stepmom at this point especially because you’ll have a kid! 
I hate the term step
My oldest just calls me his “other mom” I’m cool with that lol.
Whenever it feels right I suppose but legally, not unless you are married.
I feel whenever the child sees you as such. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years. His daughter calls me step mom or mom often on the other hand his son doesn’t. The daughter is 7 and son is 10.
Nope, not unless legally married to the gather. Doesnt mean you arent awesome or care but not the step parent.
I’ve been with my fiance for going on 6 years, prior to that we were friends for 8 years. I was there when his son was born. I told him the day we decided to be together that his son is my son. When I discuss our family I say my son. My son currently lives with us as my fiance has full physical custody. My son has been telling people I’m his step mom for a few years now. We never forced it on him, he chose to. I do everything a bio mom does and love that boy like no other.
a step parent is a parent to the child that stepped in and stepped up ! wether that be short or long term.
u are a step parent
Bonus Mom is how I would word it. How is daughter with you? Who has primary custody?
When you marry him. Until then you are her dad’s gf.
Dude I don’t care what anybody says - trust me, when it ACTUALLY comes down to it you’re not a stepparent until you’re married. Period. Until then you’re just another person who cares about her very much. Legally you hold no grounds. 2 years ain’t nothing.
What are you wanting out of the label? Respect from the child? You should already have it. To be called “mom”? I feel like only the child should decide that, even if it’s never. To be able to weigh in on “parent” conversations? Your opinion should matter and openly discussed with her father. Ya’ll are a team. I guess to me, the reasoning behind the title changes the answer.
You can call yourself whatever you  but at the end of the day that is up to the child
Step parent is a legal term, relevant to a legal marriage contract with the child’s parent.
Rn legally, you are only the child’s fathers live in girlfriend.
You can feel however you want about it personally and self proclaim, however on any documents or forms that require designation/ signature/ permission slips etc, you have no legal right to give consents.
You are also not Legal Guardian of child just because you live with the father married Step Parent or not.
Those forms have to be filled out signed by you and father, notorized, and filed legally. You cannot give any consents or permissions for school/ medical without one, and this remains true even after marriage to the father, whether the child’s mother is living or deceased.
Legal Guardianship or formal legal adoption are the only instruments that would enable you to give any consents for a minor child’s needs in that way…in the event a biological.parent was unavailable to do so…ie: emergency medical treatment.
If you are going to play family and be willingly responsible for this child, it would be wise to consider a Legal Guardianship.
Insisting on a label is as strange as would be the child wondering “when would it be ok to call me stepchild”? if you love and advocate for her when your with her then your her tribe
Soooo, you think you’ve earned the title of.stepmom of a child whose father you’ve been with…“about” 2 years…and have.a 5 month child with…the only title you have earned is baby mama 2, stepmother cannot be forced…
.
If you’re married, you’re a step parent. If you’re not married, you’re not.
I hate the word step parent!! My dad has raised me since 2nd grade he was there for all the bad days and all my most amazing days and everything in between to me he is my dad to my kids he is their papa!!! What you do makes you a parent not blood!!!
The child should decide not you. To many relationships mess up a kids head.